Things/tips I wish someone had told me - please add and pass on the love

[SquidgerInMyBelly]

Dear all,

My lovely DD arrived on 5th Aug - I have had so much support from posts and questions that I thought I'd pass on the love - here's my experience:

1.Get the TENS on early, as soon as regular period pains, it really worked (got to 7cm before they'd even look at me)

1. Get in the pool - the relief of weight off the back and pelvis is bliss!

1. Don't purple push - my MW thought I was being a lazy moo but I am glad I took my time as less damage

1. After birth there will be a baboons arse between your legs from the bruising - it will go.

1. To wee sting free bend over and touch your toes on the loo and have a bottle of water ready for immediate douching when you sit up. Add a few drops of lavender or tea tree oil to aid healing when home.

1. When pushing it feels like a melon is coming down your back passage and that you'll split. Really wish someone had told me this as it scared me. Again, it will be ok.

1. Take the biggest breaths in of g&a you can as soon as the contraction starts - if it hurts its too late for it to work - its good stuff!

1. Being sore and bruised is hard work - just getting in and out of bed was difficult - I got prescribed Voltorol for 1 week, 3x a day - really helped.

Love to all x

Both my boys threw up loads of mucous on their first night. I was a bit concerned about it, but they fed brilliantly afterwards. MW told me they can get it on their lungs a bit and it's good for them to get rid of it.

That lochia can be really heavy and that is fine and to be expected. I was a bit concerned how much there was.

That it's so much easier when you get home.

Don't look at your 'undercarriage' for the first few days after a vaginal delivery, even to check your stitches. Your parts will be swollen, your vagina will be enlarged BUT IT WILL ALL GO BACK TO NORMAL so you're better off not looking.

If you have stitches down under lean forwards as far as you can on the loo so the wee goes straight down and doesn't run over your stitches. If it's really sore I was advised by the midwife to run a bit of water into the bath, crouch in the water and pee then let the water out. Yes it sounds disgusting but it's totally pain free. I was refusing to drink anything at one point because I didn't want to wee so this was a bit of a last resort. Otherwise have a plastic jug or bottle handy to pour water over your stitches as you pee. It's not as bad as it sounds, it's only sore for the first day or two and then you've healed enough that it doesn't hurt but it's better to be prepared for it because if you treat it right it won't hurt you at all.

If you're stuck in hospital remember that hospitals usually have a cafe when you're breastfeeding, starving hungry and they give you a bowl of soup for lunch!

If you have CS stitches then DO YOUR EXERCISES they tell you to do to prevent adhesions.

Keep doing your pelvic floor exercises after delivery to prevent leakages.

If the cord comes off before it's fully healed, there will be lots of blood.

But it's not from the inside of the baby, so you don;t need to phone the midwife at 3am.

Congratulations Squidger

Don't be scared of funny lumps if you have an epidural, as I did, they'll eventually go away. I thought the Elephant Man had taken up residence in my pants and it freaked me out everytime I had a shower I did have a particularly large epidural, though.

Definitely veto visitors and tell them they can come and visit when you call them. I ended up cooking three Christmas lunches (DS born 7th Dec) and with the benefit of hindsight and the ability to say 'no' now, I was a complete fool! and would now tell them to bloody well cook it themselves and serve me mine on the sofa! I was in such a state after the birth - tiredness, ouchyness, inability to bf + feeling like a failure - but DS is thriving, giggling, trying to walk, sleeping well etc etc that I'm finally ok with that.

A non-slip bath mat helped me get in and out of the bath without splitting my difference.

Practise your convincing fixed smile, good for when people say impolite things about DC thinking they're being funny (comments about his strange-shaped head, BF/FF choices), bullshit advice and 'wait til you have another' when you're still reeling from squeezing out your first!!

Oh, another one I just remembered, relating to breastfeeding and afterpains. For the first few days, when you are getting these afterpains, it means your uterus is contracting. This also has the unpleasant side effect of making you, ahem, gush a little bit, especially when you stand up. Might be worth sitting on a towel for some of the first feeds, as you'll have your hands too full to do much more than waddle to the bathroom, hoping nothing leaks!

Important things no one told me-

Every birth so every baby is different; this is very true!

Take 6 weeks to recover properly and don't drive in those weeks because yr. body needs time to adjust.

I only had afterpains and false labour with the 3rd. baby.

With baby no. 1 I had diarohhea (sp)? at every contraction which BEGAN at every 5 mins.! and threw up ALL my supper in 2nd stage.

I didn't have to PUSH my 2 DDs out they just popped out (my midwife didn't believe me .

I had no waters to break maybe 'cos both girls were 14 days late.

Oh yes the due date they give you is very approximate. IME They come when they're ready!

When your waters go, they keep coming. It's not just a dramatic gush followed by a swift drive to the hospital. You could be a couple of days waiting to go into active labour and spend the time doing normal stuff while "leaking". It's worth having some regular period towels (not tampax obv.) in the house so you don't use up all the maternity towels before you even have the baby !

My waters mostly broke down the loo on Labour Ward. But DS's head was holding some of it back, of course, so every stage 2 contraction leaked more onto the bed I was lying on. The first one I thought I was going to do a massive poo but I didn't because I'd been to the loo about 6 times already (uterine contractions, even in periods, make me want to go to the loo a LOT) and had got rid of it all.

Trying NOT to push when your bod is ready to do so fucking HURTS! Worse than the actual contraction.

Remember that you don't have to do anything, mws can advise you but its your decision what you do.

Don't be afraid to ask visitors to leave or help after the birth. I still kick myself for putting up with the fucking lazy people who turned up expecting a cooked meal the day after dd was born. If there is a next time I won't be cooking for at least a week after birth!

Im crying reading these, oh thats another tip dont think your hormones settle down once the babies out, 7 weeks on im still a mess sometimes but its ok and i laugh about it more now, especially when i couldnt open a simple bottle of fabric conditioner, oh how i cried at that 1.

the other thing someone told me and i never believed for a moment is that things do get better, if your clever you can search my previous posts from just a month ago when ds was 3 wks old, i was desperate, sleep deprived and searching for nurseries to take him off me. i never imagined knowing what i was doing and also being able get on with my life while caing for him, theres no better advice than to sleep when baby sleeps, theres a reason they use sleep deprivation as torture!

1 month on though im so in my routine i look back and wonder what all the fuss was about!!

i also got told mummy knows best, nobody will know your baby like you will, always go with your gut and your not doing bad.

midwives will be on at you to breastfeed too, its not for everyone, as much as i told every1 its what i was going to do when the time came i just couldnt, you will know whats right for you, dont be afraid to stand up for yourself and your choice of feeding.

The best advice given to me by a midwife at breastfeeding workshop was to expect breastfeeding to hurt like merry hell for at least 2 weeks, that it will get better, and you will be a pro by 8 weeks. So give it two weeks before considering other options.

You CAN breastfeed if you've had a c section.

If your boobs are swollen hot and you feel fluey you might have mastitis so get it checked out. Feed feed feed and paracetamol will help but you might need antibiotics.

If you have a c-section - when you stand up for the first time be prepared for all the lochia etc that's been pooling up inside you while you've been lying down to come out. Don't panic that you are having a haemorrhage and call the midwife on the buzzer.

Consider having your most high maintenance family and friends visit you while you are still in hospital. Mad idea but you won't have to worry about entertaining them, they will only be there for visiting hours and you can get the midwife to get rid of them. Because they've now seen the baby they will hopefully leave you alone for a while once you are home.

Also you might need 2 long maternity pads overlapping in the middle in the very beginning when you are bleeding heavy. I think I put an always ultra night time underneath them as well after my "haemorrhage" scare.

Once your lochia starts to settle down and not be as much it can get heavier and bright red again if you over do. Happened to me just walking around high street after we registered DD's birth and I thought I had ripped a stitch or was haemorighing (sp?).

Two things if you need stitches:

• the MW will put a finger up your bum after to check all stitched properly. I remember reading about it on here so wasn't as surprised as I would have been otherwise...
• the first post-birth poo will seem terrifying and you will worry that your stitches will burst. They won't, but I was told to hold a maternity pad over the stitches to support the area when you go to the loo, it definitely helped and made everything less terrifying. All fine after that first one - drink loads of water too.

Everyone's birth experience is different and a lot of things might not happen the way you expect. Things that were different for me were: getting in the pool intensified my contractions, I never had any pain or discomfort from breastfeeding, I bled for 10 weeks and having the first poo after the birth didn't hurt.

I shook massively after the birth, I couldn't control it but felt fine. Midwives said that was normal.

Femepads (those frozen things you put on to calm the swelling) were brilliant.

When people say have snacks ready for breastfeeding, they really mean it. A midwife suggested a biscuit or 2 with every feed and I really needed them, even at 3 am.

Brilliant thread. A few from me:

If you require continuous monitoring you can still kneel (or try other positions) - mw will work around you. I had a strong instinct to kneel and I'm sure it helped get baby into a better position having been back to back.

Lochia goes on for weeks! Ds is five weeks and I'm still spotting.

Bf is (for me) incredibly hard. Lansinoh helps but there's still a l

Take some fruit to top the very bland cornflakes or weetabix they give you for breakfast

Don't be surprised if you get massively broody a few days later - everyone in my ante natal group was looking forward to having another within a week of giving birth (none of us upduffed again as yet but it's only been 3 months )

Copy your maternity notes beforehand and it's worth paying for a full copy of your hospital notes as well

Drat (typing on phone): a lot of teeth gritting is required.

Mastitis doesn't always show up with the telltale redness. If your breast (rather than nipple hurts) it may well be mastitis. Gps aren't great at spotting it so ask directly about it. Unfortunately the antibiotics for it can leave you vulnerable to thrush (not being able to face any clothing in contact with nipples is a symptom). Again, gps may need you to point them in that direction.

On day 3 you will wake up to find your tits start at roughly, your shoulders.

I did anyway!

For god's sake take food. If you're in hospital after the birth for a while, have someone bring in food. Large amounts of good food. I cannot stress enough how miserable it is to be
exhausted
starving
sore
starving
freaked out
starving
in charge of newborn
and starving!!!
at 2 in the morning and the only food you can get your hands on is a half a packet of polos covered in pocket fuzz.

If there is a next time, I'm taking in a whole roast goat or something :-D

Yes on day three you will wake up with enormous engorged painful norks and feel utterly utterly miserable and weepy -all down to . I wish someone had warned me.

Get a bottle of lactulose before the birth. Start taking it when back on the ward. It really works, won't be constipated so won't have post natal poo terror.

Make sure you have a wheat bag to heat up an hold on pelvis (afterpains) or sore breasts if necessary.

If friends ask what they can do a cooked meal brought round is fantastic and much better than some toiletries or some such.

They put their finger up your bum?!

OnlyWantsOne

They might do. DC3 they did and I swear i could feel the Registars finger nails through her gloves. It was ouchy! And this was with just delivering an 11lber.