Things/tips I wish someone had told me - please add and pass on the love

[SquidgerInMyBelly]

Dear all,

My lovely DD arrived on 5th Aug - I have had so much support from posts and questions that I thought I'd pass on the love - here's my experience:

1.Get the TENS on early, as soon as regular period pains, it really worked (got to 7cm before they'd even look at me)

1. Get in the pool - the relief of weight off the back and pelvis is bliss!

1. Don't purple push - my MW thought I was being a lazy moo but I am glad I took my time as less damage

1. After birth there will be a baboons arse between your legs from the bruising - it will go.

1. To wee sting free bend over and touch your toes on the loo and have a bottle of water ready for immediate douching when you sit up. Add a few drops of lavender or tea tree oil to aid healing when home.

1. When pushing it feels like a melon is coming down your back passage and that you'll split. Really wish someone had told me this as it scared me. Again, it will be ok.

1. Take the biggest breaths in of g&a you can as soon as the contraction starts - if it hurts its too late for it to work - its good stuff!

1. Being sore and bruised is hard work - just getting in and out of bed was difficult - I got prescribed Voltorol for 1 week, 3x a day - really helped.

Love to all x

See a homeopath before hand, I did so and had a c-section with no pain relief after (no, I'm not brave, I'm allergic to all pain killers). It was fine.

Epidurals do not hurt going in so just relax.

If you have forceps it is quite possible that you will have the same level of bladder control as your new baby - big shock that one and it took months to fix.

Breastfeeding hurts like hell for the first 3 weeks no matter how good the latch (except for a few very lucky people) - then it suddenly gets easy.

Large medio-lateral Episiotomies can be so painful - they gave me morphine for 3 days and golly did I know about it when they switched to diclophenac! Roll a towel into a ring or get one of those memory-foam donuts to sit on.

If you have a massive PPH or you are very anaemic then your milk may well not come in - it really is okay to supplement with formula until your supply gets up.

Take in a cheap plastic jug, and pour it over yourself while you're weeing.

Buy far more maternity pads than you have already. You need 6-8 pads for starters. You'll be bleeding for 6-8 weeks and for the first couple of weeks won't feel like going out shopping.

Get someone to bring you round a large cake.

Hire a valley cushion.

Lots of stuff I'd forgotten on here! Here's my tips:

1. Take the biggest maternity pads in you can find. The bigger they are, the more you feel like they are helping hold your bits in after birth.

2. Prepare your dp in advance for blood and gore. After a difficult forceps delivery, my dh quickly had to get used to helping me change pads and secure on catheter bag. He even built me a catheter bag holder so I could easily get in the shower - that's love!

3. If you experience incontinence after the birth, don't panic - you'll get lots of help. I had to go home with a catheter with ds1, then self-catheterise, then learn how to pee again. Have not had any problems since, even during next pg and birth.

4. Be prepared that your feet and legs might swell. You may have to go home in your dp's shoes looking like a clown

My advice:

1. Bring lots of extra clothes for yourself to hospital - I threw up on myself twice. Ah, childbirth, a magical time lol Also make sure you have dark coloured pj bottoms / tracksuit bottoms / leggings with you for afterwards - my bleeding was very heavy and soaked through pads and into PASTEL coloured pyjamas. My mum was quickly dispatched to Primark for some darker coloured things!

2. Fruit - I wasn't keen on taking a laxative but midwives and my mum recommended eating loads of fruit, esp plums, first couple of days back at home. I'd had an episiotomy so was a bit nervous about needing to go, but fruit and water worked great, no probs in that area

3. Tea tree oil, lavender oil, Savlon healing gel - magical trio of stitches healing stuff - along with an ice gel pad thing for first day or two. Hopefully you won't have stitches to worry about but if you do, you will be glad you have stockpiled this kind of stuff

4. If you're going to breastfeed then I'd recommend buying a couple of Bravado camisole tops. Here's a link:www.fromheretomaternity.co.uk/section/178/1/bravado-nursing-tops

They're pricyish but you can shop around and you'll get LOADS of wear out of them and they just make the whole process easier if it's your first time and you just want to be able to get the baby latched on quickly. Also Lanisoh cream and a comfy pillow.

4. Ready meals in fridge, books on your kindles, DVD boxsets to watch during night feeds and LOADS of milk (for tea/coffee) and biscuits for midwives, friends, family and neighbours just popping in to meet the new arrival

Bringing the baby home from hospital is such an amazing, sleepless, crazy, magic time - can't wait to do it all again next year some time I hope!

Omgosh why am I doing this?????

Sorry not helpful to thread but can't figure out how to delete!

Has anyone mentioned the P word yet? As in, Piles?! I pushed out a nice lot during labour that took weeks to disappear. In fact they got so painful I ended up having to go to A&E a couple of weeks after giving birth and getting an enema as I couldn't poo. No one warned me about those!!!

The bleeding after lasted 6 weeks and was like the heaviest period you could imagine, times 10.

I suffered cracked, sore nipples for weeks until went to see a BF counsellor who sorted out the latching problems once and for all. (about 6 weeks later.)

Hormones were all over the place for days/weeks but I remember the day my milk came in, I was still in hospital cos DS had jaundice. I received some flowers and cards and just burst into tears. Breasts felt like massive stones.

I missed feeling the baby inside me! As someone else said, you're still massive but empty.

And, yes, after all the pushing and effort and pain of labour, when you're thinking I can't wait for all this to be over, it's actually only just beginning......!

Take moist toilet tissue or baby wipes for you. Blood and sensitive swollen fanjo makes a much nicer wiping experience.

You are more then likely to shit while giving birth no matter how much you shout to your DP/MW "but I don't want to poo myself" while you are pushing

Tell them you want skin to skin after the birth. That hour with my DD on my chest and my DH next to me was perfect

And finally, snuggle that little bundle like your life depends on it. Those first few days are the most precious time of your life and nothing compares to having that snuggley snuffley beautiful baby in your arms.

Agree with Gail re the feeding thing, my dd didn't have her first proper feed till about 12 hours after she was born. Lovely nurse told me not to worry as she was a big girl (8lb 2.5 oz!) :)

Brilliant thread!
Currently preparing for first LO to arrive so very useful!
Question though- lots of comments about buying the biggest maternity pads going. I bought mine from boots and they don't really look that big - will they be good enough? Was expecting some kind of heavy duty sanitary pad!

ChampagneLady - I had some slimline type maternity pads; they we're useless. You want some big, thick, super long ones, for fanjo padding as much as absorbency. Kotex do them (black packet) as well as supermarkets. Wings can be irritating too. Get about 3 packets to start with; you may need more, but unlikely to need less. I only bled for about 10 days with each baby, although I was told it could be up to six weeks.

BikeMedals...thank you! Just added them to the shopping list!

That it is not awful for everyone. After the pregnancy from hell (I ended up in a wheelchair at one point, and on meds for nausea) I really enjoyed giving birth.

If you have a long latent stage, which I did, the baby may be very low down. This can make peeing really painful. If you get on all fours and pee over a tupperware box, the baby drops away from your bladder and it doesn't hurt.

Chewing ice chips can help you feel cooler in labour. I brought some in an Eskie when I finally went in to hospital. They were really, really lovely. Very refreshing.

Hospital food is nasty, and served on a schedule when babies are not. Even food court food can often be minging. I brought things I liked to eat in with me, and snacked on them after the birth, which was at 4 am, so not very food-shop-friendly. Doritos, guacamole and olives, I chose. Healthy. (Hey, I brought some apples, too! )

Don't be a hero. If something hurts more than you can bear, ask for the medication right away. I had nothing but a TENS, water pool, and gas and air, because when it hurt more than I could deal with, I looked for help in that order. It never hurt more than they could address, which was a lovely surprise after a horrible pregnancy (I had a horrible time trying to breastfeed, too. 1 out if 3). I think feeling in control of the pain helped me manage it - if I'd not had such success with those two I would have been the first wanting an epidural, but I was never scared by the intensity of the pain because I always stayed a step ahead. I looked on pain relief as a staircase and ruled nothing out as I went up it. I think that attitude can help.

The advice to keep a jug and to pour water when you pee afterwards is bloody good advice, if you have grazes/tears/stitches. So is Lactulose to soften the poo. I didn't do that, and actually it was fine, but God, the fear of bursting my stitches. I wish I'd had the reassurance of the Lactulose.

Don't try to buy a nursing bra/new clothes in the first 6 weeks. And if you're the lady in the John Lewis bra department who had to handle me crying because only 3, hideous, old lady (non-nursing) bras were big enough 3 days after I gave birth,
I apologise. It was an emotional time.

If you do get cracked or bleeding nipples it is ok to use a nipple shield to give yourself a chance to heal. Ignore the breastfeeding police who say not to! I used them for 24 hours on alternate boobs (so that DD didnt get used to only feeding with a nipple shield) and that was enough to be able to continue without affecting feeding.

Stay in pjs for as long as possible afterwards. It reminds people that you need looking after and reminds you not to try and do too much too. Plus comfy! Having said that do shower every day as it will make you feel better mentally, even if uncomfortable physically at first. Especially if you look (as I did) completely grey and ill for the first week or so.

Ask for help! I had awful night sweats, plus baby sick and baby projectile pooing. it was winter and I had no tumble dryer. I sent family home from each visit with a load of sheets to wash and dry which was a massive help in keeping on top of things esp as i found the hormones and anxiety of a PFB meant i got fixated on and over-stressed about the small things. Even if my dad was a bit when I asked!

Don't pack a massive bag with everything in- you won't find any of it during labour or after (especially if you are in bed with a catheter after a CS or epidural)- have one labour bag, one ward bag with just a few items (you might get let out quickly) and another in the hallway/boot with more things for you and baby if you're in for a while.

Start your pelvic floors ASAP after the birth, I always did them whilst Breastfeeding. Despite a rather bad tear I regained a pelvic floor of steel very quickly .

Those mini fans are great to cool you down in labour but don't let your DH put it too close to your hair (although untangling it when they do can help to distract from the pain of a contraction)!

DO NOT drink orange juice after you have given birth. This should be common sense, but it didn't occur to me until I went for a wee. I nearly hit the ceiling.

Don't throw away everything in the Bounty pack, the form for child benefit is in there. Poor DH had to go through the bin for ours

Sitting in an inch of bath water with a few drops of lavender oil 3 times a day in marvellous for healing and is you can coincide it with needing a wee so much the better

Your insides will not fall out the first time you go for a poo, but it might feel a bit like giving birth again. I was almost as proud of myself for having managed it.

I will try and remind myself of all these things in December when it's time to do it all over again

You can throw away all the Bounty stuff and get the Child Benefit form online.

Re-reading - I should have said 6-8 packs of pads!

Champagnelady - Boots do big brick-like maternity pads (definitely what you want for the first 3ish weeks and slimline ones for later on, when it's more like a period.

if your baby screams and is colicy and you are breastfeeding try cutting dairy out of your diet apparently some babies cant digest the protein in it that gets passed thro you, they sometimes grow out of it. soya for me. goats is equally as scream inducing!

Nice idea for a thread OP
Mmy contribution for what it's worth

Give the Bounty lady a fake email and a fake address.

I am usually reasonably assertive and had every intention of doing the usual polite refusal all sales people get. I hadn't factored in how draining labour is, nor how emotional, and that your newborn next to you, you may not feel like being assertive at all. She promised me that ticking the no contact box would work, as it's legally required to do, so I completed it because she would. not. fecking. go. away. otherwise, and I didn't feel like being coldly assertive (when politely so didn't have any effect at all) with my tiny baby in my arms. I've been inundated with a tidal wave of marketing ever since. I changed email address as a direct result.

Bounty should not be allowed to steal cold-contact marketing info from extremely vulnerable women right after childbirth, in exchange for a few crappy samples. Given I associate the companies in question with such dodgy practice you do have to wonder if they're barking up an effective marketing tree.

surfmama I have had to do the dairy free thing, I honestly cannot believe the difference it has made to all of our lives, everything is easier now for dd3. She used to have terrible reflux, screaming poos ( every time she went she was in agony) fussing all day and screaming ALL night.

Within 2 weeks all of the above had stopped, she still has chronic runny poo but doc said could be something else (have cut out soya too and that also made a big difference) as of this week actually the runny poo ( sorry if tmi) is even slowing down. She is nearly 5 months so am guessing her digestive system is maturing.

If anyone does decide to try this make sure you take a good strength calcium and vit d supplement and plan meals to make sure you eat well. Kara coconut milk is lovely on cereal, in coffee etc no nutty taste, and there is dairy free spread available instead of butter. It's second nature now and was able to carry on bfing. Dd3 is so happy!

This thread is making me feel all warm and fuzzy

Lansinoh is a MUST, get it in before you have the baby or you might find yourself as I did crying down the phone to SIL on a Sunday morning. Bless her, she and DBro turned up with it less than an hour later.

YYYYY to dark coloured pjs for hospital. Ward with 4 post natal ladies - OK no problem we're all in the same boat. Bit more embarassing walking past their families at visiting time with blood stained pale grey nightwear

If you go in for induction be prepared for it to take a few days. I went in on a Tues afternoon expecting to have the baby overnight and come home the next day hahahahaha. Take lots of stuff with you.

A hand held fan comes in really handy in hospital, ante natal wards can be really hot.

If your waters are broken for you to start you off, be prepared for MWs to then say cheerily, ''righto, off you go for a walk, we'll see you back in an hour'' . Some large dark coloured trousers that (1) don't display the loaf of bread sized pad between your legs and (2) don't betray the waters leakage around the pillow-pad are essential. I squelched around the the hospital car park for a while, wearing the only shoes that would fit - flip flops, wasn't expecting to be outside in November in the snow

Drat I typed it all out then lost most of the post.
Here goes again...

Congratulations Squidger

Tens machine did help me, but the sticky pads unstuck in no time - get spares well in advance -DH ended up doing a 2am shop for a solution.

If we do it again I will take my own pillow, hospital ones are like pancakes.

Have an emergency food pack ready well in advance - weeks even. I was sent in with high bp a week before, arrived at 4pm, finally admitted at 9 by which time DH had to do a mercy dash for food.
As follow up to that I had to collect my pee for 24 hours. ALL OF IT and drop it off for tests the next day. Never saw that coming.

A C-section is not as scary as I feared. But a few days recovering in hospital can fool you into thinking your stronger than you are. And absolutely agree with the poster up thread who said keep up the pain meds

As others have said Breast feeding really is hard. I don't know anyone who found it easy - if you struggle you are definately not alone.

There is nothing like holding your own tiny newborn,and no-one can describe exactly how it will feel for you until you do it.