Things/tips I wish someone had told me - please add and pass on the love

[SquidgerInMyBelly]

Dear all,

My lovely DD arrived on 5th Aug - I have had so much support from posts and questions that I thought I'd pass on the love - here's my experience:

1.Get the TENS on early, as soon as regular period pains, it really worked (got to 7cm before they'd even look at me)

1. Get in the pool - the relief of weight off the back and pelvis is bliss!

1. Don't purple push - my MW thought I was being a lazy moo but I am glad I took my time as less damage

1. After birth there will be a baboons arse between your legs from the bruising - it will go.

1. To wee sting free bend over and touch your toes on the loo and have a bottle of water ready for immediate douching when you sit up. Add a few drops of lavender or tea tree oil to aid healing when home.

1. When pushing it feels like a melon is coming down your back passage and that you'll split. Really wish someone had told me this as it scared me. Again, it will be ok.

1. Take the biggest breaths in of g&a you can as soon as the contraction starts - if it hurts its too late for it to work - its good stuff!

1. Being sore and bruised is hard work - just getting in and out of bed was difficult - I got prescribed Voltorol for 1 week, 3x a day - really helped.

Love to all x

I wish someone had told me to be more assertive with the midwives - it was so busy in the maternity department and I had a room to myself at the end of the corridor - I swear to god they forgot I was there half the time! Ended up being in for 4 days for no good reason except they seemed to be too busy to do my discharge sheet! Eventually got out at 7pm on a Sunday night but I wish now I'd been more assertive and got myself out earlier :)
Also TMI (sorry) but if you do have a large clot fall out of you as mentioned earlier, don't just pick it up and flush it away Apparently it's very important for a midwife to see it!

Great thread. My tuppence:

Take a stool softener to help with that first poo post-birth.
You may have engorgement when your milk comes in, i.e., huge, throbbing, rock-hard breasts. I felt like I'd woken up with two watermelons on my chest. Best thing is to apply hot compresses and there is nothing that works better than a nappy soaked in hot water. I also kept one in the freezer for when I needed an icepack. That was a great tip from my MW.

Take a dark towel in for your first shower, not a light coloured one. I'm not squeamish, but there will be alot of blood... and dh won't baulk at putting it in the washing machine

Make sure you have got your watch, I had my ds early hours, dh couldn't stay, the room i was in had no clock, i had no idea what time it was - made me feel totally disorientated and out of control

You will have a catheter in if you have a spinal. I know they must have told me, but I completely missed it and paniced when left alone in the room that i couldn't get up and go to the loo - the midwives were a bit when i mentioned it

My boobs went square on Day 5 after a CS.

That moment when they kick the husbands out on the first night is v scary - I had had a CS at noon and so didn't get out of bed until the following morning. At 9pm DH had to leave and suddenly I was on my own with my baby on my chest, and I couldn't even sit up properly without help, much less put her in her cot/get her back out again. I was in a private room and I had to buzz for help to do anything. I basically sat up all night with DD on my chest, too afraid to sleep or move. Oh, and it is impossible to sleep during the day because every time your DH takes the baby to let you nap, someone comes in to check you/the baby/empty the bin/ask if you've put in your lunch order/offer you (but not DH) a cup of tea etc etc.

Don't let your over-excited family/friends bring you so much food in the hospital that your bedside table won't hold it. I was edging my water glass around v carefully so as not to knock over my phone/DH's phone (left with me so I could access MN) with the avalanche of grapes/chocolate/magazines/sandwiches/water/pork pies/salad boxes/cake/tangerines etc etc.

If you have an epidural, it will wear off and they will need to top it up. I didn't know this and got a shock when it started to hurt again. When they top it up, the drugs will feel icy cold in your shoulder (I don't know why you feel it in your shoulder!). You might also be sick when they top it up - I was, twice, the second time spectacularly all over the floor, which reminded them to give me the anti-emetics.

They make you peel the dressing off your CS scar during your first shower - it is okay, your insides will not come out, and your scar doesn't need another dressing.

Post-CS, I didn't have constipation, I had diarrhoea. Felt much better afterwards, though!

When they tell you to push, push like you need to get a great big poo out you will probably get a great big poo out , I was doing a strange combination of trying to push whilst trying not to poo and it was counter productive and my baby was getting into distress until I got it, DC shot out with 5 minutes of proper pushing, I had wasted the 5 minutes before being a prude.

Get somebody to bring you a flask into hospital, their tea is rank.

The wards are noisy at night, it's like a cats choir in there, all the babies set each other off and the midwives bang the lights on whenever they feel like it. I don't know what the answer is to this one? Anybody?

Arnica-I'm sure I read somewhere about not taking it as it thins the blood to lessen brusing & if you need a CS that's not good. Probably OK after birth. Worth checking if it's something you want.

Medication/Midwives- tell them if you have a problem. With DD2 I itched like mad after the spinal, when I mentioned it to m/w she gave me anti histamine and it was sorted!

If you have a CS keep pain relief topped up. Don't get to the "it hurts" stage.

If you have a catheter when it's taken out and you have your first wee make sure you keep pushing even when you think you're finished (sorry if TMI). I didn't with DD1 and had huge pain as my bladder was fit to burst! DD2 lesson learnt.

Take millions of photos because those early days and months will fly past and you won't remember. You truly won't and you can't get it back, write stuff down and take photos.

Breastfeeding makes you stupidly thirsty, take a pint of water or squash with you to bed/pre feed/everywhere you go because you might be there for a while. The cracked, sore nip thing will pass quickly if your latch is good, don't give up, lansinoh is your new best friend.

If you're not sure you're healing, insist the mws check with every visit. I was pretty much stitched all the way round and as much as you try to rest, you might be sat for hours feeding and it will pull. Mine opened, got infected and needed a good run of abs. 15 months down the line, all fine.

On that, iron tablets turn your poo into lumps of coal. Pooing big lumps of rock hard coal + stitches = fucking agony. It took me three days for first poo. Therfore insist on a prescription of lactulose .

people will ask you in the early.days if you're enjoying it. The answer might be no! This will change. Don't feel bad about that.

Oh and massive pants, in a dark colour, with lots of stretch.

Take millions of photos because those early days and months will fly past and you won't remember. You truly won't and you can't get it back, write stuff down and take photos.

Breastfeeding makes you stupidly thirsty, take a pint of water or squash with you to bed/pre feed/everywhere you go because you might be there for a while. The cracked, sore nip thing will pass quickly if your latch is good, don't give up, lansinoh is your new best friend.

If you're not sure you're healing, insist the mws check with every visit. I was pretty much stitched all the way round and as much as you try to rest, you might be sat for hours feeding and it will pull. Mine opened, got infected and needed a good run of abs. 15 months down the line, all fine.

On that, iron tablets turn your poo into lumps of coal. Pooing big lumps of rock hard coal + stitches = fucking agony. It took me three days for first poo. Therfore insist on a prescription of lactulose .

people will ask you in the early.days if you're enjoying it. The answer might be no! This will change. Don't feel bad about that.

What else? Oh, I fed ds literally all night the secong night, and most of the next day. Thus is normal, I did not know that. Someone upthread mentioned cluster feeding, go with it, its when you really feel the burn of being stuck to the sofa for hours, and it might get you down. It doesn't last for long. Again, if you need a break, a formula top up isn't poison.

Only skimmed thread, so apologies for potential repetition.

1. a birth plan is not a guarantee. Be prepared to deviate from it.
2. don't be afraid. I went into both of my labours totally focused on the fact that I'd meet my baby soon. I honestly think that my positive attitude meant that I coped well (not to say that a negative attitude causes problems, of course)
3. you are a rookie at this. Don't be hard on yourself--even growing up with younger siblings (babies I mean)cannot prepare you for becoming a parent.
4. people will want to share their advice. Listen and try to appreciate that they care. You don't have to take it, although some of it may help.
5. use the Internet. I lived on MN and Kellumom with DS, whereas before with DD I just got on with things, not wanting to bother the MWs or HVs.

Turtlledoves- great point about cs dressing, I was petrified doing that and almost fainted in the shower. It was FINE! I couldn't believe how small the wound was and neat. I have had 2 vb's and one ecs due to medical things.

My milk came slightly later with the cs, but 5 months on still bfing even though dd3 had to wait almost a week for my milk. It was very hard at the time and (gasp) I did give her one bottle of formula in hospital, which she promptly threw up! Babies manage whatever anyone tells you during that first week, if of course they are healthy and a good weight, colostrum does the trick it's just your nips which suffer a bit. And they get better very quickly. Many babies have a bit of jaundice, often bf babies, this is normal and goes quickly too.

I put each baby i had on the boob really frequently during first week, half hourly, Using lasinof cream each time and subsequently was lucky not to have engorgement, mastitis or other problems. ( I know this can happen regardless of what you do but worth a try) Couldn't continue with dd2 so used bottles and formula which worked out absolutely fine too. The best thing I bought this third time round was a sling, one shoulder clip type. I also took foam earplugs and a sleep mask in to hospital as it is so bloody noisy in there!! Worked a treat. And extra pillows or one of those bendy ones.

Definitely buy dark big pants, I made the mistake of getting lovely white john lewis ones- god only knows why!!!

I'm going to say don't take too many photos because although you will forget, you don't need to shove a camera in their face every two seconds either. I spent an inordinate amount of time snapping my first, I must have taken literally thousands upon thousands of photos which I then carefully and lovingly selected for inclusion in very perfect printed photo albums but really, less focus on perfectly capturing every single moment and just chilling out together would have been better. If you try to hold the moment too tightly, you lose the moment. Photos are wonderful but just try to enjoy the pure bliss of quiet time together without needing photographic evidence of every last twitch, too.

Pack shitloads of chocolate, keep an open mind, demand toast afterwards and bring giant knickers.

Oh and don't look at your fanjo for at least a month.

brilliant thread. skim read but just a few comments to add:

1. in case you end up staying in over night without your DP by your side do make sure you have ear plugs and an eye mask. Really helped me get a good night's sleep. Your new LO will scream loudly enough to wake you even with ear plugs but the lady/baby in the next bed will hopefully not.
2. Walking further than the end of your road (drive even) may be too far for a week or 2. Dont beat yourself up about it but Give yourself credit for getting a baby cooked and out into the world!
3. Make sure your DP knows where the ice machine is. Hospitals are hot and labour/breastfeeding is thirsty work.
4. Enjoy your baby and seeing your DP in a new light too.

Breast milk is better than lansinoh, it's full of fat and mildly antiseptic too. Just express a couple of drops each side and rub it in. I had a big really hungry baby and didn't once have nipple problems.

But breastfeeding does hurt as your milk comes down at first but it will pass. It took about 4 weeks to be 100% pleasurable but worth perseveering with. We finally stopped at 18 months but combi fed from 4 months as I went back to work and couldn't express there, bottles can be part of a feeding routine, your body will adjust to feeding at different times.

And if breastfeeding isn't working for the both of you for whatever reason, bottles are also ok. You love your baby, will give it a great home and a great start in life, where the food comes from is actually a minor concern, just as long as there is enough of it!

Another breastfeeding one.

Growth spurts - where your baby wants to feed all the bloody time. These happen at about 7-10 days, 2-3 weeks, 4-6 weeks, 3 months, 4 months, 6 months and 9 months. They can last 2-3 days or up to a week.

This is normal and there is nothing wrong with your milk. Just follow your baby's lead and feed when they want it.

More info here: kellymom.com/bf/normal/growth-spurts/

It's mentioned in a small paragraph in the NHS birth to five booklet when it needs to be highlighted in red on a full page!!!

Have an epidural!
And take it easy afterwards, I was up and about from the beginning even though I was in huge amounts of pain, looking back I don't know why I didn't just spend the first week in bed.

My ten penneth: Not everyone gets on with the TENS machine. I found it annoying, I compared it to the vibration of a tattoo machine and that was the last feeling I wanted during labour. So don't think you're a freak if the TENS does nothing.
Also don't feel like a freak if you don't want to be touched. With my DD all I wanted was my hand held and my hair stroked but with DS I was snapping at my mother and exH to get the hell off me. With everything else I was feeling the extra contact was irritating....probably why TENS didn't work.
You will possibly want to shout for your mom....I did. She couldn't be at my second labour which, contrary to my research, was harder and longer than my first (DD had her arm hooked over her head!) So when pushing got too much and I'd poo'd myself only for exH to say to MW "is that normal?" I sobbed "I want my mom" Nobody made a remark so I guess MWs hear a lot of that.
Most importantly: It's all worth it in the end.

Your first poo after giving birth is terrifying! Use a sanitary towel to hold your stitches while you do your business. It won't hurt anywhere near as much!

The aim is to have a baby not a type of birth

do not make a no visitors rule in advance, I did and regretted it, was DESPERATE for visitors