Things/tips I wish someone had told me - please add and pass on the love

[SquidgerInMyBelly]

Dear all,

My lovely DD arrived on 5th Aug - I have had so much support from posts and questions that I thought I'd pass on the love - here's my experience:

1.Get the TENS on early, as soon as regular period pains, it really worked (got to 7cm before they'd even look at me)

1. Get in the pool - the relief of weight off the back and pelvis is bliss!

1. Don't purple push - my MW thought I was being a lazy moo but I am glad I took my time as less damage

1. After birth there will be a baboons arse between your legs from the bruising - it will go.

1. To wee sting free bend over and touch your toes on the loo and have a bottle of water ready for immediate douching when you sit up. Add a few drops of lavender or tea tree oil to aid healing when home.

1. When pushing it feels like a melon is coming down your back passage and that you'll split. Really wish someone had told me this as it scared me. Again, it will be ok.

1. Take the biggest breaths in of g&a you can as soon as the contraction starts - if it hurts its too late for it to work - its good stuff!

1. Being sore and bruised is hard work - just getting in and out of bed was difficult - I got prescribed Voltorol for 1 week, 3x a day - really helped.

Love to all x

If things don't go to plan, be kind to yourself. Que sera sera.

After your home with your wee bundle, you may wake up panicking, terrified because you think have fell asleep with the baby in the bed. Cue rummaging around and trying to find the baby, then you realise she is sound asleep beside you in the Moses basket. I still do this, DD is 7 months and in her own room now, and sleeps thru the night.

Don't be worried if you're not someone who gets that gush of love immediately. With both my DCs I didn't feel the love for weeks after they were born, it was all a bit alien, but the love does come eventually and then you'll do literally anything for them.

Get all the help you can, whatever you can afford or from family/ friends and DON'T FEEL GUILTY about anything (getting help, eating Cheerios from a box, bottle feeding etc etc). And when it all gets too much remember that it does and will get better :-)

Don't expoect things to go to 'plan' sometimes they don't. Make sure you get the opportunity to talk to someone about how the labour went and why you may have had interventions.

Oh and for the first day or two afterwards TENA lady incontinence pants are really useful for sleeping in as they don't slip.

Just about to have my second, and this is reminding me of so many of the things I'd forgotten about!

Afterpains - no had warned me they could be so brutal. If you are breastfeeding, they will often come on while you are feeding, or just after, and a few had me doubled up in serious agony, unable to move. They do pass, though, and I only remember a couple feeling that awful.

Witchhazel liberally applied to a maternity pad to soothe things down down there. Helped me in the first few days. Also, you might not bleed as much as people are warning you. It calmed down for me after about a week and then tailed off.

On top of being all swollen down below (I pushed for 2 hours, so I think it might be related to how long you are pushing for), I found it really difficult to pee for the first 24 hours or so. I did also have an epidural, so this might have been the issue too. I would head to the loo, and pray that I could relax enough to let go and actually pee. I even had to have an in and out catheter at one point, as I was panicking that I couldn't properly empty things. It did get better quite quickly, though, so don't despair!

Oh, and for the first 12 hours or so after being born, your baby will probably keep coughing up mucus, which can sound alarming, but is totally fine. Was a bit worried until a midwife came and reassured me he was fine.

No matter what people say, breastfeeding can and does hurt, even if you are doing it right. I ended up with cracked, bleeding nipples for a while, even though every time my DS's latch was checked, it was pronounced absolutely fine. I don't know if all the midwife's were talking rubbish, but by all accounts, my DS was feeding perfectly, and I still ended up in agony. Lansinoh is your friend - apply liberally after feeds. Pump a bit if you need to give one side a rest to heal. Keep going through the difficult bits if you can; it should get a lot easier week by week, until by about 6 weeks, all the hard bits are mostly forgotten. Get any and all support you can, as this helps.

Oh, and another thing that I've hardly heard mentioned anywhere, was to do with mood changes whilst breastfeeding. All the books go on about what an amazing experience it is and how it helps to bond - I found the opposite. Every time my son latched on, I would get this overwhelming sense of despair wash over me. I thought I was going mad, until a friend mentioned that the same had happened to her. It's called Dysphoric Milk Ejection Reflex, and is controlled by your hormones (something to do with a drop in dopamine). Mine got better over time, but I did feel like I was going mad until I found out what it was.

Phew, seems it's all coming back to me!

If you had an episiotomy or a tear, use a haidryer after going to the loo.
Afterpains can be horribly painful and apparently the more children you have, the more painful they become.

Take on all the advice you get, try it, think about it- but don't feel guilty for doing things your own way. For example, people who say you have to spend a month post birth in bed with the baby. I would have gone insane. It didn't make me love my babies any less.

And more practically, cabbage leaves in your bra for when your boobs engorge.

There are many ways to nurture a baby. How you gave birth to it, feed it, nappy it, clothe it, where it sleeps and whether it has swimming/violin/karate lessons from 6 weeks or never do not matter as long as it is happy, secure and loved, and it's family feels the same.

I wish someone had told me about the wee thing. That was the most painful thing, I remember telling myself it was alright to just wet myself as sitting on the loo hurt too much.

Also

You don't have to have people visit you if you don't want to. Seriously this is SO IMPORTANT.

your parents / his parents have no RIGHT to access your baby in hospital / when u get home etc

In addition to the pink urates, if you have a little girl you might find blood in her nappy. DON'T FREAK OUT! It is like a little period and it is caused by your hormones, I don't know the proper name for it but my midwife called it a 'show'.

I only knew about this as my Mum mentioned years ago that I had had it as a newborn, so when my DD had it I knew what it was. I hadn't heard about it anywhere else so really would have panicked had I not known. It lasted about 3 days for my DD.

Also - more practically - if you have a CS for whatever reason, get a sports water bottle, shower gel on a hook and a couple of pairs of roll top yoga pants ASAP.

Once home, tell visitors - no entry without pie/ decent ready meal/ home made lasagne. Cake at the very least!

If you really don't like your midwife during the birth, it is ok to ask for another one. I wish I had. Mine was so horrible to me.

I second South's comment about breastfeeding. Have AT LEAST two tubes of Lansinoh ready to go. I used a tube and a half in the first week and had a major paddy when I thought I was about to run out one night.

Fab thread. I was horrified when I washed myself after birth and it felt really weird down there, had no idea about that. Also do your pelvic floors religiously! After a couple of days I realised I was leaking wee but pelvic floors fixed that very quickly. Get as much sleep as you can after birth. Get as much help as you can from midwives, family anyone at all cos you'll be knackered!

Two things for the hospital bag that really helped get me through. 1. Many bottles of lucozade for energy to keep you going. 2. One of those spray bottles you get for watering plants. My dh misted me with water when I was getting too hot. It was lovely.

1. For the stingy wee syndrome, I weed in the shower with warm water running. Really helped.

1. Dry your fanjo with a hairdryer set on cool. Much more comfortable than using the softest loo paper.

1. The hospital handed out iron tablets like Smarties. I found they constipated me which you REALLY don't need. I swigged back Floridex for a few weeks after the birth instead - a liquid iron supplement. That helped too.

1. Sounds shallow but with my second birth, I treated myself to a pedicure and haircut just before along with some nice toiletries - it's a reminder that you matter too. Also when I was feeling particularly knackered and skanky I could look down at my perfect pink toes and feel a few inches better.

1. A good electric breast pump is worth every penny. It gets your supply going and you don't have to pump away like Popeye. Also you can see what you're producing which is very comforting. Don't worry if your nipples swell to the size of a large brick either - they will go down.

1. I found that those lambskin furries used to line the moses basket/cot were also brilliant because the baby is comforted by the feel of them (I think there have been studies proving that premature babies grew a little faster when they lay on furries as opposed to plain sheets) but when the baby gets bigger you can just put the furry into a new cot and the baby feels safe.

1. This is VERY important. When the Bounty lady comes round while the ward (if you're having baby in hospital obviously) you can either say NO or do what I did the second time round and give her a false address because a) the bag of stuff she gives you is rubbish - a few nappies and a couple of poxy 50p vouchers in return for EIGHTEEN YEARS OF JUNK MAIL and b) I think it's immoral that they target women in a post birth fog.

Also sitz bath 3 times a day for 20 min helped with stiches.

QuietNinja you took the words right out of my mouth! I had my baby on 10th Aug and my pelvic floor felt/feels like it had gone AWOL (forceps delivery). Still feels weird but am still doing what I can - you will make a difference!

This was my 2nd baby - so I didnt bother with a birth plan - the plan is the baby will come out however it wants, no matter what you plan!

You will be more tired than you ever thought possible! It is normal - give yourself a break.

I heard birth described as 'similar to having a colonic irrigation in the middle of a family wedding' everyone wants to celebrate but you have been through a major physical event and don't have your best dress on!

You get a baby at the end - you are allowed to take it home and love it forever!

Doesn't get better than that!

Second what was said about not all babies being hungry - DD hardly fed in the first 48 hours. I was panicking and trying to express colostrum but sometimes they just aren't hungry when they come out.

Had a ventouse with DD - I hadn't realised that what comes down with the baby must actually go up first too . . .!

DD had a bit of a sore head where the ventouse had attached which made it uncomfortable for her to lie on that side when feeding. Took me a while to work out why she only wanted to feed from the one boob but once I tried her rugby ball style on the other one she fed fine.

So much good advice here!

I found arnica and lavender oil really good for healing too.

YY to vomiting and pooing in labour.

During transition, it is very normal to get The Fear. It is also normal to think you are dying, and even to wish you could die. This is short-lived and usually a sign that the birth is imminent.

Don't overdo it after the birth. If you've been lucky enough to have a straightforward, quick and peaceful birth, you will probably feel on an emotional high and might feel tempted to get out and about and show your baby off. Just don't do too much because, despite the emotional high, there is still a lot of resting and recovering that needs to be done.

Contractions are not pains, they are surges.

Only joking.

Great post and great tips Squidger and everyone else. Thanks for sharing and at baboon's arse comment.

I had no problems peeing or pooing straight after labour so don't get too worried about stinging pee!

I cried all day when my milk came in (this can take 3-7 days so don't worry about lack of milk) but was strangely happy sobbing away - Ive always liked a good random cry .

BF was painful for me for 7 weeks BUT I never had cracked or bleeding nipples. A new position on day 9 really helped things along and the rest of the pain was just my inverted nipples getting used to being CONSTANTLY out.

Cluster feeding is fine and normal (but exhausting if you can't feed lying down, like me at the time). DS fed for 15 hours straight one night (middle of the night was his preferred clustering time - grr!). Like wise, ds fed for an hour every 2 hours on the dot. My friends dds fed for 15 mins every 2.5-3 hours - both are normal.
Expressing is not an indication of supply. Some people can express buckets of milk, some not a drop.

Breastfeeding clinics and groups are a god-send, not only for the help and advice, but also for the other mums you meet going through the same things as you and also the tea and biscuits

Huge big incontinence bed pads are brilliant for sitting on your sofa or lying in bed. All my pads seemed to leak all the time in the first 72 hours.

Your lochia (sp?) can stop and return again making you think that aunt flo is back and you feel cheated cos your bf-ing

Night sweats were an unexpected treat! I froze 1 litre bottles of water and took them to bed with me to swig during every bf feed (just dont leave your lansinoh cream next to the frozen bottle!)

You will need a much bigger bed side table for all the water, snacks, lansinoh, lamp, muslin square, etc... that you will now take to bed

great thread! It's all coming rushing back...gulp.