Dreaded school report show offs…

[Newbubs]

Anyone else hate this time of year where everyone boasts about their childs amazing school report?
ive never really had a nice report for both my dc,
ds had mild asd & possible adhd and dd is just generally not nice - eithet spoilt or anxiety which makes her behave horrible at times.
i just feel like the teachers never seem to like my kids,

It popped on my Facebook timeline today from 6 years ago, the conversation between my youngest DD and I.

“What can I get if I have a good report today?”
”I’ll let you live another week”

Reader - her report was good and can celebrate her 10th birthday next week.

That’s the level of my bragging about reports, they must have been good since as she’s still with us.

Our neighbour has a gifted child and barely a day goes by when she doesn't mention it. Drives me nuts but I assume some degree of insecurity drives her.

I never brag about reports but we have never had a bad one.

Maybe try working with the school and gp to help your children with their behaviour and attitude.

Don't compare your children with others, it's not healthy.

My son is in the top best three of his class and none of my friends know about it. I don't like it when other parents constantly praise their kids like "he's been attending music school since he was 3", "she's so gifted she can play the piano already", and so on. I know how it is when school ends and all these conversations pop up everywhere but I just ignore them. They ask me about my son, I say "all good" and they see in my face I won't talk more about it :) On the other hand, my son is terrible at socializing and never wants to go anywhere so I have to deal with lots of "my kids go to summer camp, why is yours at home?", "my kids love rock climbing, why is your kid always in his room?", etc... we all have to deal with unbearable parents at some point, don't let it stress you. Be proud of your kids, help them, support them and you will be the best mom for them. Grades, achievements, sports competitions, parents that need to show off about their kids' achievements to feel good are probably unhappy parents

It all ends at teen years. Everyone normal goes very very quiet about their teens because you never know what they will do next! Even the “good” ones….

This is so true!!

How do you know he’s in the top three? Not being confrontational, I was just wondering. Does the teacher tell you?

And yet Antares444 you had to put that very specific brag on your post.

Op often people brag and it isn't true, or they spin it a bit, take the above my child is in the top three, top three for what, academics maybe but what about art or drama or being a good friend.

Plus it doesn't mean anything, children grow and change, some blossom from their childhood reports and others wilt.

@Antares444
To echo a previous poster, how on earth would you know where your child is ranked in each subject?
You do know we keep that information private? This is for many reasons but we like to think it prevents parents from boasting (even the discreet, not so subtle Mumsnet bragging!)

I don't get the boasting but I do think that a good school report should be celebrated at home. In our case, there's always something we can pick up on - this year ds actually passed most of his SATs which none of us expected - but he has worked very hard and the extra measures the school.put in place really helped. So we are celebrating. In previous years we have celebrated being told he is trying hard or making progress. I am genuinely proud of him for these things, even if others would not see his report as "good".

But that's between him and us.

Op, I think its v sad if you only get negative reports. Personally, I'd be saying something to the school. Their job is not just to support the child's learning but also their overall development.

I have never felt upset, or the least bit bothered by other people being proud of their kids. I just can’t even begin to imagine why you would? I don’t get the need to share on social media but then I don’t understand sharing anything on social media rather than directly with the people you want to see it.
and we’ve had a mix of reports, dc with special needs etc so not a bunch of perfect Peters.

Are you disappointed in your kids, is that why this has an impact?

Yes and I posted a similar thing yesterday! Think it's wrong that kids come out of school clutching their reports especially if they are anxious like my dd who is autistic. Another girl in front with her dad ripped open her envelope and then proceeded to loudly announce her 'a' scores in everything in full earshot of my dd! Not done on purpose but I think it's wrong that reports aren't posted home or given directly to the parent or even emailed as someone mentioned.

Sorry that sounds harsher than was intended!

Yep. My teen's is always awful and deservedly so.

I never brag about reports but we have never had a bad one.

The irony !!

I'm dreading SAT'S results for this reason... hardworking child with dyslexia. I know social media is going to be full of top results.

I' ve defriended people before on SM just on excessive boasting.

I don't post about school reports/parents evening myself, but don't have a problem with anyone who does... the people on my facebook that do it are just saying 'so and so had such a good report/parents evening, so proud' we don't know what was good about it.
e.g. it might be a good report because it says they have showed up every day, or because they haven't cried this term, or they've not beaten anyone up etc. etc. 'good' means different things to different people.
It's a sad world we live in if people aren't allowed to be proud of their child for fear of upsetting someone else!

If there is not a single thing you can take positively on the report then honestly the school. If people work hard that should be reflected of course but a child does not amount to a series of scores.

At my Dd's school the end of year report is unbelievably detailed and uses headings based around the values of the school, stuff like independence, resilience etc. It talks about the whole person and is 2 while suffers of A4. Yes, I'm sure it takes the teachers ages (they do it in lesson time and cover is provided) but it makes such a massive difference to the kid, it really does. There's no way you can fail to say something positive in all that. Compared to her last school it is really bolstering to be considered as a while human being! It means anyone with special needs is as likely to get a good report as anyone else too.

If your kids feel crap about it that's rubbish and in your shoes I might make my own report with their positive points and achievements over the year on it.

I don't know anyone thankfully that boasts about reports / results on SM or rea life. Thankfully.

Ive seen people pist pics of the lovely comments the teacher had written on repost too, it does hurt a little when you’ve never had anything half as nice and its the same teacher.
i am happy for the child just a bit gutted
mine arnt shining superstars like the rest!
I have one with adhd / asd which was missed until late and another with anxiety.

Only people who are quite thick themselves boast about how clever their children are. Sorry but this is an absolute truth.

Some teachers in some areas do share a ‘ranking’ if it’s high. For example in Scotland we have CAT scores for maths, reading and something else, comprehension maybe. If a child is top three in the class for that score, the parents are sometimes told. I don’t know if it’s always.
Who is your ‘we’?

Our neighbour has a gifted child and barely a day goes by when she doesn't mention it.

What I’ve come to realise is that people’s views of “gifted” can be very different. My DH’a friend bangs on about how clever his DD is and how well she’s doing at school - and this comes back to me via DH. The one time I was party to one of these conversations, it turned out that this child had got an 8 in her maths GCSE. Obviously she’s done well - and it’s nice he’s proud of her - but she’s hardly the junior prodigy we’d been told about. Comparison can really be the thief of joy…..

Yes - it really is!

I told one person about my son’s report. She’s a teacher and knows I’ve really struggled with him over the years so I was completely delighted he’d had a complete 180 and was no longer being highlighted for possible SEN.

Otherwise just my family. I didn’t know people were actually publishing this stuff online! That does seem really over the top.