Support thread for parents of children with MH issues [title edited by MNHQ at OPs request]

[blimppy]

DD(16) has been taken to A&E by DH having cut her arm badly and with suicidal thoughts. I'm at home with younger child. DD has been assessed by CAMHS, has anxiety and Depression, and is being treated by GP with anti-depressants while we wait (forever it seems) for CAMHS to actually provide some treatment. She sees a private counsellor who is concerned that the ADs are not working properly, and we have a GP appointment next week to review the medication. I just wondered if anyone might know what we might expect to happen now?

Could I start by saying, my heart goes out to you all dealing with such difficult (understatement) situations, I wish you and you DCs all the very best.

I have a 10yr old (Namechanged for this) who I am very concerned about, I feel they are heading in a worrying direction, anxieties, discussions about suicide and it 'ending all the worries'.

Currently in primary and very much under my wing and I am very watchful and protective but they start secondary in September and I really want to start a clear support system now. For background, we have had mental health issues in our family and I can see so much of this in my DC.

I am very worried and want to know the best place to go for help, am wondering if anybody on this thread can advice, is the GP the best place to start or a private counsellor? I feel I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place, I don't want to just assume that things will get worse but my instinct tells me it will. The school counsellor also feels that they need some additional help.

Thanks for reading and the very best to you all.

Hi vvworr1ed, and welcome to the thread. That sounds like a difficult situation with your DC. I think you probably should see the GP and seek a referral to CAMHS, not least because the waiting times for CAMHS are often very very long. It's worth finding out how well the service operates in your area. If it doesn't look good and you want to go private, I was advised by a trained counsellor to look for a counsellor for my DD through the British Association for Counselling & Psychotherapy (BACP) website. I found someone who had lots of experience working with adolescents and, while she hasn't been able to "cure" DD, I know that DD finds it helpful to see her, and I suspect things would have been even worse without her. Certainly, DD's big decline into Depression happened when her counsellor was on on sick leave for a couple of months. I'll never know if the two things are connected, but they might be.

I want to ring someone and ask them to take dd away. She's so aggressive I think I'm going to get hurt. I can't do it anymore.

Hi Thornrose. I just got to this (been at work all day) and wanted to respond to your message. Are you okay? I recall you were trying to get CAMHS involved again. Have you made any progress? They should have a crisis number you can call. I hope your DD has calmed down and you are okay. But if you are scared for your safety, you might need to call the police.

Thanks blimppy we have a CAMHS appointment for next week. It's called a Choice appointment, it's with a clinical psychologist and is a "one off" appointment . The referral letter goes on to say that for many families this appointment is enough to get the family back on track and they don't need any follow on treatment!! That makes me want to cry. Dd needs ongoing psychiatric support/therapy.

Dd is distressed and agitated. She's aggressive and attacked me quite severely last night. Today she had a knife in her hand and said she wanted to hurt me.

Dd is very articulate and said today that her brain feels mixed up. All the pathways are wrong and she wanted to go to hospital. We've tried that and as she's not actively suicidal they can't offer her any support.

I think the withdrawal from the anti psychotic might explain why she's so agitated. I feel as though everyone encouraged me to try meds. The side effects were horrific and now she's having to withdraw. I'm between a rock and a hard place. Horrific anti psychotics versus unmedicated violence.

I'm lost and so alone it's horrendous.

Oh Thornrose, that sounds so awful. Have you got anyone with you in RL to provide some company/support? I'm astonished that CAMHS thinks that a girl with your daughter's history can be sorted with a one off appointment. But it may be that the letter is a standard one as it does say "many", so hopefully they will acknowledge the need when they see and assess her. In the meantime, you need to keep yourself safe. Can you lock all knives away? We bought a box online to do that, to keep our DD from harming herself. I'd call CAMHS again and stress that the situation is at crisis point and you are concerned for your own safety.

Sending you a big virtual hug. You are not alone, but I know it feels it.

Hey, I've just seen this and I'm so sorry you are going through this. We too bought a box to lock away things like knives, screwdrivers, razors etc, but a stiletto can do just as much damage! I have had to call an ambulance twice when DD was a danger to herself and us and they were brilliant!!! Very understanding paramedics and supportive staff at A&E. They kept us in overnight and we couldn't leave without being seen by Camhs. We were already under Camhs but would have still been seen by them if we weren't. Sometimes you have to do these things to get the ball rolling and get taken seriously. From DD's point of view it was a total scream for help and got us fast tracked to a psychiatrist!
Things have been so much better over the last few months, and she has even joined a band at our local youth centre. It is managed by a fab social worker who has been using music as a form of therapy for years!! As always, I'm totally on my guard, but enjoying the lowered levels of stress!

Thanks kind words really help me not feel so alone.

Hi Thornrose, I hope you have had a better day? I think seriously makes a good point as our experience was similar in that an A&E hospital admission forced CAMHS into action.

We've had a pretty lousy day. I went to work and DD and DH had a massive argument over something really trivial. Sadly, this is not a new thing. DH is very black and white in his outlook, stubborn and likes to have the last word. I should add in fairness that he is kind, generous and loves his children. But he struggles to show it sometimes and does not deal well with anything he perceives as arguing back. DD is also stubborn and likes to have the last word. I'm trying to get DH to understand that he doesn't always have to win, and to understand how DD's mind can twist things to hear really negative comments about herself that were never intended. He needs to learn to pick his battles, choose his words carefully, stay calm even if feeling provoked, and how to step back sometimes. He's feeling really rubbish now and DD is basically not talking to him. None of this can be helping her, or the rest of the household. Our younger daughter phoned me this morning in tears because DH and DD were arguing so badly. And of course, it just sends my stress levels up again, and my mood goes right down. I've spent much of today just wanting not to be here. I just want the pain to end. It's my younger daughter that keeps me going.

I had to call the police this evening, it was horrendous. I might've made a huge mistake by not going to A&E but I just couldn't face it.

On the plus side the PO was amazing and said she'll do a comprehensive report about what happened tonight.

The MH street triage nurse was worse than useless.

hi thornrose, god you poor love.

Can you still go to A+E? explain what's happened, get it logged/
xx

Thanks I'm taking her tomorrow. I think she'll need to be admitted. I can't keep us safe anymore.

Hey Thornrose, I hope you and your girl are ok. Good luck with whatever you do today and try to know that you are the person she can let her emotions out on! It's so hard on us, but asking for help and doing our best is all we can do xxx

HI Thornrose, just wondering how you are doing today? Seriously is right, we can only do our best. Hopefully, getting the police and A&E involved will kick start something useful from CAMHS for your DD.

We're just off to A&E waiting for dd to get dressed! Thanks so much for thinking of me, it really helps. sun seriously blimppy

Hey Thornrose, I really hope things went ok for you at A&E yesterday, if you made it! We were there ourselves, but with what seems to be sciatica!! Just what we need!

Hey, thanks for asking. We've been here since yesterday. Dd is in an observation room and I have to stay with her at all times. It's like being in a goldfish bowl!

We see psych tomorrow (if I'd known we'd have spent the weekend at home!!)

This is our chance to be heard and be helped. I'm prepared to say she can't come home. They really have to listen, this has been going on for too long.

Absolutely! Stand your ground and stick to your guns! At least you are both in a safe place x

Thornrose. Sounds like you've done the right thing. Hope today is going okay. x

Thornrose, I am so glad you are in, I know it's a bloody pain that you could have stayed home, yet it would have been sod's law if they had let you out, then the psych came along early or something.

Have you got support/enough stuff with you to stay?

How is your girl?

Here, dd has tonsillitis, and is more or less the same, can't wait see our psych next week.

xx

I have had to make a real song and dance to get people to understand what dd needs. It's out of character but I was verging on hysterical! So many hidden agendas and refusal to take responsibility. Agh!

Long, long story short she's being assessed tomorrow for a stay in a CAMHS residential MH unit. That is what she needs so fingers crossed!

Hi Thornrose, just wondering how you and your DD are? Has she got a place at the unit?

Things have developed a bit here. Having left college, DD has secured an apprenticeship place, which is excellent news. She has also been slightly more outgoing than we have seen previously, and is currently playing Disney monopoly with her sister and a friend. On the less positive side, I found her asleep in a chair in the lounge this morning as she had had a panic attack in the night and went to be the cats rather than be alone. And she has been scratching at her self harming wounds (her nails being the only available weapons as everything else is locked away). Not sure what's causing that although DH and I are speculating that she might be anxious about starting work. I'm trying hard to focus on the positive at the moment, but it is hard not to panic at every dip in mood and setback.

So, just back from CBT. DD's 6th session, so her psychologist suggested I come in with her. This morning, DD and I had had a nice time - done some shopping and even had lunch out, at DD's suggestion. DD seemed fine, happy even. She's seemed reasonably okay most of the week. As we arrived for the CBT her mood just switched and she started saying how she didn't think it was helping. Then in the session, she said she'd been really low all week, and had woken up feeling really bad this morning. She seemed so down again - and more so than the psychologist had seen her be before. I had no idea, and feel such a useless mother as surely I should have known. Now I feel that she cant't have enjoyed this morning afterall. She's been self harming at night - scratching at her arm. It seems like she's not really awake/aware that she is doing it. She also said that she hates the place where the CBT takes place - it gives her a really bad feeling. The upshot is that she has gone along with continuing the CBT, but in a different place. This means a different day, so I will have to rejigged stuff, and stop doing something I usually do at that time. But at least she will still go. But I am worried that she doesn't seem to be making any progress, and that I am apparently completely unable to see this for myself. Every time I think I can see a bit of light at the end of this tunnel, something seems to snuff it out.

hi there blimmpy,
I know how it feels to think they are one way when in fact they are feeling the opposite, although sometimes I think they have enjoyed something (like your morning and lunch) but then bang, back down to the depths.

I understand how disappointing it is, how sad you feel and helpless to have not have 'noticed', or that you 'still' couldn't make her better.

That's all I can share with you, but i just wanted you to know I have the same days, same, feelings as you xxxx

Thanks thesun. Your kind words are appreciated. How are things with you?