Support thread for parents of children with MH issues [title edited by MNHQ at OPs request]

[blimppy]

DD(16) has been taken to A&E by DH having cut her arm badly and with suicidal thoughts. I'm at home with younger child. DD has been assessed by CAMHS, has anxiety and Depression, and is being treated by GP with anti-depressants while we wait (forever it seems) for CAMHS to actually provide some treatment. She sees a private counsellor who is concerned that the ADs are not working properly, and we have a GP appointment next week to review the medication. I just wondered if anyone might know what we might expect to happen now?

thesun - How frustrating to have to wait till Monday. Don't worry about losing it, you should have seen my meltdown in the doctor's surgery a couple of months ago. Positively epic! I hope you have managed to get out and enjoy some sunshine today.

As feared, DD's girlfriend has dumped her, although she phrased it as being on a "break" while she does her AS exams. It seems DD has too many issues for her to deal with at the moment. This is being made worse by DD feeling that she is being pushed out of her social group anyway at the moment. Not sure why, but she had an argument with another girl and most seem to have sided with the other girl. To be fair, I can see that DD is probably a pretty draining kind of friend to have at the moment.

We have a meeting at the College on Tuesday to discuss how they can help DD get some work experience arranged, or even set up the apprenticeship she wants. I really hope we can get her something so she has a reason to leave her room. But I'm not sure now is the right time to start an apprenticeship, or whether she would cope with it.

Hi, it's been quiet here so I'm hoping things are ok with you all? We've been ok, at times even good. DD is definitely more stable now she is off the Fluoxetine. She is struggling with low mood, but we have managed some positive things. We even cleared out and re-arranged her tip/bedroom together! This feels like a real achievement, although throwing out all her college work did feel sad to me, like we were throwing away the future she should have had.

Anyway, best of all, we went to see some kittens yesterday at a rescue charity, and we should be getting them in the next 10-14 days. The look on DD's face when cuddling and playing with them was priceless, and I am hoping they will prove therapeutic. (We have had cats before, but our old lady died last autumn.) DD is meant to be back in college tomorrow afternoon, but we will see. She didn't go in Friday. In a way, I'd quite like her now to stop going, except that it is something to get her out of the house.

blimppy friendship issues are a nightmare! It's great that dd is more stable.

I have reduced dd's Respiridone to 1mg now, that's half the dose. Fingers crossed no ill effects yet. She is giggling a lot which is a bit disconcerting!

School called me on Friday very keen for me to chase up CAMHS! I'm a bit worried they're struggling to cope with her.

I have a SW seeing us next week regarding some respite or other support which should be good. I've also contacted a parent career support service. They have lots to offer including specialist workers for young people with MH issues apparently!

Clearing out the bedroom is always great for clearing the mind, but I can imagine throwing away the college work was tough! DD managed two days at school last week (she had done a full week the week before) so I am hoping for a full week this one! Watching back to back Vampire Diaries is a waste of a beautiful day, but it's better than being locked in her bedroom listening to dark songs!!! Don't get me wrong, bands like Twenty one pilots have literally been a life saver, but some of the darker stuff, like Sleeping with Sirens is a bit much! Do your children use music to help them through the bad days??? TOP have made such a difference to DD and I have learned a lot about anxiety and depression through their lyrics!

It's really interesting about the music. DD used to listen to lots of Sleeping with Sirens, but seems to have moved a bit away from that in the past couple of months. I've not heard of Twenty One Pilots - I'll have to ask her.

DD was definitely feeling low and unmotivated in this morning - she lay in bed for 3 hours without moving till I took her a coffee. Mornings do seem to be the worse time for her. She's up now and I'm hoping to take her into college later to meet with a friend. In theory, also to go to a lesson, but that all seems rather pointless now!

I find Sunday evenings/Monday mornings are the worst times of the week! I have always used music throughout my life, and I'm glad that DD is very motivated by music...especially live music. The 1975 feature a lot as do Twenty one pilots and I spend a small fortune on concert tickets! But it is worth it to see her excited, relaxed and ecstatically happy...we always try to have something on the horizon to look forward to! I do hope your DD made it to college. I managed to have a whole day at work without a phone call from anyone!!

I'm glad to hear you had an undisturbed day. DD did make it to college and stayed as planned, which is good. And she has gone to explorers tonight for the first time in ages, which is also good. We have our meeting at the college tomorrow about applying for apprenticeships. i'm hoping it might serve to motivate her to do so!

hello, just checking in, the last week or so seems to have passed very quickly.
DD is to remain on 10mg, for longer to see if ANYTHING improves, I am telling her to keep hanging on.
She is sick of hearing it, and sick of waiting.

So tired. Had a meeting with all those involved (schools too) and just glad it's over.

Have to go now, will check in later.

oh, music is mine and dd's life saver. we live and breathe bands, gigs, youtube, vinyl!

Hi thesun, good to hear from you again. I know what you mean about the waiting. It seems we just keep waiting for something to get better and unable to really do much to help. DD had her second proper CBT session today. She hasn't said much about, just that it's "ok". She seems to be doing okay off the meds, but her mood and motivation do dip a lot at times. Overall she's more stable though. We did manage to submit a job application this morning, which is great. I'm finding it really hard to know how much to push her on this at the moment, but I'm terrified of her having nothing to leave the house for.

I'm starting to realise that I have to go back to work next week. I do feel better for the break. Just being able to be there for DD and not having to deal with work stuff on top of everything else has helped me cope a bit. i'm quite worried how it will go once I'm back at work though. I hope you are managing to get some respite and support.

Hello can I join your thread?
My DD 13 is having panic attacks including hearing voices and has a CAMHS referral and an Early intervention Psychosis assessment next month. She gets very anxious in school, but so far is still in school. They have been great at dealing with her and now have got to the point of sitting with her until her panic is over and then she rejoins the lesson. To start with they were having to clear the class whenever she had an attack. She isn't too bad in the rest of her behaviour (typical moody teenager) but she has started few strange behaviours, like counting certain words people say and tallying them on her hands, checking her pulse a lot when she gets anxious. She currently sees a counsellor (private) and this is helping her a lot. She starts with CAHMS counselling in July. I have to say the GP / CAHMS have been great, bit the negative side of me thinks it must be really serious if they are being so efficient! Either that or I'm just lucky with our area.
I was really freaking out when this all started about 6 months ago, but I a having counselling and been on sertraline for a month, and it has helped me to be much more calm about it. I am truly terrified of the early intervention diagnosis though. I'm scared they will say its the tip of the iceberg of something really serious and she will end up school refusal, sectioned, future over. I have reset my expectations from "do well at school, get a good job", to "be alive, and not in a mental hospital at 16"
Feel like we're waiting for the axe to fall.

Hello Martha, welcome to the thread. Sorry to hear what you and your DD are going through. I was with a friend last night and talking about how these problems mean you have to adjust your expectations and hopes for the future so much, just as you describe. She thought it was similar to a bereavement process, as I and our DD have lost the future we thought she would have. However, your DD is still very young, still in school and getting support from CAMHS. Those are all positives and many young people do recover from these issues and go on to do all that they want to do. The early intervention diagnosis means that your DD is going to get help sooner than many do. That is good news. I'm trying to learn to take it one day at a time and not to think too far ahead at the moment. Easier said than done of course! There's hand holding here whenever you want it.

Hi Martha, sorry to hear about your DD. At the height of my daughters anxiety and depression she was hearing voices a lot and it was a really tough time. She kept it quiet for sometime but they got to the point where she could no longer live with them. They were very negative and would tell her to do awful things.
She has been under tier 3 Camhs for over a year now and her counsellor reassured me that she did not feel it was schizophrenia but rather my daughters own negative perception of herself. The psychiatrist decided to try fluoxetine which, over 6months, enhanced everything leading to self harm, suicidal thoughts, two trips to A&E with attempted overdoses and the worse period of our lives! Ditching the fluoxetine has seemed to bring her back to a better place than she has been in for a long time. I know that whole period terrified her as she had no control over her feelings and emotions. She is now very aware of her triggers and takes melatonin which is a god send as it sends her off to sleep within 30 mins of taking it. We are by no means out of the woods and the affect the last year has taken on her school work is irreparable! Blimppy you are right...it is just like a bereavement, not just for the future that could have been, but for the daughter I had for so many years...I miss her! There are glimpses of her old self, but we are always walking on eggshells and it only takes the slightest thing for the walls to start crumbling.
Camhs have been amazing and the bond that DD has with her counsellor is great. She has been there for her and been supportive with getting DD back into a better school routine, even if it has meant dropping some subjects. I wish you the best for you and your DD and I hope Camhs give you both the right support. I apologise if this all sounds doom and gloom but we are definitely in a better place than we were. Were it not for music I don't know where we would be. DD has been able to let me know what she has been going through and feeling by playing certain songs. I said it before but Twenty one pilots have been our saving grace. They have a song called Addict with a pen, and the first time I heard it I cried. It was like a light came on and I could see what DD had been going through...a beautifully honest song that could have been written by anyone with a mental illness to their parent.

Hi blimppy and seriously - thank you for the welcome. Had quite a good day today DD seems a bit happier. I know what you mean about music DD is addicted to it. We like twenty one pilots stressed out and blurry face. When she's having a bad day she sings at the top of her voice! Last night she did me a music video of Megan trainor "mom" which was nice. Seriously how did you get melatonin for your DD? Mine really struggling with bed time and sleeping and then a horror to get up in the morning.

After the disaster of fluoxetine the pshychaitrist prescribed the melatonin to help sleep as the evenings were the worst times and now the GP repeats it every fortnight. I'm not sure if your GP can prescribe it initially though...worth an ask! Megan Trainor video sounds cool...I love those moments x

Martha my dd was referred to an Early Intevention Psychosis team by CAMHS. They were amazing and very supportive.

To cut a very long story short dd does not have psychosis and the team worked with her for a whole year before deciding that. They will work very hard to unpick what is going on. Way better than CAMHS.

My dd's behaviours were so bizarre I couldn't believe she wasn't seriously mentally ill! The paranoia and voices were taking over.

Anxiety and depression can lead to intrusive thoughts and OCD type thoughts. There can look like psychosis but don't have to be.

My one concern is that now EIS are discharging her CAMHS are being difficult about taking her back! The thoughts and paranoia are still there and she needs some form of therapy but I'm hitting a brick wall right now.

I've been on Sertraline for a week and awaiting counselling. Any time you want to pm me feel free.

HI everyone. My DD has also said she hears voices, so I guess it is quite a common part of anxiety.

Thornrose - that's shocking that CAMHS are being difficult about taking your daughter back! Surely they must see the need for some form of continuing care and continuity? I hope you're okay.

My DD is off college again today, this time with a good old fashioned bad cold. She's leaving next week so it really doesn't matter. Meanwhile, our lovely new kittens seem to be achieving more than any meds have done. She's been out of her bedroom more in the past 24 hours than I think she has for weeks, if not months! Still, you can't have a future based only on playing with kittens so my concern now is to find ways of ensuring she has some outside life once she is no longer in college, and hope that the CBT works some magic. She has an appointment with the psychiatrist on Monday, so will see what she says also.

I feel much better than I did two weeks ago. Being off work really has helped me calm down. I'm dreading going back on Monday though. It's hard to know if I am really ready to as I am still a bit tearful, but I can't just stay at home for ever. Work are lining up some counselling for me though, which might help.

Hi all,
Its reassuring to hear that others have heard voices which is anxiety rather than a more serious MH problem.
Blimppy, I know the value of animals, we have a dog who is life saver. No matter how bad things are the dog always gets a cuddle, and has brought DD round from a panic attack by licking her face.
Also I can empathise with DD off school with a normal issue, mine came home from school the other day because she'd been sick, and I was so happy it was a "normal" problem!!
We've had a nice time tonight making more musical.ly videos and tonight DD seems totally normal and nice. I know some of it is just teenage angst..
I have to say our private counsellor has been a god send and is really helping DD to understand and cope more with her panic attacks.
I am also seeing counsellor and on sertraline and since then I haven't cried once !! (Was bawling my eyes out 3 times a day before that...)
Seriously I know what you mean about missing your DD, but I also think that I am missing my pre teen who wanted cuddles and me tucking her in every night, and who now just tells me to go away.. I read something useful the other day which said " I am a shepherd, I don't own my child" which I thought was a good philosophy for me. I have to learn to let go. It's so hard not to constantly ask " how are you feeling?" "are you alright?" etc. which just makes DD mad!! Especially when you know DD is unhappy and upset and thinking dark thoughts.

welcome Martha,

my dd was hearing voices too, last year, and seeing figures out of the corner of her vision. All anxiety symptoms, but i was very worried it was more serious.

dd has been so so down, hating herself, and talking about hurting herself.
I pray it gets better as the prozac sinks in, she has been 30 days on 10mg now.

thesun - I know all too well how tough it is when they are as down as that. I do hope you start to see some improvement soon, but if you feel she is getting more volatile in her mood swings you may need to talk again with the doctor. My DD's low mood was lifted initially by the Fluoxetine, but she became increasingly unstable, swinging from high to low, interspersed with bouts of anger. This is all so hard to deal with as there never seems to be a right answer. It seems people can react to the meds in such different ways.

Martha - I too used to drive my DD mad by constantly asking if she was alright! I still do sometimes, but I've learned I have to step back and let her come to me more. It is hard though, knowing how much of a struggle her life has become. I'm due to start counselling next week and I'm hoping that will help me separate a little so that I am not so completely bound up with every little shift in her mood. Also, one of the most useful things I read (I think on MN!) was that it's important to remember that they are not just their illness, and not everything about them, and in their lives, can or should be defined by it.

Just wanted to say Happy Monday everyone! Don't know about you, but Sunday nights are the worst time for us!!! x

Sundays are awful for us too. Last Sunday dd tried to attack me! I got off lightly last night.

Hi. I've been quiet for a couple of days because I'm back at work and, combined with having to deal with kittens, I haven't had much time to post here. Also, I've been a bit low returning to work. DD seems about the same. Sometimes we see behaviour which looks better, such as asking to watch a DVD with us rather than hiding in her room And the kittens are bringing her out of her room more than previously. At other times, it seems like we are going nowhere as she shows no ability to actually try and change anything about her life and just hides away. I mostly can't see the light at the end of tunnel - or indeed believe that there is an end to the tunnel! Friday is her last day in college, which is scary. I know she will miss her friends. On the up side, the kittens are lovely and proving great therapy for DH and I!

hi Blimmpy, just wanted to say hi to you and the thread.

You are doing what you can, which is the best you can do. Hang on in there, and know that there are others who understand. You just want to see improvement, change don't you?

x

Thank you thesun. How are things with you? I'm trying hard to be positive. I've saw counsellor this week and something came out of that which I think I can build on to help me cope with this all better. Meanwhile DD is much the same - sometimes okay but with some really low times. I'm trying to help her look for a job, but I can't do it all for her, which is really frustrating!