Support thread for parents of children with MH issues [title edited by MNHQ at OPs request]

[blimppy]

DD(16) has been taken to A&E by DH having cut her arm badly and with suicidal thoughts. I'm at home with younger child. DD has been assessed by CAMHS, has anxiety and Depression, and is being treated by GP with anti-depressants while we wait (forever it seems) for CAMHS to actually provide some treatment. She sees a private counsellor who is concerned that the ADs are not working properly, and we have a GP appointment next week to review the medication. I just wondered if anyone might know what we might expect to happen now?

That's ok, I just get it, that's all.
:(
Dd is off this week with another illness, not mental but physical. Is still very down, tho I 'think' there is some improvement of which i have no real evidence of.
I think she needs the 20mg of Prozac, and can't wait to see the doc next week.

I was very down, and feeling like i was losing it a couple of weeks ago, very anxious, but i seem to have come thru it. thanks.
what are you up to today. I am meeting a friend for a coffee for an hour, which is a huge deal. A little space x

I've been out shopping for kitten toys with my DD. It's fun, but I do feel trapped as we just don't feel able to leave her to her own devices at the moment. I know what you mean about getting a little space. I went out with a friend last night, which was lovely. I hope you have a nice time with your friend x

thankyou blimppy, i t was nice to get out, how are you doing? Love cats, they are so much fun.

Well we had a disastrous atitude shift from dd's ' doc yesterday who clumsily said she doesn't have depression anymore.

he did apologise for the way he said this (exactly as above)

but wasn't keen to up her dose at all, but i insisted it had been helping a tiny bit. I got so upset, dd was in tears. This doc said to me 4 weeks ago that her suicidal thoughts were more likely to be 'the depression' rather than a side effect of the AD's.

He is leaving, and will hand her over to someone else.

I have no idea what dd said in our session that gave him evidence for that judgement, but he was banging on about clinical eveidence, overall impression of her response (anxiety improvement esp). She said she feels no better mood/sad depressed wise. How this equated to not being depressed anymore is beyond me.

I told him that i could not believe he would say such a sweeping statement.
He actually said, 'you're not going to like this but...'

For now she can up the dose, but wont see anyone to monitor it for 2-3 months. It has also been mentioned that cbt isn't working, (therefore yo'd think it WAS depression) and that she might need to have further different therapy.

It's all very conflicting, and basically shit. Her place at her special unit won't be available if Camhs stop seeing her, which hasn't been mentioned but i can't help feeling that they are cutting down on help, and only able to deal with those who are taking overdoses or self harming very regularly.
Given that these children have not been helped till now, then others kids will end up as bad.

Hi thesun. That sounds very odd and frustrating for you and it seems really strange he would declare her no longer depressed, and yet agree to up the dose. How is she/you tonight? Interesting what you say about CBT not working. I'm not convinced yet that it can actually lift mood and help with depression, although I can see it can provide tools to help someone cope. I hope raising the dose of meds helps her, but it's completely wrong in my opinion that they are doing that without proper supervision.

My DD is still really low - hiding it most of the time, but sometimes not. She has just got really upset over tea as her sister is talking excitedly about a school trip she is going on and what she and her friends are going to do. DD missed out on a school trip earlier this year because of her illness. She has now left college and this week started work in an apprenticeship placement. Unfortunately, it seems all her college friends have dropped her now she has left. I expected some would, but not all. She's so upset, and it is hard to see how she makes new friends without a college/school environment. I don't know what to suggest and it's breaking my heart. She's always had problems with friends and it just makes her feel so worthless.

It's my first time on here and I've been looking for some support in parenting my DD who has bipolar disorder and anorexia. I gave up work 8 months ago to give her full time care, but in the last three weeks there have been two major 'episodes' where the police have been involved and she was threatening to jump from an upstairs window. She's on Quetiapine and fluoxetine (liquid) to regulate her moods. I'm at the end of my rope, it's awful for her and my other two daughters too - particularly the youngest who's 11 and suffering dreadful anxiety after all the trauma she's witnessed at home. Anyone got any experience they could share, either about their child or their own coping strategies? Thanks in advance X

Hi ealady. That sounds truly awful for you, and your DDs. I wish I had some helpful advice, but I don't think I really do. I can offer a listening "virtual" ear though! I hope your DD is getting the right medical psychiatric help?

It's just such a horrible position to be in, and can too often feel like there will never be an end to it. You do need to look after yourself and try and do some things that you enjoy or find relaxing. I'm currently getting support from a counsellor. Much of it is personal to my own "issues", but I am slowing learning that I have to step back a bit and accept that I cannot control the situation, nor fix it. This is helping me to cope. Now, when the bad thoughts come, I am getting slowly better at pushing them away and concentrating on the here and now rather than worrying endlessly about where this all will end.

Like you, I worry about the impact on my younger DD. So far she seems okay, but I know it does get to her sometimes. I also suspect she feels left out compared the attention her sister gets. I try to make sure I get one-to-one time with her, normally with a shopping trip, in a hope of reassuring her and giving her space to talk if she wants. If you haven't done so, I do recommend telling the school your other two DDs go to. The teachers can then watch out for any issues developing, and certainly most secondary schools do will have a counselling service of some sort.

Hi Blimmpy, thank you so much for the moral support. A virtual listening ear sounds great. Middle DD's school have known she has been unsettled and emotional since she started, and I've let them know about her bipolar diagnosis, but honestly they don't seem to know how to handle her. Her head of house wrote her off as a total pain in the arse very early on (I don't think mental health is his speciality!). They've sent her home a few times when she's become unstable, but also made me feel bad if I keep her off. She gets exhausted when she has had a major episode as she has this week. With regards to my youngest, it's so hard to give her 1:1 time because I can never be more than 10 minutes away from her sister. I feel so sorry for her, and I feel so trapped. We've built her a den in the garden so she has somewhere quiet to go and relax when it all gets too much, and we make sure she sees her friends a lot. She also has the transition to high school in September so we will make sure the school counsellor knows the issues. Them both being at the same school could cause more problems. Middle DD is getting excellent help, but she just doesn't seem to want it. CAMHS were hopeless (waited 6 months then were offered art therapy) so fortunately we were insured, but soon the cover will run out and we will have to self fund which will be tough. I'm lucky in that I have an amazing support network of friends, but I haven't had professional help. I'm not sure how I'd even get to an appointment either! Chocolate and wine are seeing me through at the moment
Thank you for listening xx

Hi Ealady. I share your pain about CAMHS. They were initially useless with DD and failed to recognise the extent of her need when she was first referred to them and packed her off to entirely unsuitable lower level counselling rather than taking her on themselves . That made her worse and she was re-referred a couple of months later, and it took them 9 months to see her! (In that time the GP ended up putting her on anti-depressants). CAMHS then assessed her to have a range of mental health problems and referred her for individual CBT and to see a psychiatrist but made clear it would be "many months" till she was seen. It was only because she had two emergency admissions to hospital that they are now treating her, although I have to say I think that what they are now doing is probably pretty good. It may be worth going back to CAMHS/GP and pushing hard to get something better. My experience is that you do need to push. Also, there is now, slowly, some more money being put into CAMHS, so they might have more to offer than they did when you first saw them.

I also feel trapped. We don't feel able to leave DD alone for long periods (which is really odd given she is nearly 17), and that is really limiting. I'm fortunate that I can and do take DD2 out when DH is at home with DD1. I probably don't do it as much as I should though as DH and DD1 have a somewhat strained relationship! My current pain is the lack of a family holiday. DD1 does not want to come with us and we certainly can't leave her behind. I feel really guilty for DD2 missing out (and a bit resentful myself...). I do like your idea of a den in the garden for your younger DD - sounds fab!

Chocolate and wine are my default coping strategies too! But you should be able to access some sort of counselling for yourself through your GP. I'm fortunate that my employer provides this, but where I live there is a well regarded local NHS service for adults which can be accessed pretty quickly (you can even self refer). In fact, adult support and mental health services seem to be much better than those for children and teenagers. If you do see your GP, be warned that they might try and put you on anti-depressants.

Hello, posting here for some support/help or advice, I'm not sure which.
I have read many of your posts and my heart goes out to you all.

Our normally described as quirky y8 dd has suddenly gone out of control and ended up suspended from school. Completely out of the blue, including a very small episode of self harm, not comparable to friends who have as she only did a little cut. I know it's just as bad though.
Unfortunately I'm not allowed to say exactly what happened as Police involvement and there may be charges (not against dd) but she had to make a statement. This is the separate incident a few weeks after the self harm.

So much has happened over the past 2 weeks that our life has been turned upside down, it seems like when I lost my parents, like bereavement, if that makes sense.

We have all agencies involved inc SS, CAMHS, School, Police. and life is a living nightmare atm. I don't know where we are going or whats going to happen, and unable to tell people because of the horrible situation.
I know people in rl will judge too, and feel so alone.

CAMHS are assessing for ADHD, ASD, Bipolar and ODD/OCD.
She has had no trauma in her life, settled home, good friends, loving parents, happy childhood until now.
It really has come out of the blue, with minor problems and learning disabilities about to be assessed too. It escalated from not affecting day to day life to a living nightmare.
Has anybody else come across this, we are all so shocked, including school.

Sorry, not OCD but CD of a type. I don't know the labels just reading up about them. Why do they make them sound so scary?

Hi gilly - sorry not to respond sooner, but I've not had time to look at this for a while. Your situation sounds really difficult and I hope things look a little clearer now. It may not seem it at first, but hopefully having all those agencies involved will mean that your DD is now getting the support and help she needs. It is truly dreadful when your child suddenly seems to fall to pieces in front of your eyes, and you can't really see why or how it is happening. There will be a way through though and things won't always seem so bleak. In the meantime, look after yourself. You are not alone and no-one in rl who cares for you will judge you or your family. I do know what you mean though as I sometimes feel we are a bit of a freak show!