Women choosing not to drive anymore...

[LakesDad]

Is this the new normal? I seem to know quite a few women who have passed their driving tests and got cars but simply decide not to drive or if they do then certainly never on a Motorway.
Two are sisters of mine, and one of my sons has a new girlfriend who passed her test first time, owns a car but refuses to drive and relies on family members to ferry her to work etc (she works as a dentist).
All these women I know are competent, have professional jobs etc and quite confident personalities but when it comes to driving feel it is too 'stressful' and one says they don't want to hurt anyone...(none of them have crashed or hurt anyone by the way).
On the whole most blokes I know including me, love driving and are always happy to do so (thankfully my wife loves driving and is very independent) but never driving, especially when you live in a rural location has lots of unwanted knock on effects especially when local public transport is crap.
Is this a new trend in women or is my experience more of a one off?...

That's the difference between town and country living.

Family member needs to stop ferrying her. Adults need to take responsibility for themselves.

I became less confident as a driver when I was always belittled as a driver by my now ex- husband. He also always wanted to do the longer drives so I never practiced on motorways. Unless he wanted to drink in which case of course I should drive and he would insult my driving further which obviously made me nervous and a worse driver. A few years divorced and I drive all over the country and up and down motorways. Not all cases may be as extreme but there are many couples where one person automatically becomes the ‘driver’ and then the other person becomes deskilled.

It's frowned upon because it's buying into an acceptable fluffy feminine trope - "I'm too little and weak to handle a big, powerful car" is the same sort of twaddle as "Girl brains can't handle maths".

As they say, YMMV.

How do you suppose millions of menopausal women manage in countries where driving is the norm and they don't have the privilege of reliable public transport or a climate or footpaths to make walking a safe or convenient option?

Not my experience at all, of my group of female friends, 3 have male partners who don’t drive. One of the females prefers her husband to drive but mostly an even split.

I don't know what kind of women you know but I dont know anyone like that.
All the women at work drive in difficult circumstances as we do home visits on exmoor and me and some of the others ride motorbikes too.

I think it's sensible to be nervous about controlling a huge metal object careering at speed. And some people's brains are wired in a way that makes it incredibly difficult and stressful to process simultaneously the large amount of information required to drive safely and those people should probably be commended if they show sufficient self-awareness to stay off the roads or limit their driving to certain speeds or areas.

Absoutley

Well, I imagine they force themselves to do it out of necessity, and endure it, but don't enjoy it, and perhaps don't feel particularly safe doing it?

I agree that NOT driving limits your independence as a woman, and it's good to keep doing it, if you can.
However the OP's original post is heavy with the implication that women who are choosing not to drive are opting out with flaky excuses and other posters have suggested they are 'pathetic'.
I'd suggest there may be good hidden reasons behind a 'too stressful' excuse and that women simply aren't willing to share their health reasons?

The older women I know who have stopped driving are in fact desperately unhappy about it, but they simply feel physiologically different and unsafe in the driving seat now, and people shouting 'don't be pathetic' or 'you just need to do it more' isn't going to change that.

So do I.

Most people who don't drive have their reasons and most have weighed up whether they are better off driving or not driving. They don't need a lecture from someone telling them to overcome their DISCOMFORT whether that be environmental reasons, debilitating panic attacks when driving, astigmatism etc

It is a benefit to other road users that some people choose not to drive, not drive at night or on motorways!

I lost my confidence a bit at one point as I hit the menopause, but as I needed to drive for work, went on a driving assessment lesson with a driving instructor. It was really helpful as they gave me some useful pointers and helped me with some habits I'd picked up over the years. I'm still not a fan of night driving but other than that I'm back to enjoying driving again and intend to carry on for as long as possible as I value the freedom it brings.

I have been driving for 30 years with no accidents touch wood. I did have my car stolen and the insurance tried to out up the price by £300 which I didn’t agree with so I negotiated with them and they reduced it. It wasn’t my fault my car was stolen and they broke into my house for the car keys

Once again - not relevant to my posts. I haven’t told anyone they need to overcome their discomfort, let alone lectured them on it. I’ve pointed out that the reasoning that it’s better from those who aren’t comfortable driving to simply not drive does not follow. That, generally speaking, it will be better for people to overcome their discomfort than to give up on the benefits that being comfortable driving can bring. That isn’t a statement suggesting people ignore poor driving ability - which I do not think is tightly linked with confidence behind the wheel - I’m talking about comfort with driving.

You talk above about perimenopausal women getting increased anxiety - this is generally not to do with them becoming any worse at driving and, yes, it will generally be better for them to overcome that anxiety rather than letting it stop them driving and decreasing their options for travel. To take the tack that it will be better for them to just not drive does women a huge disservice. Anxiety is generally treatable, it does not have to be debilitating for most people.

I know as many men as women who chose not to drive. A small number in both cases.

I am in mid 60s and was first member of my family to drive - passed at 17 - fortunately had dh who encouraged me to drive long distances etc because I ended up being only driver due to his ill health and subsequent death.

Have following female friends

Passed test in 2000 but has never driven since - could not afford 2nd car and dh is 'better' driver - too nervous to drive now

Passed test in 1980 - has never driven on motorways- dh did all long distance driving. Following her divorce in 2012 too nervous to drive long distances. Also does not drive at night now outside local area due to problems with oncoming bright headlights.

Various friends who did not drive for years despite passing their test - now driving happily.

Friends who only drive in local area.

A few older friends who are not confident to drive nowadays

A few friends who have never driven.

I have driven since I was 17 and I learnt to drive in a manual car with no power steering or cameras so my car is really easy to drive
it is personal choice whether you drive or not but I love driving and will continue to do so until I am unable to because of my age

Unfortunately you are so defensive and closed minded in your attitude you cannot even see that my posts are completely relevant. You are denying what you have said and continue to lecture. No point discussing it further.

Am I the only person who has noticed that OP never returned to this thread?

That sounds like a good idea.

I am out the tother side and want to give hope to those having a bad time of it - it will pass. You get your mojo back, your anxiety diminishes, your confidence returns. So please don't give up and think that this is all there is to look forward to.

Presumably didn't get the answers he was hoping for/ expected?
Or was a journo doing lazy research...

He has a prior posting history, so I doubt a journo. I suspect you're right, didn't get the answers he wanted.

You need to work on your reading comprehension and your ability to separate yourself from others you identify with. There’s nothing defensive about my posts.

I am lecturing you about not having a go at me. Which you should stop doing.

I am making an argument about what is a good thing in the general case.

I’m not lecturing any individual about them needing to overcome their discomfort. Every case is different. I have been very clear that my points are about what is better generally, it obviously won’t be so for everyone.

TBH I think the pp was correct, your post did feel a bit like a lecture and their points seem very relevant to what you have said.

I do agree with pp, that most people who stop driving have given it careful consideration and feel they are better off not driving.

I am someone who quite enjoys driving but I understand that not everyone is like me.