Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Cars

Welcome to Cars - check out our Discover page for more

Original poster

Women choosing not to drive anymore...

235 replies

LakesDad · 09/01/2025 16:36

Is this the new normal? I seem to know quite a few women who have passed their driving tests and got cars but simply decide not to drive or if they do then certainly never on a Motorway.
Two are sisters of mine, and one of my sons has a new girlfriend who passed her test first time, owns a car but refuses to drive and relies on family members to ferry her to work etc (she works as a dentist).
All these women I know are competent, have professional jobs etc and quite confident personalities but when it comes to driving feel it is too 'stressful' and one says they don't want to hurt anyone...(none of them have crashed or hurt anyone by the way).
On the whole most blokes I know including me, love driving and are always happy to do so (thankfully my wife loves driving and is very independent) but never driving, especially when you live in a rural location has lots of unwanted knock on effects especially when local public transport is crap.
Is this a new trend in women or is my experience more of a one off?...

OP posts:
AnxiousRose · 10/01/2025 00:30

PhilosophicalCheeseSandwich · 09/01/2025 23:09

My sister's chosen not to drive anywhere but to work and back (about 10 minutes from home). Even going to the next town is too much, and motorways are absolutely impossible because she's frightened. I think it's pathetic, poor BIL has to drive everywhere and long journeys are never shared.

I think your lack of empathy is pathetic

mathanxiety · 10/01/2025 00:53

SharpOpalNewt · 09/01/2025 23:16

I passed my test and drove regularly for a year or so, then went to university and didn't need a car there. I drove at home enough to keep my eye in. Then moved to London and didn't need to drive for years until I had DD1 and gradually had to build up and get confident again.. I've driven a fair bit ever since. Passed my test in 1994 and drove on the right in France last summer for the first time. I couldn't have done that when I was younger. Even so I was driving my own car. I'm not convinced I could do everything the other way round sitting on the other side. The idea of steering left handed while I change gear horrifies me.

Edited

An automatic might be your friend.

mathanxiety · 10/01/2025 00:58

bozzabollix · 09/01/2025 20:39

I’m a driving instructor and am on a mission about this. I try to really challenge the still existing stereotypes about women and driving, and really try to build the confidence of my female students in terms of tackling things outside their comfort zone.

Looking at my friendship group it’s fairly common, I have friends who won’t go beyond their locality, or won’t do night driving or motorways.

Someone said to me recently that they used to drive everywhere but then met their husband who wanted to drive every time when they were on a journey together. She’s lost her confidence as a result. I think this is really common.

Even with me, technically I am a better driver than my husband because of my training, but he still really wants to do it. Doesn’t get his way though often because I end up going into work mode 😂

So I really think you have a point.

Even during my training someone else commented how hard it must be driving such a big powerful car when he himself had a large SUV. Got very short shrift from our trainer. Women unconsciously take in the shit that we can’t drive powerful cars, drive on motorways, drive in large cities etc, and it’s nonsense. There’s no difference according to sex, people vary in their aptitude but it has nothing to do with what set of genitals they have.

100% .

selffellatingouroborosofhate · 10/01/2025 01:25

TriangleLight · 09/01/2025 23:12

Fucking hell. This thread demonstrates why men think of women as lesser. I’m genuinely shocked

I bet everyone expects to get ferried around though

Edited

I could drive a 35 tonne artic and men would still think of me as lesser. Men think of women as lesser because they see us as property and as bangmaids, not because a small number of us are averse to driving.

You've nicely demonstrated Rule One there.

selffellatingouroborosofhate · 10/01/2025 01:32

VimesandhisCardboardBoots · 09/01/2025 23:42

Are they short? I've noticed a distinct correlation between short women and women who loathe driving. There's a distinct reduction in visibility when you're under 5 ft 2, that can lead to people being more uncomfortable driving.

Plus cars are designed for men's bodies, not women's, to the point that we are more likely to die than a man would be in the same crash because seatbelts don't fit us properly. So it's likely to be less comfortable for a short woman to drive because the car isn't designed to fit her body and won't adjust enough.

Read Invisible Women, it's full of instances of this stuff.

RawBloomers · 10/01/2025 01:45

sunshineandshowers40 · 09/01/2025 23:01

Surely it is better for people to avoid motorways if they aren't comfortable on them?!

Well not generally, no. It’s better for them to get comfortable with them. And the way you do that is to go on them. Not the worst possible motorway, on your own, at night, when you’re tired, etc. But to keep trying and build up your skills and comfort. No one starts driving comfortable (or at least, not comfortable and competent), it’s practice that brings that.

Elissaisnotmyname · 10/01/2025 01:47

I love driving and would be lost without my car

ThePoetsWife · 10/01/2025 08:01

The people I know who won't drive are men - one was an ex boss, and a couple are bfs of female relatives.

Many of them live in large cities though so maybe it's lack of experience or necessity?

MJDecember24 · 10/01/2025 08:12

VimesandhisCardboardBoots · 09/01/2025 23:42

Are they short? I've noticed a distinct correlation between short women and women who loathe driving. There's a distinct reduction in visibility when you're under 5 ft 2, that can lead to people being more uncomfortable driving.

I'm 5 foot 1 and have driven all over the world, hire cars, motorhomes, whatever. It is annoying that cars aren't really optimised for short people and I have to do a lot of neck craning for reversing etc but it's no big deal. Driving is a mental game not a physical one.

I worked as a sales rep for a few years and did about 40k miles a year then. Had to stop as it was making me fat - too many car picnics!

cunoyerjudowel · 10/01/2025 08:21

To be fair I don't understand it but I don't think it's as isolating as choosing not to work.

I work and drive to safeguard my independence- but it's all personal choice

Inyourfacebidisg · 10/01/2025 08:22

My mum, has a car but gets a bus to work except on a Sunday.

heartsinvisiblefury · 10/01/2025 08:32

I've stopped as can't see when driving at night due to the very bright lights so I'd rather be safe and not be a risk to myself and others.

heartsinvisiblefury · 10/01/2025 08:35

Also who cares what anyone else thinks of people who stop driving! Surely it's better that people do what they're happy with rather than what is perceived as normal.

FindingMeno · 10/01/2025 08:45

I don't drive and its extremely rare that I'm ever in a car.
I lost a loved one in a car accident and I really want as little as possible to do with cars.

AnxiousRose · 10/01/2025 08:51

FindingMeno · 10/01/2025 08:45

I don't drive and its extremely rare that I'm ever in a car.
I lost a loved one in a car accident and I really want as little as possible to do with cars.

That is completely understandable. I am very sorry for your loss.

allthemiddlechildrenoftheworld · 10/01/2025 08:51

@LakesDad 70 year old here. driving for 40 years. one accident, the other driver's fault. drove from north east scotland to leeds and back last year on the motorway. no bother. dont get tired when driving but do get tired if dh is driving. do agree about lights at night and dazzling also the early morning sun or the late afternoon sun blinds me as visor is rubbish when you are only 5 feet tall. drive every day not just local. would hate to lose my independence but will also know when to hang up the keys! did have an incident last week when 2 youngsters in town were revving while looking at me at the lights. I knew their car would not be faster than my automatic and when lights changed I just took off like a rocket while they were left standing. their faces in the rear view mirror were a picture!

ANiceBigCupOfTea · 10/01/2025 08:58

Where I grew up it's rural and the done thing was to get your driving test even if you don't want to drive.
My Dyspraxic self who went and bruised my tailbone walking to work this morning did not do that and I don't think I'm likely ever to drive

AnxiousRose · 10/01/2025 09:00

heartsinvisiblefury · 10/01/2025 08:35

Also who cares what anyone else thinks of people who stop driving! Surely it's better that people do what they're happy with rather than what is perceived as normal.

People are way too concerned about others not driving. Its none of their business. There are many reasons people don't drive and everyone is different.
People drive far too much these days anyway, even for very short journeys. It's terrible for the environment and I think in the future less people will drive.

Kendodd · 10/01/2025 09:09

AnxiousRose · 10/01/2025 09:00

People are way too concerned about others not driving. Its none of their business. There are many reasons people don't drive and everyone is different.
People drive far too much these days anyway, even for very short journeys. It's terrible for the environment and I think in the future less people will drive.

Show quote history

Because other people often have to pick up the slack.
I know what you mean OP. I know quite a few women who won't drive on motorways, big cities etc. No men who opt out like this though. Driving is no more difficult or stressful or scary for a women than it would be for a man. I don't really know why this is a thing for some women.

SharpOpalNewt · 10/01/2025 09:17

mathanxiety · 10/01/2025 00:53

An automatic might be your friend.

Show quote history

Yes, quite possibly. I drive an automatic now and a manual but the thought of doing everything the other way round bamboozles me slightly.

Disturbia81 · 10/01/2025 09:20

@Kendodd
Men are bigger risk takers generally, women more likely to do a stricter risk assessment, worry about things going wrong. Also more likely to be bullied by male drivers. That's just generally speaking, not a rule

Can you imagine if everyone was on the road, they're already mayhem.

AnxiousRose · 10/01/2025 09:26

Kendodd · 10/01/2025 09:09

Because other people often have to pick up the slack.
I know what you mean OP. I know quite a few women who won't drive on motorways, big cities etc. No men who opt out like this though. Driving is no more difficult or stressful or scary for a women than it would be for a man. I don't really know why this is a thing for some women.

Show quote history

Do they? That is a huge generalisation. Do you have to pick up the slack for a non driver?
Any non drivers I know are very independent and walk/ use public transport.
I am an anxious driver so my husband drives for family outings, probably once a week as we walk/ use public transport to get to school/work and get main food shop delivered.
My husband hates cooking and I like it so I mostly do the cooking. People are different!
You are showing a serious lack of empathy. You find driving fine but some people do not. I hope you never develop driving anxiety because it is not pleasant.

BeAzureAnt · 10/01/2025 09:27

I suspect the real problem is poor public transport, particularly in rural areas. Sorry, a bus twice a week isn't cutting it. Better for the environment to reinstate the rail stations (when possible) that were cut in the time of Beeching so people can get around. Instead, people drive because it is cheaper, more people are on the roads, there is gridlock and congestion and more pollution. And the planet is burning.

I've never found driving in the UK pleasant, just a PITA. DH doesn't pick up the slack. I just group trips as much as possible, swallow hard, and get on with it. Really dislike it and would prefer to live somewhere with more public transport.

teentantrums · 10/01/2025 09:28

This is me. I hate driving. I have never felt comfortable driving and I've been doing it for 30 years. It's not for everyone.

RampantIvy · 10/01/2025 09:42

It's the other way round with me. DH hates driving. He won't drive because he hates it so much and now he can't drive because he has lost his confidence.

We changed cars a few months ago and he has never driven my car and is worried about driving it on our roads as they are too busy.

He has memory issues and trying to remember the start up process of an automatic after driving a manual car for over 50 years is beyond him.

Last year I think he got behind the wheel twice.