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Original poster

Women choosing not to drive anymore...

235 replies

LakesDad · 09/01/2025 16:36

Is this the new normal? I seem to know quite a few women who have passed their driving tests and got cars but simply decide not to drive or if they do then certainly never on a Motorway.
Two are sisters of mine, and one of my sons has a new girlfriend who passed her test first time, owns a car but refuses to drive and relies on family members to ferry her to work etc (she works as a dentist).
All these women I know are competent, have professional jobs etc and quite confident personalities but when it comes to driving feel it is too 'stressful' and one says they don't want to hurt anyone...(none of them have crashed or hurt anyone by the way).
On the whole most blokes I know including me, love driving and are always happy to do so (thankfully my wife loves driving and is very independent) but never driving, especially when you live in a rural location has lots of unwanted knock on effects especially when local public transport is crap.
Is this a new trend in women or is my experience more of a one off?...

OP posts:
mathanxiety · 09/01/2025 19:11

This sounds like weaponised incompetence to me.

sanityisamyth · 09/01/2025 19:12

bluebalou · 09/01/2025 19:09

I won't drive on a motorway , I find a way round it, never liked them and make me feel anxious I've been driving 20 years now Confused

Why not? Statistically they're the safest road.

WomanFromTheNorth · 09/01/2025 19:13

My dd is 18 and doesn't want to learn due to anxiety. I think many highly sensitive people don't like to drive.

mathanxiety · 09/01/2025 19:13

Fagled · 09/01/2025 17:14

I do not drive on the motorway, or in the dark. I would not encourage my daughter to do so either, it’s not safe.

It's demonstrably safe. Millions do it every day and every night.

TriangleLight · 09/01/2025 19:14

WomanFromTheNorth · 09/01/2025 19:13

My dd is 18 and doesn't want to learn due to anxiety. I think many highly sensitive people don't like to drive.

They’re quite happy to be driven though 🙄

MJDecember24 · 09/01/2025 19:18

The headlights thing really sucks. I have an old estate and they are insanely dazzling on the eyes. I hate driving on dark country roads now because of them. Motorways are a lot easier!

Grumpyoldthing · 09/01/2025 19:19

I drive , am insured on the car .

I drive approximately once every two weeks ,

if I HAVE to drive I will do . But I do hate it . There is a marked difference in the amount of traffic on the road since I passed 20 years ago.

I appreciate that I live half a mile away from work so mostly walk , husband is a bus driver so we have free passes , so often I weigh up petrol costs

in addition I can order anything I want just about to be at my house the next day- so why should I do something I dislike?

it wasn’t that long ago that someone drove into the back of me whilst on their phone 🙄 I shouldn’t have to put up with it .

Dterun · 09/01/2025 19:20

My friend passed a few years ago, bought a car, rented a garage and has been out in the car less than half a dozen times. Three of those occasions were when I went out with her to practice.

Fabulastic · 09/01/2025 19:29

I do nearly all the driving as my DH is less confident than me and has health problems. I enjoy driving and the freedom it brings as we live fairly rurally and public transport is rubbish. I can understand people who live in cities not driving but life here would be pretty limited and the women I know who don't drive are very limited by it.

itsmylife7 · 09/01/2025 19:41

Nope, all of the women (4) in my family all drive everywhere ...including motorways.

bluebalou · 09/01/2025 20:04

@sanityisamyth
Everyone says that, but I just become anxious and start sweating like I'm going to have a panic attack, I really don't know why I can't, I can't explain it at all.

Yatzydog · 09/01/2025 20:05

Why do people get nervous on motorways? They are the safest roads. You are most likely to have an accident in your home town.

Exactly! Motorway driving is the easiest. If you are nervous, just stick at 65 (or behind a lorry) in the slow lane. You could even fall asleep (joke obvs!).

FoolishHips · 09/01/2025 20:07

I don't like driving on motorways but I currently have to use them because of where I live. I live near Saddleworth Moor and the high peaks so to go south I either have to go over that (terrifying most of the time as thick with fog) or across to Sheffield and onto the M1 (less scary than the scenic route).

I try to only use the M1 at weekends because I'm not confident enough in my driving abilities to drive in very busy traffic. There are a lot of aggressive types on here who say that if you can't drive on motorways you shouldn't be driving at all. I disagree. I think you should be aware of your limitations and act accordingly. I also think that if people stuck to the speed limit (that's 70mph although you'd never know it) and didn't undertake, it would be a less scary prospect.

WonderingWanda · 09/01/2025 20:25

I get very travel sick if I'm a passenger, I always do the driving!

bozzabollix · 09/01/2025 20:29

lostinthememory · 09/01/2025 16:45

I hate driving.

Men see a woman on her own in a small car and bully her. I hate driving at night, because people beep and harass you for driving to the speed limit

It’s not you being a woman, it’s your car. Go and test drive something furious looking and note the difference!

Waitingfordoggo · 09/01/2025 20:34

I know a small number of women who don't drive on motorways, wouldn't drive abroad and don't like driving at night.

I don't think it's a new thing at all though- if anything, this is something I saw more in my parents' generation than mine (I am late 40s). I don't know many young women who have that kind of anxiety around driving.

My 19 yo DD is a good and confident driver and had already done some long journeys (including the M25 and other major routes) within a year of passing her test.

TriangleLight · 09/01/2025 20:34

God, this thread is depressing

bozzabollix · 09/01/2025 20:39

I’m a driving instructor and am on a mission about this. I try to really challenge the still existing stereotypes about women and driving, and really try to build the confidence of my female students in terms of tackling things outside their comfort zone.

Looking at my friendship group it’s fairly common, I have friends who won’t go beyond their locality, or won’t do night driving or motorways.

Someone said to me recently that they used to drive everywhere but then met their husband who wanted to drive every time when they were on a journey together. She’s lost her confidence as a result. I think this is really common.

Even with me, technically I am a better driver than my husband because of my training, but he still really wants to do it. Doesn’t get his way though often because I end up going into work mode 😂

So I really think you have a point.

Even during my training someone else commented how hard it must be driving such a big powerful car when he himself had a large SUV. Got very short shrift from our trainer. Women unconsciously take in the shit that we can’t drive powerful cars, drive on motorways, drive in large cities etc, and it’s nonsense. There’s no difference according to sex, people vary in their aptitude but it has nothing to do with what set of genitals they have.

bozzabollix · 09/01/2025 20:45

I’d like to add to any males reading this. I’ve seen a good few men trying to instruct their partners whilst driving. Firstly you aren’t qualified, secondly anyone who is qualified isn’t micromanaging their students in the same way - if someone knows how to do something you let them get on with it. So let your partner get on with it, intervening continually destroys confidence.

I say this after seeing my father in law instruct my mother in law after she’s driven for decades with far more intervention that I would on lesson 1!

Christwosheds · 09/01/2025 20:45

NormaSnorks · 09/01/2025 17:07

I'm 58 and definitely driving less than I used to. Ten years ago I'd think nothing of driving 5-6 hours up the motorway to friends for the weekend. Now I do a weekly 70 mile round trip to a course I'm doing and it makes me very anxious.
I don't WANT to be someone who is scared/ stops driving but I am having to push myself to do it!
Why? Numerous reasons:

  • still nervous after a time a couple of years back when my car twice cut out/went into 'limp mode' on me when I was in fast traffic on the motorway! It was terrifying to lose power. Thankfully I was OK.
  • I find other drivers increasingly aggressive, and yes, this is mostly men who think nothing of shouting obscenities or harrassing you (too close/ beeping) if they don't like the fact that you're a woman driving at the speed limit, or won't let them in when they try to push onto a slip road turn off
  • I find other drivers seem more unsafe than they used to be. People just don't seem to know the basic rules of the road e.g. signaling, priorities, motorway lane use etc. I suspect a lot of people on the roads do not have licences/have never learnt properly.
  • I feel unsafe at night due to the way in which the new ultra bright car headlights constantly dazzle you.
  • I also live in one of the highest density/busiest part of the country and have to go on the motorway to get anywhere. It's always packed and unpredictable.

Those headlights seem really dangerous to me, they are blinding. I don’t understand how they are allowed.

TriangleLight · 09/01/2025 21:47

If you’re dazzled by headlights look towards the left side of the road

selffellatingouroborosofhate · 09/01/2025 21:58

bozzabollix · 09/01/2025 20:29

It’s not you being a woman, it’s your car. Go and test drive something furious looking and note the difference!

Show quote history

Nah, sex is relevant to this. Men don't get bullied as much as women do for the same size car.

selffellatingouroborosofhate · 09/01/2025 22:03

TriangleLight · 09/01/2025 21:47

If you’re dazzled by headlights look towards the left side of the road

That trick worked in the Nineties, but it's not helpful in 2025 when people have these blueish LED and Xenon bulbs that could floodlight a Premiership football field and the driver behind you has them so that your own wing mirrors now dazzle you continuously. Yellow glasses or a legal limit on the brightness and blueness of headlamps are the only solutions.

Jellykat · 09/01/2025 22:20

Christwosheds · 09/01/2025 20:45

Those headlights seem really dangerous to me, they are blinding. I don’t understand how they are allowed.

Show quote history

The dept of transport are currently investigating the brightness of headlights, because so many drivers feel the same!

Wendolino · 09/01/2025 22:25

Yes I know some women like this. Two are older and just lost confidence. They both have cars but only drive if they really have to.
Two others are young, can drive and both have cars but refuse to drive. No idea why. One lives in a rural place with very few buses. She tries to get friends to pick her up all the time instead of driving her car. The other says she's "too weak" to drive, so gets her mum and boyfriend to drive her everywhere.