Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Cars

Welcome to Cars - check out our Discover page for more

Original poster

Women choosing not to drive anymore...

235 replies

LakesDad · 09/01/2025 16:36

Is this the new normal? I seem to know quite a few women who have passed their driving tests and got cars but simply decide not to drive or if they do then certainly never on a Motorway.
Two are sisters of mine, and one of my sons has a new girlfriend who passed her test first time, owns a car but refuses to drive and relies on family members to ferry her to work etc (she works as a dentist).
All these women I know are competent, have professional jobs etc and quite confident personalities but when it comes to driving feel it is too 'stressful' and one says they don't want to hurt anyone...(none of them have crashed or hurt anyone by the way).
On the whole most blokes I know including me, love driving and are always happy to do so (thankfully my wife loves driving and is very independent) but never driving, especially when you live in a rural location has lots of unwanted knock on effects especially when local public transport is crap.
Is this a new trend in women or is my experience more of a one off?...

OP posts:
Vroomfondleswaistcoat · 09/01/2025 17:42

I live very rurally. Everyone drives here, men and women, there's no public transport so no choice. I must admit that I'd quite like not to have to drive so often. As I age I'm aware of my reflexes slowing down, bright lights dazzling, not being so good with directions as I once was... but I'd assume that happens to both men and women but that if a man's female partner decides to give up driving then he can't really do much other than pick up the slack. I'm fine with roads I know well but I wouldn't want to drive around a strange city in the dark, but as I'm single if I have to, I have to. If I had a man (or woman) I could ask to do it for me - I would!

sunshineandshowers40 · 09/01/2025 17:42

I don't drive on motorways and have been driving for 25+ years. My anxiety has got worse as I have got older. I still drive but take the scenic route to avoid motorways.

Nextyearhopes · 09/01/2025 17:43

When I got together with my boyfriend I stated categorically that I don’t want him being the default driver haha
We share all driving now.

MyNewLife2025 · 09/01/2025 17:43

Tbh there is also the fa pct men aren’t always good passengers either.
So it can be easier ‘to let them drive’.
The danger ofc is that you then loose confidence.

BunnyLake · 09/01/2025 17:43

Gumbo · 09/01/2025 17:31

I don't know any men who have a driving license but refuse to drive, but I know 2 women who do this so possibly it's a thing?

I love driving, I've driven hundreds of thousands of miles in my life so I can't imagine why anyone wouldn't want to drive...and where I live public transport is pretty non existent so presumably non-drivers make other people ferry them around, which I would imagine could get annoying quite quickly...

Non drivers don't make people ferry them around. Some might, but we’re not an homogenous blob.

YouWouldntKnowWhatIMean · 09/01/2025 17:44

The only people I know who refuse to learn to drive are men (and also expect their partners to act as their personal taxi drivers). I do know one woman who doesn't like to drive on the motorway, but she does do it when needed.

WhatALazyCat · 09/01/2025 17:45

It’s not something I’ve noticed. I’ve only known one woman who didn’t drive much after passing her test and within a year didn’t drive at all, but her husband was a shit, picked at her driving and she lost confidence. He seemed pleased with that.

Most women I know drive including on motorways.

TriangleLight · 09/01/2025 17:45

It’s happened for years, does my head in

devilspawn · 09/01/2025 17:49

I won't do it, it's a waste of time. Too many more important things to be doing.

Ayechinnyreckon · 09/01/2025 17:49

I have a few friends like this.

What I find more annoying is the friends who refuse to fill up their own petrol tank and expect their husband to do it, very odd behaviour.

JaninaDuszejko · 09/01/2025 17:50

I think if you live in a city with good transport it's easy to never learn, DH couldn't drive till I met him because he grew up somewhere it didn't matter. I grew up in the countryside and passed my test as soon as I could, I considered it essential to learn asap, I knew one Mum (now in her late 70s) there who couldn't drive and it was so limiting.

My DD is 17 and very keen to learn to drive.

HalfasleepChrisintheMorning · 09/01/2025 17:51

My mum passed her test and drove for 40 years but gave up due to eye operations and loss of confidence. My Dad was her chauffeur but died in July. She has an account with a taxi firm and DH and I are now chauffeuring as needed, but she’s lost independence.
i have been driving for 30 years so far and no intention to stop but I am nervous on motorways and always have been. I’ll go about an hour on the M62, M1 or M65 but that’s my range.
Happy to get the train to London etc if needed.
I’d rather keep driving but just potter about locally!

SilenceInside · 09/01/2025 17:54

The only person I know who doesn't drive is a man and his wife drives them.

JaninaDuszejko · 09/01/2025 17:55

Why do people get nervous on motorways? They are the safest roads. You are most likely to have an accident in your home town.

Compash · 09/01/2025 17:57

MyNewLife2025 · 09/01/2025 17:43

Tbh there is also the fa pct men aren’t always good passengers either.
So it can be easier ‘to let them drive’.
The danger ofc is that you then loose confidence.

My DH doesn't actually drive - but he's a rotten passenger too - very anxious and off-putting with his little gasps and jerks (which is why he doesn't drive - I think he's definitely on the Asperger's spectrum, if it is a spectrum). The fact that other drivers may not indicate or stay in lane deeply distresses him - they're Breaking the Rules!!!

Also I do all the basic maintenance and dealing with garages etc. I've had to have stern words with him about 'helpfully' fiddling with the radio, satnav etc - I don't 'need my software updated' just as I'm joining a motorway, for instance... 🤦‍♀️

To this end, I've also told him that I have a passenger ejector seat button...

Gumbo · 09/01/2025 17:58

BunnyLake · 09/01/2025 17:43

Non drivers don't make people ferry them around. Some might, but we’re not an homogenous blob.

Show quote history

Do you live somewhere like I mentioned where there is no public transport? If so, how do you get around if you don't get lifts? Genuine question, as I know taxis are few and far between here.

Snowmanscarf · 09/01/2025 17:58

I’m not keen on driving and won’t drive on the motorway. I don’t give lifts to people, because then I’m responsible for their safety. I know this limits me (or I go by train). However, I’m also not that bothered (must of the time). Lots of people are anxious about lots of things. Driving is my thing.

ginasevern · 09/01/2025 18:00

Greentrilby · 09/01/2025 16:50

Two of my friends have recently done this. Both early 60s and say it’s just too stressful. They are happy to be dependent on their partners and don’t see a problem with this. I am surprised at their decision to say the least.

I agree that they're making a poor decision but as a 67 year old woman I can understand to some extent. I'm a widow and my late DH never learned to drive anyway, so I've been the sole driver for years. However, there are more cars and aggressive drivers than ever before - coupled with those blinding modern headlights and gigantic SUVs taking up the whole bloody road. I think driving today is more stressful than it ever was.

NormaSnorks · 09/01/2025 18:04

I've seen a trend amongst some of my friends in their 60s/70s where a couple have always had separate his/hers cars, but at some point downsize to just one car which is ALWAYS the husband's choice, and tends to be bigger/ more complicated/ more valuable etc and that can be the point the wife stops driving.

I've already told DH that we are ALWAYS going to need a second car of my choice.

At the other end of the age range, quite a few of our DS's girlfriends just don't drive. They've passed their tests, but just don't get cars/ drive family cars. For some it's also an eco-choice. The cost of car insurance for young drivers must be a big factor.

WhatALazyCat · 09/01/2025 18:06

devilspawn · 09/01/2025 17:49

I won't do it, it's a waste of time. Too many more important things to be doing.

Do you mean you won’t drive because there are too many other important things to be doing? If so, driving generally saves people a lot of time and helps them do other things.

Fluffyowl00 · 09/01/2025 18:07

Yes I know two women and one man who are like this.

I also noticed that when I switched from a convertible stereotypical woman’s car to a battered white van I got cut up and tailgated way less so it’s quite understandable that they feel intimidated.

Bizarred · 09/01/2025 18:08

Yes, I have a friend who won't drive on motorways and certainly not abroad at all, another who almost always gets other people to drive without specifically saying she doesn't like to drive, and another who also refuses to drive abroad leaving it up to her male partner. My mother has been telling everyone for years that my father 'won't let' her drive abroad (rubbish, but of course she says it behind his back and so he can't defend himself and no-one wants to upset the apple cart by mentioning it to him) and has recently started to say that he 'won't let' her drive anywhere outside their home town.

I'm not sure why people think that men are automatically better drivers, or somehow born to drive off the ferry into Europe, but it seems that's the case.

GrantMitchell · 09/01/2025 18:08

Ayechinnyreckon · 09/01/2025 17:49

I have a few friends like this.

What I find more annoying is the friends who refuse to fill up their own petrol tank and expect their husband to do it, very odd behaviour.

Wow! How old are these women? Do they just make their partner get out and fill up if they are on a journey together or are they sending them out on special manly petrol trips?!

NormaSnorks · 09/01/2025 18:10

Fluffyowl00 · 09/01/2025 18:07

Yes I know two women and one man who are like this.

I also noticed that when I switched from a convertible stereotypical woman’s car to a battered white van I got cut up and tailgated way less so it’s quite understandable that they feel intimidated.

OMG, yes to this!

DH thought I was overexaggerating the hassle I got from male drivers when I used to drive our little BMW Z5 until he followed me one day when we had to take the car to a garage in the next town.
He was genuinely horrified!

Yatzydog · 09/01/2025 18:11

Yes. Someone in my family fits this bill.

But my husband does as well! I wonder if a dynamic develops where one person just gets the driving duties first, and the second person means to start driving, but never gets round to it. Maybe anxiousness/laziness.

I have lived in different cities and am an experienced (well above average 😉) driver. But i always feel anxious when driving in a new town. I can easily imagine relying on someone else if I could. But I am extremley glad i can't chicken out because I love it once going.