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Cancer

Find advice & support if you or someone you know has been diagnosed with cancer

Struggling with likely inoperable cancer diagnosis while waiting for confirmation

36 replies

EmeraldJeanie · 06/06/2026 08:55

I'm struggling. My husband is in hospital and been told after MRI likely inoperable cancer. If confirmed (biopsy Tuesday and they seem certain) then week til confirmation of something they are sure about and then chemo/ palliative care. Also procedure on Monday before biopsy Tuesday.
He looks the fittest man on the ward. He walked 15,000 steps round the hospital grounds yesterday. He is masking for our boys - sixth form and university age but talking about finances/ dignitas with me.
I am signed off work with stress. We are both late 50s.
This is all rather outing for anyone who knows me but perhaps that doesn't matter.
I need to buck up. I am losing weight and slim anyway. This limbo awful and yet knowing for sure will be awful too.

OP posts:
Iamnotavicar · 06/06/2026 08:59

I'm so sorry, sending you strength Flowers

EmeraldJeanie · 06/06/2026 09:12

Thank you. Strength means eating something; will try now. Had warm milk and sugar after my coffee this morning to boost me a bit. He has eaten toast and cereal in hospital so doing better than me!

OP posts:
HollyIvie · 06/06/2026 09:16

I’m so sorry you are going through this.

Hellenbach · 06/06/2026 12:20

I’m so sorry you’re having to deal with this awful news. The waiting and not knowing is like torture. Try not to google.
It takes time for the reality of the situation to sink in, it sounds like your husband is trying to keep active which is no bad coping mechanism.
Once you have some solid information from the doctors you might feel more able to plan the next steps.
Have you got a good friend you can talk to?

EmeraldJeanie · 06/06/2026 15:42

Thank you.
I am avoiding talking in person to people as start to cry. Family, friends and work colleagues checking in on whatsapp which I can cope better with. Although told to expect the worst not knowing is horrible and hard not to occasionally hope for a lottery miracle.

OP posts:
Lizzbear · 06/06/2026 15:51

Op. You must feel very strange right now. I hope you find out soon. Hoping for the best

Whataflippincircus · 06/06/2026 15:59

I’m so sorry to read your thread @EmeraldJeanie . I’m the other side of this. My DH had a suspected diagnosis of pancreatic cancer. He went in for tests and died a week later. This happened 18 months ago.

I leaned massively on my family and friends before, during and afterwards. They have been amazing. I urge you to do the same.

There are also many professional support services you can contact for help and advice, like MacMillan and cancer Research.

Sending love and strength ❤️💪.

EmeraldJeanie · 06/06/2026 20:30

Thank you all.
Just finding it hard to function. It's like our whole world has turned on a pin. Need to cope for dh and children.

OP posts:
Highonmyownsupply · 06/06/2026 20:52

Is there a Maggie’s centre near you? Or MacMillan are also a good source of support.

Ipsevenenabibas · 06/06/2026 20:56

Oh, this must be tortuous. Im so sorry. I'll pray for that miracle for you tonight.

Kepler22B · 06/06/2026 21:08

EmeraldJeanie · 06/06/2026 15:42

Thank you.
I am avoiding talking in person to people as start to cry. Family, friends and work colleagues checking in on whatsapp which I can cope better with. Although told to expect the worst not knowing is horrible and hard not to occasionally hope for a lottery miracle.

You might need that cry though.

Eat little and often - trail mix with peanut m&ms give calories and you will more than you realise by grazing. Add some sugar to your tea/ coffee and if you drink cans go full sugar.

Letsgoforaskip · 06/06/2026 21:12

So so sorry you’re going through this and sending your whole family support and strength 🥰💐.

EmeraldJeanie · 06/06/2026 21:16

There is a Maggie's. May go in some time. Seen the signs and just looked at their website.
Little and often with food is a good idea. I have lost weight.

OP posts:
Whataflippincircus · 06/06/2026 22:18

i saw my GP and she gave me a prescription for sleeping tablets. I only took one when I felt too overwhelmed to sleep. They were a godsend, as they gave me a few hours respite. I ate a lot of sourdough toast with strawberry jam on. It was just about the only thing I could face. My brother brought takeaways to share but he ate most of it. The company was good though.

I found that letting in close family and friends was really helpful. I had around four people who went through it all with me. It meant not having to talk about what was happening and not having to put a brave face on.

Beautifulbracelet · 07/06/2026 11:16

Sendings hugs 🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷Really sorry you’re going through this. It’s so hard for you being strong for your husband and the kids. Just know that a lot of people are living comfortably with palliative care. Ive read that palliative care just means to control the pain- it’s not always the end. You are in my thoughts x

Highonmyownsupply · 07/06/2026 15:13

EmeraldJeanie · 06/06/2026 21:16

There is a Maggie's. May go in some time. Seen the signs and just looked at their website.
Little and often with food is a good idea. I have lost weight.

Re Maggie’s. All you have to do is walk in the door. Someone will great you and offer a chat with a specialist nurse — someone who is not going to give you platitudes but helpful knowledgeable support, or let up you sit with a cup of tea in a quiet space to gather your thoughts.

EmeraldJeanie · 07/06/2026 17:57

Thank you all xx

OP posts:
Blueskies3 · Yesterday 11:03

I am so sorry that you are facing this. Cancer is horrible, unpredictable and is indiscriminate. Try not look up Google, and the what ifs. You don’t know anything until you know something ie the biopsy. Small meals and rest when you can. Fall apart when you can with people you can. You don’t have to be strong all of the time. Plus we are here

EmeraldJeanie · Yesterday 13:57

My husband Googling too much. I'm Toast he said today. In a limbo where not been given any hope from doctors. But until that hope is taken away (or miracle happens) we can't move forward in any way.
Thank you all for your support.

OP posts:
Letsgoforaskip · Yesterday 16:06

Ah I’m so sorry. I’m sure I would also be googling although I know it’s unwise. I really hope you get some answers (and they’re good ones). The limbo must be horrendous 💐

LatteLady · Yesterday 21:34

Good evening @EmeraldJeanie, just seen your post. Firstly, I am so sorry to read your news about your husband but I thought it might be useful to give you some practical things to do to help face what is coming. Get your closest friends to set up a WhatsApp group to deal with all the news and updates about Mr EmeraldJeanie. It might be easiest for you to do the first post, explaining that rather than speaking to or updating them individually, you will be using WhatsApp. Then turn off the notifications and only go in there when you want to. Let your friend be the admin and do the heavy lifting.

if, as you suspect the prognosis is poor, then have the conversations, what he would like his funeral to look like, which songs, who is banned and who should speak. Next make sure you know where documents are, and what his passwords are, this makes life a little easier.

You friends will ask what they can do, so start a list, it can be as simple as lifts to hospital, could you run a wash though our machine… water the garden, your friends will want to make a difference, no matter how little, this will free up your time, too, for more important things.

i have had to do what you are doing now several times, it is never easy, it is always a shock, but doing some of the above has always made me feel in control of a small bit of it.

EmeraldJeanie · Yesterday 23:20

Thanks all. A delay on stuff today that was really frustrating. Appreciate all the support xx

OP posts:
thedogmademessagain · Yesterday 23:41

I'm sorry you're going through this OP. That limbo stage is the worst. Just get through one moment at a time.

MustardBear · Yesterday 23:45

Just to let you know I’m thinking about you and your husband @EmeraldJeanie 🫶

caringcarer · Today 00:59

LatteLady · Yesterday 21:34

Good evening @EmeraldJeanie, just seen your post. Firstly, I am so sorry to read your news about your husband but I thought it might be useful to give you some practical things to do to help face what is coming. Get your closest friends to set up a WhatsApp group to deal with all the news and updates about Mr EmeraldJeanie. It might be easiest for you to do the first post, explaining that rather than speaking to or updating them individually, you will be using WhatsApp. Then turn off the notifications and only go in there when you want to. Let your friend be the admin and do the heavy lifting.

if, as you suspect the prognosis is poor, then have the conversations, what he would like his funeral to look like, which songs, who is banned and who should speak. Next make sure you know where documents are, and what his passwords are, this makes life a little easier.

You friends will ask what they can do, so start a list, it can be as simple as lifts to hospital, could you run a wash though our machine… water the garden, your friends will want to make a difference, no matter how little, this will free up your time, too, for more important things.

i have had to do what you are doing now several times, it is never easy, it is always a shock, but doing some of the above has always made me feel in control of a small bit of it.

This is great advice. Not knowing is awful because you imagine the worst. Let your family and friends do little things to make your life a little easier. Get DH to write down passwords and details of insurance policies just in case. So sorry you are having to go through this. Try to stay positive.