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Original poster

Son being sexually harassed by another boy in his class

101 replies

auberJohn · 06/09/2023 21:34

Hello

My son last academic year was sexually harassed by another boy in his class.

He attends a private school and was in year 9 when this happened.

My son told me all of this just before the summer holiday started. This made it clear why my son was so miserable last year.

The bully would try to physically molest my son and on several occasions told him that he was going to rape his younger 7 year old brother, and would often whisper in his class behind him sexual obscenities about his younger in graphic details.

I sent an email to the head and pastoral care team listing the sexual harassment incidents, requesting that they take action to support my son and take action against the boy.

The entire summer went by with no reply. I chased up several times.

Today they called my son and the other boy into a meeting and basically asked my son to touch upon what happened and then asked the boy if these things were true. He apparently couldn't remember.

So the pastoral team forced my son to shake hands with the bully and then asked my son if he felt better. In an email sent to me, the pastoral team stated "the welfare of both children are important" and that both will attend weekly pastoral meetings.

It's disgusting that my son endured a campaign of physical and psychological sexual torment, only for the bully to be treated as an equal to him. If an adult was sexually harassed by another adult, the police would rightfully be alerted and I would expect that they would take action. Why is it different for a child??????

I don't know how to escalate this, as I'm concerned for my son and other kids in the school.

Any advice would be most welcomed, as I'm so worried about my boy

Thank you

OP posts:
DesteB · 06/09/2023 23:20

My DD works in a private school. A child told her to F..ck off and was expelled next day.

VintageBlossomHill · 06/09/2023 23:21

OMG your poor son. That’s absolutely horrific and the schools response is absolutely bat shit.

Are year 9 children aged about 12. I’d 100% report to police and remove my child from their care or at the very least demand that the perpetuator is expelled. Your son should not have to see that horrible child again.

Ruffpuff · 06/09/2023 23:25

I work in the force and I would seriously consider going to the police. They need to know about this boy as his behaviour is extremely concerning. It’s important that this kind of behaviour is logged on the system in case anything escalates and/ or he targets someone else. Never mind the distress this must’ve caused your own poor son.

They don’t like to criminalise children so it’s probable that not much would come from it, but early reports are so very important in terms of safeguarding everyone involved (sometimes that means to safeguard the perpetrator- especially minors- to minimise further harm to others).

Ohthatsabitshit · 06/09/2023 23:27

It’s a police not a school matter. I wouldn’t have sat politely waiting all summer! Call the police tomorrow and explain everything they will deal with it.

dreamersdown · 06/09/2023 23:28

As others have said, this is a clear and egregious safeguarding issue.

Not just for your poor son(s), but also huge red flags for the welfare of the perpetrating boy. How does he know this language? Where has he learnt this behaviour? Is he in an unsafe situation?

The school has utterly failed all three boys.

Blinkingmarvellous · 06/09/2023 23:28

I'm so sorry. My daughter was threatened with rape in Yr 7 and didn't tell me for a year. I did report it and the school dealt with it effectively. If they'd made her shake hands with him I can't even imagine how furious I would have been. I suspect the lad involved had seen too much porn. I wish you strength with escalating this and supporting your boys xxx

VintageBlossomHill · 06/09/2023 23:34

God I don’t think I’ll sleep tonight thinking about your poor son. I don’t understand your under-reaction. Raise blue murder and get this thoroughly dealt with. I imagine your son will also need some support to to work through this. I really hope your younger son is oblivious.

ZadocPDederick · 06/09/2023 23:36

It's difficult to know where to begin with how poor the school's response to this has been. As soon as it was reported to them they should have reported safeguarding concerns to social services, not least because there must be major suspicions about how the other child has developed such sexualised behaviour. They really cannot be satisfied that other children in the school are safe if this isn't addressed.

StaunchMomma · 06/09/2023 23:40

That is WOEFUL pastoral care. Shockingly bad.

When you write that email, please make it clear that you will be raising concerns to the Police, the Academy Trust (if applicable) and Ofsted. I would also consider putting in an official complaint about the Pastoral Lead.

Governors have a vested interest in maintaining the reputation of the school. They are likely to try to play this down, as are, clearly, school staff.

You're right, if your son was an adult this would be taken much more seriously.

I think you need to think about removing your child from the school. This is not standard bullying. It's sustained sexual harassment.

YukoandHiro · 06/09/2023 23:42

I can't believe they called them both into a room together!

Well I can, private schools are a law unto themselves.

I would move him immediately. They cannot keep himself.

And report immediately.

FortofPud · 06/09/2023 23:43

Do you have in writing the fact that the school made them shake hands etc? I'd send an initial email clarifying what happened (so thar they cant backtrack later), then follow up with letting them know that their actions have not adequately kept either of your children safe from someone who has both threated and assaulted them sexually, and you have therefore involved police and social services.

HerMammy · 06/09/2023 23:44

I would not have sent him back to the school, spend your money elsewhere

StaunchMomma · 06/09/2023 23:44

Please don't send your child into school until you have raised absolute hell, OP.

What the other boy has learned today is that the school will turn a blind eye to complaints made about him. Your son is now in a really quite frightening situation.

You really need to think about his protection over everything else now.

I don't want to scare you or make matters worse but you do need to act on his behalf and being at home guarantees his safety until you have taken further steps.

Canisaysomething · 06/09/2023 23:47

Please keep your son off of school while the police deal with this. You need to show him that his welfare matters way more than school attendance. How the school has dealt with this is absolutely horrific.

MissingMoominMamma · 06/09/2023 23:55

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 06/09/2023 22:47

I think I'd do all of these.

And tell the head teacher I'll go to the press if they don't refund this terms school fees (don't actually go to the press).

The safeguarding processes in this school are clearly shockingly inadequate. I wonder if the bully has been raped himself.

Show quote history

Please don’t talk about a refund of the fees at this stage. Stick to the appropriate channels- not the press.

This needs to be addressed in a systematic and thorough manner. It’s appalling.

kagerou · 07/09/2023 00:00

So sorry this happened to your DS.

I would be contacting the police , even if they can't do anything they need to have this on record as its an older teen (I'm assuming 14 /15 if he was YR 9 last year) making sexual comments and rape threats about a 7 year old! Not to mention trying to physically molest another teen.

It might hopefully be just a weird form of bullying never to be repeated but it could also be early signs of serious sexual violence or pedophilia and the police need to at least have a record in case this boys name comes up again.

Also as previous posters have said you need to let the school know their actions are not good enough and if anyone should be apologising it is them for the way they dealt with this.

Octosaurus · 07/09/2023 01:13

Police

Lucyintheskywithadiamond · 07/09/2023 05:21

I don’t think I would be writing any more e mails. I would be at the school for a face to face meeting immediately clearing stating next course of action is the police. I would not be sending my children to school where threats of rape have been mentioned.

Pigletpoglet · 07/09/2023 05:40

Ofsted carried out research into peer-on-peer sexual abuse in schools: https://www.gov.uk/government/publications/review-of-sexual-abuse-in-schools-and-colleges/review-of-sexual-abuse-in-schools-and-colleges
They take it very seriously, and schools have been given significant amounts of training and information, including updates to Keeping Children Safe in Education - the statutory safeguarding document.
You need to report to the local safeguarding SPOA (single point of access) at the local authority, and to Ofsted, as well as to the school's governors. And please keep your child safe, and find a trauma informed therapist who can help them to process what has happened to them.

Review of sexual abuse in schools and colleges

https://www.gov.uk/government/publications/review-of-sexual-abuse-in-schools-and-colleges/review-of-sexual-abuse-in-schools-and-colleges

WunWun · 07/09/2023 05:42

I would have gone straight to the police on hearing this. The kid threatened rape, I wouldn't be emailing the school. I would also have told social services.

Doingmybest12 · 07/09/2023 06:34

I agree make a complaint to the police and social care. Arrange to meet with Head teacher to ask about how they are going to safeguard your child and others . They also need to think about what support that other boy needs but that's not your bag. Harmful sexual Behaviour should be a high priority for the school. When you talk to agencies, use those words.

sashh · 07/09/2023 06:34

Police. And take your sons out until the other child is expelled.

I know if your DS is going in to year 10 it isn't ideal, but you need him to be safe.

They have a duty of care to all their pupils and the way they have responded is ridiculous bordering on dangerous.

Gh12345 · 07/09/2023 06:36

Omg… speechless. Get in touch with social services. I think this is truly appalling

my82my · 07/09/2023 06:38

This is awful, go to the police.

TerrorOwls · 07/09/2023 06:39

WTH. He threatened to rape your younger son too?
Police, definitely.
There is something going on for that child too so hopefully police can help him as well.