Son being sexually harassed by another boy in his class

[auberJohn]

Hello

My son last academic year was sexually harassed by another boy in his class.

He attends a private school and was in year 9 when this happened.

My son told me all of this just before the summer holiday started. This made it clear why my son was so miserable last year.

The bully would try to physically molest my son and on several occasions told him that he was going to rape his younger 7 year old brother, and would often whisper in his class behind him sexual obscenities about his younger in graphic details.

I sent an email to the head and pastoral care team listing the sexual harassment incidents, requesting that they take action to support my son and take action against the boy.

The entire summer went by with no reply. I chased up several times.

Today they called my son and the other boy into a meeting and basically asked my son to touch upon what happened and then asked the boy if these things were true. He apparently couldn't remember.

So the pastoral team forced my son to shake hands with the bully and then asked my son if he felt better. In an email sent to me, the pastoral team stated "the welfare of both children are important" and that both will attend weekly pastoral meetings.

It's disgusting that my son endured a campaign of physical and psychological sexual torment, only for the bully to be treated as an equal to him. If an adult was sexually harassed by another adult, the police would rightfully be alerted and I would expect that they would take action. Why is it different for a child??????

I don't know how to escalate this, as I'm concerned for my son and other kids in the school.

Any advice would be most welcomed, as I'm so worried about my boy

Thank you

That's appalling. I'm torn between suggesting police, writing formally to the governors and local authority, or just pulling my child out immediately.

You can't over react, to that. As in, nothing would be an over reaction. It's outrageous.

I mean, if I'm honest, I wouldn't have only reported to the school. I would have reported to the police.

If that was my son I'd move him.

You could reply to the email explaining why you think their response is inadequate and what you think should happen. You can threaten to go to the police if they still don't respond appropriately, as you're right, this is a serious matter. Or just go straight to the police.

I would be furious if my child was asked to shake hands with someone who had sexually harassed them in a "very good, now that's sorted and we're all friends again" way, as if it was six of one and half a dozen of the other. You could ask them what message they think they're sending to both boys? They are letting your son down badly, and not doing the bully any favours either.

And his younger brother too. I'd also write to the chair of the governor's stating why I'd felt the need to move him after ineffective safeguarding.

I would call the police.Similar happened to someone I know (could be same school) and police were in involved. When someone in DS's private school started sexually predatory behaviour he was expelled immediately.

That is a huge and very serious concern I don't know how private schools are governed but in a state school the bullies behaviour would have to be reported and actions taken as a serious safeguarding concern both to other pupils and to himself as it is often a sign of sexual abuse

Contact NSPCC for advice

I’d be asking for a face to face meeting. If they don’t respond better the police is an option.

• also you are right it is a disgrace how it has been handled

That’s disgusting and i’m so sorry the school have acted like that. That boy would have been expelled straight away at my private school.

I would call the school and request an urgent f2f meeting with the head this week to discuss why their response is not appropriate and advise you are going to the police, as well as reporting the school.

Write again stating the acts that the boy has committed with you son as a victim - ask for how the KCSIE2023 safeguarding is being applied for the fact your son has been threatened, with rape and sexual assault and physically molested. And then point out is a teacher did this to a fellow teacher (child on child abuse is the term) would they treat the teacher who had threatened the other with making his victim shake his hand.

I would copy on the board of governors to this as well and copy and paste relevant sections eg children have a right to be safe at school and the child on child abuse section. I would say this action is not appropriate.

can you other boy be removed away - different classes - failing that I would pull my child out

Take your boys out - this is an unsafe school.
Report to the police.
Report to ISI or OFSTED.
Send all copies of your previous emails and an account of what happened in the meeting to governors.

Massive safeguarding issue. Who’s the DSL? You need the LADO involved asap.

I'd email and say just that re being out in front of his abuser and being made to shake hands.

Then just say as they are obviously out of their depth in understanding how to deal with sexual assault on school grounds you're referring to the police.

And in the meantime his abuser to is be kept away from him

Threaten to go to the media. That will soon sort out the issue.

He attends a private school I would remove my children immediately if incidents of such seriousness were ignored. All three boys are being let down.

Call social services (Google social services for the county you live in) and report both the behaviour and the schools response.

Do not send your son back to school

Contact ofsted (or equivalent for private schools) and report the school's inappropriate response to the serious safeguarding concerns you raised.

You need a copy of Keeping Children Safe in Education and ask to speak to the headteacher for an explanation of how far from following the guidance they are -peer on peer abuse is a massive concern and they have not dealt with it at all.

I would go to the police and no I don't care about yeah but, again I would go to the police

I would not continue to send any child to that school. I would absolutely call social services and report the threat of rape of a child to the police.

Get your boys out of there immediately, OP. A child in my extended family was sexually assaulted by a peer and years later she is still suffering the effects. This boy now knows he has impunity - he will escalate his behaviour and your sons will pay the long, harrowing price.

That is absolutely shocking. I would go to the chair of governors, and if I didn't get any joy there I would go straight to the police.