My mother in law had the nerve to call me inexperienced

[Tollyphono]

My mother in law haven’t got along since my DS was born. After 18mths of her being overbearing, plastering snide comments and intrusion into our lives, I couldn’t keep my feelings in any longer 🙈

We had an argument that resulted in her suggesting she was better placed to look after my DS than me “because she has more experience” This made my blood boil and we haven’t seen or spoken since (18 mths)

I’m still angry that she had the audacity to say that let alone think it - and what’s worse, her “experience” led her to put nappies on back to front and returning my son after a few hours in her care, with nasty red rashes on his bum. So that makes me a really really inexperienced mother huh?

My DH and I now have no childcare arrangements other than nursery, with my mother in law refusing to offer to look after my DS if it benefits me in any way (i.e date nights, being able to work full time)

My DH still thinks it’s my fault and that I need to apologise and that also make me angry.

Am I being over sensitive?

Do you have any nice neighbours or a friend who can help? Where is DH on that day?

This will make you laugh (I’m laughing as I’m writing this)
Judges rounds are on Thursday, but he has booked a random Wednesday off when I’m at work and my son is at nursery - why!!? It would be super helpful to have taken the day off to look after our son so I could catch up with work and go to the awards (he can’t come to the awards dinner either because there’s nobody to look after our son)

It’s interesting how you realise a situation just by typing it in here 💔 Somehow I always think his time is more valuable than mine, so I forgo a lot so he doesn’t have to 🙈

Does your DH go to family events knowing you aren't invited?

Actually that’s a really good point (honestly I feel so stupid sometimes) yes our next door neighbour could be an option - never asked them before but that could be a goer - they’re retired…

DH will be at work

Your H should be looking after his child if you are elsewhere - no need for you to miss out when he has another parent!

And don't apologise - MIL sounds like a nightmare and I don't think it would be sensible to have her looking after him anyway.

Your issue is definitely the fact that your husband isn’t offering to take the day off
have you asked him

Well, we know where your DH gets his twatty side from, don't we?

Maybe try and find a baby sitter for the judging day, all the staff at our nursery do baby sitting too, maybe ask around at nursery or see if they know of anyone. Yep you have a husband problem 😔

Our next door neighbours became surrogate grandparents, mainly because the actual grandparents lived so far away. Their grandchildren lived miles away too (ironically one of them lived near one set of our parents!) so they had a lovely relationship with our DC

Sounds like he is sabotaging you find some one off paid childcare don't tell him and go his reaction will tell you a lot

I agree, your bigger problem is your H. He's not supporting you with your MIL, in fact he's undermining you, and he's not looking after his own children.

I would find someone reliable to look after your child so you can go out/to the awards. Often one of the nursery staff are happy to babysit and get extra cash - can you ask them? Otherwise find someone local to do it. My teenagers babysit for quite a few local families on an ad hoc or regular basis.

I agree you have a dh problem, he should be standing by you and telling her she needs to apologise. I wouldn’t be keen on ds seeing her while you are excluded. How does that work long term?

my dh threw my mother out our house once for something she said while I was in hospital. I never let her back in the house again due to her behaviour.

Yes… last Christmas he received a Christmas card from his niece that was written to him and my son (not me) and with the card was a save the date to their wedding in April. I tried over and over to get him to realise it was bloody out of order, but he went anyway with my son and I was asked to drive him there and pick up our son mid-party - it takes the piss doesn’t it?
My other neighbour (who is bonkers but lovely - wouldn’t be right for babysitting - can see my side and says excluding me was disgusting)

My husband played it out that I wouldn’t want to go anyway and it would be awkward, but pretending I don’t exist as his wife or mother of my son is a step too far

I wouldn't apologise. But neither would I ask her to babysit. Find a local person to do it - I don't understand this not wanting anyone to look after kids other than relatives.
Either you accept the situation with your in laws or try and reach some sort of compromise where you both apologise to each other and figure out how to go forward.

@QuebecBagnet really? Well that was very decent of your husband and good for you for standing up to her 👏👏👏

Sounds like she’s wanting to sabotage your relationship hoping you break up.

@itsnotdeep 👍 I’ll ask nursery in the morning 😌

Is you Mil on crack?
Literally that is the most absurd thing I have ever heard.
Also, give your husband a snack around the head with a wet fish🙄
Also try sitters.co.uk for the occasional babysitter, they are fab!

@AmandaHoldensLips i’m going to the awards ceremony but won’t have my husband there on our table - it would be nice if I won… he’s off on the day before the judges interviews so can’t take two days off in a row 🙈

😂😂

But if it's just a random day off for him, surely he can move it to the Thursday to at least let you go to the ceremony?

I tried over and over to get him to realise it was bloody out of order, but he went anyway with my son and I was asked to drive him there and pick up our son mid-party - it takes the piss doesn’t it?

I wouldn't have driven him there...he could take the car and bring DS home... you made it to easy.

MIL has obviously painted you as the villan.

In hindsight, it would have been best to ignore your MIL with her comments...play deaf to the rubbish she says.

Yeah she can try! She needs to be bought down a peg or two. When I first dated my husband she was pissed off that he’d met someone who meant he wouldn’t go round for his tea on a Wednesday and when we got engaged, her first words were “oh you’re going to move away” - obviously all about her

i’m from London originally and now live in her home town in the north east so I’m not “one of them”

Your problem is your husband. He has effectively agreed to writing you out of any family events now. I'm so shocked that he went to the wedding without you! Why doesn't he have your back? Him taking your son to visit makes the situation easy for his mum and family. You are the only loser in this and I bet they bad mouth you to your son.

I ignored it for so long…

1. When my son was a few days old, we went to her house and she held her arms out and took him and said “it’s my turn, he get to see him all the time” then she wanted to show me the nursery she’d painted and said “if you can be bothered to go upstairs” I said “excuse me, how dare you, I can barely walk - really tricky birth” so that was the first of a series of comments
2. Again in the early days we went round there and she was holding my son, who was facing me. I said “Aaw he’s smiling at me” and she said “oh no, it must be the picture above her head” 👹😂
3. At christmas, she took him off me as we were FaceTiming my husband’s brother in Ireland and she said to the whole family to get into shot, with her holding my son and angled so I couldn’t be part of the video, as she wanted to be centre of attention with my son and exclude me? WTF?

These are just some of the things she did/ said that really pissed me off and over time, I reacted to one of them and that was me banished from the family 😂