My mother in law had the nerve to call me inexperienced

[Tollyphono]

My mother in law haven’t got along since my DS was born. After 18mths of her being overbearing, plastering snide comments and intrusion into our lives, I couldn’t keep my feelings in any longer 🙈

We had an argument that resulted in her suggesting she was better placed to look after my DS than me “because she has more experience” This made my blood boil and we haven’t seen or spoken since (18 mths)

I’m still angry that she had the audacity to say that let alone think it - and what’s worse, her “experience” led her to put nappies on back to front and returning my son after a few hours in her care, with nasty red rashes on his bum. So that makes me a really really inexperienced mother huh?

My DH and I now have no childcare arrangements other than nursery, with my mother in law refusing to offer to look after my DS if it benefits me in any way (i.e date nights, being able to work full time)

My DH still thinks it’s my fault and that I need to apologise and that also make me angry.

Am I being over sensitive?

Has your MIL attempted apologise at all?

What do you want to achieve? What do you want life to look like?

Do you want your MIL to have a relationship with your dc? Sounds like you do. I'd suggest that dh takes dc to see her normally, not leaving the lo there, and you stay apart for now. Let some time pass.

I'd leave the childcare issue for now. Doesn't sound like you want her to look after your lo. Your dh will have to suck it up for a bit.

I would aim just to leave the argument in the past over time. She sounds unbelievably annoying but she's still your dc's granny. It's amazing what you can get over.

She's trying to punish you like a child. Flip it and let go. Accept you can't have date nights until you find alternative care or work full time. Forget she exists and crack on. Lots of people don't have support from family.

If you cave now she'll do this every time she wants you to concede. Fuck her off

No, she stormed out of our house and I haven’t seen her since. My husband still sees her and takes my DS with him once a week, but I’m excluded from all family events, weddings, Christmas cards - everything.

I only spoke my mind and said I’d had enough of her nasty jibes and that was enough to knock the matriarch off her pedestal, so the rest of the family haven’t even heard my side of the story.

I’m told I need to apologise to her, but nobody cares about the nasty things she said and did that led to my outburst 🙈

I wouldn't be apologising and I wouldn't be leaving my child with her again either tbh. She's made it clear what she thinks of you so I wouldn't even consider her as a childcare option

She's taking things way to far. Just leave it. You've survived 18 months without her, just crack on.

Can’t be bothered with people like that. Download Bubble and find yourself a lovely paid babysitter and enjoy your date nights.

Ooh I’ll have to have a look at bubble - thanks for the tip 👍

I would ditch my dh he is not supporting you
how dare she say she is a better mother than you what a bitch
excluding you from visits is unacceptable
I’m afraid your child will be poisoned too
you have a dh problem

Why would you want someone you clearly despise to look after your child? It doesn't make sense to me. If you don't get on and you've told her what you think why would you expect her to do childcare for you.

You don't like her, sounds like she doesn't like you, you don't have any contact which seems a good idea.

You have a MAJOR husband problem. LTB

I do worry about what’s being said about me when I’m not there

I wouldn't dwell on the inexperienced remark if I were you. She probably does have more experience because of her age.
But having more experience doesn't necessarily mean that she does things better than you.

It pisses me off that she has said the words “I don’t want to do anything that benefits me” so by saying that, she’s blotted any chance of seeing my DS in any way that benefits her, because she’s intentionally making it nigh on impossible to do anything in life with my DH without my DS 🙈

I cant imagine staying in a relationship with a man that disrespected me and invalidated my feelings like that. Id want to leave him and his mummy to it.

Let it go. She'd probably be pissed off that you are posting on the internet about her. Let her get on with it and you get on with your life.

As PP said - you have a DH problem.
Forget about your MIL for childcare - she sounds poisonous anyway so why would you want her looking after your DS.
Does he go to a play group or pre-school? The helpers there may be happy to babysit.
If you want to go back to work full time then investigate formal childcare options but be prepared for it not to make you much better off financially for a while.

Yup

Based on what you've said your main issue is your DH who doesn't have your back.

I've found childcare.co.uk quite a helpful website. Ranges from one off babysitting to nannies.

She may have more experience but is it the right kind of experience?
She was the expert on her own Children's upbringing and you are the expert on yours. Remember you are your child’s mother, not her.
Why is your dh letting her get away with excluding you from weddings, parties etc? I hope he’s not attending these events without you.

yep, he’s in nursery and starts school in September- this post has come about because I’m up for an award next week, but can’t go because of childcare - nursery store at full capacity and it’s Sod’s law the judges rounds are on my day off.

Agree I have a DH problem sadly as really he should consider my feelings

Appreciate all the comments from everyone 😀

What did she actually say that made you blow up?

Presumably the rest of your marriage is happy if you still want to go on date nights with him etc, so are you certain you weren't wrong?

Why can't your DH book the day off?

Why can't you go to the award thing and your DH stays home and looks after your child?

It would be a cold day in hell before I allowed someone who was so rude to me to have access to my child