I want to give up!!

[wobblymum]

I can't get to grips with breastfeeding and I feel like just switching to formula now.

I was in hospital for 2 weeks because dd had bad jaundice and Strep B infection. She lost a fir bit of weight because of it and would sleep most of the time and wouldn't feed well at all. The midwives weren't much help and I left hospital no better off in breastfeeding than when she was first born. Now I've been home a week and I still can't breastfeed very well. DD hasn't put on any weight like she should have and the health visitor says shes quite worried. I'm trying to top her up with a bottle at night but that doesn't seem to be working too well but it's better than nothing. I can't express, it just never seems to work.

I'm having to force myself to eat and drink to help my milk supply because I just feel sick all the time. DD hardly ever wants to spend much time at the breast, so she can't possibly be getting loads of food. I try to keep putting her on every 3 hours, as suggested by the midwife, but she just wants to sleep and I never seem to be able to get time to rest or eat in between.

It's really getting me down and I just feel like bottle feeding would be the perfect solution but I want to breastfeed and I feel guilty just about the idea, because breast is best. Also I feel like I'll really regret it if I give up now but I don't feel like I can carry on - I just feel stuck in the middle.

Has anyone been through a similar situation? Please help, I just don't know what to do. I feel useless at getting the position and latching on right, even though I've had loads of advice and demonstrations and I feel like I'm not doing it long enough or often enough. I'm trying, but I just get so exhausted.

Jessi - all the BF counsellors work for free... or you can get a lactation consultant (there is a fee) but they are extremely specialised... someone told me once, £50 for a LC is still cheaper than bottle feeding.

Call one that sounds good to you - where in the country are you ?
Association of Breastfeeding Mothers
24h helpline - 020 7813 1481

Breastfeeding Network
0870 900 8787

La Leche League
24h helpline - 020 7242 1275

National Childbirth Trust (NCT)
7 days a week 8AM to 10PM
helpline - 0870 444 8708

Here are numbers that were posted further down this thread.

the NCT breastfeeding helpline is 0870 444 8708

Breastfeeding Network have lots of bf supporters and their number 0870 900 8787 will put you straight through to someone near you.

Your story sounds similar to Jaspers - it was 3 weeks before her ds started to gain weight. Definately get the support of a B/F counsellor - it will help your confidence enormously. Domperidone also would not be a bad idea - here I go again!!!
Stick in there Jessi - it will all fall into place. Keep those night feeds going

Mears - like a postnatal doula or a good friend of course !

Jessi - look at Bron's thread 'baby lost over a pound in 10 days'.

Finally got the time to come on here again!! Even if it is while holding dd and trying to get her off to sleep!!

mears - tried the domperidone and it seemed to make me feel fuller for a little bit, then I just felt a bit empty from then on. I think it's because my supply isn't being stimulated enough though.

I made a decision - finally!!! I decided I couldn't cope with the stress of trying to get bf'ing sorted out any more so now I'm just bottle feeding. At least I know I did really try to breastfeed but it just didn't work out and a relaxed mum is probably going to do dd far more good than bf'ing. And while I was bf'ing, there was never a day when I felt like she was starting to thrive, whereas as soon as I started relying on the bottles, she put on weight and really started looking happy and healthy.

So that's done and I'm trying not to let myself regret it or feel guilty!! Hopefully with dd2/ds1 I'll be more prepared from the beginning and be able to crack it.

Thanks everyone who gave me advice and help through all of this, I wish I could thank you by suddenly bf'ing wonderfully but I don't think it's going to happen so I've made a decision that I can live with and keep my sanity with! The important thing is that thanks to the advice I got, I was able to carry on long enough to make a proper decision, instead of feeling forced into anything. Without any support, there were loads of times I would have just given up and then regretted it because it wasn't my decision.

The decision doesn't mean I'm free from problems though! Bottlefeeding has been going fine for most of it but this morning dd had a bottle at 5.30 which she took 2oz from, then she wanted another oz about 6, and then brought loads of the feed up. I had her sort of settled in her rocker so I left her to try and go to sleep. Then she was still hungry and started crying so I made another bottle and gave it to her about 7.30 (by the time I'd cleaned her up etc). Between then and 8.15, she took about 5oz but was sick 3 times and so I don't think much stayed in.

Now she's still hungry but she's not crying yet so I'm trying to leave her for a bit to let whatever's happening in her belly calm down!!!! I've been giving her Infacol for about 2 weeks because she gets really windy anyway and I kept winding her so I don't know what else to try.

Maybe it's just a one off thing and she seems fine in herself so I don't feel like she's ill. I just don't know what to do about it!

Oh well, I'm really relaxed now - just hasn't got rid of all the problems. I'd better get used to constant worry for the next 18 years!!

Sorry this was so long, just be glad I'm writing, not talking!!

I was going to offer another bottle at 10am, if dd kept calm for that long but now I've managed to rock her to sleep. If she stays asleep (unlikely!!) should I leave her until she wakes before feeding her or wake her myself?

I know when they're sick it looks like more than it is but I'm sure she hasn't kept down more than 2oz in total, at the most, which is why I'm considering waking her for a feed to make sure she gets it.

Saying all that, I bet as soon as I post this she'll wake up anyway!!!

I am posting this on acouple of threads so I don't miss you wobblymum

I am glad you have been able to come to a final decision. You may well find your breast get engorged over the next few days - keep a supporting bra on and keep your fluid intake up. Women used to be advised to reduce drinking but that doesn't help and can cause you to feel unwell. You can take paractemol for dicomfort but you should find it starts to resolve in around about a week.

This might help wobblymum - don't know if you have seen them. I saw a demonstration of them and they looked good. I also know a few mums who have found them to be great. You can get them in mothercare.

bottles

Thanks mears. I might try those bottles if she carries on being windy. I'm going to the baby clinic in a couple of hours so hopefully they can give me some idea if there's anything specially wrong or if she just colicky.

Wobblymum - I was thinking about you whilst I was out shopping - strange eh? Anyway, I was wondering whether you have thought about offering the breast if you do feel full over the next few days. Was there a feed that did go well - during the night or in the morning? Would you consider continuing that feed for a while? You could bottle feed with the occasional breastfeed until your supply disappeared. What are your thoughts?

mears - that's a good idea and I thought I'd do that when I felt really full but I realised I've been almost exclusively bottlefeeding for 3 days now and I just feel empty so I think that's not going to be an option. I think I've dried up already. Last night that thought made me cry for a while until I forced myself to calm down and think about why I'm bottlefeeding, then I felt ok again. Knowing that I can't bf now is a bit unnerving but less stressful than bf'ing was!

I nearly cried this morning when dd went to sleep and I realised that I could sit down with some toast and watch TV with my feet up and if she woke up, there was a bottle right there ready to feed her with, which wouldn't involve me taking hours over the whole thing, and which would fill her up no problems.

Even the sicky thing has passed again. She slept until 11.30 then woke up hungry. She took 3oz and went back to sleep. It's really nice to see her full and contented now, instead of frustrated because she can't get enough milk and then confused because she has to finish off with a bottle.

Hi Wobblymum, I am so pleased for you that you have made a decision you are happy and confident with.
Mears, thanks for those tel no's I called one of them, (the NCT one just cut me off after ages holding) and I had a great chat with a lovely woman. Ended up going to breastfeeding clinic at the hospital for a couple of hours today. Both midwifes said the latch is great, that neither dd or I are doing anything wrong but that from the look of me left side and the pain I am getting I have mastitus. So went to docs and now on antibiotics for a week. Both the midwifes said I must continue to almost favour feeding with the sore side but they think it is mastitus and should clear up in a few days. Feel relieved as the pain was really getting me down and its good to know that there was a reason for it. I set an alarm and woke her up during the night to feed too, and we've had one almightly explosion in the nappy dept which re-assured me too. Both midwifes said today to ignore the HV and not to worry about the weight too much. They were lovely and I feel once again more confident that I can crack this. Phew.. onwards and upwards and heres hoping this infection will clear up soon if thats what it really is.

jessi - really pleased everything's working out better for you. At least you got some good support from the midwives - if you have further problems, can you go back to them?

I think you should be able to put the fact that you've tried breastfeeding on your CV - it's been much harder than any qualification I've done or any job I've had!!! And I think it takes much more dedication and organisation (at least at first) than most jobs.

Wobblymum - good to see you on the parenting thread. Also good to see that you are not feeling guilty about giving up breastfeeding, you/we tried and if I have another i will try again - third time lucky.

On the bottlefeeding - you will probably find that your DD will find her own pattern. My 9 week old tends to feed at 7am, 11am, 3pm, 7pm, 5am - quite often though he will do half feeds and then top up an hour or an hour and a half later. I am also pretty relaxed about sleeping - only waking them up if they have been asleep half the day !!

Just an update, had dd weighed last week and she has gained 6oz, so up to 8lbs 12oz. She still needs another 4oz to be back at birthweight though,so I have to take her in again this week to check that she is continuing to gain. Hopefully by 5 weeks she will be over and above her birthweight and then my HV will be happy. The mastitis has gone, still got one sore cracked nipple but is a whole lot better now thankfully. Amazingly I am also losing weight b/feeding this time, with ds I think I put on weight so I am pretty chuffed about that.
Thanks for all your help and advice.

Glad to hear that your dd is gaining weight now. Jessi - you never said before what her birth weight was (or I missed that). At 9lbs she was a big baby. Big babies tend to have greater weight losses. They also take longer to regain birth weight because sometimes they are born heavier than nature intends them to be IYKWIM. She may settle at a lower centile than the one she was born on. I have heard that from Dr Mike Woolridge who is a breast feeding expert in the field. Well done for getting there

Glad to hear that your dd is gaining weight now. Jessi - you never said before what her birth weight was (or I missed that). At 9lbs she was a big baby. Big babies tend to have greater weight losses. They also take longer to regain birth weight because sometimes they are born heavier than nature intends them to be IYKWIM. She may settle at a lower centile than the one she was born on. I have heard that from Dr Mike Woolridge who is a breast feeding expert in the field. Well done for getting there

jessi - good news about the weight gain! As I posted on a new thread - my dd got weighed again and after 7 weeks she's finally back at her birthweight plus 10oz!! Didn't get her weighed at 6 weeks but that was about the time she got back to her birthweight. Really pleased for you that everything's working out!

Thankyou, Mears you are right I probably should have mentioned that she was 9lbs and almost 2 weeks late which is why one HV is being helpful and saying that she was probably never meant to be so big and is very chilled out about her weight gain. Its the other HV who was going on about 'quality milk' that I first saw. Wobblymum, congrats to you too, its such a relief isn't it when you finally start to make some progress!