I want to give up!!

[wobblymum]

I can't get to grips with breastfeeding and I feel like just switching to formula now.

I was in hospital for 2 weeks because dd had bad jaundice and Strep B infection. She lost a fir bit of weight because of it and would sleep most of the time and wouldn't feed well at all. The midwives weren't much help and I left hospital no better off in breastfeeding than when she was first born. Now I've been home a week and I still can't breastfeed very well. DD hasn't put on any weight like she should have and the health visitor says shes quite worried. I'm trying to top her up with a bottle at night but that doesn't seem to be working too well but it's better than nothing. I can't express, it just never seems to work.

I'm having to force myself to eat and drink to help my milk supply because I just feel sick all the time. DD hardly ever wants to spend much time at the breast, so she can't possibly be getting loads of food. I try to keep putting her on every 3 hours, as suggested by the midwife, but she just wants to sleep and I never seem to be able to get time to rest or eat in between.

It's really getting me down and I just feel like bottle feeding would be the perfect solution but I want to breastfeed and I feel guilty just about the idea, because breast is best. Also I feel like I'll really regret it if I give up now but I don't feel like I can carry on - I just feel stuck in the middle.

Has anyone been through a similar situation? Please help, I just don't know what to do. I feel useless at getting the position and latching on right, even though I've had loads of advice and demonstrations and I feel like I'm not doing it long enough or often enough. I'm trying, but I just get so exhausted.

Wobblymum, if it's any reassurance, my ds had formula in hospital (day 3 of his little life) and I went on to mixed feed him for over a year. I worked three days and though I expressed at work he did have formula on those days too. However, at weekends and on days off I usually breastfed, which I think helps kick start everything again. I think that it would help to reduce formula if possible rather than increase it until you've been doing it for a while (few months). I'd take the Domperidone if I were you and see how you go. If it makes you uncomfortable just stop. I think most babies tend to get better at feeding as they get older so problems often resolve themselves. My ds always fell asleep at the breast when tiny but stopped. I think it's brilliant you've come so far.

Also, my breasts rarely felt full after the first few weeks, but there was obviously plenty of milk for my sumo-esque son!

wobbly, please don't fall for the old trick of guessing how much is in your breasts by whether they appear full or not!! A breast which feels 'empty' may have only a little bit less milk in than the one that feels 'full'.

The more often you feed, the more milk you make (assuming the baby is feedig effectively) and because there is less time for the breasts to overfill with a little bit more milk, you may well feel 'emptier'. Only ever feeding when you feel full is a sure way to reduce the supply, truly.

Some mums manage to mix feed for quite some time, especially if they get bf well-established first.

For others, it ends up with an increase in formula and a gradually lessening amount of milk. I am not saying that to make you feel bad, but just to give you the facts. I have to say that mix feeding from the early weeks, as you are doing, is not the best way to protect your breastmilk supply.....but as long as you know this, then that's fine, and you can put it into the decision-making process

I mixed and must admit after a few months I found breastfeeding v difficulat as I just couldn't produce enough milk to satisfy her. I expressed to but wouyld sit there for hours trying to hear the TV over the noise of the thing and would get off enough to keep a feildmose alive for an hour! however pleased I was able to do it at all so.... I was planning to breatfeed immeadiatley but as there were a few complications she was taken away and I was in a bit of shock so it didn't occur to me. It was only when i was looking at her in her little incubater and she had some of the wires and tubes taken away it occured to me that I hadn't fed her yet. I was so shocked that no-one had come and asked me what my plans were, so I just asked if I could take her out and started to feed her straight away. Anyway, i'm going off the point as usual!

ThomCat - sounds just like me, every time I try to express I get just enough to cover the bottom of the bottle and that's it!

I only ever give the bottle after I've offered the breast so hopefully my milk supply should still be stimulated. At the moment I just don't feel able to cope without having a bottle to help now and then. Sometimes she just refuses to suck but cries and cries because she's hungry and the bottle is a godsend then!

Hi wobblymum - please try the domperidone, it will boost your supply and help you get more milk out when expressing. Has your B/F counsellor helped you with that? Once someone shows you what to do you may well get the knack. I was at a study day about B/F recently and a very enthusiastic midwife called Sandra Lang talked about expressing definately being something that every woman can do. It is just getting the technique right. When she workied at a hospital in the Phillipines, which had 200 deliveries week , all the women were able to B/F or express for their babies because it was the cultural norm. She stressed that the technique is so important and that if women have problems expressing then they need to be helped to do it properly. I am just home after a night shift and am waffling on a bit. Hope today goes well for you.
By the way, domperidone will do you and your baby no harm. We regularly give it to the mums expressing for babies in special care at our hospital. Breastmilk is really vital for preterm babies and domperidone is prescribed to help mums maintain breastfeeding for as long as possible. HTH.

Hi Wobblymum

I had a similar experience - a heap of problems at the start - mastitis etc. I was on verge of stopping (not giving up - I hate that phrase!) but fortunately found the local breastfeeding consultant who was a complete saint and got me back on track. She immediately identified the problem - my baby had a recessed chin which meant he wasn't latching on properly, therefore was losing a lot of weight, meanwhile I got mastitis! She spent three hours with me getting the mastitis under control and then really helped get things going. I don't think I was able to feed without problem for about a month until his chin developed more. Unfortunately after that I realised I'd had nipple thrush which I'd had for a number of weeks (ironically got it from the antibiotics given for mastitis). In the end it defeated me as it became so painful and I was bleeding so much. I decided none of us were happy so it was best to go on bottle. However for the weeks I breastfed without pain or problem I was delighted. I had already introduced late night bottle at 5 weeks and another during the day, which got the weight piling on. With my second baby I've had similar problems and am stopping now at 6 weeks. This time I have a small amount of the guilt that I felt last time but I have realised that is self-imposed and I've got to do what's best for me and the rest of the family. Anyway, sorry to witter on but if you can see a breastfeeding counsellor then do - I live in SW London and went to the one at St Georges who really was brilliant. Most maternity units have them. All the best and take care of yourself.

Hi
Can anyone offer me any advice? Dd is 12 days old and feeding constantly, to the detriment of my left boob which alternates between toe-curling agony when she go's on,to the odd bit of bleeding, to sharp shooting pains in the whole breast area whether she's feeding or not. Its getting so I absolutely dread feeding her on that side. Also now my over-supply seems to be turning to under-supply,my boobs are constantly being drained and I never feel there has been enough time between feeds for them to sufficiently fill up again. If they are not particularly full-can she still get a good feed from them? Last night I had to offer her both breasts at every feed as after one side she wasn't satisfied, whereas before just one side would do. HELP!!Thank-you.

Phone the NCT breastfeeding helpline for advice
It's open 8am-10pm every day, with trained breastfeeding counsellors who will listen and help: 0870 444 8708

get some jelonet fron your pharmacy to dress it between feeds so the bleeding bit doesny stick to the pads. Has the baby thrush in its mouth?

Dont wory about supply you are fine - DO RING THE NUMBER it cant hurt can it? Report back later.

Yes I went through a similar situation. some newborns just want to feed almost constantly. If she isn't crying then she won't be hungry and if she is sleeping then she should be full. I found it got a bit worse before it got better. It took 5 weeks to really get going properly so don't give up yet. Some babies need to grow and get a bit stronger before they can latch on easily. You will be amazed at the difference in a few weeks time. I wish I could write more but don;t have time jsut now. all the best. Oh and don't think it is 'wrong' if your baby wants to feed every hour for the moment like I did.

Ps My kernocklers bled til 6 weeks.

Thanks so much. I have the HV coming tomorrow so hopefully she can tell me what up with my left one. I am encouraged though that you say I shouldn't worry about not having enough milk. Phew! One less thing to feel guilty about.. can heatr dh coming up with her.. its the left boob feeding time again.. argghhh!!

PS would it be bad to not offer her this boob while its killing me?

(sympathetic smiley)

In the absence of our resident experts, here rae some ramblings...

It probably wouldn't hurt to skip it this once but sometimes if can be feeding that helps - you'll only end up engorged, rock hard and painful on that side if you don't feed with it Not good on top of the other problems.

Can you feel any lumps? Are there any red bits? These can indicate a blocked milk duct and feeding from that side lots helps to clear this (and avoid mastitis). I'm sure I felt these shooting pains and they went away without me doing anything other than persevering with the feeding. A warm compress can be soothing, as can nicely chilled savoy cabbage leaves tucked into your bra. I bought a gel filled "breastnurse" from Boots - used to have one chilling inthe fridge and you can also warm them up. They can also be used for bumps when your baby turns into a toddler.

Jessi, advice I received from a breastfeeding expert at the John Radcliffe Hospital breastfeeding clinic is that it is OK not to feed from a breast that is very sore/damaged, but to make sure you express from it afterwards, else you risk engorgement and possible mastitis.

good luck!

IME unless you are very lucky the early days of b/f are a struggle and you have to be very bloody-minded to get through them. I found the pain when both dss latched on excruciating for at least 2 weeks - so much so that I had to bite down on a flannel when they did so. Then there's the constant torment of - do I have enough milk? This will persist and the answer is undoubtedly yes however difficult it is to believe. I remember ds2 had a growth spurt at around 10 days where he fed constantly and my boobs felt completely empty. It evened out after a couple of days - but I had to keep convincing myself that he wasn't starving to death.

All in all I found it took about 3-4 months for me to become confident with b/f and to really start to enjoy it. Unfortunately by this time, after a number of problems, I'd already given up with ds1 and gone onto formula. I regretted it so much that I was determined with ds2 but still found the early days tough going. But I persisted and am still going (at 20 months!) I never had myself down as the earth-mother type, but there's just been no reason to stop.

It really is worth getting in touch with a b/f counsellor - somebody below quoted the NCT number. IMO h/v aren't always the best people to turn to about b/f problems. Often they have little or no training in this area, offer ill-informed advice, and are unduly quick to suggest a bottle. (Having said that yours might be brilliant, of course!) I just feel that if I'd have had better advice and support when ds1 was small I might well have b/f him a lot longer.

Good luck - and hope things start to improve soon.

Jessi - try feeding from the sore side second. That is, offer both breasts at each feed since your left one is sore, but offer the right side first. This might help because your baby will not suck so hungrily on the sore side after she has had some milk from the 'good' side. It is important to keep the milk moving to prevent mastitis. If she doesn't want to feed from it, definately express the milk off. Also alter the position when fixing her. It sounds as though she does not have a good latch on that side, therefore the pain. Have you tried the 'rugby ball' hold with her under your arm? Alternate this position with the standard across your tummy one. It means that she will not keep traumatising the same bit of the nipple. It will sort itself out - your breasts are never empty although sometimes it feels like it. It takes a good 3 weeks to get B/F established. You are doing well. Be confident that you can do it. Hope your HV is clued up. If not, contact a B/F counsellor near to you. HTH.

Thanks again. I did feed on the sore side last night and had a busy night of feeding in general. Dh wants me to get a dummy today as she is feeding so constantly and admittedly she often only feeds for a few minutes and then nods off-which he says is comfort feeding and a dummy would be better. I can see where he is coming from as I do seem to spend a lot of time during the night with my little finger in her mouth in between feeds. Is it too early to introduce a dummy? I am abit hesitant to, in case it interferes with feeding. Thanks Soupdragon for the compress tip-I don't have blocked ducts this time as I had those last week lol! Mears I tried the rugby one this morning and it was marginally better, I will alternate them like you suggested. Think I may have to take another trip to the breastfeeding clinic at my local hospital.

Another good position is lying down in bed on your side with the baby feeding from the 'downhill' boob, and the downhill arm stretched out in a curve up and away from you on the bed. Your head and back supported by pillows of course. I still find it a very comfortable way to feed, and if you're sore then there's less tugging at poor boobie. Also stretching out your arm opens up the ducts a bit more, I think.

My ds had a dummy from about three weeks old and breastfed beautifully. If you have a very sucky baby it can be a godsend IMO.

Mears also thanks for the advice about offering the other side first and then sore side. Just had a good look at bad side and I have a chunk literally missing from the nipple. No wonder it hurts. What can I do to repair it? I am airing as much as possible and putting vaseline on after feeds.Realised that I can't go to the b/f clinic as I am waiting for BT to show.Sorry I am taking this thread over.

It will heal so don't panic! Don't worry too much about airing it - that used to be thought as advisable but it really it is like exposing chapped lips to the air - they just get worse! Keep putting on the vaseline which encourages moist wound healing. When you can get out, buy some Purelan (mothercare has it) or Lansinoh which will be much more effective than the vaseline. I'll put in some links for info

purelan

lansinoh