I want to give up!!

[wobblymum]

I can't get to grips with breastfeeding and I feel like just switching to formula now.

I was in hospital for 2 weeks because dd had bad jaundice and Strep B infection. She lost a fir bit of weight because of it and would sleep most of the time and wouldn't feed well at all. The midwives weren't much help and I left hospital no better off in breastfeeding than when she was first born. Now I've been home a week and I still can't breastfeed very well. DD hasn't put on any weight like she should have and the health visitor says shes quite worried. I'm trying to top her up with a bottle at night but that doesn't seem to be working too well but it's better than nothing. I can't express, it just never seems to work.

I'm having to force myself to eat and drink to help my milk supply because I just feel sick all the time. DD hardly ever wants to spend much time at the breast, so she can't possibly be getting loads of food. I try to keep putting her on every 3 hours, as suggested by the midwife, but she just wants to sleep and I never seem to be able to get time to rest or eat in between.

It's really getting me down and I just feel like bottle feeding would be the perfect solution but I want to breastfeed and I feel guilty just about the idea, because breast is best. Also I feel like I'll really regret it if I give up now but I don't feel like I can carry on - I just feel stuck in the middle.

Has anyone been through a similar situation? Please help, I just don't know what to do. I feel useless at getting the position and latching on right, even though I've had loads of advice and demonstrations and I feel like I'm not doing it long enough or often enough. I'm trying, but I just get so exhausted.

Can I report back on my domperidone experience?

Here goes, did it for about 5-6 days but also cut down on expressing (which I was very bad at, producing pitiful amounts). This meant that DS was going on the breast much more often, with WW3 ensuing around the house... I ignored everyone/everything.

End result is INCREASED supply, I think it was dumping the expressing rather than domperidone, but as it wasn't a randomised controlled trial, I can't say for sure!

Anyway, we have cut down on bottles even more and he gets more breast milk I'm sure, I also haven't had him weighed for weeks, so perhaps I am starving him and blissfully unaware.

Big drawback, he will only breastfeed lying down, which means I spend a lot of time in bed or on living room floor with boobs out. Also, DS1 absolutely hates everyone now, especially me and has tried to harm DS2 (breastfeeder). The house is a tip and I rarely get dressed before noon.

Can I report back on my domperidone experience?

Here goes, did it for about 5-6 days but also cut down on expressing (which I was very bad at, producing pitiful amounts). This meant that DS was going on the breast much more often, with WW3 ensuing around the house... I ignored everyone/everything.

End result is INCREASED supply, I think it was dumping the expressing rather than domperidone, but as it wasn't a randomised controlled trial, I can't say for sure!

Anyway, we have cut down on bottles even more and he gets more breast milk I'm sure, I also haven't had him weighed for weeks, so perhaps I am starving him and blissfully unaware.

Big drawback, he will only breastfeed lying down, which means I spend a lot of time in bed or on living room floor with boobs out. Also, DS1 absolutely hates everyone now, especially me and has tried to harm DS2 (breastfeeder). The house is a tip and I rarely get dressed before noon.

sorry about that.

Mears - can I check, as well - I'm getting confused about offering both breasts, whether I should, etc etc. I usually follow what (I think) I was told last time - keep going till she's pretty well finished with one, then offer the other. Is that right?

Just checked out that hand expressing site - wow, really useful, thank you. Will get hot flannel and glass of wine ready!

Message withdrawn

bloss - thanks, it's nice to know there's someone else who's been through this. I think my major hang-up is that because I didn't expect bf'ing to be this difficult, I never considered how I'd feel about changing to bottles so I never gave myself the chance to think about the situation before it happened. With everything else, I've thought about pros and cons first and been prepared. Like I've decided dd's getting all the vaccinations offered and I know the risks but I don't feel guilty exposing her to those risks because I've had chance to think about it first. The same with the fact that I never intended to breastfeed for more than 6 months. I had a long time to think about it and so I got rid of any possible guilt a long time ago. I always assumed I'd be able to get to 3 months though, and then I wouldn't feel so guilty. I didn't expect to be thinking about stopping after 5 weeks though, and so I just wasn't prepared for having to make that decision.

Motherinferior - you are right in what you are doing. Let her feed as long as she wants on the first side. When she finishes, wind her and offer her the other side. Sometimes you think they won't take anymore then off they go again.

Hope you are doing OK Wobblymum, mears

Thanks, mears - mind you, still only getting anything more than an ounce or so when I'm feeding off the other breast. Early days, of course, but am faintly worried about plans for when I go back to work 4 days a week in November - any advice?

Wobblymum, so sorry to hear of the trouble you have been having. I haven't had time to write as have been doing hourly feeds myself lol. Its a real bugger isn't it, I keep thinking of switching to bottles, but she has suddenly started sleeping at night and doing the odd poo which is spurring me on. Left boob is still bloody agony though and I am still dreading each feed that side. I think you are doing brilliantly in the face of adversity and please, never feel guilty, you are doing truly all you can!
My HV came today and rambled on about how she can tell just by looking at dd that shes getting 'better quality milk' and that by my eating more I look 100% better. Didn't like to argue the point,or mention that perhaps I look better because I have slept for the first time in the last 2 weeks lol!
I have to monitor her weight though to keep her happy, and go to the baby clinic. She said dd should put on around an ounce a day, her scales weren't working properly today though so we couldn't see if she has or not.
Dilemna of the night.. dd is still wearing her little dress and top as she fell asleep earlier and I hadn't changed her for bed.. do I risk waking her to put her in a nightie and clean nappy, or do I leave her and do it when she wakes up?!

oh my goodness wobblymum I am sitting here with tears pricking my eyes as I read about your struggles! It is so like how I felt with me first baby who never seemed to really "like " the breast if you know what I mean. For lots of reasons I introduced bottles as well as breastfeeding and after a few weeks I stopped breastfeeding completely .Same thing with my second baby.

Life is too short for guilt and regrets and I did what I thought was best at the time... BUT for some reason with number three I managed to push myself past the first few weeks and once it stopped being sore I started to realise what all those women were on about who said breastfeeding was a wonderful and special experience! Up to that point I had thought they were slightly bonkers.

Can I please repeat what many others have said regards the domperidone? I took it at about five or six weeks I think( hard to remember exactly when it was)and it really helped me to get over a hump in the proceedings when it was all getting a bit too much.It increased my supply and made everything easier.

PLEASE give it a try . You won't regret trying it but you might regret not trying it.Could you set aside a few days to stay home with your baby and just breastfeed as much as she wants without offering her any formula? Remember I say this as a mum who fed her first two mostly on formula. It seemed so easy and convenient but that was only because I did not get to the stage with my first two where breastfeeding becomes easy and convenient! Honestly, once you get to that stage it is MUCH easier than bottles.

Can I just reiterate, I found breastfeeding really really hard and I did NOT enjoy it. I was constantly on the verge of giving up.I don't think I was anything like as motivated as you sound, wobblymum! But when I persevered through the tough first ten or so weeks I came to love it; and my babe is now 16m and still breastfed.

I am firmly on the side of the bonkers women!

Trust you didn't change her, jessi - I didn't change mine, got dp to do her nappy (which he did, grumbling) in small hours!

managed to express a fair bit this morning, hurrah!

motherinferior - all the little drops of milk you express you refridgerate. You then join them all together to make a batch of 2oz. minimum. I never made batches of more than 4oz. till my babies were older and I froze bottles full for when I was working. Small batches are better initially so it is not wasted. You will have loads by November.
I expressed for the special care baby unit, so sometimes I actually just expressed when I felt full and dd was sleeping. Even if she woke up 30mins later I could still feed her because I knew that the breast is never empty and there would be milk there for her. I never expressed after a feed because I hardly got anything then. I also never expressed on one side whilst feeding off the other - I just caught the drip milk in a sterilised breastshell. I swapped the shell over for the other side and still got drips even though she had just fed. It is amazing how much milk you can get that way. It certainly is only foremilk but it it doesn't matter when it is all mixed together, and it is only to tide them over till you are home.HTH.

Glad you picked this up Jasper because your story is so similar to wobblymum.

Mears, I can freeze it for up to a couple of months, can't I? At the moment the babe's not particularly taking in much at any one go, so a 2oz amount in a bottle seems like a good idea.

Got about half an ounce in a breast shell as well just now.

Mind you, I just tried to knock cubes out of an ice tray into a bag, and two of them fell on the floor - utter tragedy. Trouble is, I've got a steam steriliser and not sure if I can put rubber trays in it without serious weirdness happening!

Love and hugs, WM.

Just read a newborn's stomach is a tad smaller than a golfball, motherinferior! Put like that, it's not surprising they don't drink much

Don't put your rubber trays inthe steam steriliser - they don't even survive the dishwasher I used sterilising tablets and a tupperware box.

I used plastic ice cube trays and washed in the dishwasher. Just before use, I "scalded" them with boiling water.

I froze breastmilk in the freezer for 6 months. There is all sorts of guidance out there. As long as you collect it in a sterile container and freeze in a sterile container, 6 months in the main freezer is OK. Some sources say 3 months. The baby unit I expressed for stored milk for 6 monthsso that was good enough for me.

jasper - thanks for the support. Today I've been really trying hard to breastfeed well, and dd's been sucking well but still screams after, however much I put her back on. So I've still given a little bit of formula because she just doesn't get full from me.

mears - I read that breastmilk changes depending on the changing needs of your baby so if you freeze it for 6 months, will it still meet your baby's needs? Just curious...

I found the Avent disposable system bags very useful when expressing (I think someone on Mumsnet recommended them to me at the time). I just had the ordinary breastpump and poured the milk out of it carefully into a disposable system bag, they are sterile.

Demented, I used it too and froze the little bags so no tipping ice cubes on the floor! However I am v clumsy (like poor ds) so did spill the bag a couple of times - and cried over split milk too once. I recommend the system and also found the Avent pump good.
Wobblymum, you sound happier. Hooray!

Yes, wobblymum, you are right. Breastmilk changes all the time to suit the needs of your baby. The milk that I stored was only used to fill in for feeds when I was at work so it wasn't providing all my babies needs.

The milk that I supplied for the special care baby unit was pooled with milk of other mothers, so it was all different ages of milk. Even at that, expressed breast milk is preferable for ill preterm babies and neonates because sometimes they absorb formula milk when they initially start feeds. Donor milk is given until the mother can produce enough of her own or it is given to babies of mothers who do not want to express but have given permission for their babies to have donor milk until they can absorb formula.

How are you feeling generally wobblymum?

Yes, wobblymum, you are right. Breastmilk changes all the time to suit the needs of your baby. The milk that I stored was only used to fill in for feeds when I was at work so it wasn't providing all my babies needs.

The milk that I supplied for the special care baby unit was pooled with milk of other mothers, so it was all different ages of milk. Even at that, expressed breast milk is preferable for ill preterm babies and neonates because sometimes they absorb formula milk when they initially start feeds. Donor milk is given until the mother can produce enough of her own or it is given to babies of mothers who do not want to express but have given permission for their babies to have donor milk until they can absorb formula.

How are you feeling generally wobblymum?

Yes, wobblymum, you are right. Breastmilk changes all the time to suit the needs of your baby. The milk that I stored was only used to fill in for feeds when I was at work so it wasn't providing all my babies needs.

The milk that I supplied for the special care baby unit was pooled with milk of other mothers, so it was all different ages of milk. Even at that, expressed breast milk is preferable for ill preterm babies and neonates because sometimes they absorb formula milk when they initially start feeds. Donor milk is given until the mother can produce enough of her own or it is given to babies of mothers who do not want to express but have given permission for their babies to have donor milk until they can absorb formula.

How are you feeling generally wobblymum?

Sorry - mumsnet not responding well this morning

I breastfed both of mine for about 6 months both were very hungrey babies and I found the odd top of formular a god send for both baby and my sanity!! I would of given up without them, Didnt do it enough with my son and he stopped taking the bottle so had to wean him on solids early and he never slept, so gave my daughter a bottle at night from the day she was born and she slept though from 10 weeks if I have another will do the same. A happy relaxed mother is far better for the baby than breastmilk and any is better than nothing