I want to give up!!

[wobblymum]

I can't get to grips with breastfeeding and I feel like just switching to formula now.

I was in hospital for 2 weeks because dd had bad jaundice and Strep B infection. She lost a fir bit of weight because of it and would sleep most of the time and wouldn't feed well at all. The midwives weren't much help and I left hospital no better off in breastfeeding than when she was first born. Now I've been home a week and I still can't breastfeed very well. DD hasn't put on any weight like she should have and the health visitor says shes quite worried. I'm trying to top her up with a bottle at night but that doesn't seem to be working too well but it's better than nothing. I can't express, it just never seems to work.

I'm having to force myself to eat and drink to help my milk supply because I just feel sick all the time. DD hardly ever wants to spend much time at the breast, so she can't possibly be getting loads of food. I try to keep putting her on every 3 hours, as suggested by the midwife, but she just wants to sleep and I never seem to be able to get time to rest or eat in between.

It's really getting me down and I just feel like bottle feeding would be the perfect solution but I want to breastfeed and I feel guilty just about the idea, because breast is best. Also I feel like I'll really regret it if I give up now but I don't feel like I can carry on - I just feel stuck in the middle.

Has anyone been through a similar situation? Please help, I just don't know what to do. I feel useless at getting the position and latching on right, even though I've had loads of advice and demonstrations and I feel like I'm not doing it long enough or often enough. I'm trying, but I just get so exhausted.

thanks, I am feeling far more relaxed now. I still suspect that soon I'll be changing over to bottles one way or another but now it will be because I decide it's the best thing to do, not because I can't cope!

One way or another I HAVE to get myself some domperidone today, somehow I just haven't got round to it before! It's amazing how little I get done now dd's here! I made an appointment today to register her, but only because she's nearly 6 weeks old already!!! The time has all just slipped away!! (Probably because I've spent it with her sucking on me 24/7)

I'm still really torn about what to do about the bottles but she's thriving at the moment, so I think I just have to go by what she wants day to day. Hopefully I can just carry on mixed feeding until at least 4 months (only 11ish weeks to go - wahey!!!) so I can be relaxed and she can have a tiny bit of the goodness of BM (I can con myself that she's getting more BM than she is!!!)

mears - I wans't trying to say there'd be anything wrong with the milk, I was just curious about it.

After hearing all the advice and stories on this thread, it's really suprised me how many people find it so difficult bf'ing! You'd think it would be easier, seeing as it's natural!! I think it's really good that bf'ing is encouraged so much by people stating the benefits, and giving solutions to common problems like cracked nipples. But I don't think anybody says enough about general problems loads of people have, like feeling down and stressed about having to deal with bf'ing by themselves, not having enough milk, having a fretting baby etc etc.

Hi Wobblymum - I didn't think that you thought there was something wrong with the milk at all - my explanation probably didn't make that clear

The other name for domperidone is Motilium. You will get it at any chemist and you will need a few packets to have enough to take one, three times a day for 10 days. It will certainly help you mix feed for longer in the long run if that is what you plan to do. Please send someone out to get it for you - I don't know anyone personally it hasn't worked for. Dying to find out if it helps you - please get it for my sanity

I said I would do 2 weeks and here I am at 4.5 months!

mears - ok, although I'm tempted to see what you'd be like without your sanity!!! I'll make sure I get some today!

codswallop - what happened - did you just keep doing it from day to day or did you decide to keep going indefinitely?

By the way, how do you tell the difference between wind and a real smile? DD's been doing windy grins ever since she was born but they've always been lopsided like she's leering but lately they've started evening up, like she's smiling. Everyone, including DH, is convinced it's still just wind because she never does it immediately when they come along but I think she's starting to smile - what do you reckon? (And yes, I am one of the mad mums who's convinced that it was never wind and she's been smiling at me all along!!!)

Hey, you made an appointment? Congrats from Missis Incapable of Doing Anything Much! Don't sell yourself short, honey.

I'll pick up some bags. Ice cubes just end in tears when a person has the vigour and energy of recent new motherhood. (Didn't express today as house has strange bloke tramping through it to mend garden fence - I'm breastfeed in front of anyone but there are limits)

My little angel grimaces but her daddy says she's just farting.

Ofcourse she is smiling wobblymum. Lovely isn't it

Jessi - how are you getting on?

I just found it was getting easier....and school hols and summer heat made me loathe to go on to bottles. i have now decided to go straight to a cup

Aloha, I probably used the bags on your recommendation. The worst accident I had with them was catching one of them on the wire racks in the freezer as I was removing it, I didn't realise the bag was now punctured and sat it in a dish with warm water to defrost it and when I came back half the milk had leaked out in the water. Nearly cried as well when DS2 stopped taking a bottle and twice I poured 8oz of EBM down the sink as it had been warmed and offered to him by his carer, needless to say we don't bother anymore.

Wobblymum glad you are feeling more positive. Mears thanks for asking, I am doing great but my HV is stressing me abit. Mainly that she expressed great suprise when I told her that dd is sleeping for 7 hour stretchs at night ( sorry I am really NOT trying to gloat and believe it or not this is actually stressing me abit!) DD has been doing this for the past 4 nights and I felt it was because she fed so much during the daytime that she was able to go this long. HV had concerned look on her face when I told her this, so last night when dd was approaching 7.5 hours I ended up panicking and waking her up to feed. Is that what I should be doing? I am seeing HV tomorrow as she wants dd weighed again, which is my other stress as dd now hasn't poo-d again for 3 days. ARGHH! I don't know what to think, last time she went without for 3 days and then did one for 2 consecutive days and now we are on day 3 and no poo. Sorry TMI I know but HV tells me dd isn't pooing because of my 'poor quality milk' and that she is 'starving'. Any advice gratefully received, I had hoped to read up abit on these topics tonight on the internet, but no time tonight and I would love to have some facts up my sleeve before I see HV tomorrow. Other than those worries all is well, I am happy feeding all day every day to get the sleep at night. Left side is still sore but no-where near as bad as it was so it must be toughening up abit. Haven't been near the breast pump since my dismal attempt the other day!Hope someone can help answer my queries, thanks for listening!

jessi - just a quickie as I am off to bed soon. It is normal for breastfed babies to go up to around 5 days without pooing. There is much less waste products in breastmilk compared to formula. My ds was around the 5 day mark. Even when he was 2 years old he was 3 days and he was not constipated.

dd (15 months) is much the same.

Sounds like you are doing fine

Agree with Eulalia about the poos. Yes 7 hours is quite a long time to go at night but this is only a problem if your dd is not gaining weight. The reason this can be a problem is that your prolactin levels are higher at night and breastfeeds during the night stimulate more milk production. However, if she is feeding well during the day and has plenty of wet nappies, then I would not wake her to feed her. See how things are tomorrow.
I did have a friend whose dd lost a lot of weight and did not regain her birthweight for a few weeks. She was sleeping all night but was really a 'happy starver'. She did not B/F well during the day either. She was admitted to hospital and ended up being given top up feeds of formula which her mum was upset about. Anyway, she contacted me and over the course of a few weeks mum learned how to express (she had never been able to do it), topped up with EBM and when that didn't increase the weight gain, she set her alarm for the middle of the night and woke the baby for a feed. That made all the difference and once her dd started to gain weight she was able to stop the formula and went on to exclusively breast feed until 6 months. Just play it by ear just now Jessi.

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dd would go 6 hours from quite early on. I was advised not to let her do more than this though as it might affect her weight gain/my supply. Also I understood that demand feeding is not only about the baby's eating pattern but your needs too, so if you at any point feel over full you could wake her and offer her a feed or express some off - during the day at least. dd slept through at 8 weeks and her weight tailed off as a result of dropping her night feed but I'm afraid the sleep was more crucial to us at this point and a week later she had picked it up again.

Your HV sounds so discouraging and misinformed. If she is attached to your surgery could you speak to your gp and ask to switch ? You don't have to see her. Is there a more open baby clinic you could visit instead.

good luck

As someone who didn't manage to bf one child but is still bfing her second at 7 months, I second Bloss's recommendation of TCLBB. The routines helped enormously. I didn't follow them completely because of fitting in around no1's needs, but nonetheless the advice was invaluable. Especially for a 2nd time mum (you are, aren't you?) as you have fewer illusions and don't feel obliged to follow everything to the letter.

As someone who didn't manage to bf one child but is still bfing her second at 7 months, I second Bloss's recommendation of TCLBB. The routines helped enormously. I didn't follow them completely because of fitting in around no1's needs, but nonetheless the advice was invaluable. Especially for a 2nd time mum (you are, aren't you?) as you have fewer illusions and don't feel obliged to follow everything to the letter.

Bloss - don't hesitate at all. If contented baby book routines help to keep breastfeeding going, then I would second it. Better to give all avenues a shot before having to make the decison to bottle feed - if that is a reluctant one. Another thing to try is to enlist someone to take the baby away for at least 3-4 hours to give you space. I did that very successfully for a friend. You need someone who is confident with the baby and who is also able to settle the baby without resorting to feeding it. Can be done

What is all this with HV's and their 'poor quality milk' - there is no such thing! All breast milk is pretty much the same and pretty much perfect. You might worry about the amount (not usually a problem) but never about the 'quality'. Honestly, some of these HVs should she shot. If your baby is sleeping well and gaining weight, you should be dancing on the rooftops IMO!

Jessi, if your DD is putting on weight and sleeping 7 hours a night then that is great but part of your post reminded me of myself with my DS1. When you say you are happy to feed all day to get a sleep at night do you mean you really do feed all day. This is what it was like with my DS1, we just switched from one side to the other almost all day long, he would only fall asleep for minutes on my knee, if I tried to move him he would cry to be fed again, he would sleep six or seven hours at night though but wasn't putting on weight. I realise now having successfully fed DS2 that I was doing many things wrong with DS1, one of them being positioning, it just clicked this time. Anyway what I mean to say is, if she is not putting on enough weight have you thought about getting a BFC out to check everything is OK, wish I had done this with DS1. I agree with everyone else about the poos, it's normal for a breastfed baby not to poo everyday.

Jessi - seconding everyone here.....long sleeps are just fine in a baby who is gaining weight ok. You don't say (or I can't find where, if you do) exactly what weight gain your baby is showing.

I have no moans about the CLBB at all if this is what mothers find helpful. But you do need to read it carefully. For example, the author herself does not reccommend it in babies who are gaining less than 6-8 oz a week.

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Thanks again for all the advice.Good news is that I met a different HV today who was lovely. Bad news is that dd has lost weight, 2oz.I stayed for ages and had a long chat with her, she said we should not get neurotic about her weight as because she was overdue by almost 2 weeks, she probably wasn't meant to have been so big anyway. She watched me feed and said we were both doing great,her theory about the weight loss is that we did 4 nights of 7-almost 8 hours sleep, therefore she missed feeds during that time. Last night I set an alarm as I was worried about the length of her sleeps, but she fed every 3 hours of her own accord. HV didn't say anything about 'quality milk' thank goodness, just told me not to worry, to continue setting an alarm in case she sleeps through and to go back next week to have her weighed again. She also said the poo situation was completely normal so that cheered me up, as well as all you wise women telling me the same thing on here, thank-you!
So I am thrilled that this HV is so nice and chilled out, she is personally going to meet me there next week too. However, being a typical mother I am still worried about her now losing weight despite all the feeding I have been doing.
Demented, your experience of your ds1 was how it was with dd in the beginning. However, now she has gone from feeding every hour to every 2-3 hours. Some of the time she just has a 5 minute feed then falls asleep though, but other than those times, she feeds until I feel like she has really emptied the breast. I do think my positioning is dodgy on one side, it alternates between feeling bearably painful to horribly so, even though I am changing feeding positions each time I feed her. HV today said the latch was great though, so maybe that side is just still recovering from the ferocious feeding in the first week or so?

Jessi, sorry to bang on and on about poo but the HV is just wrong. The lack of pooing is entirely consistent with the lack of weight gain. There is nothing harmful in itself about not pooing, but in a baby of under about six weeks, less than one poo a day is a sign that feding effectiveness needs to be looked at and it's really good you are doing this. Most babies who are feeding well have three or more poos a day.

It would be really unhelpful for you to use the CLBB at this stage....your dd needs to feed lots and lots, and it sounds as if the HV does know what she is talking about here. Long sleeps may mean she is lacking the energy to wake up, so it's excellent you feel ok about waking here to make sure she gets every opportunity to feed.

I think it will help to get that positioning and attachment checked, too - maybe call one of the bf helplines and see if someone can visit you or you can go to them. I am a bfc, and almost every mother I see (and I see many) who has been told her latch is fine, and yet who still has problems, has been reassured wrongly....when she sees me (or a colleague) she is helped to change her positioning, the baby feeds better, and starts to gain weight.

You are so motivated and committed - you deserve the best help available!

tiktok, even though everyone (HV's/Midwifes etc) say the b/feeding is fine and that her latching is great I do think you are right. I will call a bf counsellor asap tomorrow. The soreness in my left side is really getting me down and I only have a week until the HV will recommend formula so I want to do all I can. Who can I call and what does it involve? Many thanks. Am feeling so despondant about this whole thing, I had all of this and more with my ds and this time I so hoped it would be easier. No wonder people give up.