I want to give up!!

[wobblymum]

I can't get to grips with breastfeeding and I feel like just switching to formula now.

I was in hospital for 2 weeks because dd had bad jaundice and Strep B infection. She lost a fir bit of weight because of it and would sleep most of the time and wouldn't feed well at all. The midwives weren't much help and I left hospital no better off in breastfeeding than when she was first born. Now I've been home a week and I still can't breastfeed very well. DD hasn't put on any weight like she should have and the health visitor says shes quite worried. I'm trying to top her up with a bottle at night but that doesn't seem to be working too well but it's better than nothing. I can't express, it just never seems to work.

I'm having to force myself to eat and drink to help my milk supply because I just feel sick all the time. DD hardly ever wants to spend much time at the breast, so she can't possibly be getting loads of food. I try to keep putting her on every 3 hours, as suggested by the midwife, but she just wants to sleep and I never seem to be able to get time to rest or eat in between.

It's really getting me down and I just feel like bottle feeding would be the perfect solution but I want to breastfeed and I feel guilty just about the idea, because breast is best. Also I feel like I'll really regret it if I give up now but I don't feel like I can carry on - I just feel stuck in the middle.

Has anyone been through a similar situation? Please help, I just don't know what to do. I feel useless at getting the position and latching on right, even though I've had loads of advice and demonstrations and I feel like I'm not doing it long enough or often enough. I'm trying, but I just get so exhausted.

mothercare

Ouch, this thread is getting more and more painful by the day! Hope things are getting better jessi, the only thing I can add is that I asked my breastfeeding counsellor this morning whether it was ok if dd mainly fed off one breast because that's usually fuller and she settles better on it. The bf counsellor said that even if I only ever fed her off one breast she'd still get all she needs because that breast would just make loads more. She said that the only side effect would be that I'd look lopsided but I'm not bothered - I wouldn't even notice!!!

Anyway, update!! I'm over the moon again today!!!! I went to the breastfeeding clinic and got dd weighed and since this time last week she's put on 7 and a half ounces!!!! Considering that it hasn't been a brilliant week either, and she's had a few very small feeds and missed a couple by sleeping for 4-5 hours instead of 3, it's a brilliant result!!!

I don't feel confident enough to think about giving up the formula top-ups but at least this way she's getting enough to eat and still get the benefits of breastfeeding!!! And of course I actually feel like I might be able to do this whole feeding thing now, seeing as she's putting on weight properly!!!

Huge hugs and thanks to everyone who's given me support and advice. Breastfeeding sounds really easy when you've got no idea exactly what it involves and how much stress it can be, and it's hard to get support at the times when you're most stressed, like in the middle of the night!

I'm sure that if I hadn't been able to come on here and get loads of help from different people (instead of relying on one HV who doesn't necessarily know everything!) I'd have got too stressed and just given up.

So thanks to everyone and I'd buy you all some chocolates but I don't know where you live and it would cost too much!!! Lol

PS, enjoy me being in a good mood - I'll probably come on later tonight after a bad feed and be saying I can't cope all over again!!!

Well done wobblymum - fantastic news Once your confidence builds you will be able to wean her off the top-ups by reducing the amount you offer at each feed. Go at your own pace. Perhaps you might feel more confident to leave her more that 3 hours between feeds. You could always express from the side that she doesn't particularly like and top her up with that - worth trying expressing again. You have milk - it will come out

hoorah - YOU did it remember!

Found this today - looks good for explanation of technique.

handexpressing

Well done Wobblymum great news. I'm sure sharing your experience will help others too.

Well done Wobblymum! I took dd to be weighed and she had only gained 2oz's in the last 4 days. After long chats with HV turns out its because I haven't been eating properly. She caught me off guard and asked what I had eaten today, it was 2pm and I had only had a banana. Yesterday I didn't remember to eat until 5pm etc etc. So poor dd is feeding ferociously because I am not producing quality milk poor little thing. Anyway, she also advised expressing off the sore side and letting it have a rest for a day, feeding the expressed milk via a cup. Then she is coming on Monday to weigh her again and hopefully she will have gained some more by then. I feel abit stuiped now that its all been down to my diet, its just with a 3yr old, working from home and a new babe to manage I just neglected my diet. Fingers crossed I can sort it now. Thanks for the links Mears, I will get some of that cream tomorrow if its still sore. Have now got to master the art of sterlising breast pumps etc. All looks very complicated to me in my weary state!

Jessi - there isn't verymuch wrong with again of 2oz in 4 days - it is a gain It will get better, hang in there.

Somewhere further down this thread, I posted when dd was weighed the time before last and from Monday to Thursday she'd only put on 2oz but I was still really happy with that because it meant it was going up. I think as long as long as your dd keeps putting on weight rather than losing it, it's a good sign.

I had loads of trouble eating because I don't have much of an appetite and there never seems to be time. What I found really good is have loads of milk in the fridge so you can quickly drink that for a nutrition boost and when you get time, make something that will keep for you to eat all day. I've been making a huge bowl of rice, peas, and cooked chicken and then just keeping in the fridge and having little bits now and then when I'm hungry. If you make something like that you can shove it in the microwave to heat up and it takes hardly any time. Or you can just get loads of microwave meals and healthy snacky stuff like baguettes, sausage rolls, mini pies etc etc.

I really had to force myself to start eating properly but it has really made a difference. And I don't feel quite as tired (could still do with about a year in bed!) as I did before, which is keeping me a bit less stressed.

Hope you get everything under control and don't stress too much about the weight gain - as long as it's going up then it can't be too bad.

Jessi, what you eat has nothing to do with the 'quality' of your milk. Your midwife is talking rubbish. Eating properly will make you feel better but it won't improve the nutritional value of your milk, honestly. Don't let your midwife make you feel guilty. There's no such thing as better quality milk. It's all the same and all of excellent quality!

aloha - I was wondering what the mw was on about too! As far as I know, if you starve yourself then your milk supply will go down but the quality is the same anyway.

Missed the point about good quality milk. Agree with Aloha - the milk your body produces is always good quality. Eating well makes you feel better and able to cope with the pressures. Your body uses up the stores laid down in pregnancy to make milk so don't panic. Chocolate is good for a milk boost by the way (so some say). I ate a big bar of galaxy every day - hardly healthy eating but very enjoyable. Did nothing for my fat stores though

Although it is not recommended, a breastfeeding I I thought you might find this reassuring - it's from a reliable internet source:

"mom can get by fine on a diet of junk food - her milk will be still be perfect for her baby. According to Katherine A. Dettwyler, Ph.D. (a breastfeeding researcher and anthropologist), women all over the world eat a diet based on 99% rice (or millet or sorghum) and 1% vegetables and spices, and the occasional bit of meat and these women make perfectly good breast milk in more than adequate quantities. Only when women are starving is the quantity of breast milk lowered the quality is still fine."
And by starving, she doesn't mean missing a meal or eating less, she means starving - like a famine victim. There is good research that the babies of dieting mothers put on exactly the same amount of weight as that of non-dieting mothers, even if the mothers themselves are losing weight. Your midwife is wrong, I'm afraid, and making you feel bad in the process.

Mears, Wobblymum, sorry didn't see your postings!

I meant, even though it's not recommended, eating badly while breastfeeding won't make any difference to your milk. However, it will probably make a big difference to YOUR mood and energy levels

And don't worry too much about sterilising - I use a steam steriliser and it's really simple.

Eat cake, that's my top nutrition tip.

Jessi, your HV is talking utter b***x. I think it is a useful rule of thumb - if someone tells you to eat more, or rest more, or stop rushing around and that these are the reasons why your baby is crying/not gaining weight , then they do not know much about breastfeeding.

Ignore her.

Thanks so much for your encouraging words of wisdom! I have eaten for Britain the past 2 days thinking I was encouraging my milk supply and making better milk too! Hey ho.. she still hasn't done a poo though for 2 days which is what the hv suggested was a sign that she wasn't getting the better quality milk. She said that her frequent wet nappies were a sign she was only getting the thirst quenching milk, not the fatty hind milk or else she would do more poos...sorry tmi I am sure but she is very windy and abit wiffy but there aren't any poos. Is that normal for a ferocious breast fed baby?
Thanks for all this support, its so helpful I can't tell you. Yesterday I was in tears feeding on boob from hell and feeling like I was starving her.

I think bf babies can go without pooing without it being a sign of anything wrong. Do not leave the house without a complete change of clothes until she's gone though!

My friend's dd only pooed once a week at most (and was very windy). She exclusively b/f for 6 months - and dd stayed on the 91st centile throughout. Wet nappies are a good indicator that baby is getting enough milk - you are certainly not starving her!

If you are worrying about baby getting the hind milk - one piece of advice I was given was if baby wants to feed little and often - put them back on the same boob again, rather than swapping boobs every time they come off. It's not "quality" milk btw, it's just different. In hot weather you're going to produce more foremilk, as baby is going to be more thirsty.

It sounds to me that you are relying a lot on what your hv is saying - I'm not saying she is bad, but she is only offering you one perspective. Have you tried phoning a b/f counsellor? (NCT b/f line: 0870 444 8708) Honestly it is worth it - that's what they are there for after all.

I'm sorry about the problems you are having with the "boob from hell." Keep repeating the mantra "It will get better, it will get better..."

Jessi, no poos in a baby of 14 days old is unusual and does merit further investigation - it's only after the first weeks that long periods without a poo is normal.

It sounds to me that you need someone to talk about positining and attachment - maybe someone to watch a whole feed and check this.

Effective p&a means the baby is able to remove lots of milk, get a good let-down, and not cause soreness. All this stimulates more milk to be made.

Hope you can get this sort of help.

BTW, don't think there is 'better quaoity mlk' and milk that's less good. It is all good stuff. No poos may mean she is not getting enough of what there is, and she needs more of it, by feeding more often and/or by feeding more effectively. No amount of cheese sandwiches or extra food or more rest will do this, as has been said. Good luck in getting good help

Well when dd was 3 weeks old she went from a Wednesday morning to Saturday evening without a single poo and then she did one that literally covered every inch of her nappy. And then she did it again on Sunday. If she poos twice a day that's unusually high for her and she often goes for a day without one. My bf counsellor said that it's perfectly normal and fine, it has nothing to do with what milk the baby's having, all it means is that the baby's taken what it needs and so it's used practically all of it and there's hardly any waste to come out. Just like if you were mainly on a liquid diet and only ate exactly what you needed to survive, you wouldn't poo much.

If the baby is passing wind without being in pain, then they're not constipated so it's just going to be a case of a lot now and then rather than little and often. As long as there's lots of wet nappies don't worry too much. Even with wet nappies, don't listen to the books which say 6-8 per day. Mine saves it up and does about 3 soaked ones a day. Which makes it fun when she does it in the middle of a change and manages to soak her changing mat, her babygro, my hands and anything else in reach!

If you start going a long time over 48 hours, I would tell someone just so they can keep an eye on it but don't worry about your milk, poo is not an indicator!

Lastly, Soupdragon is totally right, carry a LOT of spare clothes with you if your baby hasn't pooed for a while. When mine finally did, she instantly managed to get it all over her back, leaving a nice big patch on her babygro!

She did a poo! Never have I greeted a poo with such delight! She seems alot happier for it and you were right about the change of clothes lol!
Feel alot happier now-although I tried the breast pump and somehow only managed to get a laughable measly 1/2oz despite being full of milk. Maybe I don't know how to use it properly..
I think all of this would be marginally better if any of us had had any sleep. Last night I was feeding from 1.45am until 6am on and off..

I am SO PLEASED about the poo. Did it go all the way up to her ears?

Re expressing and exhaustion - it's exactly the same for me - I got very little this afternoon and it drove me to tears. Try expressing with dd on the other boob. We will get there! xxxxxxx

I am SO PLEASED about the poo. Did it go all the way up to her ears?

Re expressing and exhaustion - it's exactly the same for me - I got very little this afternoon and it drove me to tears. Try expressing with dd on the other boob. We will get there! xxxxxxx