Reasons for not breastfeeding in public

[DitaVonCheese]

A discussion on another forum I frequent has got me thinking and I'd love to hear some other people's views. If you didn't/don't breastfeed in public (or if you do but are nervous), is it because you're worried about showing too much, or anxious about being told off by a security guard/interfering old bat/unenlightened male, or for some other reason I've missed?

When I first started I was worried about getting told off but now would probably quite happily cause a scene if necessary I think now I'd be more annoyed if someone just kept tutting but didn't actually say anything, so I'd end up being annoyed all day rather than letting rip!

you sound angry to me.
I don't know what LOL means only that i am in a facebook group called 'putting lol on the end of your sentences makes me stabby'
i can learn nothing from a person with a closed mind but thanks for your input and shall we agree to disagree on this matter and should you not now just step away from the keyboard and calm down?

Last post was for Sleepless

You're in a facebook group. And you don't know what in means. That makes me stabby

clearly it was- i got that- i still don't know what lol means though...

i joined it as people keep 'lolling' me last time i looked-it wasn't a word...i think it's TXTSPK and i H8 TXTSPEAK

Ourlot,
"Can you also not understand that while -feeding nursing a 2 year old on demand when it is not time to sleep or needing comfort is hard for some people (me) to get their head around."
Yes, I totally agree, it is hard to understand unless you do it yourself. But you are not setting yourself up to be an 'expert' i.e. Peer supporter unlike Sleepless was.

"If I was still feeding nursing a toddler though I'd like to think I'd be aware of other people's feelings enough not to push what I was doing at the expense of the more worrying issue of Mum's who never BF."
I don't get this. The only reason I feed my toddler is because she needs feeding...end of. I have no agenda. How does me nursing my baby and toddler affect a mother who never breastfed ?

Sleepless, LOL means laugh it out, it means I am happy and amused by the conversation.

Nope LOL means Laugh Out Loud.

See I am trying to type whilst tandem nursing my pesky toddler and young baby and I get distracted.

Hey Babies, that's what I can't understand "feeding" your toddler breast milk. I can get my head round nursing for comfort at her age, but as a food source isn't it made redundant by solids?
When I stopped feeding my ds at 18 months I'm not even sure if there was any milk there as my boobs went all floppy like they never used to be before feeding. I was doing it for comfort and illness cover.
I'm not saying that you nursing in the library because you think she needs it will put off mums (if I saw you I could say for sure!!), just that if I was still BF a toddler I'd be discrete about it. You probably are.
Sorry little lamb, I do name change, but I don't think I'm bashing anyone, I've been on a few other threads, but these are the most heated and interesting. Are you watching me? Hmm...

I am a private breast feeder in public places. A bosom burkha wearer. Because
a) I am also a starer and since I know that will make a BF mum unhappy/angry I try not to. Trying not to makes me feel uncomfortable! I am aware that others may feel the same and don't want them to stare nor be uncomfortable by repressing their natural urges!
b) The more discrete I can be, the more out and about I can get which is good for me and baby.
c) If Im discrete people can approach me and talk to me, even teenagers asking "what are you doing?" They can then understand that BF a baby is OK and easy and maybe they'll be inspired.

"but as a food source isn't it made redundant by solids?"
Milk is always has a good nutriental value, be the child a baby or a toddler. Don't forget if we chose not to breastfed our toddlers we are told to give them follow on formula or cow's milk instead, so milk is important in a child's diet.

"When I stopped feeding my ds at 18 months I'm not even sure if there was any milk there as my boobs went all floppy like they never used to be before feeding."
Breasts eventually stop feeling full and heavy but they would still produce milk as normal. As long as your toddler nursed you would of continued to have milk.

" doing it for comfort and illness cover."
Yes, there is a lot of comfort and illness cover in toddler nursing.

I'm not saying that you nursing in the library because you think she needs it will put off mums (if I saw you I could say for sure!!), just that if I was still BF a toddler I'd be discrete about it. You probably are.

would have continued...

"if I was still BF a toddler I'd be discrete about it"
This would be your choice. I am told that I am discrete when nursing and certainly I do not wish to show my breasts if I can avoid it. However I do not think that "being discrete" should be something that a nursing mother has to be.

All nursing mothers, bottle or breast feeding should feel supported in today's society and not feel they have to modify their own or their children's behaviour to fit into other people's narrow ideas of correct behaviour.

By ourlot on Thu 16-Apr-09 15:40:11
would have continued...

I assume you are new to mumsnet. People generally avoid correcting other peoples posts, it is seen as rude.

If I was so unclear that you need to ask for clarification, I am happy for you to do so. However my grammer and spelling does not affect my opinions.

sleepless, the angry red misty posts are yours.

I said on Tuesday: " sleepless - you make a good point but it's lost in your judgementalism!

It is a good point to wonder if women at the start of motherhood are encouraged or discouraged if they see women breastfeeding toddlers."

I still think that is a useful debating point. We have heard from no one on this thread who has said this was the case for them, but it may be true....I also asked, if it was the case, whether you would stop peer supporters feeding their toddlers in a bf support group, and I am still interested in your response.

It could be, of course, that seeing peer supporters bf their toddlers is actually encouraging - again, we'd need to hear from people on whom it had this effect.

I am also genuinely concerned that you are very wound up about the issue of your friend's breastfeeding, and breastfeeding toddlers in general (all that stuff about wapping them out willy nilly - it's negative and insulting). You really cannot be an effective peer supporter with those closed-minded views.

Yes and no, to say that is to ignore the effects your actions have. I'm not saying they HAVE to be, I just think it's better all round when people are.

perhaps the 'support' (and i am happy on a one man/woman crusade here with this one)is lacking as people are frightened of you coming after then all hairy ankled and fleecy if they express that it can be seen as some as distasteful/unecessary/FLAGRANTLY nursing a toddler?

I've said that I personally felt that when I (and two first time mums) went to a drop in it wasn't a great experience as,on hand,to support were-a bunch of toddler feeders.
They bear no resemblance to anything I want to do,ever and as a I a woman and a mother and someone who is commited to breastfeeding my own children they aint the most accesible peers i've stumbled across-i am surely not alone in this? However you've prevented any reasonable discussion occuring on this thread by it all kicking off (not necessarily you personally but you know what i mean)
I think that women feed their toddlers is up to them-i couldn't personally give a fuck, i don't find if particularly offensive in equal measures i don't find it particularly necessary. Capische?

hmm I think it wouldnt matter to me what type of people were running the drop-in as long as they could support all types of bf. For instance for very specific reasons I could not/did not demand feed my dd (now 11 months) and when I turned up at the drop-in it would have been really unhelpful to me if I was strongly told that there was only one way of bfing - ie on demand etc.

As it happened my local surestart centre has a bf clinic run by hcps and they accepted what I was saying and were very helpful with latching and different positions without judging how I was bfing.

So what I am trying to say is that it wouldnt matter if the volunteer herself was all weavery as long as she could make it clear to the mother that she could help with 6-month and then weaning bf/mixed feeding as well as natural term - is that making any sense?

Sleepness, Please could you refrain from placing insults in your posts.

Saying things like "you coming after then all hairy ankled and fleecy" is your attempt to label all mothers of nursing toddlers as having a set of (in your eyes) undesirable characteristics.

sleepless, your choice of words is unpleasant, and contradictory, too....if you really couldn't give a fuck if people bf their toddlers, then why do you recall your experience at the drop-in so negatively, because you observed these toddler feeders? I would really like to discuss this sensibly - does the sight of toddlers feeding make other mothers at a drop in feel good or bad about bf? But you cant even talk about it without using insulting words.

Giantkate has a different view - it doesn't matter to her what people do, or look like, as long as their attitude is open and supportive towards other choices, with no judgement voiced.

That's where I suspect you would go wrong as a peer supporter - attitude and judgement

TheButterflyEffect,

I am not sure what is properly discrete breastfeeding. I suspect it depends on who you talk to.

Some people would say not showing breast and nipple on purpose and covering up fast when baby latches off is discrete enough.

I guess other people would think nursing is only discrete with a new born baby under a hooter tent AND the mother sitting in a toilet with the door shut.

Butterfly,
LOL, that is interesting. Well you learn something new every day.

Sleepless is coming from a different place to a lot of those posting here. She is trying to encourage Mum's who wouldn't otherwise BF that it is good and OK and normal. If the only people they see BF are of the hairy ankle sort (I know what you mean, but I haven't shaved my legs since Summer and my pits are the pits!), they may feel it is only for that "type" of woman. If they are that "type" of woman they'll think "Great!", if they're not they'll not see it as normal, as to them this "type" of woman is not normal.
I don't think sleepless wants these "types" of women to stop what they're doing, but if you're in a bf support group and you look around and ALL the Mums have kids over 2 you'd have to wonder if you weren't putting new Mums off.
Butterfly: to me discrete means I could stare and stare and I'd not see anything, I promise I won't stare, but I'll want to!! (Does that make me odd?)

Ha ha butterfly! Please can you do us a formula with letters to represent words and a little key at the bottom? You know you want to!