Hi
I am a new mother of 33 to a 3 week old. I have been reading a lot of bfing threads as I have been having problems and have wanted to get as much idea of other people?s experiences and advice as possible.
I was very interested in the debate going on in this thread. I am of the discreet bfing in public opinion. Mostly because I do not really want other people to see my breasts. I still consider my breasts very much part of my sexual identity and as such I don?t really want just anyone to get an eyeful. At present I still feel very inept at bfing, and have difficulty sometimes getting my son latched on as he can get very over excited and wave his head around so much that passers by are more likely to get sprayed by milk than my son is to actually get it in his mouth. That said I have breast fed in a café in Kingston, with my back to the café, but my boob to the window! Fleeting glimpses from people walking past apparently being more comfortable for me than sustained exposure to others in the café. This possibly deranged attitude of mine was borne out on Friday at a wedding, where I went off to a quiet room to feed my son, and due to the type of dress I was wearing I had to get the whole top down to be able to feed. 5 minutes after I got son latched on, in walked the DJ getting a fantastic view of very engorged breast, out he walked again must to my amusement at his embarrassment. However, if it had been one of my friends or colleagues that had walked in, I would have been the one to feel humiliated. I also find that I feel very uncomfortable feeding in front of family ? even in front of my sister who bf both her sons very well (although that could be the competitive nature of our relationship and me feeling insecure about how I am doing). So maybe this has a lot to do with the fact that for the most part, you?re not going to see strangers again and have the knowledge that they HAVE SEEN YOUR BREASTS shock horror! But this also extrapolates to me not wanting to see a lot of breast of others who are bfing. I think it?s great to see others bfing, and encouraging for me, but it does make me uncomfortable to see lots of boob and nipple on show before a baby gets latched on.
Someone earlier mentioned that why was it a problem when you get topless pictures on page 3 in the rags. Maybe when it?s no longer acceptable to have so much over sexualised nudity in the press, which among other things can make women feel insecure, then for me I won?t be so embarrassed as I will not associate boobs just with the sex theme that is promoted in media and our culture, and I will not feel insecure that my breasts are not the perfect perky shape. So yes, more bfing in public may help change public opinion and what is deemed acceptable, but I think that whilst boobs are promoted in culture as only sexual objects, this will be difficult. I don?t think people are ashamed of boobs per se, but embarrassed by the sexual side of them. Myself included!
As to the other debate that almost took over the thread for a while, Tiktok asked a question whether or not a new mother would be put off by extended bfing. Whilst I have said I am encouraged to see bfing in public, I have to admit I am thinking of people bfing babies as that is what I currently identify with. I can?t identify with the concept of extended bfing, although that may well change in the coming months, depending on what decisions I make regarding feeding my son. But, at the moment, I think I would find it offputting. Logically I realise that if I sought advice from someone feeding a toddler, surely it?s sodding obvious that they have managed to bf successfully and consistently and therefore will know what they are talking about. However at the same time I don?t think that at this stage I am thinking particularly logically as this whole bf malarkey is very emotional and stressful and I would quite likely think that only someone who is going through it right now, or has just gone through it, could possibly understand. I realise at times like now that this is a totally dumb way of looking at things, but when I have been sitting on my sofa crying my eyes out at trying to get Hayden to feed for more than a couple of minutes, when I feel like a failure and want to just walk away and give up, I am not capable of rationalising this.
I hope I haven?t rambled on too much, and that my response is of interest to some of you!