Reasons for not breastfeeding in public

[DitaVonCheese]

A discussion on another forum I frequent has got me thinking and I'd love to hear some other people's views. If you didn't/don't breastfeed in public (or if you do but are nervous), is it because you're worried about showing too much, or anxious about being told off by a security guard/interfering old bat/unenlightened male, or for some other reason I've missed?

When I first started I was worried about getting told off but now would probably quite happily cause a scene if necessary I think now I'd be more annoyed if someone just kept tutting but didn't actually say anything, so I'd end up being annoyed all day rather than letting rip!

I like the postitive comments too - although if you're not sure how a comment will be taken, I think a big smile is a good option.

Annie, its good to hear that seeing a Mum BF a toddler was a positive factor in your feeding. (Interesting because further down the thread someone was saying that people feeding toddlers put newer BF mums off - although nobody has actually said that is their experience so far)

Littlelamb - its almost worse to just have nasty looks and disgusted stares - I think it makes it harder to say something back. I know what you mean about feeling vulnerable though. I always think I'll stand up for myself, but never do. In fact, I'm more likely to stand up for another BF Mum I think.

I do feel that attitudes to nursing can and do change, by either doing the breastfeeding yourself or witnessing it.

My dad has gone from storming out of the room I was feeding in, to chatting to me whilst I nurse DC2. Vast improvement (Though he still wants me to stop nursing my toddler)

I started off as a painful shy new mum, breastfeeding in public with a hooter shawl with the intention of stopping at six months. Yet years later I am happily tandem nursing (with no shawl) my 8 month old DS and 2.8 year old DD.

I have had no negative comments or looks in public over the last 2.8 years, just comments from family and inlaws which I ignore.

Toddler nursing varies from child to child. In our case my DD does ask/sign for milk, never helps herself. Often waits until I can nurse her but I can and do nurse her in public if needed (by OUR definition of need which includes comfort) She is a very outstandingly confident and friendly child, who enjoys nursing alongside singing, dancing and drawing

-----------
Just in case she is still reading.....
Sleepless, you may of attended a peer support course but you certainly never graduated successfully from one. Open mind and sympathy is meant to be the resulting attitude for peer supporters not smug judgment. Please consider retraining before you attempt to undermine help new mothers

I now happily bf my 10mo DD in public.

I will admit, though, that when my DS was over 18mths, I was embarrassed to do so and only bf him amongst close friends or at home.

Also - I see everyone's points but really think sleepless has been flamed rather too much.

come late to this but it's quite sad that not much seems to have changed much in the past 8 years since I last bf in public...

Even when I was sitting with my back to the rest of the room, covered with a muslin, I have had had (male) cafe/shop managers ask me to leave or direct me to the loos (FFS) because somebody has 'complained'.
It seems that just the knowledge that someone is bf in the vicinity was deemed an offence.

sasmax - sleepless was called 'obnoxious' which the poster apologised for.

There was no other flaming.

On the other hand, she was insulting about mothers who have toddlers 'hanging off their breasts'; she called them 'miltant' and accused them of 'making a statement' and used other disparaging terms.

Then she left rather than engage with debate tbat questioned her.

Who flamed who???

I BF my DS until he was 1 - and I loved the experience and missed it when it was over ! Although small he did walk very early - 10 months - and people did glance over when he finished feeding, got popped on the floor, and toddled off to carry on playing !

I fed wherever and whenever he needed it - spent a lot of time drinking lattes and chatting in coffee bars !

I remember BF'ing in an Italian Restaurant and the waiter approaching me and starting to ask about my feeding the baby - I tensed up as I did assume it would be a request to stop/leave/move to toilets etc but the lovely man was just asking if I'd like to delay my dinner until the little one had finished his !

I had, and will have with new DC due in October, a definite rule of no feeding in changing areas or toilets ! Could you eat your dinner with the rank smell of a nappy bin up your nose !

jeus,i can't believe you are still harping on about this-i made a point,you seem to be still endlessly debating it-in my opinion-a three year old yanking it's mothers top down in public is verging upon offensive-i didn't say 'breastfeeding a toddler'is offensive- i did say i thought there was 'a type' who do do this and really-when a kid is weaned and eating 3 meals a day and happily going without breastmilk all day when it's not available is it REALLY necessary to wap em out willy nilly (bearing in mind i've fed on trains,buses,in bus shelters etc etc) I have friends/associates who still feed toddlers,only they do it at night time and in the morning and if the child is sick. Perhaps my use of the word militant is misguided but given that i semi apologised for this and have made some valid points/observations in real life i feel that you are all quacking on unncecessarily-oh,and i wasn't hiding- i just thought y'all might have moved on from 2.
days.ago.
you wont accept that there's a 'type' therefore aren't able to have any kind of debate/discussion about this subject with me,in the same way that i'd struggle to debate whether the loch ness monsters diet was ok- i don't believe he exists and you don't believe in the whole scary,toddler hanging off,yoghurt weaver.

I know what you're saying tictoc - it's just that it seemed she was getting a wee bit ganged up on to me.

I remember feeding DS in mothercare TOILETS once as this was the only place they could direct me

The loch ness monster is DEFINITELY real btw

hey,sasamaxx- i haven't read all the thread,i'd rather leave them all to it really given their non acceptance of something i have personal experience of i can't really be arsed to fight a corner.It was,what i considered,a valid point,which has since been forgotten about and become enmeshed in people being really angry...thanks anyway (even if you do think i am a bit of an obnoxious twat,it's ok)

"a three year old yanking it's mothers top down in public is verging upon offensive"

So as my daughter does not yank my top down, you are happy and supportive of me nursing her in public, like I did in the library this morning.

What do you mean by "type" ? Is that refering to anyone who disagrees with you ?

"REALLY necessary to wap em out willy nilly"
Lost me on this one...any translation would be welcomed.

sasamaxx, actually I feel that Sleepless has had a pretty restrained response.

As the mother of a nursing toddler 2.8 years old. I (and other nursing mothers) have been insulted in numerous ways in several of Sleepless posts, with her unimformed, judgemental ideas of what a nursing toddler is.

Babieseverywhere - I think sleepless was referring originally to a particular child, and expressing her opinion on this particular child. Perhaps its not a popular view but she wasn't actually talking about extended bfing in general. I think laterally she was just being flippant as she was feeling a bit outnumbered - as she is/was a bfing mother herself (I think). I'm certain she was not wanting to offend anyone. I know people get really upset about this (myself included - I felt badly judged feeding an 18 mth old in public and hid myself away after that - I agree it's ridiculous)

You're right though - nothing really terrible has been said - just the quantity of angry posts. I just feel that sometimes on mn we forget that these are real people who can be upset by our postings, and they can't always express on forums exactly what they mean and are misunderstood very easily.

you can do what you like love-i asked a question and made what i consider to be a valid point-but you know, you all leap on bits and bobs- my point (which i may have clumsily put initially but have tried to clarify is/was) a two year old does not'need'milk from it's mother during the day (for food) and misses out on socializing with his peers because he is sat on her knee with a nipple in his mouth 80% of the time she is there(a specific 2 year old,not yours,not mine but one that is well known to me)
i also feel that(and i am absolutely entitled to feel this way without being called obnoxious)that when one seeks breastfeeding support as a new mum of a baby-the last thing one wants to see is a three year old,hoiking it's mothers breast out (which i have seen with my own eyes at a SS centre,breastfeeding drop in)this does not normalise breastfeeding for those who aren't sure about it/are struggling/have no peers/familial experience of feeding-you can do what you like.
I personally couldn't give a flying sod if you breast feed your partner ffs-i and many others want to feed for 6/9/12 months and need support from people who can help (and of course i am not saying that those who have continued to feed toddlers are going to be a poor example to new mums) but you know what? We don't all want to feed toddlers-and if our only role model/supporter is your yoghurt weaving,stay at home mum and you are more a 'going back to work at 6mths and would like to be weaned by then'type then to be honest-does that not do more harm than good? Fair play on nell mcandrew,julia roberts & isla fisher for pushing the issue recently in interviews. And you're being obtuse in your last point so i shant bother to dignify it with a response (if i run away it's because my baby is up and i have stuff to do-not because everyone is quacking on)

Well if you are right and Sleepless was not refering to all mothers of nursing toddlers, maybe she could apologise for her insulting judgemental posts and make it clear that she was only talking about ONE local mother.

As a nursing mother and especially as a peer supporter . She should be very careful in the tone of her posts and how her posts come across to others, to avoid upsetting the mothers she aims to support.
Certainly her posts on this thread show no such skill.

I agree - we should all be careful of our tone so that we're not misunderstood.
I feel that nursing mothers have a hard enough time as it is

i don't nurse my children anymore as one is nearly 15years old(although if you'd like to extend feeding that long who am i to have an opinion on it?) and my other one self weaned when she was 10months old-i took a decision that rather than take her back to bed for 48hours and force her to take breastmilk i'd just let her you know,eat food,i am not sure how long i'd have kept feeding her myself had she not refused the breast when she did.My first child still had a morning and a nightime feed from me until she was around 14months old-i just didn't feed a child during the day breastmilk as i was back at work and frankly,past a year,in my opinion (which is different to yours but still an opinion)they don't need to be sat with a breast in their mouth all day every day-which bit of that are you refusing to accept? amongst all the other things you are refusing to accept?

Sleepless,

You need to speak to your peer supporting tutor and ask for help to adjust your poor attitude and your judgemental nature, before you try and help local mothers.

I am very concerned that without further training (and attitude adjustment) you are going to do more harm than good.

Many mothers may decide to nurse longer than you feel is right, or may go back to work earlier or later or not at all and still continue to breastfeed. All these women deserve proper support, as much as new mothers with their young babies do.

You have proven on this thread you possess little tact or desire to learn more from a reasoned discussion. Your posts are full of emotive negative language to further insult those mothers you are talking to, including me.

I hope you stick around on this board, keep reading posts and hopefully one day you will start to open your mind to learn about tandem nursing, nursing toddlers and other such matters.

Who knows maybe one day you might find yourself with a nursing toddler, never say never

Or a nursing parter

you have no idea how old i think is right.
you also clearly have no idea what judgemental is.
you have no idea who i am or what my attitude is to anything-including those feeding toddlers.
it is YOU who should be less judgemental of what you think i think as i frankly can't be arsed to reiterate,again,for your benefit.
I have no problems with anything i have stated on this thread.
You perhaps need to go and speak to someone about your comprehension skills as I guess you've got the red mist and are unable to see anything other than YOUR agenda-QED.

And i've never said never by the way-if we do have another baby i will feed it as long as is necessary for that child-but-when it's on 3 meals a day it is unlikely that I shall be offering the breast-24/7 as I would like my child to eat food from a plate and use a cup to drink from during the day.

sasamaxx- i don't think you've adopted the correct amount of wrath and anger as deemed necessary by this thread- i feel like handing out ice lollies and telling people to chill the fuck out-it's only an opinion ffs...

ps but if we're being pig headed (and clearly I am) does anyone feel brave enough to acknowledge that there is this 'type' prevalent amongst breastfeeding supporters or is it REALLY REALLY honestly truly just me?

Sorry babies everywhere, but I think sleepless has apologised. What she can say anon on this thread is of course very different to what she would say in real life - here she can let her true feelings out and on some things I have to agree with her.
Do children over the age of 2 need to BF in the day? Maybe if they just fell over and hurt themselves, but otherwise I'd hope they were too busy playing. Or if you are still nursing to sleep then surely that would happen close to where the child was about to sleep e.g. at home? Can you not appreciate at all that some Mums who BF and come on a bit strong can put off other Mum's who don't come from the same background?
Can you also not understand that while -feeding nursing a 2 year old on demand when it is not time to sleep or needing comfort is hard for some people (me) to get their head around.
If I was still feeding nursing a toddler though I'd like to think I'd be aware of other people's feelings enough not to push what I was doing at the expense of the more worrying issue of Mum's who never BF.
I think that's what sleepless is saying.

LOL, I was hopeful that by talking to a nursing mother, you would modify your attitude/posts and maybe even start to learn a little about nursing toddlers. But you have made it clear that you don't wish to learn anything and that makes me a little sad not angry.

BTW Children can drink from cups, eat off plates and still be breastfeed alongside solids. I assume you know this already but thought I would spell it out for any lurkers on the thread.

If you do have another baby and want breastfeeding advice, this is the place to come, this board has been so helpful to me and countless other mothers.

Ourlot, I am assuming you are a namechanger. Why all the bashing of extended breastfeeding in the two days since you have been registered? (god, I miss those bunny eared emoticons)