Reasons for not breastfeeding in public

[DitaVonCheese]

A discussion on another forum I frequent has got me thinking and I'd love to hear some other people's views. If you didn't/don't breastfeed in public (or if you do but are nervous), is it because you're worried about showing too much, or anxious about being told off by a security guard/interfering old bat/unenlightened male, or for some other reason I've missed?

When I first started I was worried about getting told off but now would probably quite happily cause a scene if necessary I think now I'd be more annoyed if someone just kept tutting but didn't actually say anything, so I'd end up being annoyed all day rather than letting rip!

lockets

I've not had a single nasty look or comment in 7 months (on the contrary, sighs of relief when screaming baby shuts up!) but dozens of "aren't you worried about/don't you get comments from people?"

Seems to be quite the undercurrent of I'm not against bf in public, I'm just concerned for you because of the other people. Very odd!

Not sure how people show belly when bf - do they wear low-cut trousers or something?

notcitrus I had a bizarre lunch with my gran and DH - we were in a garden centre restaurant and my gran kept arranging the menus in front of me, checking other people weren't looking etc. She bfed both her sons and I don't think is against bfing in public as such (she's extremely pro-nudity!) but seemed very anxious either to protect me or that we were either going to get told off or embarrass other people (not sure which it was tbh!).

The secret of the belly showing worry is to buy a maternity belly band - y'know the things that are meant to cover the gap between your top and trouser when you have bump?

Or make own by taking old vest, and choping the boob covering bit off, so you are left with a tube of material to wear under your clothes, but over the belly and back. Prevents draughts to lower back too.

Ta-Daaaaa

when i was bf ds4 a client of dp came running into cafe and said ' i always hurry to see women with a baby blanket over shoulder i know what they are doing'

i was and

Hi all, my first post here.

I live in Singapore (soon to be London) and breastfeed everywhere - restaurants are great for welcoming babies here. I've even fed her on the tube!

That said Chinese culture IS quite conservative and I have big tits and a baby that loves to come off the tit at stare around so sometimes I use a cover or a muslin. I'm increasingly less concerned with what I show and if I forget the cover I just get them out (pull my top up sort of thing)

Given that I've had so many nurses, doctors and breastfeeding specialists stare at my tits and I really don't feel self conscious about showing them.

I do ask myself why I cover up. I suppose it's because I am in a different culture to my own so it's just easier to be more discreet about showing flesh than not.

Ironically the only tuts and comments have been from other women. Because breastfeeding is uncommon here (seen as old village style behaviour) I also get people pointing and laughing -- but to be fair, not in a hostile way.

The most uncomfortable I've ever felt breastfeeding was in the waiting room of the paediatrician. A whole family complete with two nannies in uniform just STARING like I'd completely lost all my marbles.

My friend was asked to move in a restaurant here. Another family had complained, but in typical Asian-style passive aggression had asked the waitress to get her to stop. She refused, finished feeding and carried on with her meal, to much harrumphing from said family.

Friends who breastfeed who I've asked said it's often other women who make the most hurtful/annoying comments about it.

I'm a bit apprehensive what it will be like in Britain when I get back in a fortnight. Here's so family centric that no one huffs and puffs if you have a baby and generally, I've had such a good public breastfeeding experience here.

I have 2 vests from Rooti Tooti (google to find the site) that have gaps for you to hoick your breast out, so you can wear one under your top and then you aren't showing tummy even if you have had to pull your top up. I've nothing to do with the company; I just bought them and liked them, and given that this seems to be a big worry people might be interested.

It does seem to me to be other women who 'notice' most - I've been fortunate enough not to have any openly comment (am at some of the remarks reported here!) but I have caught women staring at me with a 'what is she doing?' face on. If you stare back directly though they will usually look away. I am getting used to feeding in public now though at times DS does waggle around and I wish he wouldn't...

I think one problem though is that women who have bottle-fed don't appreciate the need to breastfeed in public. They often just think well, why don't you just give the baby a bottle whilst out (of formula or EBM) and don't appreciate that it is not that simple. Certainly when I had ds1 (formula fed), I thought along these lines. Then I had ds2 (breastfed) and realised that 1. he point-blank refused to even drink EBM out of a bottle; 2. expressing is not very convenient; 3. if you want to take expressed milk with you every time you go out, you are never going to get out the house; 4. it might affect my supply to give a bottle whilst out.

Maybe it was just me lacking in emphathy or being particularly stupid but I just never realised until I experienced it for myself that BF in public is realistically just a part of having a breastfed baby.

I can't say that I experienced any real negativity (but I did always use a wrap thing to cover myself) but ds1 did always seem to play up just as I started to feed ds2 in public, or make loud comments about "hey mummy, are you feeding the baby?".

I think there is also feeding in public and feeding in feeding in public. I always tried to be discreet e.g. not choosing a seat right in the middle of the cafe etc.

Can I ask if people got tuts and comments in the UK EVEN using a cover?

I haven't quite nailed the incredibly discreet latch on (and I find my big tits don't help) so if I'm somewhere really visible I tend to use a cover. Of course, people know what I'm doing because they can see a waggling babies legs poking out.

So does the simple fact I would be breastfeeding something that annoys people there, or is it the skin showing?

Just asking because I live in Singapore and am moving back to London in 3 weeks.

StercusAccidit come to Birmingham with me and some of the others and we'll make sure you find somewhere to feed without paying over the odds for a drink!

The only thing that's ever put me off feeding in public was when I was dressed inappropriately. One time it meant stripping to my pants and tights to feed and however strongly held my beliefs are, I wasn't in a rush to do that!

Dorisbonkers - I always used a cover (for the same reason as you) and I only got filthy looks and tutted at once that I'm aware of from some old bat dear in a cafe. Otherwise, yes people know what you are doing but I've never really had any negativity, in fact mainly smiles especially from older ladies.

I have never had anyone saying anything at all in years of bf. It gets harder as they get older - I dont particularly like feeding dd out of the house now at 11 months but tbh there isnt really any need for it 90% of the time as she only has one daytime feed.

I actually dont think the cover would help - its the idea of bf that those people find offensive rather than the flesh on show I think sadly.

Stercus - I'm birminghamish and have never had a problem finding anywhere to feed (although I do like the excuse to have a nice cup of tea)

But then I'm the type that will find a bench or a step and do it if needs be.

Keep an eye out for the breastfeeding picnic (to support children's rights to be fed milk whenever and wherever) that TBM and I are organising for July in Birmingham

I was quite discreet when DS1 was born and used muslins, scarves etc, and avoided places where I thought it might be frowned on.

As time has worn on, however, I've become less and less able to give a toss. Since I've had DS2 I now feed more or less how and where I want and am not bothered about flashing a bit of boob if he comes off unexpectedly.

The only exception is that I am still feeding my toddler and felt unable to feed him in public after about 18 months. So I just don't. But it's not really necessary to do it ever, he doesn't expect it out and about.

oh, and no-one has ever said anything. Apart from relatives who occasionally make the kind of "what, are you feeding that baby again?!" kind of comments, but not in a nasty way

Doris (hello!) most people bf for years in the UK without ever having any nasty comments so please don't worry.

So if most women are more worried about wobbly tums than ignorant comments, is it that important that the right to bf is protected by law? [devil's advocate smiley]

Dita - yes, IMO. The protection is for the women that are worried about feeding in public, and for the ones that do get harrassed. It does happen, and it does undermine breastfeeding for individuals.

Its important to me, so I am fighting for the legislation

but I do agree that the majority of women never get so much as a second glance, so it is not something to worry about personally - the chances of it happening to an individual must be pretty small

Of course mothers need legal protection from being harrassed - the worry about being harrassed may prevent women from feeling comfortable about feeding away from home.

It's like street lighting. The chances of an individual old person being attacked on any individual dark corner are very small, but the fear of being attacked keeps old people in the neighbourhood inside at night. Light up the same corner and they are confident enough to go out.

The presence of legislation also says 'protecting you and your baby is more important than protecting the ignorance of a few rude people' So it is symbolic in that way, too.

it so annoys me that WE have to be concerned about how OTHER people feel when WE feed our babies. it's none of their effing business. i am not flashing my tits at them, i am feeding my child (with the equipment that god intended me to use)

i'm due DC2 in 2 weeks. i have received TWO of these in the last week from well meaning folk (my mom and my cuosin). frankly i'm offended. (even more so by the fact that they used to be called Hooter Hiders ) just another way of trying to undermine mothers and make us feel embarrassed to do something natural. (BTW - anyone want to buy a hooter hider? i have 2, never been used...)

See, I think it should be protected by law (Chairmum, is there anything I can do other than signing that petition?) and was very irritated when this woman on another forum suggested that it was unnecessary because she had never had any negative comments My feeling is very much that it will give the message that bfing in public is fine and would therefore have a knockon effect on nasty comments as well as obviously meaning you can't get asked to move by security etc. I was just surprised that for most people (out of the admittedly few that have answered!) it's the tum that's the problem, which sadly can't be legislated against

purplemonkeydishwasher. I do hear you on the hooter hiders. But I really feel the need to use one here in Singapore -- where nudity is SUCH a no no and where breastfeeding isn't protected by law. Sodomy is still illegal here so it's not exactly a progressive society. In the early days of breastfeeding I just didn't want any aggravation from anyone (because I'd most likely cry than stand my ground) but as time goes on I'm ready to take anyone on who complains.

So if a cover helps me to breastfeed where and when I like, then it can be a good thing. But yes, I'm a still a bit 'you know' about using one. Particularly because it's so bloody hot here!

That said, I've recently started leaving it at home. Partly because the cafe and the dim sum haunt I often go to don't mind my feeding and go crackers over my baby.

and at least you didn't get presents of formula bottles!

pmd start a thread asking for suggestions on what to do with them. Could they make a good tent for toddlers to play in? Would they be useful to keep in the car in case you forget your unbrella?
I bf in public, feel a bit more self conscious now with a 2yo but still do (although he now likes to crouch down at one side and shuffle around a bit while feeding!)> never had any comments or looks from strangers (or haven't noticed!)
When he was tiny, my main reason for not wanting to feed in public was boredom. At home I'd have drinks / snacks and books or TV, but out and about if on my own I'd be bored stupid as he could feed for ages!