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Infant feeding

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Original poster

Reasons for not breastfeeding in public

324 replies

DitaVonCheese · 12/04/2009 14:10

A discussion on another forum I frequent has got me thinking and I'd love to hear some other people's views. If you didn't/don't breastfeed in public (or if you do but are nervous), is it because you're worried about showing too much, or anxious about being told off by a security guard/interfering old bat/unenlightened male, or for some other reason I've missed?

When I first started I was worried about getting told off but now would probably quite happily cause a scene if necessary I think now I'd be more annoyed if someone just kept tutting but didn't actually say anything, so I'd end up being annoyed all day rather than letting rip!

OP posts:
giantkatestacks · 14/04/2009 16:58

I really dont want to wade into a row like because its so obvious that sleepless is being so unreasonable but just wanted to ask a genuine question:

I tend not to use bf as a 'comfort' for my dd now (at 11 months) and nor did I with my ds - just because for half the time it was their fathers doing the comforting and so I kept it as hugs from me etc. I suppose I would be concerned about my dcs rejecting comfort from other people and if I'm honest - I dont want to be up for offering to bf all day - and now I feel slightly guilty about that tbh.

I suppose that people with more of a routine in their day find extended demand bf more difficult and unusual simply because they are not using it in the same way - thanks all you've made me think about that some more...

StealthPolarBear · 14/04/2009 16:59

ah the blog does make it a bit clearer, and I do understand the reason now for the cut off point, but if I am confused as someone with a vested interest then the general public will be bound to interpret it in any way they choose

foxytocin · 14/04/2009 17:01

I was one of those women with a 2yo who fed about 200 times a day as long as she was with me. she went to nursery full time and it is documented that she was a well adjusted child.

i fed her because she asked for it and if i refused or tried to distract her, she went into instant meltdown. then i learnt through observation that coupled with very late language development as well as awareness that the world did not revolve around her and that society had social protocols, the world was a challenging place and she used breastfeeding as a way to reassure herself and take on those challenges. I was happy to meet my daughter's need quickly and unobtrusively while giving her the most nutritious food any human can have.

She still feeds once or twice a day, only in bed and confidently tells me she is stopping when she if four.

I'll get me fleece.

tiktok · 14/04/2009 17:12

SPB, I don't think there is confusion - I mean, here on mumsnet there is some, when it comes to discussion, but it the world out there, I really don't think potential harrassers are considering the age of the baby before deciding whether to harrass or not.

I would welcome a law that made it illegal to harrass anyone who is breastfeeding, but in fact the problem, when it arises, is mostly rudeness and hostile looks - like the muttered comment Bonzo describes. Being muttered about is horrible, and of course the mother is embarrassed and upset rather than immediately stung into contacting a policeman or her solicitor A law, widely publicised, would reduce the instance of hostility, and give a quick come-back to anyone who was muttered about.

fishie · 14/04/2009 17:37

tiktok, sleepless posted this at 14.38

"i did the peersupporter so that it wasn't just women with 4 year olds involved"

so it appears that her entire motivation for doing the course was to push her own agenda.

Supercherry · 14/04/2009 17:45

Been following this thread with interest. I'm rather confused now.

Tiktok, you say there is no law that makes it illegal to harrass breastfeeding mothers? But surely it's already illegal to 'harrass' anyone.

I read the link you provided on breastfeeding legislation and noted this bit:

'The 1975 Sexual Discrimination Act created legal protection for a woman under the provision of goods, facilities and services section. This protection covered a woman breastfeeding a child, of any age, by implication, and meant that she could not be discriminated against for breastfeeding in places such as restaurants, cafes, surgeries, libraries etc.'

Surely then we are protected from being made to feel uncomfortable for breastfeeding in public by tutting or hostility as this amounts to discrimination?

Am I missing something here?

tiktok · 14/04/2009 18:00

Supercherry - I am not legally trained in any way, but some random person tutting or throwing a hostile look is not providing 'goods, services or facilities' and so is not acting illegally under the sex discrimination act. They're being rude, that's for sure, but I don't think the law protects the mother in that particular instance.

Supercherry · 14/04/2009 18:09

Doesn't the law protect breastfeeding women under sexual discrimination in the same way it would protect an ethnic minority from racial discrimination?

A random person cannot comment negatively on a person's skin colour so why can a person comment negatively on a breastfeeding mother?

Surely the law isn't just for preventing people involved in public services from discriminating?

BottySpottom · 14/04/2009 18:28

I think it is possible to feed without showing anything at all. Admittedly I am a bit lacking in the chest department, but I wore baggy tops and stuck the poor DSs under them.

lockets I wish I had been there when that woman said something on your behalf. I can't believe people think like that.

tiktok · 14/04/2009 18:28

I dunno, supercherry - clearly, morally it should apply like that, but the wording of the act seems to suggest that legally it doesn't.

giantkatestacks · 14/04/2009 18:30

supercherry - I thought you could randomly comment on a persons skin colour actually - you just cant discriminate with services etc - as tiktok said. You cant incite to violence either...

You are free to express your opinion though thank god - best that idiots are able to say stupid things than none of us can say anything at all...

Supercherry · 14/04/2009 18:37

ISWYM Giantkatestacks. Maybe it's less more legislation that's needed then and more education of the masses and positive promotion of breastfeeding.

Supercherry · 14/04/2009 18:39

That last post of mine was so badly worded.

ourlot · 14/04/2009 18:47

I never thought about bf in public, but then I never flashed my boobs. Even close friends in houses who wop their boobs out with no regard make me feel a bit uncomfortable so I would never want to make anyone else feel like that. BF where you like, but please cover up.
Giantkate: Why feel guilty? You have clear logic behind what you did for your child/ren so don't worry about it.

funtimewincies · 14/04/2009 19:07

I gave up bf at 9 weeks with ds and a big part of it was the completely restricted life I led becuase I couldn't bring myself to bf in public. I've got huge norks on a small body (5', size 12 and 32G before pg) and I just couldn't find a way of wrestling a stropping baby and manoevering my boobs in a discreet way. Combined with living in an area where nobody seems to bf (I was the only one on the ante-natal ward) I just couldn't do it.

Regret it now .

Supercherry · 14/04/2009 19:28

Ourlot why should a breastfeeding woman go out of her way to cover up a bit of boob when the newsagents and media are full of naked breasts? What's the difference?

nickytwotimes · 14/04/2009 19:36

I live in Scotland and I have noticed a difference in people's (outward) attitudes to bfing in public since the law was changed.
There is an attitude now of "Well, it is a right to be able to do that wherever, so that is that" even amonst the anti-public bfers (like my MIL!)

I have certainly noticed more bfing going on all over - in museums, parks, cafes, trains, buses, at Mass, .... It is FANTASTIC to see people being given the protection of law in this area.

My MIL still thinks it is disgusting though. WTF?

Original poster
DitaVonCheese · 14/04/2009 19:56

Gosh this has grown since I went out!

Re sleepless's comments above: the one good thing the NHS did to help me with breastfeeding (as opposed to the MW who told me I couldn't drink and should pump and dump, the MW who tried to latch DD on by the time-honoured method of grabbing babe and boob and shoving them together, and the bf expert who knew nothing about blocked ducts/milk blisters) was the MW who told me that she'd fed her DS to 22 months: I found it so reassuring to think that I wasn't going to get told to stop at 3 months or 6 months or whatever (though am currently rather hoping DD will self-wean after about a year).

nickytwotimes It's interesting/great to know it has had an impact in Scotland.

OP posts:
MrsTittleMouse · 14/04/2009 20:06

I just long for the day when breastfeeding is normal. I am lucky that I know a lot of breastfeeders and my Mum breastfed. Even so, I find that my family want to brush it (me) under the carpet a bit and don't want me to feed in front of them. And I'm often the only breastfeeder when I'm out and about (not with my self-selecting group of lentil weavers ). I'd like to be completely unremarkable.

Mind you, I took the DDs for a fun day out the other week and I saw three babies - two older and one newborn and they were all being breastfed. It was completely fabulous and I didn't feel like a freaky weirdo for once. Even though there was a group of French teenagers who obviously were shocked/fasinated at what I was doing.

Not that formula is the work of the devil - I was very glad that it was available when I failed spectacularly to express with DD1. But our culture just assumes that everyone formula-feeds. One of DH's lovely relatives was astonished that DD2 had been exclusively breastfed to 6 months - "it just goes to show that it is possible". And she's a nurse.

hmmSleep · 14/04/2009 20:19

TittleMouse, I'm quite suprised, must depend where in the country you are.

I've just moved from Edinburgh to Harrogate, and all the Mums I know in both, (and I go to alot of baby / toddler groups) breastfed, to me it was a little strange when someone hadn't, at least for the first few months anyway. I presumed if someone wasn't it was more for medical reasons, that it didn't work rather than something they'd chosen not to do. Having said that I'm all for choice and would never judge anyone for breastfeeding for 3 yrs or for not breastfeeding at all.

MrsTittleMouse · 14/04/2009 20:26

hmmSleep Out of all the babies in my DDs' generation (all sides of family, included extended family, 2nd cousins etc.), mine are the only two to be breastfed (in any amount) to 6 months. I fed DD1 to 10 months and DD2 is 6 months and no sign of stopping. The only other two breastfeeders of my generation (one my family, one DH's) fed out of duty, mixed fed, and gave up as soon as they felt they could. In some ways, that makes it even more awkward for me, as they have all convinced themselves that past 3/4 months "it doesn't matter". Which is even more depressing if you know what their professions are. In my nicer moments, I think how much they must have loved their babies to do something that they obviously hated. I'd just rather that they didn't force their prejudices on me.

giantkatestacks · 14/04/2009 20:27

I dont think its a country thing - its a 'class' thing sadly...

Am about to say something that some people will think is utterly ludicrous but here goes - I often dont feed in public because I know I look too lentil weavery that day or too knackered and frazzled and dont want to give people the impression that only people like me bf. When I'm looking quite glam then am quite happy to feed because it challenges peoples preconceptions more.

I was looking at some pics of me at the Eden Project when dd was about 6 months and I look absolutely terrible - theres one of me sitting feeding on a bench in one of the biomes and at the time I thought people would see me and be encouraged to bf but now looking at that photo I think people would look and think blimey if thats what bf does to you then I wont thanks. Of course they would be wrong - its actually what parenting does to you...

ib · 14/04/2009 20:28

I hardly ever did it for the simple reason that ds was such a torture to feed in the early days (he had reflux and every feed was a battle) that I could only face it at home and concentrating. If I had to feed him when out and about I preferred to sit in the car for the same reason. Then as he grew older he was easily distracted so I tried to feed him at home in peace and quiet.

That said, when I was flying and didn't have the option of feeding in private, I had no issues with it at all.

thumbwitch · 14/04/2009 20:28

sheer self-consciousness - didn't want to expose bits of me, have always been shy about it (was never keen on topless sunbathing, regardless of whether or not everyone else was doing it)

Have done it in very public places, but always tried to cover up as much as poss so no one can leer or tut or see anything.

MrsTittleMouse · 14/04/2009 20:32

giantkatestacks
I must be a dreadful advert for breastfeeding then! I look awful! Maybe I should have a sign made, explaining that breastfeeding is easy, and that I'm knackered because I've been TTC (mostly failing TC) or rubbishly pregnant, or had a baby who refused to sleep for 5 and a half years. Wow, had never worked it out before, no wonder I look such a state!