Reasons for not breastfeeding in public

[DitaVonCheese]

A discussion on another forum I frequent has got me thinking and I'd love to hear some other people's views. If you didn't/don't breastfeed in public (or if you do but are nervous), is it because you're worried about showing too much, or anxious about being told off by a security guard/interfering old bat/unenlightened male, or for some other reason I've missed?

When I first started I was worried about getting told off but now would probably quite happily cause a scene if necessary I think now I'd be more annoyed if someone just kept tutting but didn't actually say anything, so I'd end up being annoyed all day rather than letting rip!

Actually, I was more bothered about bfing in front of some members of my family rather than outside - I do not give a shit what some random stranger thinks (though I would have been devastated, of course, to have been on the receiving end of what some of the other posters here have experienced). I was most bothered about getting my boobs out in front of my (lovely) FIL - in the end, it wasn't an issue and he has never given any indication of being uncomfortable as I bfed his 3 DGDs (to a year with the older 2, still feeding 8mo DD3).

Nowadays, I'd be straight back at 'em if someone made a negative comment - if I could get there before DH, of course . But I do think the legislation could be important in giving confidence to people who are more uncertain about bfing in public.

And, to anyone who is nervous about being stared at, please remember that sometimes people do not mean to be negative. I will probably be a mad old lady who stares at bfing mothers, mistily remembering when I bfed my own children (but completely unable to remember my own name by this time).

I breastfed without shame wherever I wanted to - well wherever dd was hungry to be more precise.

I admit to being like op - would rather someone say something than tut tutting or sneery looks. However, all of these things existed only in my head in anticipation.

Hello all, really interesting read on this discussion.

I fed my dd for 15mths and was quite shy at first about bf in public. However, after my first two times involved my dd wriggling about and completely exposing my boobs to some builders in the cafe I was in, who, bless them, didn't bat an eye lid or say anything, I got over it.

My DS is now 7 weeks and I did my 1st bit of public feeding today, in front of work colleagues (all women who have BF so I was in good company) and no worries.

I would say though that I wasn't worried about exposing my flabby belly til I read this discussion -

That is a real shame, and I'm sure very annoying for you. It sounds like they have just never been given the full information by midwives, health visitors etc.

In Edinburgh bf was really encouraged from the moment my dcs were born with big info packs given out and special bf visits from the hv to ensure it was all going well. In my anti natal classes bottle feeding wasn't mentioned, we had mothers come in to show us how to bf. Sounds like more of that is needed throughout the country. Imagine these things take years to change attitudes though

giantkatestacks Bit of a dolphin-botherer here, so I totally understand what you mean (and yep, I mainly look crap ... I'm also currently carrying a Lin & Leo change bag and I'm sure people who recognise it must be wondering wtf is going on - the answer being ebay, obviously ).

Actually, thinking about it, the only really negative commnets I had were from my mum. SHe bf me for 6 wks then I was put on a bottle and my brother she didn't bf at all. She kept on commenting that I wasn't filling my daughter enough and that was why she was crying (she was just a bloody difficult baby).

It was almost as if she felt I was insulting her parenting by bf when she hadn't, when actually it was her parenting that made me independent enough to decide what I wanted to do.

However, with DS, she is really great about me BF. Perhaps the fact that my dd survived and is a thriving and happy 3 yr old (despite me bf for 15 mths) has changed her mind.

It's even more of a shame than that, as they're very bright, well informed people. So it can't even be blamed on rubbish HVs. We're all scattered around the country too (but none in Scotland).

At least the trend is going the right way. I hope that by the time my DDs have children that it will be normal and well supported with HCPs who know their stuff.

With dd1 I was really conscious because she was hopeless at staying latched on and would constantly leave me exposed and me feeling embarrassed and looking like I didn't have a clue what I was doing. Also I hated exposing my sides and tum. I felt everyone was staring at me and went bright red.
dd2 I didn't give a monkeys. DD2 latched well, fed well and got off therefore it was never embarrassing because I rarely got caught out I also knew better about how to bf and had picked up many more tips for doing it discreetly and had more feeding tops. I also had lots of positive support from MN about the right to bf in public.

I was REALLY nervous about feeding in public... before I did it. After the first two or three times I felt really relaxed about it. Mind you I live in Brighton which is full of yoghurt weavers. I agree with all the OPs who say that people would much rather have you breastfeed than have a distressed hungry baby bawling... My DS was premature and had IUGR and is consequently starving and constantly feeding!

Having said that I was feeding DS in the park the other day feeling all peaceful and nice and a young guy in shades sat about 20 foot away from me and seemed to be just staring and staring for the whole time I was feeding! euch!

tiktok - the recommendation to feed to 12 months I was thinking of is the recommendation in America (American Academy of Pediatrics). Thanks for the link though

I've been bf for nearly 5 years now and cant think of any reasons not to bf when baby/toddlers needs/wants it

i understand that people are worried about the theoretical risk of random strangers making negative comments but I've never had this. But then I also live in scotland

the only really rude comments i have ever come across are on mumsnet. including some on thsi thread

On the issue of comments my mum was the worst. I remember feeding in her living room and her physically restraining my Dad from entering the room saying 'dillys dad don't go in their our dilly is feeding the baby and.......do you turn into a pumpkin, turn to dust if you witness such a thing PMSL I ended up telling them to stop being stupid and if that was the case he would hardly spen any time at all in his living room This was with dd1 and by dd2 they were completely over it

I have never had negative comments from strangers but lots of positives (south west) like a lady who said 'ahh thats what she needed!' smiling at dd2 when she had latched on.

As it happens and following on from someone saying about more education about bf, I read a study which was aiming to develop a knowledge questionnaire for teens with the intention that bf awareness and promotion be taught as part of personal education in schools. Will have to route it out again as I happened on it by chance though. I just thought what a fantastic idea

On recommended bf duration the WHO recommend a minimum of 6mths and if possible until the child is fully weaned/self weans.

i have breast fed in public with both dds. I do feel embarressed but only by the thought that someone might be offended and ask me to leave and that would lead to confrontation. I haven't encountered this yet but it would be nice to know that there was a law on my side.

I am another who worries about showing flabby belly off, and getting a cold back on horride cafe chairs

I can't believe what some of you poor posters have had to put up with, all for the sake of feeding your child, it's ridiculous and people are so narrow minded!!

I have bf all my dcs whenever they needed it and where ever that may have been, have been lucky to avoid nasty comments although have had lots of 'looks', don't like my tummy either but prefer a content baby

I did feed both my ds in public but I always felt really self conscious about doing and never really became confident about it. Pretty much the same at home if friends or my parents were here, most of whom were pretty cool about it. Partially because both of my ds were pretty rubbish feeders and were on/off/on/off and never settled down for nice long feeds.

I have always envied other people who feed in public without any worries. Just something I found really difficult to do.

I don't bf in public at all anymore. Not that I feel particularly inhibited about it (although I suppose I do a bit now as a result of the disasters each time I have tried) but DS has never taken a feed very well anywhere there might be something more interesting to look at. I can't even feed him in my own living room anymore (he's 7 months now) and all feeds have to be done lying down on my bed! I've always felt very envious of women with a quiet, still baby having a lovely feed while Mummy has a cup of tea in a cafe!

I had a nightmare BFing my DS. Had extremely sore/bleeding nipples followed by mastitus (sp?). What nearly put me off was the video in the maternity ward which said that if it hurt you're doing it wrong and that it should be 100% pain free. Thank god for my lovely midwife who said "yes, it does hurt. Give it 6 weeks for me" I had my first pain free feed from both sides at 5.5 weeks! Because of the pain I spent much of those first weeks lying down to feed so obviously not in public!

As time went on, I got better at feeding in public but would still look for feeding rooms.

I think the law should definitely be introduced here and can't think of any reason why it shouldn't be. It would give more women the confidence they need to BF in public and therefore to BF for a longer period.

Oh and I got a comment at a social gathering (full of v.intelligent finance types). I wasn't even BFing a the time, just leaving the party carrying DS in his carseat and the man said, "oooh is he hungry, bet there's plenty in those". Bleurgh.

I've never had a nasty comment and rarely a look, and TBH, I don't think it happens all that often to most breastfeeders. My first feed outside the house or the houses of my antenatal mates was in a park - I was with my mum, she was very encouraging that I get on with it and sod everyone else, and we spent 15 minutes looking for a bench with a sodding back to it! I have a photo of me looking very uncomfortable, propping DS up with my change bag and one leg crossed over my knee (displaying lovely unco-ordinated tights with holes in ) but I treasure it, because it was my First Public Feed Ever and things got easier from then.

Have had a few second glances now DS is older (13m) but nothing a smile couldn't deflect. (Urgh, that makes me sound like some Happy Mary Poppins-type!)

I do sympathise with the earlier post that said she didn't often BF when she was looking lentil-weavery, because she didn't want people to think it was only for Granola Types! I've often felt like that on my messier, hippier days. But not enough to go back home and put on a suit and some lippy!

I have only ever felt uncomfortable twice. Once was when I went to visit my parents when ds was about 6 weeks old. The town is very backwards, for want of a better word, and I was openly gawped at in the cafe we were in. I have MNers who can vouch for the fact that my norks may be massive but you really can't see anying when I feed ds. It made me extremely uncomfortable though, and I don't think it's coincidence that all my school friends who still live there formula feed.
The second time was only about a month later when my parents came down here. We were again in a cafe and there was an older woman sat a few tables away muttering very loudly about how I was disgusting Funnily enough she didn't look away though, no, she strained her neck to get a better look . I was so glad I was sat at the table with my family as they just told me to ignore it. I think while you are still relatively horomoal so soon after hte birth it would be very easy to be upset by sich people.
It is interesting to me though that the different places have such different attitudes to bf. I don't think twice about bf in Exeter, all the mums I know bf, and at least 3 of us got our boobs out at the recent meet up . I have also had some lovely comments, notably from an old woman when ds was 3 weeks old who sat next to me on a bench and told me it was lovely to see, and then told me how she used to feed her dc on a train and didn't care what people thought Back in Cambridgeshire (what the hell, name and shame, the town was Wisbech) I really did feel an oddity, something to be stared at. I couldn't deal with that o a daily basis and it saddens me that there are people who have to.
My next challenge is that I have now been feeding ds for about a month longer htan I fed dd. He is now 10 months and I know that I will start to get more comments now. But in that situation, it makes such a he difference knowing to that, to my peers, bf is normal

The SDA does make it illegal to harass a woman for breastfeeding in public however old her child is, but it is civil law so you can?t get police support and would have to get a solicitor afterwards and prove that the harassment took place; and it only applies to provision of services, e.g. if you were kicked out of a restaurant for breastfeeding and could prove it after the fact. Morgan can explain it better than me, I?ll have a look for what she posted on Facebook about it.

Fishie, thanks for reposting that. With it in isolation like that it hit me what she had said! That certainly is her own agenda, I know that on the peer course I did (PCT) they weren?t all nursing 4 year olds! Most of the group wouldn?t have passed the requirements for some of the organisations, some were even childless!

Ourlot, could you please let me know how much is acceptable to show when I ?wop? my breasts out? Any other suggestions for how to make people feel more comfortable with me nursing my daughter? Should I sit with my back to the room? Go to the toilets?

Academicmum - AAP (American Academy of Pediatrics) statement on breastfeeding has no upper limit either:
"Breastfeeding should be continued for at least the first year of life and beyond for as long as mutually desired
by mother and child."

This is from their statement, released in 2005.

I know this thread has had some fairly unpleasant discussion, but I do think the question raised is an interesting one:

Before you BF, what effect did seeing women BFing toddlers have on you, if any?

Me - well I confess that with DC1 I had planned on feeding until she was about 1 and was quietly of the "they're too olod once they can ask for it" persuasion, although I wouldn't have said so. At that time I had never seen anyone feeding a toddler, but I expect I would have felt pretty uncomfortable about it.

Feeding DC2, I knew some women feeding 12-18 month olds. By the time DS was 6 months and I used to see the then 24 month old feeding, I thought it was 'fine' to BF a toddler, but still felt a little uncomfy and assured myself I would not make a rod for my own back in the same way, and would stop at 18 nmonths at the latest.

So when I saw BF toddlers, it certainly wasn't somthing that made me think "wow, I want to do that", but equally, it didn't put me off BFing, so had no negative effect on me.

I ended up feeding DS until 21 or 22 months, and it was then a great encouragemnet to me that I knew other women who had or were BF their toddlers.

I still feel a bit uncomfy when I see someone feeding a 3 year old - simply because I see it so rarely. Still, I have no idea how long I will feed DC3...maybe I will be feeding a 3 year old in a few year time!

I'd be interested to know if anyone saw toddlers BF and decided not to BF at all (as opposed to just swearing they would not BF that long).

I bf my 2 month old DS and i was at my MIL work (which i have been visiting her there for the last 2 years) and bf him there. A few days later i was told i wasnt allowed past the front desk anymore as my bfeeding offended the only male that worked there!

If i had pulled out a bottle im sure all the women there would have frowned on me for bottle feeding!

Cant win....

As for bf toddlers, i personally wouldnt do it just because im not used to it! If every one did it, im sure i wouldnt think twice about it...