Reasons for not breastfeeding in public

[DitaVonCheese]

A discussion on another forum I frequent has got me thinking and I'd love to hear some other people's views. If you didn't/don't breastfeed in public (or if you do but are nervous), is it because you're worried about showing too much, or anxious about being told off by a security guard/interfering old bat/unenlightened male, or for some other reason I've missed?

When I first started I was worried about getting told off but now would probably quite happily cause a scene if necessary I think now I'd be more annoyed if someone just kept tutting but didn't actually say anything, so I'd end up being annoyed all day rather than letting rip!

Dita - come to one of the picnics or even get involved in helping to organise one. There's always tons to do.

I did one in Birmingham last year and will be doing the same again this year. We got a nice newspaper piece even though only 6 of us turned up (it helped that DS and another little baby decided to have a kiss and cuddle for the camera ) and this year it'll be better with a proper petition for people to sign. There was tons we could have done better though - we're hoping for proper signs, perhaps tshirts, and more people to actually get out and talk to the public

I won't bf in public beacuse my boobs are HIDEOUS! They are gigantic and are covered in loads of thick blue veins. It would be horrendous for anyone in the locailty to see that. They are so so ugly. If I had nice norks I'd feed anytime anywhere. But I haven't, so I hide. Oh and dd is a wiggler and likes to have a look around when feeding. Purplemonkey - I use one of those covers if I have to feed dd out and about. I bought it for myself so I am not offended by it.

I can't remember if I've ever had a look or a nasty comment (after 4dc memory has rotted away ).
There was a specific positive comment, in a charity shop a woman started gushing about how pleased she was to see me feeding in public, some days or weeks before, she had been too shy to do it herself .

DS4 is 14 months so I am bracing up for odd looks at toddler group (don't think I've had any, though).
I am also afraid that some day somebody in a cafe will complain and I'll be asked to leave. I have tried to practise the line "Why do I have to leave? Why shouldn't they leave?" But truth is, I don't want to have the argument at all.

The hungry persistent cries of DD meant that I just did not care if I bf in public, I just had to feed her, did not care if others minded - surely no-one could really object to a mum feeding her very hungry baby?

Lockets - what horrid people - and how naive of them - don't they think that in a kids play area there are very very likely to be mums who need to bf their babies?!

I got stared at a lot and a few pursed lips so I just stared back. I always covered up with a muslin so nothing was ever on show. Would they rather listen to my dd crying?

I also got horrid comments from bil's girlfriend - did i care? no - think she was just jealous!

You'd be surprised at where you can bf - and people can be very kind - was queuing in Abbey bank and the queue was long, dd started crying - i needed to do my banking (or face overdraft charges!!!) so I asked a member of staff if they had somewhere I could sit down and feed dd while hopefully someone held my place in the queue - the lady showed me into an office put an engaged sign on the door and said she would come back in twenty minutes and do my banking for me.....! I could have kissed her!!!

i only didn't at first when i was learning how to do it. plus i squirted so much in all different directions at the same time if dd came off that it was just a constant battle not to have people's eyes out tbh. once that all settled i could do it anywhere. best position if found was on the floor cross legged.

Chairmum - I am more than happy to organise something, just not sure how (asked in another thread, but it died!). Will have a look at that link.

lljkk - if it makes you feel any better, I was slightly disappointed at the lack of extended/natural term bfers at the baby groups I go to

dita - we have a mailing list. Get in touch with Morgan from that blog, and she should be able to add you

i was really self conscious in the early months first time round and ended up stuck in stinky changing rooms/feeding areas eg Boots and John Lewis. this time I have thought "stuff it". My boobs are big an' ugly . Tis just as well as DC2 is a boob monster. I am a bit more circumspect these days about feeding because she is older and doesn't "need" two hourly milk feeds unlike a smaller child (but would happily take them if offered). I don't always want the hassle so might leave the room if I wasn't totally sure aobut feeding infront of someone. I have had two nasty comments - one from an old biddy in a cafe but I didn't fully hear what she said so, on reflection it oculd have been a clumsy attempt to say what I was doing was good. The second time was a very ignorant young mother in the GP's surgery. She said to her mother that what I was doing was disgusting. Well, she was no picture of health - a diet of fags and chips I reckon.

I really feel all mothers should have legal protection to feed their babies/toddlers whenever and wherever. Why is it OK to sell what is basically porn (Daily Sport, Nuts et al) but not to feed a young child......

I have fed both of mine in public, and its generally been fine. Better in Australia than UK, but that could just be my experience.

My reasons for being hesitant (at times) were:
Flabby belly (but I always wore those bump covering bands as others have mentioned. Some I got from teenage type clothes shops - they were sold as strapless tops, but essentially just a torso length band of stretchy jersey. Polarn O Pyret also sell them).

With DS, him pulling off and thrashing about and me squirting milk at everyone - although this was only for a few months.

TBH I would feel more uncomfortable in front of certain (male) family members than I would in public with strangers, and only had a negative comment once from a cleaner who told me to move out of that big theatre at Birmingham, where we had just watched a Wiggles concert! Other than that, the very occasional dark look from people, which was not too hard to ignore.

i have only ever had positive comment when feeding in public like how sweet and small he was and how cozy he looked

and especailly with dc2 loved the opportunity to sit with dd1 and have a babycino and hot chocolate and watch the world go by!

did worry about the belly though but used a large muslin and blankets to cover up

I think legislation is really important. DS is now 6 months and now I don't give a fig, however I was very nervous to start off with - having someone tell me to move on/stop would have left me a gibbering wreck. I felt that I ought to ask permission - which is absurd.

I share the wobbly/stretchmarked tummy trauma but to be honest, as DS is chunky, if someone's getting close enough to see then that's their problem!

will probably get flamed here but sod it anyway i have fed both my babies in public and have usually had support/pleasant comments (nothing icky that'd make me a bit punchy i think) anyway-re all these people feeding 2 year olds in public-erm- why?
I have a friend whose child is with a childminder and goes the entire day without taking milk-on the day she's off we go to play out/the farm/the zoo/soft play and her son is constantly attached to the boob,it's not a meal,it's not anything and she receives comments/looks etc and to be honest,the kid is great and all the rest of it but struggles to talk/be involved in the play as he has a nipple in his mouth-about 80% of the time we're out-it's in my mind unecessary-and these militant feeders of toddlers don't really do a lot to further the cause of those who'd like to feed but don't want to make a statement about it in public.

sorry - didn't mean to offend anyone. i think i was just mostly annoyed at the hooter hiders because this is my second child and i BFed DS anywhere and everywhere and don't see why it should be any different this time. it was more of a 'you really don't know me' annoyance than a 'this product is stupid and no one should have one' annoyance. IYSWIM?

pmd I think they're pretty stupid! But iswym, even if you use one, surely you'd have one from the first?!
sleepless - why not? For DS, a feed is just a particularly nice cuddle, and no-one gets told off for over-cuddling their DCs. Why, when they get to a certain age, does it become making a statement?

I wear low-cut vest tops under my normal clothes. I have four from Matalan in different neutral colours, it's so easy to get my boob out that I can't imagine how people who aren't BF can wear them! They're £2.

I feed wherever I need to and have never had any negative comments. I've done it a couple of times when out with MIL and it makes her quite anxious - "what if a man comes in/asks you to stop?" etc.

I was also conscious of my flabby belly, but then took to wearing one of my bump bands from when I was pregnant under my top, worked a treat and kept my belly warm too!

i understand that it's a nice cuddle-but if it's a nice cuddle that's preventing interraction with peers/enjoyment of a day out for everyone else who has to sit waiting for him to come off the breast before we can move off it's a bit shrugs this is merely my opinion by the way but he does seem to be missing out on group activities to the point that people are saying 'why is she here-she should stay at home topless'

Oh dear.

'Militant feeders of toddlers' eh?

I don't go in for 'flaming' people as I prefer to have a sensible dialogue.

But sometimes, with people who make nasty comments like that, it is difficult.

What you are describing, sleepless, could be poor parenting, for all I know...a mother unable to encourage her kid to join in with the fun, maybe? And poor parenting can happen with or without breastfeeding! Or it could be a sensitive mother who is responding to her child's normal need to keep in touch with mummy when there are a lot of noises and activities about that he's a little shy of at the moment. That, too, can happen with or without breastfeeding. It just so happens that with this kid and his mum, breastfeeding is an excellent way to respond to these needs.

I hope she doesn't know you are judging her for
i) militancy (WTF???)
ii) making a statement
iii) stunting her child's development
iv) not furthering a cause

Sheesh.

So we were at soft play yesterday, DD3 was whinging and it was feed time she is 9 months. So I tried to feed her, I say tried as she latched on but is so nosy kept latching off to see what was going on mid letdown so jets of milk everywhere! She was bobbing on and off so much I had to stop feeding her and gave her a banana instead.

I think I will haev to keep feeding for the sofa/bed in future.

I think the child sleepless is referring to may well be meeting his own needs by seeking extra comfort/intimacy with his mummy while she is there, and she is being an intuitive and sensible mum by allowing him to do so. Presumably he enjoys the fellowship of other children while he is at the childminder's without his mum - so what he most needs when she IS there is to snuggle up and experience the reassurance of feeding and cuddling.

It's a bit odd to describe anything in this scenario as "militant" IMO

I breastfed both mine in public. I live in Scotland and found the breastfeeding legislation a real boost to my confidence.

Up here, breastfeeding rates are very low and therefore you find very little sympathy for it, especially from the older generation.

II had some funny looks from people when breastfeeding DD2 in Tesco cafe. I think it was because I wasn't using the 'breastfeeding room' which was little more than a toilet.
I once overheard some Boots staff discussing a woman who had tried to breastfeed her baby iin one of the chairs outside the area where you collect your prescription. She had been told that there are plenty of cafes down the road where she could do that.
They were very self righteous and indignant about it.

ok tiktok- there are a lot of issues with what you've said but you think i am being nasty-my initial point is that there isn't really any 'need' to have a 2 year old attached to the breast all day every day-it is preventing his usual behaviour (and i see him every day in different settings so am aware the impact that it has upon his personality) i wouldn't call anyone a poor parent (and nor should you)but if you can find it proven somewhere that a 2 year old with a breast in it's mouth for most of the day gets as much out of that day than the days it doesn't have a breast in it's mouth then you can have what's left of the babys easter eggs...
And, having attended the breastfeeding club and do the llpeersupporters course i can assure you many women ARE put off feeding/stop at 6 months as they DON'T want to end up with a 3 year old dangling off their breast and these 'support' systems are/were frankly terrifying- i was dealt with when worried about my latch by a 38wk pregnant woman with a 3 year old hauling her top down while she was trying to see was baby on properly...

DS1 was bottlefed, not by choice, but with ds2, I thought that I would have to bf in public if I want to do the things I'd like to do, such as take him out and meet friends, participate in the management committee of the local toy library (last meeting attended by 7 adults (2 of them men) and 4 babies, 3 bf in meeting.

I felt a bit funny about bfing in front of my dad, but I have - when taking ds1 out to parks/cafes. I don't want to be unable to go out or to do things with my other child.

I also wondered if I would cause embarrassment at the park yesterday, as there was a large gathering of Hassidic Jewish families, many of the kids playing in the playground, and the women dress in very cover up clothes. but actually one of them fed where my dad, baby and I were sitting although she did cover herself up with a blanket, and the others seemed far more concerned with their own conversations (.

Purplemonkey, were those "hooter hiders" sent to you in the same design as the one shown by the link? On occasions when I've wanted a little camouflage, I've just used a blanket or a muslin, or I've seen someone using a large scarf

I used to breastfeed my DS1 in public but it was a bit tricky as I used nipple covers. I would only feed if I had my back to everyone and I used to get my sister to sort of sit a block me out of view a bit. I felt more comfortable in places like the park well away from others. I didn't mind at home in front of people I knew really well.

I honestly don't know why I was so self-conscious. I suppose I am a fairly shy person anyway. My breastfeeding boobs were bloody fabulous compared to the droopy things I have now.

Once, when I went out for a large family meal, DP's family, not mine, I actually went to the car to feed DS (he was only 2wks) while my meal went cold

Anyway, I'm pregnant again now and this time I am determined to feed anywhere I bloody like- if people feel uncomfortable then tough. We should be proud of breastfeeding shouldn't we? One of the best things about it is still having a hand free to eat yourself so next time I would bloody well stay inside the restaurant eat my lunch.

I normally feed at home using a breastfeeding cushion. When I'm out I put ds2's blankets into my bag to turn it into a makeshift cushion, and that combined with an opene cardi covers up my tummy/side quite well, though I do it to get him into a comfy position rather than for that reason.