Anyone interested in an 'extended' bfers support thread?

[lilysma]

Not sure what I mean by 'extended' exactly - maybe it's a self defined thing?

I define myself as an 'extended' bfer because I hardly know anyone else bfing a child as old as mine (DD is 26 months) and feel the need to discuss some issues with people also doing this and wonder if anyone else does??

Anyone up for an informal support thread on this?

Me too please

Hi there RoRo - how are you doing? Haven't seen you around for ages! (It's IARCFB, by the way).

DS is 18 months and is boob-obsessed. He can merrily skip feeds, go to bed without a feed, go all day without a feed unless he's teething when he basically wants to be latched on all the bloody time. We had a huge palaver the other night because I'd really, really had enough and we decided to stop night feeds but he bawled for around 2 hours and DP and I agreed that maybe he's just not ready to stop. So we're back to self-service all-night milk bar for now.

I do love feeding him though, lovely when you work out of the home. I don't make a secret of it but I don't generally feed him out and about - although I would if it was really vital. I haven't had anything too negative apart from one person who thought it was weird and would scar him sexually. Smile and nod, smile and nod ...

Really nice idea for a thread. I've found it to be hard going, in lots of ways, as he's got older. But there's no local support

me too please!
just checking in now, be back later. ds is 17 months and still going strong
don't know anyone else in RL feeding at this age so will be lovely to have some company

totally love it, but hate the nights...

Wow, what a fantastic response, how exciting!

I am broadly speaking happy with the fact that I still bf, although it wasn't exactly the plan (there wasn't one). DD lurves her 'mummy milk' and it is such a lovely thing to do most of the time (as well as a really useful parenting tool ). It heads off tantrums, is a great way of reconnecting when I get in from work (I work part-time) and keeps us both snuggled up in bed for at least an hour after she wakes up (any time from 5.30 onwards...)

But there are issues that I'd like to try to find ways of dealing with. E.g. I still feed her to sleep most nights so am very tied to home at bed-times. She'll go to sleep in bed with her dad (with a bit of a protest sometimes) instead, but no-one else has ever put her to bed and her bed-times are unpredictable so it is really hard for dh and I to go out together, which I think would be good for our relationship, just occasionally, after over 2 years of not doing it. It also means we can't go away for a weekend, although I'm wondering whether we actually should try...

Sometimes I also feel frustrated when all she wants to do is bf when I'm trying to play with her or take her out or whatever, but I guess this is probably my lack of flexibility around her needs rather than a real 'problem'.

I'm also now thinking about having a second child, and don't really fancy the idea of tandem feeding (feeding a newborn is exhausting enough I think!).

I really can't imagine how I would go about weaning her though - she goes mental when I ask her to wait to bf because I'm having my breakfast, going to the loo, or whatever (I'm trying to set some limits so that I'm not just constantly dropping absolutely everything to bf, which is what she'd like!)

Biting hasn't generally been a problem though (phew!) unless she falls asleep and I don't unlatch her fast enough and her teeth seem to clamp on - ouch!

Anyway, this has been a really long rant - just trying to give a sense of some of the issues I'm grappling with to see if any of you recognise them.

Am v excited about this thread. Does this show I need to get out more?

Mmm. I do remember DS2 getting really breast-obsessed at around the age that your DD is - it's not a great point to cut down/out. However, you can start to gently introduce the idea that sometimes a person has to wait for what they want - it probably won't be popular at first but they are old enough to get their heads around the concept in the end.

WRT evenings out and weekends away - I'm no good I'm afraid, we only started doing evenings out when DS2 was about 3 and a half, and have still never gone away overnight without him (I have no wish to to be honest - is that bad? )

Oh I am also an evil cow, who did cc with DD when she was six months cos I couldn't stand the two hourly half hour to an hour feeds anymore! Tried everything else and nothing worked. Still hate that we did it , but it did get us a bit more sleep and stopped me crashing into depression.

This means I don't generally bf her in the night unless she's ill, even though she does ask for it if she wakes up (sometimes I give a bit for an easy life, being a horribly inconsistent parent , but always make sure I don't bf her to sleep or we go back to several wakings a night).

So I'm not a hard-core, still feeding through the night, extended bfer. I take my hat off to you ladies!

Thanks policywonk. Yes, am trying to be firm on the waiting business - it seems like the right time.

It's not that I'm desperate to get away and would probably miss her horribly (quite scary even thinking about it!) but I do feel dh and I could do with it once in a blue moon.

But maybe it just isn't compatible with the sort of focus on DD that I have and want to have.

Hmmm...

Right must stop ranting and do a few chores!

I'd like to join please DD is 18 months and bfs loads, day and night. She's getting her first molars at the moment and is a nightmare so it's a useful tool to calm her down a bit. She's also dropping her nap so gets very whingy but a quick bf usually helps. I go to a surestart bf group too, although it's on hold at the moment as they are short staffed. Bf rates are extremely low in my area, proven by the fact that DD and I are the only attendees at the group One of my friends is still bf her son who is the same age as DD, but she is about to stop. Most of my friends seem to think it's strange that I haven't had enough yet.

I am mostly happy with bfing atm. I really enjoy the closeness and being able to calm her. As well as loving the close bond she has with me. She calls mine 'moresies' I do get very touched out sometimes though, especially as she's so clingy atm. I'm just going with the flow though as I'm sure she'll settle down soon.

CharChar: "touched out" - good phrase, one I have heard in this context before and which describes very well that feeling of just wanting them to get off for 5 minutes! I get this when DS is teething and sucking (not feeding properly - he just sucks on my nipples which makes me really and frustrated), because it's usually accompanied with lots of scratching and kicking and writhing and my patient gets very short and I become tetchy mum-from-hell. But it seems to genuinely be a need for him so I feel I need to persevere [tears hair out]. Daytimes are fine though

Oops - my patience! I do have some short patients but that's another story!

Yes I take no credit for the phrase, read it somewhere else! DD does the same with the daft sucking. She also tries to talk with her mouth full which makes her nibble my nipple, twiddles, scratches and fidgets. Luckily she doesn't bite any more but gawd does she drive me mad. It makes my skin crawl and I do just want to push her away. It's worst when she's tired but doesn't want to sleep. The rest of the time it is nice though. I'll tell you what, out of all the struggles I've had with bfing over the time I've been doing it, the worst one is winter. Cold fidgety hands, brrrr

Yes - cold hands [shudder]. Also very bad - maybe this only happens to me though - is that their nails grow long and sharp in the hour between going to bed and waking up demanding to be fed. Worst is long toenails scratching at you in bed at night - back to sleepsuits in an effort to stop that but he still gets his foot out through the crotch sometimes [exasperated]

Am thinking any non-exBFers reading this will so far be wondering why the hell we're all still at it ...

Oh god yes the bloody scratchy nails. My boobs look like a road map most mornings! I have been rescued from the toenails with a zip up fleecy sleepsuit, but she does prefer kicking DP in the nether regions tbh Hope we haven't put too many people off

Hello - I'm tandem feeding DD 2yrs 4 months and DS 6 months. Each has a poking problem resulting in my having permanent marks round my eyes where I've been prodded

One thing I've noticed here that is quite reassuring is the fact I'm not the only one who still feeds to sleep!
I totally get what you are saying, lilysma about wanting to have a night out or away. Though the pressure is less for me as we have no babysitters anyway! But I would like to be able to meet up with people earlier than I do!

I am a few weeks pg and so trying to get DS down to morning and night only so that tandem feeding is manageable - wmmc, I have loads of questions for you!
DS is not impressed but I think I'm getting there very slowly.

Oh congrats, SPB!!!

BTW, heard from Indith lately?

hello, I'd like to join in please.

DS2 13 months but I don't know anyone who has bf for more than 6 months and feel I am in uncharted territory!
Also family not v supportive, including dh.

In answer to a prev post, we had the tooth rubbing problem quite badly when he had just 1 upper incisor, but it did indeed get better when the tooth got longer and he got another one next to it.

Just wanted to say that although my kids are much older now, I really enjoyed bfdng to about 27 months with the twins. Then suddenly I felt a bit used up, for want of a better word and ready to let go. It wasn't that difficult as I did it very gradually dropping different daytime feeds (which had particular associations for the toddlers) over about a month until the last feed which was first thing in the morning. My supply dwindled as well, and that helped them be less interested. Tried again after a gap of about a week with one twin (the last to stop) and she wasn't really interested anymore - had sort of moved forward to next stage of her relationship with me. I fed my first child to 10 months and had to stop for health reasons (mine not his) and the feeding was going fine. But it was lovely feeding through toddlerhood, and calmed us all in many bad scenarios. Definitely used it on occasion at night to get los to go back to sleep, and when ill it was especially useful. They slept pretty well at night, one used to wake up at least once every night tho'. Not sure whether it was chicken or egg.

oh yes i fall into this very happily.

it is so easy and so difficult, hormones behaviour and whatnot.

i have a lot of emotional mothering stuff tied into bf, but the longer it goes on the easier it is to untie it.

Hello all, dd is 16 months and will be breastfed till she self weans. Lovely that there are so many of us

Hello, I'd like to join. dc 6 is 21 months and I am feeing the pressure to stop feeding.Dh thinks he is too old to bf

Also he fiddles with one nipple whilst feeding from the other. Anyone else have this and says "other side" when he's finished

Hello,
I would like to join please! DD is nearly 12 months and has always been exclusivly BF. I feed to sleep all the time, and she still wakes about 4 or 5 times a night and will only go back to sleep if fed.
I love it though and wouldnt change it for the world.
She wont go to sleep at night unless she can 'twiddle' the other nipple while she feeds. (sharp nails...ow)
Family and friends are always asking 'how much longer i will do it for', never really sure how to answer that question. I am sure we will do it till she self weans.
Glad to see there are so many of us. I dont know anyone else in real life who has breastfed for more than a month or so. I am only 22 and live in an area with very low breastfeeding rates.
Great to see there are loads of us on here though!