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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

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Original poster

ive just had a massive dressing down, for not bf in private, my cheeks are still burning

198 replies

tearymummy · 29/04/2008 11:53

was at a cafe in town, this am, having a drink and stopping to feed dd
was sitting there quitely on my own with dd

three people at the table next to me started glaring over shaking there heads at me and talking about me loudly on purpose.
saying why don't some people realise there's a time and a place for everything and tutting, i could feel myself going relly red, but i was already half way though feeding dd.
i was too ashamed to say anything back.
then they got up to leave, i thought thankgoodness, but one of them came right over to me and said do you think people want to see you do that? i just wanted the ground to swollow me up, i felt so small i couldn't think of ANYTHING to say back, just sat there like some kind of dumb goldfish
she then said theres a time and a place for everything and bf is a private thing between a mother and a baby.
i feel all tearful now and like shit and even worse feel annoyed with myself for not even saying anything back

what could i have said, that would be a bit more intelligent than fuck off

im thinking bout ff dd when out now. but i just want the best for her
if i can't stick up for myself, i don't know what to say to people like that.

OP posts:

kayzisexpecting · 30/04/2008 09:26

Thats great Scorpio.

They probably would see more in the paper.

theUrbanNixie · 30/04/2008 09:26

but fircone, why does it matter? she's feeding her baby! as VVVQV said on the thread i linked you to it's not about breasts it's about feeding a baby!

swap "breasts" for "bottle":

"Was in National Trust cafe recently and a woman flopped, and I do mean FLOPPED a bottle onto the table top. She was looking round proudly, too, as if she expected a round of applause."

can you see the absurdity?

fircone · 30/04/2008 09:31

Perhaps I was just jealous that my 34Bs would never have knocked over a sugar bowl.

GooseyLoosey · 30/04/2008 09:33

Perhaps point out to them that the ignorant prejudices of some of their generation may have contributed to the fact that 1 in 9 of women now suffer from breast cancer

theUrbanNixie · 30/04/2008 09:34

roffle Fircone!

kiskideesameanoldmother · 30/04/2008 09:35

fwiw, one early memory i have os someone bfing a child in public was in Latin America it was a woman with jinormous norks feeding an older toddler. from her age I suspect she had also bf a few before too. I was sitting right next to them on a public bus. there was no way this woman could 'be discreet' eventhough she obviously had loads of experience. Sometimes people have to do what they have to do. No one batted an eye.

iMum · 30/04/2008 09:35

Ive not read the whole thread but couldnt not reply to the op, I am so upset on your behalf-this kind of thing always leaves me red in the face and speechless, wish I had witty retorts or even just basic facts for them but no. I was asked to leave a cafe once when I was breast feeding my ds, I then became a "sod em all" type of public feeder and had a face on that said, "say anything negative to me and i may harm you" I was never troubled again-awful tho that that is what is required.

belgo · 30/04/2008 09:37

kiskidee - my first experience of public bfing was also in latin America, and the women wasn't at all discreet. Like you say, no one betted an eyelid. She was just feeding her baby.

An eye opener for me, I was brought up thinking there was something rude about bfing!

iMum · 30/04/2008 09:40

On a more positive note there is a really lovely cafe in my local high street with a big "Breastfeeding mothers welcome" sign in the window with a piccie of a nursing mum-do a really nice jacket spud in there too.

SofiaAmes · 30/04/2008 09:40

I find that a very effective response to bad behavior of any type is to comment on how sad it is that their mother brought them up so poorly. I do this when people swear at me, honk at me, are rude to me etc. If the couple were with their mother, it might have been even more effective....

Sorry this had to happen to you....

PS Did this once to some guy who cut me off on the NOrth Circular and was driving like a crazy man. He ended up apologizing and saying that I was absolutely right and that his mother hadn't brought him up like that and it wouldn't happen again.!!

Jacanne · 30/04/2008 09:42

These sound like truly vile people and therefore are not worth worrying about. They're nothing but bullies. However, I would have been upset and probably dumb struck to (at their unbelievable rudeness and ignorance) - I feel quite militant about my right to BF where ever I want but I'm not sure I could get that across in the situation you were in.

I know someone who has a really good tactic in those situations - she turns it back on to them as if they have the problem (which after all - they do) she says something along the lines of "how strange that you should think that - do you have physcological issues?"

I have to say I always more incensed when it's a woman who comes out with this crap!

meglet · 30/04/2008 09:52

at the horrible horrible people next to you. what wankers.

So sorry you had to go through that. I know its probably not much consolation but I would have told them to zip it if I had seen them being rude to you. (((((big hugs)))))

Carry on bf in public, most people aren't nasty about it.

Flowernat · 30/04/2008 10:00

I can't believe that.How can there be another time and place than when your baby/toddler needs feeding and especially in a cafe so that you can get something too!!!What are we supposed to do?Go feed in a toilet cubicle somewhere?Don't worry about not standing up for what you were doing more.I get so shocked by people like that, the words don't come till its all over and they've gone.Then my head is full of them for days!!!Go and see a friend or 2 and reasure yourself those wierdos were an unpleasant minority...

ChairmumMiaow · 30/04/2008 13:12

Like everyone else this makes me enormously angry. Furious!

If you're nervous, find somewhere that you know the waiting staff will support you. I go to a little cafe where they are great about fetching me water, and have said they'll put a sticker/sign up if I can get one - they already have leaflets out, but they're not obvious. The main waitress there told me once that a customer made a disparaging comment about a woman breastfeeding. She said she responded "So?" - as in "yes, that's perfectly normal". I know that if anyone had a go at me there, I'd get support, which is a great comfort, even though I'm pretty confident feeding now and hope I'd manage to give some back.

Please please please don't let these people put you off feeding in public!

redroof · 30/04/2008 13:26

I am seething with anger. How dare they! I think I would have said "Am I supposed to let my baby starve?" Well done you for bf in public. Yet again the Scots have got it right (re: illegal to disturb a bf mother) I think I shall move to Scotland!

dingdong05 · 30/04/2008 13:49

You should be riding n a wave of supprt and collective indignation by now!
I'm sure you'll prob only say something like "go away and stop staring if it bothers you so much" if it ever happens again (btw I bf fr 18 months and never had this!) but I advocate taking aim and squirting some in their eyes to illustrate your objections to them

cupsoftea · 30/04/2008 13:52

what idiots - next time say it's none of their business or just ignore them completely. Even say you'll call the police & report them for harrassing you.

appledumpling · 30/04/2008 14:22

They were so in the wrong. and on your behalf. They are in the minority though.

I remember taking DS out for a meal with family and he wouldn't take the bottle of expressed milk so it had to be boob. Cue much muttering and staring from the table behind who were also a family with a small baby.

I was just getting ready for some aggro and had a series of choice replies ready and waiting when there was a loud comment of "go on, she's doing it" and the Mum started breastfeeding her little one too.

No-one else in the restaurant batted an eyelid.

milkgoddessmakesthefinestmilk · 30/04/2008 21:40

next time try saying, oh dear didn't you realise thats what breast are for, laugh at them and say well i pity you, you fool.

either that or spray them

milkgoddessmakesthefinestmilk · 30/04/2008 21:40

next time try saying, oh dear didn't you realise thats what breast are for, laugh at them and say well i pity you, you fool.

either that or spray them

Heated · 30/04/2008 21:57

You're just confirming my prejudices about Northampton - rude weirdos.

Elasticwoman · 01/05/2008 21:48

Next time say "Luckily this is a free country, and I will feed my baby where and when I like. If you don't like it, it's your problem you PERVERT." Well, you may omit the last 2 words if you want.

Also you could say "Careful what you say or Elasticwoman will come and beat you up."

Or "I pity your meanspirited ignorance. I cannot stay home for 6 months because a TINY MINORITY of people like you object to a perfectly ordinary and necessary activity."

Or "Would you rather I took the baby off and just let her cry?"

"How dare you suggest I am doing something indecent, you miserable, pusillanimous imbecile!"

How many more ripostes would you like? I could go on and on.

Sorry you had this experience, because I fed for a total of 7 years of my life and never had a confrontation like this, but many compliments and encouraging comments when I fed out and about. Hard luck.

PeachyHas4BoysAndLovesIt · 01/05/2008 21:54

damn i wish i'd been there

am becoming increasingly militant, would hane got a chair faced them and whopped one out to feed

its not about you, its purely their problem. ignore them

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