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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

Original poster

ive just had a massive dressing down, for not bf in private, my cheeks are still burning

198 replies

tearymummy · 29/04/2008 11:53

was at a cafe in town, this am, having a drink and stopping to feed dd
was sitting there quitely on my own with dd

three people at the table next to me started glaring over shaking there heads at me and talking about me loudly on purpose.
saying why don't some people realise there's a time and a place for everything and tutting, i could feel myself going relly red, but i was already half way though feeding dd.
i was too ashamed to say anything back.
then they got up to leave, i thought thankgoodness, but one of them came right over to me and said do you think people want to see you do that? i just wanted the ground to swollow me up, i felt so small i couldn't think of ANYTHING to say back, just sat there like some kind of dumb goldfish
she then said theres a time and a place for everything and bf is a private thing between a mother and a baby.
i feel all tearful now and like shit and even worse feel annoyed with myself for not even saying anything back

what could i have said, that would be a bit more intelligent than fuck off

im thinking bout ff dd when out now. but i just want the best for her
if i can't stick up for myself, i don't know what to say to people like that.

OP posts:
Original poster
tearymummy · 29/04/2008 13:09

birdie, i love that idea of a credit card

OP posts:
Notquitegrownup · 29/04/2008 13:11

That sounds like a really good response to practice saying. As others have said, you are unlikely to ever meet anyone this unpleasant again, but if anyone dares to challenge your baby's right to a feed, you can use that line. You are through the worst of this now. Best of luck with your feeding at home or in public in future.

TinkerbellesMum · 29/04/2008 13:11

I haven't read all the replies yet, so expect more responses.

Depending on the mood I'm in I would have either said something to them, although a mood where I would have said something I probably wouldn't have been polite and would have mouthed off, so I can't tell you my response or just made a fuss of my baby, making myself wrapped up in her.

Again with the woman that came back it would have depended on my mood. Most likely I would have blanked her, if she had gotten cross at me blanking her, I would have said something like "Sorry I was just having a private moment with my baby, I didn't notice you there".

I may also have asked how closely she was looking to see that I was feeding and not just giving her a cuddle and asked if she normally paid that much attention to other women's breasts. I would have told her that she was extremely rude by doing so and that there is a time and place to look at other women. And SERIOUSLY does she HAVE to draw attention to the fact that she was looking at your breasts?

BottlebinBerrie · 29/04/2008 13:13

I wouldn't worry about that happening very often. I always hoped someone would say something to me so I could say my piece but maybe I'm a bit odd They never did in all my 4 years of it!
Am not suggesting you should have said something either, my fantasy is probably different from the reality of actually being approached!

cosima · 29/04/2008 13:18

"How dare you be so rude as to inflict your ignorant, narrow minded values onto me, What I'm doing is perfectly legal now leave me alone before I ask the manager to call the police, you common little man!"

Original poster
tearymummy · 29/04/2008 13:18

or i wish i could be super confident and yes im bf, yes and im damn proud of it to, now piss off will you?

but my red face, lets me down and gives away how i really feel inside, and makes it alot harder to put on a confident front

OP posts:
Original poster
tearymummy · 29/04/2008 13:19

or i wish i could say, good job its a free country then, because if you dont like it .....tough shit

OP posts:
foxythesnowfox · 29/04/2008 13:19

I thing 'fuck off' would have been fine, actually.

I'd have been tempted to switch baby to the other breast, and not put the first away actually

I've bf all my 4 in public, and have never taken notice of anyone else. Chances are you will not be in the situation again, and if you are, then you can stand up for what you believe.

Seriously, don't let their stupidity make you feel rotten. You are doing the best for your baby. They mean nothing to you.

Squirt 'em next time!

foxythesnowfox · 29/04/2008 13:21

x-post with you their.

Then how about "I find your ignorance so upsetting, and lack of understanding so frustrating I could cry. Are you proud of yourself?".

oiFoiF · 29/04/2008 13:22

I am sure other people have posted before about northampton being non breastfeeding friendly havent they?

I am sorry that happened to you. Well done for staying so dignified but it must have been so upsetting for you I think I may have used violence and violence is never the answer

harpsichordcarrier · 29/04/2008 13:25

tearymummy just to get a balance picture I have been bf in public anywhere and everywhere for five years and I have never had a bad experience of a negative reaction

Bridie3 · 29/04/2008 13:27

We should do the card. Could Tiktok or someone else who knows give us the figures (or tell us where to go)?

I know I read that breastfeeding would save the NHS a million a year but that was some time back. It's probably more now.

VeniVidiVickiQV · 29/04/2008 13:28

Aww you poor thing! What you were doing was beautiful. You are right, I feel pity for people that are repulsed enough by such a beautiful thing that they have to make someone else feel bad.

If I had been there I'd have given them what for. I wish I had.

Please dont feel bad, or ashamed. You've nothing to be ashamed of. Keep on b/feeding out there, and pray you come across them again so you can give them what for, or squirt them in the eye or something!

llareggub · 29/04/2008 13:29

I'm so sorry than happened to you. I used to practice a response to give negative people but luckily for me I never had any negative comments made, and I've breastfed everywhere.

I think you have been unlucky, please don't let it put you off.

StealthPolarBear · 29/04/2008 13:32

It is so annoying when, given time to think you can come up with millions of responses to make them wither in their boots but at the time you just blush and stammer - I do it all the time (not in this situation but others I find difficult)

foxythesnowfox · 29/04/2008 13:34

'their'? sorry -

mammyjo · 29/04/2008 13:34

Tearymummy, is this your first baby? The only reason I ask is because with ds (my first), I was very self conscious and became virtually housebound. I did not have the confidence to feed anywhere except my sofa, and would have reacted the exact same way as you did today.

Second time around it has been a totally different story. I am no longer bf as dd self weaned at around 7 months, but I used to feed her anywhere. I used to wait for people to make a comment, so that I could come back with one of my pre-rehearsed remarks, but all I ever got was positivity from people. I think you have been really unfortunate to bump into these narrow minded arseholes tbh. Please do not let it put you off doing what is right for you and your baby

Original poster
tearymummy · 29/04/2008 13:40

if only my face didn't turn bright red, i might be able to put on a confident front, but you can see a mile off i was humilated

OP posts:
bossykate · 29/04/2008 13:41

"if you don't want to know the score, look away now".

horrible old witches, i hope they die screaming in agony.

or something

kayzisexpecting · 29/04/2008 13:41

I feel so sorry and so angry for you. I do agree with what someone said earlier. FFeeding mothers get it too. I had problems BFeeding and I couldn't do it.

When DS was about 6 weeks old. A friend who I met on the labour ward and I went out for a coffee. We were in a cafe that had a sign in the window saying BF mothers more than welcome(they gave BF mums a free jug of water too) I was giving ds his bottle and my friends DD woke up so she started to feed her. She has some special tops and you can't see a thing. I was sat next to her and I couldn't see anything. These 2 old women were loudly complaining about me giving DS a bottle saying I was setting him up for ear infections. Then they noticed that my friend was BF and moaned that her DD was going to be obese and die young because she was BF. We absolutely pissed ourselves at this.

I love the credit card idea.

Original poster
tearymummy · 29/04/2008 13:47

well i was thinking of giving dd the odd bottle,

i guess your right ff mums get it too, what a sad world at times

OP posts:
kayzisexpecting · 29/04/2008 13:48

Just dont give her a bottle in that cafe. Then the old bag will think she has won!!

StealthPolarBear · 29/04/2008 13:48

kayz, some people are idiots aren't they

kayzisexpecting · 29/04/2008 13:49

Yup, we found it so funny that they could critcise me for not BF but then critcised my friend for not FF.

StealthPolarBear · 29/04/2008 13:50

maybe they'd have been satisfied if both your baby and your friend's ate baby rice only from 2days old

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