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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

Original poster

ive just had a massive dressing down, for not bf in private, my cheeks are still burning

198 replies

tearymummy · 29/04/2008 11:53

was at a cafe in town, this am, having a drink and stopping to feed dd
was sitting there quitely on my own with dd

three people at the table next to me started glaring over shaking there heads at me and talking about me loudly on purpose.
saying why don't some people realise there's a time and a place for everything and tutting, i could feel myself going relly red, but i was already half way though feeding dd.
i was too ashamed to say anything back.
then they got up to leave, i thought thankgoodness, but one of them came right over to me and said do you think people want to see you do that? i just wanted the ground to swollow me up, i felt so small i couldn't think of ANYTHING to say back, just sat there like some kind of dumb goldfish
she then said theres a time and a place for everything and bf is a private thing between a mother and a baby.
i feel all tearful now and like shit and even worse feel annoyed with myself for not even saying anything back

what could i have said, that would be a bit more intelligent than fuck off

im thinking bout ff dd when out now. but i just want the best for her
if i can't stick up for myself, i don't know what to say to people like that.

OP posts:
Blueskythinker · 29/04/2008 22:17

Stick with it, don't let small minded people put you off. I bf my 2, and was happy to whip my boobs out anywhere - I only had 2 negative experiences during this time - can you believe, one from a policeman, who said 'you can't do that sort of thing here - there are other more private places to do it' (I was sitting in the 'privacy' of my car!!)

I think when it actually happens, shock does take over, and all the witty lines leave you, and you are left with the retort of 'fuck off'. I bet they wouldn't have said anything if you hadn't been on your own - classic bullies.

I would make a point of going back to the cafe again, with friends.

Good luck.

LittleBella · 29/04/2008 22:19

This sort of incident is precisely why we need a law.

I think we should gather up a whole bunch of OP's on this type of thread and start a mumsnet campaign to outlaw this sort of harrassment.

KristinaM · 29/04/2008 22:27

haven't read all teh thread but just wanted to say you had such an upsetting experience

FWIW I too woudl have been equally dumb struck and upset at their EXTREME rudeness

but want to reassure you that i have been BF in public for 4 years now and have NEVER ever had anything like that. so please PLEASE dont let it put you off going out with your baby and feeding her when ever and where ever she needs it

do not even think of FF just to accomodate stupid interfering people like that

chances are you will never encounter such behaviour again. you are much more likely to get friendly or encouraging commenst. honest

orangehead · 29/04/2008 22:28

How horrible. Please dont let it put you off, I feed both my ds in public and only ever had nice comments these people are the minority and probably the type of people that will complain at anything.
I would be tempted to ask if they would still have a problem if you were a bloke displaying page 3 as you read the newspaper, but knowing me probably would of reacted the same way as you and been to stunned to say anything.

peacelily · 29/04/2008 22:43

Fuck off seems ok to me to such ignorant bullying obnoxious imbeciles.

My friend had a good one "I bet Jesus wasn't formula fed" which I heard her use on one occasion!

Please please don't let it put you off although I know it's hard. I've only had v v positive comments and surprisingly mostly from the older generation who've congratulated me

Thomcat · 29/04/2008 22:51

Oh Can't believe that was said to you. WOW, are they really such idiot wankers out there still? What age where these idiots?

What I would like to have said would be along the lines of, with smile on face 'would you kindly FUCK OFF and when you get there would you mind FUCKING OFF all over again'.

I can't imagine the sort of ignorant twats that would say this to you, or feel it etc and I don't really want to.

Klaw · 29/04/2008 23:04

Here in Scotland we are 'allowed' to bf our babies anywhere we want to, so I was desperately disappointed to never be challenged. I was so looking forward to putting some ignorant idiot straight.....

Anyway, I took the lady I do some post natal Doula work for to a cafe twice last week and proceeded to do our usual routine of feeding and then burping her 4 month twins! The first day we had a discrete seat but the seond time we couldn't get it so we showed them all how well a mum can exclusively bf her twins. You should see those baby thighs! I was so proud of her

So I am so and that you've been made to feel like this....

I too would advocate going back there and making a stand! Take some back up and hold your head up! Also contact Rosie Dodds of the NCT or Alison Baum of the Breastfeeding Manifesto as I'm sure they be able to use your experience to good effect.

MrsJohnCusack · 29/04/2008 23:16

I@d have helped Moondog
god am feeling FURIOUS for you

lets face it, it WAS a private thing between you and your baby before the fuckers stuck their noses in.

please don't let it put you off. you were VERY unlucky. in 24 months of breastfeeding I have never had any negative comments (a shame, as I have all my retorts ready). I am sure this was just an isolated incident and don't let the bastards win!! I reckon the Urban Nixie is a good person to have on your side as well

ZeMNetterWithZeBigBoobies · 29/04/2008 23:16

I would sooo love to be there when a comment like this is made.

I think it's probably the only thing I would make a stand about in public.

I was lucky, I never had a negative reaction when out feeding.

KerryMum · 29/04/2008 23:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TinkerbellesMum · 29/04/2008 23:49

Blueskythinker, is that what you told the policeman? Actually I have a rule that whoever you are you show me respect if you want it back and I have given police a mouthful when I thought they were using their uniform as an excuse to be a bully (I can remember vividly Mum holding me back while I spat "PC POOH" at PC Pugh)

Just a note to all the English (and other British non-Scottish) mothers.

Although it is not against the law to stop a mother breastfeeding, there is no law they can use TO stop you. If you are being harassed by a manager (if it's a member of staff you tell them to get the manager to tell you personally) then tell him/her to call the police if they want you to stop. IF they manage to get the police (probably by lying cause the operator would be LOLing at them if they said why they really wanted them) then there is still nothing the police can do. You however CAN have them arrested for harassment and the police will probably have something to say about "wasting police time". If the police do try to take it further with you then you get to the CPS who won't want to try that and you can have the police then for false arrest, defamation etc.

SparklyGothKat · 29/04/2008 23:58

I am still for you. I can't believe people can be so nasty. Like DH said to me 'If a mother is BF and doing it so that the whole breasts aren't on display (I guess you weren't swinging them around ) then no-one can say a word' I have BF all my kids and am still BF Ds2 at 7 months (I plan to get to a 1 year) and I feed him wherever, whenever. And luckily I have support of DH and he would deck anyone who stared or had a go at me.

Dh asked me where you were, when I said Northamton (sp?) He said 'Shame, you and your sisters could have gone and whipped out your breasts and BF the babies at the cafe with Tearymum' lol

theUrbanNixie · 30/04/2008 08:48

all of you who are saying that there should be a law to protect bf-ing mums from crap like this - last year i organised a breastfeeding picnic outside Parliament Square, not as many people turned up as i'd've liked but we still got mentioned here and there in the Press. shortly afterwards the House of Commons announced it was going to introduce a law like they have in Scotland, but only until the infant was 12 months.

it then got put on the backburner and no-one, no-one (myself included) challenged them.

the greatest weapon that they have is apathy. if you think we should organise nationwide bf-ing picnics then i'd be happy to do that - but we need more people to turn up!

Here was the original thread.

Vulgar · 30/04/2008 09:00

Do parliament suddenly think it becomes disgusting at 12 months?

They should be ashamed of themselves at such stupid thinking.

Don't give up until YOU want to, Teary Mum. Otherwise the bullies will have won.

fircone · 30/04/2008 09:08

These people were very rude. But - I think it is only polite to bf discreetly.

Was in National Trust cafe recently and a woman flopped, and I do mean FLOPPED a humungous breast onto the table top. She was looking round proudly, too, as if she expected a round of applause.

Bf-ing is totally natural, I fed two until 14 months. BUT - big veiny breasts do put you off your cappuccino.

kiskideesameanoldmother · 30/04/2008 09:10

fircone: how did she latch the baby on with the breast on the table top.

theUrbanNixie · 30/04/2008 09:11

here's a good thread for you Fircone.

ffs

scorpio1 · 30/04/2008 09:13

this really worrys me, i am a first time bf-er but with my third child, and i am worried about feeding her in public. She is 12 days today and i havent yet.

kayzisexpecting · 30/04/2008 09:13

Urban, If I get to BF my second baby(fingers crossed) I'd love to go to a BF picnic. I'll make sandwiches too

fircone · 30/04/2008 09:16

Frankly I averted my eyes. But I think she hoisted up the boob to then feed the baby.

You can't avoid a quick flash now and again, but sitting bare-breasted (with 40GGGs) in a NT cafe was rather a statement than a necessity.

Ripeberry · 30/04/2008 09:18

What horrible people! were they wizzened old witches? Maybe they picked on you because they were jealous of your buxom youthfull norks and they just have withered ones that were NEVER used for their correct purpose!
When i had DD1 i used to hide to try and B/F, even sat in the car sometimes if we were out, even then some old biddies would stare at me through the window and say "that woman is showind her bits".
A couple of times if anyone said anything i would say "You're having a go at my B/F in public? Why are you staring at my norks anyway? you pervert!" this was when a man tried to tell me off...bloody cheek.
Don't worry, its always very upsetting when you get the first nutter having a go, but the longer and more often you do it the easier it becomes and you get a good arsenal of retorts!
Just got to be carefull when someone comes up and CONGRATULATES you for b/f because believe me there are many more of those.
Don't let them put you off, i've b/f both my DDs up until they decided to finish at around 12 months and i loved every minute of it.

kayzisexpecting · 30/04/2008 09:19

Hello Scorpio. How are you and Millie?

Dont let people put you off! Its none of their beeswax!!!

SandyDennyWasAGreatSinger · 30/04/2008 09:23

ah yes, i can't think of anything more offensive than a baby being fed when hungry... whatever were you thinking?

Seriously, how awful for you!! And what an unbelievable attitude.

When will these dinosours realise that breastfeeding is not a
thinly veiled excuse for loose women to get their boobs out in public and offend the easily offended?

Its a sad sign of just how over-sexualised society's view of women has become when the sight of a hungry baby being fed can cause such a reaction. I think it says far more about their warped minds than anything else.

scorpio1 · 30/04/2008 09:25

We are fine, she is doing great the feeding is going really well, i really enjoy it.

i thought that i would just say to someone that they would see more boob in the newagents on the papers!

kiskideesameanoldmother · 30/04/2008 09:25

glad you averted your eyes fircone.

is she supposed to stay home or go to a toilet and bf because she has rather large norks, or should she give formula or expressed milk while in public.

what is wrong with exposing a breast in public to feed a baby?