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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

Original poster

ive just had a massive dressing down, for not bf in private, my cheeks are still burning

198 replies

tearymummy · 29/04/2008 11:53

was at a cafe in town, this am, having a drink and stopping to feed dd
was sitting there quitely on my own with dd

three people at the table next to me started glaring over shaking there heads at me and talking about me loudly on purpose.
saying why don't some people realise there's a time and a place for everything and tutting, i could feel myself going relly red, but i was already half way though feeding dd.
i was too ashamed to say anything back.
then they got up to leave, i thought thankgoodness, but one of them came right over to me and said do you think people want to see you do that? i just wanted the ground to swollow me up, i felt so small i couldn't think of ANYTHING to say back, just sat there like some kind of dumb goldfish
she then said theres a time and a place for everything and bf is a private thing between a mother and a baby.
i feel all tearful now and like shit and even worse feel annoyed with myself for not even saying anything back

what could i have said, that would be a bit more intelligent than fuck off

im thinking bout ff dd when out now. but i just want the best for her
if i can't stick up for myself, i don't know what to say to people like that.

OP posts:
callmeovercautious · 29/04/2008 12:35

I am so sorry that you have been the victim of other peoples ignorance

I think the fuck off line would have been sufficient.

BettySpaghetti · 29/04/2008 12:37

tearymummy -try googling "Breastfeeding welcome" together with your town and/or county and see what comes up. Most areas have some sort of scheme to show cafes/reataurants that are bf friendly.

OK, they can't guarantee that the customers will be pro-bf but should offer more more support and you can point out to any objectors that bf is welcomed there.

girlfrommars · 29/04/2008 12:37

I know it's not very MN but

(((Hugs)))

What a shitty experience.

Try not to beat yourself up about it- you were alone and exposed and they were in a group. It's enough to make anybody feel vunerable.

Ricky Hatton wouldn't be very good at defending himself if someone snuck up behind him with a chair and bashed him over the head. It was a huge shock.

Think about it this way, you've faced the worst case scenario now. And you survived. If (and it is just an if) you were challenged again I'm sure you'll be able to cut them down dead with some of the lines people have mentioned.

kiskideesameanoldmother · 29/04/2008 12:37

tearymummy, where are you. i would love to show up at a bf sit in. i would have stood up for you too.

Original poster
tearymummy · 29/04/2008 12:38

all the other mums i know are not bf.
but i think your right, the longer i leave it the harder ill probably find it

OP posts:
AgonyBeetle · 29/04/2008 12:38

Tm, you were really, really unlucky. I've bfed all three of mine for over a year each wherever I happened to be cafes, museums, every kind of public transport and never had any negative comments. It may be because I have that mad 'say anything and I"ll punch your lights out' gleam in my eye, but please don't be put off what you're doing for your dd just because of a couple of ignorant eejits.

A reasonable (not that they deserve it!) response would be: 'This is a cafe. My baby is having her lunch. If I don't feed her, she'll scream the place down, which would you prefer?"

belgo · 29/04/2008 12:39

What absolute bullies those people were

StealthPolarBear · 29/04/2008 12:39

Where abouts are you? PLease don't let this change your behaviour - this is their problem, not yours

callmeovercautious · 29/04/2008 12:39

I would join in a Nurse in. DD 19m loves telling people all about how yum yum her milk is as she is feeding. We don't feed during the day too often now but she would never refuse the offer. And tbh I couldn't care less now who sees what, my hormones are much more calm now. I have burst into tears because someone looked at me funny once but DD was only a few weeks old then.

StealthPolarBear · 29/04/2008 12:42

"bf sit in" - a boob-in?
Can you not go back with your friends? Even if not bf they'll stick up for you if necessary? (It shouldn't be but I don't blame you for not wanting to ever do it again!)

wannaBe · 29/04/2008 12:48

am that people think they have the right to pass comment about what other people do. Wtf gives people the right to do that?

Original poster
tearymummy · 29/04/2008 12:48

im in northampton.
spb i agree.. this is their problem, not yours
so why do i feel so shit about it

OP posts:
cupcakesinthesnow · 29/04/2008 12:49

These were stupid, ill informed, pathetic oiks. Had I been in the cafe I would have certainly stuck up for you and put these idiots in their place.

I have not read the whole thread but have you thought about contacting Tesco? Or if you feel too fragile atm get a friend to call the store and tell them what happened and how you were made to feel. Suggest they put up some breadtfeeding friendly signs in their cafe? If a memeber of staf saw this happening to you they should have said something inyour defence imo.

Original poster
tearymummy · 29/04/2008 12:51

it wasnt in tescos cupcake

OP posts:
Bridie3 · 29/04/2008 12:53

What very unpleasant and ignorant people.

Original poster
tearymummy · 29/04/2008 12:54

spb, yes i can bf with friends, or take dh along too hes v pro bf now, bless him

OP posts:
cupcakesinthesnow · 29/04/2008 12:54

sorry thought you were in tesco cafe! But calling cafe still stands.

funnypeculiar · 29/04/2008 12:57

So sorry this happened to you. Please don't let it put you off - as many others have said i never had anything other than positive comments when bfing my two - I do honestly think you've been unlucky.
I like port&lemon's responses, btw - defn worth memorising for a 'well informed and rather sorry for you, you ignorant fools' type response if there ever is a next time.

Bridie3 · 29/04/2008 12:58

Perhaps what we should do is produce a credit card-size card which says something like:

"Thank you for your interest in my baby's feeding.

Breastfeeding is the natural way to feed an infant. There is nothing dirty or inappropriate about doing it in public.

Every year breastfeeding saves the NHS £x million on infant admissions for [insert names of illnesses].

Breastfeeding has life-long benefits for a child. It also reduces the mother's chances of developing breast cancer.

If you would like to find out more about the benefits of breastfeeding, please go to [insert name of NCT website or whatever]"

Bridie3 · 29/04/2008 12:59

Sorry-meant to add that breastfeeding mothers could carry the cards with them. IF they get approached like the OPer did, they could pull out a card instead of having to think of a response on their feet. Having a card would look 'official' too, which might scare off some of these kind of people.

StealthPolarBear · 29/04/2008 13:00

Goiod for you - except I bet they wouldn't have DARED if there had been a group of you!

scottishmummy · 29/04/2008 13:00

sorry those fools gave you a hard time.you showed great restraint when with LO to not react.dont punish yourself this is their issue and inadequacy.not your's

you are a mum trying to have quality time and a feed with your wee one.dont like a vocal minority upset you

littlepig · 29/04/2008 13:04

Good idea to contact the cafe and ask them to put signs up - then the old bags know they can live with it or they can go and have their coffee in private and leave everyone else to go about their business in peace.

Also agree with girlfrommars - you've had the worst case scenario and you've survived and you know you're not alone so don't let them put you off

Original poster
tearymummy · 29/04/2008 13:06

my thought on these three are,

1.how fucking sad, to have some sort of issue/hang up about a mother bf a baby

2.i also pity them, that for some reason they even hold these views let alone voice them, it makes me wonder why they do that

i feel like saying something well, i pity anyone with such big hang ups, that they find it offensive if,a mother is bf her baby as she simply wants the best for her

OP posts:
Mum2b2BabyRoo · 29/04/2008 13:08

Unbelievable that you should have to justify feeding your child - make me sick!!! And very angry on your behalf!

I think you should let this ride and put it down to ignorant people. You BF where you want to BF and don't let these silly people get to you.