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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

Original poster

ive just had a massive dressing down, for not bf in private, my cheeks are still burning

198 replies

tearymummy · 29/04/2008 11:53

was at a cafe in town, this am, having a drink and stopping to feed dd
was sitting there quitely on my own with dd

three people at the table next to me started glaring over shaking there heads at me and talking about me loudly on purpose.
saying why don't some people realise there's a time and a place for everything and tutting, i could feel myself going relly red, but i was already half way though feeding dd.
i was too ashamed to say anything back.
then they got up to leave, i thought thankgoodness, but one of them came right over to me and said do you think people want to see you do that? i just wanted the ground to swollow me up, i felt so small i couldn't think of ANYTHING to say back, just sat there like some kind of dumb goldfish
she then said theres a time and a place for everything and bf is a private thing between a mother and a baby.
i feel all tearful now and like shit and even worse feel annoyed with myself for not even saying anything back

what could i have said, that would be a bit more intelligent than fuck off

im thinking bout ff dd when out now. but i just want the best for her
if i can't stick up for myself, i don't know what to say to people like that.

OP posts:
Bridie3 · 29/04/2008 13:51

Surely some Heinz chicken dinner jars????

EffiePerine · 29/04/2008 13:51

Tearymummy: you have a baby cafe near you - maybe a good place to find reinforcements for feeding in public?

www.thebabycafe.co.uk/L/BC_Detail.php?ID=26

kayzisexpecting · 29/04/2008 13:52

Yeah probably.

SparklyGothKat · 29/04/2008 13:53

I am so for you, poor you. I am BF Ds2 atm, and I BF wherever I am. I haven't had a bad comment yet. The only one comment I had was when I was BF Ds1 10 years ago in Asda Cafe and someone told me to go to the toliet, I said 'would you eat in the toliet? No? well nor is my baby'

I would have loudly said 'Fuck off' TBH

Original poster
tearymummy · 29/04/2008 13:54

thanks effie, ive just found that, ill think ill go on friday, im searching
Breastfeeding welcome northampton
but can't seem to find any lists of normal cafes, i think baby cafe is only on, on fridays although they may have some sort of list

OP posts:
Iklboo · 29/04/2008 13:55

Probably would have said to the bloke "you weren't bothered about looking at tits on disoplay when you were looking at the wank mags in WH Smith were you?
Ignorant bunch of twonks

kayzisexpecting · 29/04/2008 13:55

My friend has been told that and used the same response SGK. I mean who eats in a toilet??? If anyone shouldn't its a baby.

EffiePerine · 29/04/2008 13:56

I found something about the council awarding certificates for National Breastfeeding Week last year

maybe try the cafe and they should be able too point you to good places

I always found Starbucks a good place to feed and they usually have baby chaing as well

at those arseholes spoiling your enjoyment of feeding your own child

SparklyGothKat · 29/04/2008 13:58

Oh Tearymum, my DH just said 'DON'T GIVE IT BF BECAUSE OF SOME PERVERTS WHO SHOULDN'T HAVE BEEN LOOKING'

onepieceoflollipop · 29/04/2008 13:59

I wish one of us had been sitting next to you.

I am so in fact outraged on your behalf. I am a very confident person but would have cried if I had had your experience today.

I have never had a negative comment but am always on the alert for people even looking disapproving. Some of us seem to give off a bit of an "aggressive" (almost) vibe when b/f in public if we instinctively feel that someone may be watching.

Original poster
tearymummy · 29/04/2008 14:00

lol iklboo, thanks for that once, made me laugh.

we dont have a starbucks. but hopefully baby will be able to tell me about other bf friendly venues

maybe its a northampton thing ?

OP posts:
chunkychips · 29/04/2008 14:00

I think I would have ignored them too, let them rant and rave, thinking they were embarrassing you and then when he/she came over spouting nonsense, looked blankly at them and said 'che?' Hopefully he/she would then explode with frustration. Either that or throw your drink in their face. How dare they?

TinkerbellesMum · 29/04/2008 14:01

Oh, forgot to say, don't give up NIP because of some inconsiderate strangers!

AussieSim · 29/04/2008 14:01

I don't think that there is any point in trying to educate such ignorant people in those circumstances. Best just to try to embarrass them as much as they embarrass you with something like - "Why does it bother you?Do you want a bit yourself love?" or "Why don't you go and have your cuppa and cake in the loo if you don't like it?"

Original poster
tearymummy · 29/04/2008 14:06

aussiesim, i think your probably right, ask them why they have so many hang up, say i think its says alot more about the person complaining about bf, than it dos about th mum bf

OP posts:
kayzisexpecting · 29/04/2008 14:08

I could see their point if you had starting dancing topless on their table but you didn't so they have no right at all!!!

I want to BF the one I am expecting and I think I will tell anyone who says anything to fuck off and mind their own business.

Fllight · 29/04/2008 14:15

I have been thinking about what would have been good to say...not sure as most things sound counter-aggressive, like getting into a fight, or the person would just walk away and refuse to listen.

One thing might be something like 'If you have issues with it, that's your problem. Are you leaving now?'

or 'Please could you just go away, I have a baby to feed'

Or maybe just be honest and lose it with them - 'How dare you speak to me like that?'
sometimes works I think.

We have a lot of noise from late night students who get pissed and roll home at 3am shouting by our house.

I started being very pleasant and polite when I first moved here. It made them laugh at me and my blood pressure rise.

One night I snapped, opened the bedroom window and yelled at the top of my voice (all neighbours already awake) 'Wiil you just shut up and piss off home, you selfish little idiots!!!'

They looked at me totally shocked and legged it.

Use your anger.

Fllight · 29/04/2008 14:16

Kayz, 'Mind your own business!!' would possibly have worked very well!

Original poster
tearymummy · 29/04/2008 14:16

dh is goning to be mad when i tell him tonight, im still not sure about what to do next time but i can see your point that some one will probably berate me for bottle feeding next,

oh well gotta feel sorry for them really i suppose

OP posts:
TinkerbellesMum · 29/04/2008 14:21

Print THIS and give it to the shop.

StealthPolarBear · 29/04/2008 14:21

you're a mother - your place is in the wrong!

Original poster
tearymummy · 29/04/2008 14:25

maybe i should of just blurted out fuck off, but at least dd didnt sense i was upset, so thats all i really care about my lovely dd

id rarther had a quick witty/intelligent retort though, im sure ill find something ill feel comfortable with, when i look back on this thread when im calmer, at least ive stopped crying now !

OP posts:
kayzisexpecting · 29/04/2008 14:26

Fllight, I wish I had the courage to do that with the drunks round here. We live right in the centre of town so every friday and saturday night its bloody awful.

mankymummy · 29/04/2008 14:31

i would have said in a very superior voice, "i beg your pardon", let her repeat herself and then said "i have been polite enough to sit here listening to you moaning on about something that is perfectly natural and nothing to do with you. Some people have real problems to worry about, now piss off or I'll get the other one out and wave it in your miserable face!"

Love2dance · 29/04/2008 14:45

Tearymummy:
I agree with all of the good advice above. Please don't let idiots like that get to you. Thanks for reminding us that bf mums do need support. I felt a bit silly going up to a bf mum in Pret-a-Manger Hammersmith a year or so ago to say "I'm so glad to see you bf here" etc but now I don't.

I guess ultimately one key to changing such attitudes is education. My DS isn't old enough to be at school yet, but if he was I'd be asking the school whether the bf issues are taught as part of social or sexual education classes. Nobody should have to put up with those sorts of comments. I almost pity those people but 'fraid I'm a member of the f**k off school when it comes to public interactions with fools.