I am really glad i didn't breastfeed

[gracemargaret]

I am mum to 2 ff dds (6 and 7 now) and as a new mum I actually didn't produce any breast milk at all (not very bovine). I now look back and am really resentful of how I was made to feel by nurses/health visitors etc. Firstly they let my dd go a whole 5 days without anything at all to "just give my milk a chance to come in" (it didn't despite her latching on like a dream) - After nights of her screaming hour after hour and only being able to calm her with teaspoons of boiled water I gave her some formula (which I'd had to go and buy as was completely unprepared having planned to BF) but was so ashamed (after HVs tales of mothers "giving up") I hid it when anyone came round. I even allowed myself to be rigged up to a feeding bottle with tubes that I had to stick to my boobs with surgical tape every feed (used for mums who adopt) but still nothing. At no point, despite producing no milk, crying when the HV visited and my dd not gaining weight, did anyone suggest giving her a bottle wich I now feel was a despicable way to treat a new mum and her baby. I eventually realised a few things though - Breastfeeding is ONLY best for baby IF IT IS BEST FOR MUM - Rather than my daughters having a tired mum, with cracked sore nipples, having to do all the feeds, unable to go out without leaking milk all over the place, they had a mum whose husband did half the feeds, who wasn't exhausted, and who now has two daughters who haven't been to the Drs for anything except immunisations and are working way above expected level for their ages at school. The way I look at it is that yes BF is natural but in the past women HAD to BF - we don't have to now - we are supposed to have CHOICE. By all means if it comes naturally to you and you don't get cracked nipples/mastitis/turned off by the thought of cabbage leaves in your bra then go ahead for the miniscule and debatable health benefit, however looking at the kind of things being posted in this forum I think a lot of women (and therefore babies) would be far better and happier "giving up" and hitting the bottle!!

err, why do you feel the need to share?

as far as I am concerned each to their own

and by the way, breast feeding does not make one "bovine"

just to confirm (before showtime commences) I breastfed, then mixed fed, then formula fed my dd so consider myself pretty much neutral!

Everyone is entitled to do what they feel is best for them.

BUT - miniscule and debatable health benefit

i probably shouldn't even get involved in this but wanted to say something

breastmilk is best for your baby regardless of your situation and how happy you are.

and no, trhat doesn't mean that everyone should breasttfeed, we';re all entitled to choose how to feed our kids. But breastmilk is always best for baby.
formula IS a suboptimal diet for a new baby- so the "choice" we have these days isn't really a balanced one.

oh, and it can take longer than 5 days for milk to come in

gracemargaret that doesn't sound a good experience, no wonder you are upset by it.

don't understand why you are directing your anger at people who do breastfeed, rather than the lack of support for yourself.

at bovine.

I'm sorry that you didn't have good aftercare and the help you needed to make breastfeeding work for you.

There are many reasons for breastfeeding, and while I am very gald that your children appear not to have any health problems yet that might have relate to your having formula fed, I don't agree with you with regards to the health benefits/deficits of breastmilk vs formula milk.

Gosh, so much anger, you don't actually seem very glad to me.

And I relly don't see what "not needing the doctor and above average at school" has to do with anything. What point are you trying to prove? It's a pretty defensive comment.

Do you work for a formula manufacturer perchance?

i do agree that ytou weren't treated well at all by the HP's supposef to be helping you

Well I read the bovine comment and didn't read the rest I'm afraid. I'm not very bovine either, I am a breastfeeding human mother though.

I'm still breastfeeding my 14 month old and I'm very glad that I am.

I breastfed my ds until he was 8 months, was I tired? Yes, strangley enough having a baby makes you tired - bf/ff/mixed fed. Did I ever have cracked nipples? Nope. Did I ever leak milk all over the place? Nope... although I have more of a tendancy to spill bottles of milk everywhere at the moment..

While I appreciate that it is a choice your views are very one sided

I find the bovine comment very offensive actually.

it sounds as though you could not actually breastfeed, so it was not a choice oyu really had

i formula fed both my DCs

but i recognise that breastfeeding is better health wise for baby and has benefits to the mother too

and is not neccesarily the painful, leaking and isolating experience we fear

but, chacun a son gout!

I should also say that yes of course people had to breastfeed (or use wet-nurses) before the development of formula and other substitutes. But then that is what our bodies were designed to do.

what an ill informed and ignorant OP

bovine??

Glad it worked for you but....

"I think a lot of women (and therefore babies) would be far better and happier "giving up" and hitting the bottle!! "
IS that a way of making yourself feel better about the choices you made?

I had a long conversation with my own mum today who ff us after trying to bf unsuccessfully her firstborn. Looking back she now regrets not bfeeding us but at the time she was 17 and had a witch of a midwife who didnt give her support and was less than gentle. I have also spoken to far more women who wish they pursued bfing more and had not 'given up' and hit the bottle as you say. I have not however met any women who have regretted bfing or trying to.

And no, I'm not bovine either. I am/was rather whippet-like in fact. Whippets bfeed too, didn't you know....

"Rather than my daughters having a tired mum, with cracked sore nipples, having to do all the feeds, unable to go out without leaking milk all over the place, they had a mum whose husband did half the feeds, who wasn't exhausted,"
But if your milk never came in you wouldn't have had the above experience, so how do you know that's what it would have been like??

I take it you ahve been lurking around the bf threads lately and you are fairly new to MN, gracemargaret? Your title sounds a bit defensive. If you are feeling a bit defensive, no need to round here. people ff for lots of reasons.

I have only read your first sentence so far but you were not particularly 'bovine'. I wouldn't have expected you to be. You are not a cow.

now off to read the rest of your post.

i think (hope) that gm is more venting than meaning to offend.

Oooooh, careful Gracemargaret. You might get shot down for your declaration here, especially the belief that a happy mum makes a happy baby. On these types of threads there are many who don't say in so many words but near enough say that you just didn't try hard enough.

Good for you getting over your disappointment and heartache in those early days. And I agree, in this day and age, formula is a great alternative.

gracemargaret, you obviously had a traumatic and stressful experience with breast-feeding, and I don't think anyone would criticize you for switching to FF instead. And it's true that HVs and midwives do push the BF to the detriment of everything else sometimes. I know from experience what it's like to think you've lost a nipple to a baby when you've not been shown how to bf properly.

I'm not even sure this is a real post, surely someone wouldn't post such inflammatory comments without reason?