I am really glad i didn't breastfeed

[gracemargaret]

I am mum to 2 ff dds (6 and 7 now) and as a new mum I actually didn't produce any breast milk at all (not very bovine). I now look back and am really resentful of how I was made to feel by nurses/health visitors etc. Firstly they let my dd go a whole 5 days without anything at all to "just give my milk a chance to come in" (it didn't despite her latching on like a dream) - After nights of her screaming hour after hour and only being able to calm her with teaspoons of boiled water I gave her some formula (which I'd had to go and buy as was completely unprepared having planned to BF) but was so ashamed (after HVs tales of mothers "giving up") I hid it when anyone came round. I even allowed myself to be rigged up to a feeding bottle with tubes that I had to stick to my boobs with surgical tape every feed (used for mums who adopt) but still nothing. At no point, despite producing no milk, crying when the HV visited and my dd not gaining weight, did anyone suggest giving her a bottle wich I now feel was a despicable way to treat a new mum and her baby. I eventually realised a few things though - Breastfeeding is ONLY best for baby IF IT IS BEST FOR MUM - Rather than my daughters having a tired mum, with cracked sore nipples, having to do all the feeds, unable to go out without leaking milk all over the place, they had a mum whose husband did half the feeds, who wasn't exhausted, and who now has two daughters who haven't been to the Drs for anything except immunisations and are working way above expected level for their ages at school. The way I look at it is that yes BF is natural but in the past women HAD to BF - we don't have to now - we are supposed to have CHOICE. By all means if it comes naturally to you and you don't get cracked nipples/mastitis/turned off by the thought of cabbage leaves in your bra then go ahead for the miniscule and debatable health benefit, however looking at the kind of things being posted in this forum I think a lot of women (and therefore babies) would be far better and happier "giving up" and hitting the bottle!!

Why not Starlight?

Sorry sushistar meant BF not BB - apologies if my postings are a bit dodgey but my brain has been assualted by a bottle glass of wine. Hence my courage in posting on a BF/FF thread

There are people around who're perfectly capable of bf, can do it easily and know why it's good, yet choose not to, and IMO this is absolutely right.

Anything else and we're on a really slippery slope in terms of treating mothers as merely incubators for babies.

I can't imagine making that choice myself - but luckily I can see that world isn't entirely populated with wellie-clones, people are different and that must be respected.

i noticed in mylast post that i have missed out a few words too. must be late.

but before i go, the reason mums are not shown how to ff is partly because it cannot be shown effectively in a group situation. There is not ban in showing a mother on a one to one basis. Tiktok may correct me later.

It is recommended that is shown on a one to one basis, in the mother's own environment (kitchen) and in an atmosphere that allows her to ask questions that apply only to her situation. I suppose this is partly because of the real inherent risks that ff carries and the NHS are ultimately responsible if they underinform you of safe bottlefeeding feeding practice.

But it is hard to make a decision about breastfeeding without even trying, so unless there is a genuine problem women should be encouraged to breastfeed and it should be seen as the norm.

OK so if you FF and experience feelings of guilt/failure is that to do with your own internal expectations or are external influences at play? Surely in the first place your personal expectations of motherhood are influenced by everything you see, read, hear?

GM, I haven't been here for ages but if you need to 'tell your story' and get out/ put down some of those feelings that are unresolved, this is a good place to do it. I did, and I got no end of support from these guys, and it really helped me to come to terms with things. ((GM)) you;ve said some hurtful things in your OP but...it is hard.

[sushi secretly thinks if formula were only available on prescription lots more people would breastfeed, and once they got going would really enjoy it. But she's far to scared to say so.]

Kiski, it probably doesnt help that all the HCP I came into contact with seemed to think the exaplantion for not mentioning FF was that they 'were not allowed to'. I mean, thats really is the only argument they gave and may have been the only one they had to give!

Ds...Bf 10 months exclusively and returned to work full time expressing milk in locked office during lunch break. Then mixed Bf and Ff...don't really know why TBH, but continued Bfing until he was 18 months.

Leaks? yes.

Mastitis? small hot lumps that I massaged away effectively.

Cracked/sore nipples? Nope.

Cabbage? Nope!

Did I feel cow like? Yes I did, I could have fed a small herd lol!

Would I change anything about that experience? Yep, I'd not give the Ff's.

Dd...Bf exclusively, still going strong at 15 months and fully intend to continue until 18 months.

Leaks? Yes.

Mastitis? No.

Cracked/sore nipples? yes, 5 times so far - extremely painful.

Thrush in the breast? Yes and very painful indeed.

Cabbage? No.

Cow like? Not at all.

Would I change anything about this experience? Absolutely not.

My Dd still doesn't sleep through the night...the thought of getting formula ready does nothing for me personally, but I wouldn't condemn anyone else for doing so.

see firstname, that is just lazy or again maybe, like i have said, underinformed.

kiski - spot on - i noticed you'd said that earlier when I read back! Underinformed.. VERY underinformed. Which in turn, IMO leads to a desire to heavily re-iterate what they are confident about, which is breast is best, and which can make a brand new mum feel like there is no place for her if she FFs..

Which is so untrue and all wrong and undermines the whole breast is best message in the first place - again in my opinion

yes, i recognise that problem Starlight. distinctly remember at about 3 wks with a still yellow baby screaming in her cot, me sitting on the stairs, head in hands, bawling my own eyes out at 4 am in sheer exhaustion, not knowing what my next move ought to be. dh was working in Scotland from Mon to Fri.

all I could do was pray for morning and go in and attempt to feed her again while I waited.

Starlight- we are destined to disagree then. Would love to stay and thrash it out but bed beckons!
G'night

sushi, come on. I sincerely hope that you are able to BF your next baby, if you intend to have more. I really do Ff agaisnt ones better judgement is nt a nice place to be so I hope you never have to visit.

No, as you say, a baby not eating is an EMERGENCY. So the on call dr would have to give you a prescription to go to the emergency 24hr chemist. Giving a baby formula - especially at 3am when you're really exhausted and don't have time to go thrugh all the pros and cons etc - is a big decision. So it should be worth a trip to the chemist rather than the supermarket.

If you live in the hebredies I'm gonna look stupid now.

Also, I have no idea how this policy could be implemented - the on call drs would be swamped I know!!

firstname- there is a movement against the breast is best message as it suggests a choice.

Really must go to bed now!!

goodness really MrsR? who's behind the movement?

Yeah, I know it's dumb really. I guess it would just be clearer then to society as a whole that formula feeding is a sort of medical issue, that breast feeding is normal and formula feeding is there for when breast feeding can't work for whatever reason?

Grace margaret would have had prescriptions cos she had hormone imbalence. Maybe then she wouldn't have felt so judged?

so sushi...if you live miles from your nearest chemist and dont ahve a car and its 3am and you have no taxi money...How would you get to the 24 hr emergency chemist? Dont you think the nHS pay for enough withoutn having to supplement formula for everyone who uses it, too?