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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

Original poster

I am really glad i didn't breastfeed

249 replies

gracemargaret · 28/03/2008 22:36

I am mum to 2 ff dds (6 and 7 now) and as a new mum I actually didn't produce any breast milk at all (not very bovine). I now look back and am really resentful of how I was made to feel by nurses/health visitors etc. Firstly they let my dd go a whole 5 days without anything at all to "just give my milk a chance to come in" (it didn't despite her latching on like a dream) - After nights of her screaming hour after hour and only being able to calm her with teaspoons of boiled water I gave her some formula (which I'd had to go and buy as was completely unprepared having planned to BF) but was so ashamed (after HVs tales of mothers "giving up") I hid it when anyone came round. I even allowed myself to be rigged up to a feeding bottle with tubes that I had to stick to my boobs with surgical tape every feed (used for mums who adopt) but still nothing. At no point, despite producing no milk, crying when the HV visited and my dd not gaining weight, did anyone suggest giving her a bottle wich I now feel was a despicable way to treat a new mum and her baby. I eventually realised a few things though - Breastfeeding is ONLY best for baby IF IT IS BEST FOR MUM - Rather than my daughters having a tired mum, with cracked sore nipples, having to do all the feeds, unable to go out without leaking milk all over the place, they had a mum whose husband did half the feeds, who wasn't exhausted, and who now has two daughters who haven't been to the Drs for anything except immunisations and are working way above expected level for their ages at school. The way I look at it is that yes BF is natural but in the past women HAD to BF - we don't have to now - we are supposed to have CHOICE. By all means if it comes naturally to you and you don't get cracked nipples/mastitis/turned off by the thought of cabbage leaves in your bra then go ahead for the miniscule and debatable health benefit, however looking at the kind of things being posted in this forum I think a lot of women (and therefore babies) would be far better and happier "giving up" and hitting the bottle!!

OP posts:
Original poster
gracemargaret · 28/03/2008 23:13

kiskideesameanoldmother I didn't get cracked nipples - I didn't actually produce any milk - this also happened with my 2nd child - Oh what a failiure I must be !

OP posts:
pooka · 28/03/2008 23:16

So why do you talk about being unable to go out without milk leaking all over the place?
Also, cabbage leaves are a home remedy usually for engorgement, rather than cracked nipples.

Anyway...

Blu · 28/03/2008 23:17

gm -it sounds as if you had a truly horrible experience.

Someone I know had their baby taken back into hospital with dehydration and it wasn't until a REgistrar who wasn't actually a paed or involved wih the baby care finally said 'for goodness sake, someone give the child a bottle' that anyone checked to see that any milk was actually being produced...despite a perfect latch and a mother who wanted / believed in breat feeding to the nth degree, there simply was no milk - she has some condition which stops it being made.

I think she too felt pressurised, guilty, sad and, of course, angry that her babe had suffered so much.

But what anyone else does or doesn't do plays no part in validating - or not - your circumstances or choices.

mehdismummy · 28/03/2008 23:20

er i might be insulted but dunno what bovine means! I is thick you know!

sushistar · 28/03/2008 23:20

"Rather than my daughters having a tired mum, with cracked sore nipples, having to do all the feeds, unable to go out without leaking milk all over the place,"

???

I don't think you should talk about breastfeeding, because you don't know what it's like. You formula fed, so you know much more about the pros/cons of that. But really only people who have done BOTH (not me) are in a place to compare the two. I wouldn't dream of trying to summarise formula feeding in such a negative way because I have never done it. Please do not be so rude about my feeding choices.

I am glad your little ones are healthy and happy. This is despite, not because of, the fact they were formula fed.

[Sushi steps away from keyboard a bit trembly at being so blunt, as it is not her usual style!!]

morocco · 28/03/2008 23:22

hmmm (thinking aloud) I'm really sad for you that you didn't produce any milk, it sounds like you tried very hard so I'm assuming b/f was something you had wanted to do and were disappointed you couldn't. I'm not sure how that has made you feel other mums who post on here for advice on cracked nipples/mastitis etc would be happier if they stopped bf and started ff instead. being quite honest, it doesn't sound like you are actually happy with having had to ff (not a choice at all if you didn't produce any milk). Have you ever spoken to anyone from the bf helplines/bf counsellor in rl to debrief about your experiences? It might be helpful

kiskideesameanoldmother · 28/03/2008 23:22

"Rather than my daughters having a tired mum, with cracked sore nipples"

so you didn't say this in your opening post then.

I will step away from this thread now as you seem to be trolling. I thought this initially but thought I'd be magnanimous and give you the benefit of the doubt.

MamaMaiasaura · 28/03/2008 23:25

morocco - she didnt have cracked nipples apparntly.. tending to agree with kisdee re a bit of trolling.

harpsichordcarrier · 28/03/2008 23:26

no kiskidee what the OP means is that all women who bf get cracked sore nipples and mastitis and are tired and exhausted and leaking milk all over the place and go around with cabbage leaves in their bra.

mehdismummy · 28/03/2008 23:26

my mum could not produce milk too. I am hardly ever ill. I have been very lucky ds has always been a good bf. Blu my df also had the same problem as yours. She felt incredibly low and lack of support(her h now ex thank god was a knob) did not help

misdee · 28/03/2008 23:26

you dont sound glad.

mehdismummy · 28/03/2008 23:28

what does bloody bovine mean!?

kiskideesameanoldmother · 28/03/2008 23:29

thanks harpsi. after 3 yrs of bfing dd, never had cracked nipples, leaked about an oz, never had mastitis or even bought cabbage leaves. In the op's mind I suppose I'd be either exaggerating or a very rare woman.

kiskideesameanoldmother · 28/03/2008 23:29

bovine = cow.

Aitch · 28/03/2008 23:30

tbh, your thread title is bogus. "i am really glad i didn't bf"? you didn't have a choice, not really something to be glad or otherwise about, you didn't have an alternative.
i'm certainly glad that formula was available for your children (and my dd) but i do think you're trolling a bit.
and yes, sushi makes a good point, choosing anecdotally the worst bits of bfing to shore up your delight in your body's inability to produce milk... hmmm. i mix fed. i found the bfing bit fine, i just wished i had more milk. it was expressing (to keep up supply) and ff (with all the gubbins and middle of the night in the kitchen crap) that was rotten for me, bfing was the pleasant bit.

mehdismummy · 28/03/2008 23:30

im glad all over me!

Aitch · 28/03/2008 23:30

tbh, your thread title is bogus. "i am really glad i didn't bf"? you didn't have a choice, not really something to be glad or otherwise about, you didn't have an alternative.
i'm certainly glad that formula was available for your children (and my dd) but i do think you're trolling a bit.
and yes, sushi makes a good point, choosing anecdotally the worst bits of bfing to shore up your delight in your body's inability to produce milk... hmmm. i mix fed. i found the bfing bit fine, i just wished i had more milk. it was expressing (to keep up supply) and ff (with all the gubbins and middle of the night in the kitchen crap) that was rotten for me, bfing was the pleasant bit.

Aitch · 28/03/2008 23:31

tbh, your thread title is bogus. "i am really glad i didn't bf"? you didn't have a choice, not really something to be glad or otherwise about, you didn't have an alternative.
i'm certainly glad that formula was available for your children (and my dd) but i do think you're trolling a bit.
and yes, sushi makes a good point, choosing anecdotally the worst bits of bfing to shore up your delight in your body's inability to produce milk... hmmm. i mix fed. i found the bfing bit fine, i just wished i had more milk. it was expressing (to keep up supply) and ff (with all the gubbins and middle of the night in the kitchen crap) that was rotten for me, bfing was the pleasant bit.

harpsichordcarrier · 28/03/2008 23:31

oh come now kiskidee, enough of that propaganda!

elliephant · 28/03/2008 23:31

Normally terrified of these BB/FF threads but have quickly skimmed thru posts and imo the op is angry because she felt under pressure to bb even though having difficulty and worried about baby losing weight. Imagine it was a very stressful time. I don't think this is meant to be a FF v BB battle . TBH I agree that mothers are under pressure to bb these days and when it doesn't work out experience feelings of guilt and failure. That's certainly what I've seen with my friends anyway.

Aitch · 28/03/2008 23:32

whoops. i really mean that, whatever it was i wrote three zillion times.

mehdismummy · 28/03/2008 23:32

ta kis. I have bf for over two years and not once have i chewed grass. Layed down to predict rain or said moo! Bovine. How rude.

Blu · 28/03/2008 23:32

I took the OP to be referring to the lengths that (different and various) women go to to persist with breastfeeding, including the cabbage, the leaking, the cracks etc, not talking about herself, or AL bf women. The ones she sees on Mn, who are not finding it easy. She says "however looking at the kind of things being posted in this forum".

Not sure where upset and anger over what happened with her own circumstances and subsequent feelings should be vented, if not here, and why here is innappropriate.

Bovine aside, of course! ''MM - bovine - 'like a cow' or 'with the qualities of a cow'. Porcine is like a pig, lupine a wolf, feline a cat, canine a dog, etc etc.

MamaMaiasaura · 28/03/2008 23:33

my nips arent cracked.. would post a pic but i might get in trouble .. so i did a drawing

(.)(.)

kiskideesameanoldmother · 28/03/2008 23:33

in that case harpi I am a very svelte cow. [gloat] [clink clank: bell not my bones]