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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

Original poster

I am really glad i didn't breastfeed

249 replies

gracemargaret · 28/03/2008 22:36

I am mum to 2 ff dds (6 and 7 now) and as a new mum I actually didn't produce any breast milk at all (not very bovine). I now look back and am really resentful of how I was made to feel by nurses/health visitors etc. Firstly they let my dd go a whole 5 days without anything at all to "just give my milk a chance to come in" (it didn't despite her latching on like a dream) - After nights of her screaming hour after hour and only being able to calm her with teaspoons of boiled water I gave her some formula (which I'd had to go and buy as was completely unprepared having planned to BF) but was so ashamed (after HVs tales of mothers "giving up") I hid it when anyone came round. I even allowed myself to be rigged up to a feeding bottle with tubes that I had to stick to my boobs with surgical tape every feed (used for mums who adopt) but still nothing. At no point, despite producing no milk, crying when the HV visited and my dd not gaining weight, did anyone suggest giving her a bottle wich I now feel was a despicable way to treat a new mum and her baby. I eventually realised a few things though - Breastfeeding is ONLY best for baby IF IT IS BEST FOR MUM - Rather than my daughters having a tired mum, with cracked sore nipples, having to do all the feeds, unable to go out without leaking milk all over the place, they had a mum whose husband did half the feeds, who wasn't exhausted, and who now has two daughters who haven't been to the Drs for anything except immunisations and are working way above expected level for their ages at school. The way I look at it is that yes BF is natural but in the past women HAD to BF - we don't have to now - we are supposed to have CHOICE. By all means if it comes naturally to you and you don't get cracked nipples/mastitis/turned off by the thought of cabbage leaves in your bra then go ahead for the miniscule and debatable health benefit, however looking at the kind of things being posted in this forum I think a lot of women (and therefore babies) would be far better and happier "giving up" and hitting the bottle!!

OP posts:
MamaMaiasaura · 28/03/2008 22:49

oo i missed the minisulce health benefit comment.. i kind of stopped reading the middle bit. and as for cabbage leaves.. am currently bfing baby number 2 and no cabbage leaves been needed thanks.

buttercreamfrosting · 28/03/2008 22:51

Just for the record, I have exclusively breastfed 3 dc's and also didn't have to do all the feeds, ventured outside on occasion without looking like a leaky tap and I also have very healthy & ahappy children.

I do admit to having been exhausted at times but that's cos I've got 3 kids not cos I breastfed them!

pruners · 28/03/2008 22:51

Message withdrawn

Aitch · 28/03/2008 22:53

gracemargaret, it NEVER fails to amaze me that we never seem to get the HCPs we need. you needed people who would go gentler with you about the bfing thing, i needed people who wouldn't keep insisting that i should top-up formula. if there's a next time, i guess all we've learned is that the truth is probably somewhere in between.

JodieG1 · 28/03/2008 22:53

I'd also like to add that I ff my first, dd, and regret it for reasons I've posted before.

I went on to bf ds1 and ds2, couldn't be happier to have managed to do so. It is easier as well tbh.

blueshoes · 28/03/2008 22:54

lol, the irony of needing to be 'bovine' to produce breastmilk. How about being 'human' to produce breastmilk. The closest thing to bovine is the formula you are giving your dds.

Anyway, your Choice.

JodieG1 · 28/03/2008 22:54

Pruners I think you're right, missed your post before I did my last.

chequebookjerry · 28/03/2008 22:54

very wise pruners, I am off now bye

pooka · 28/03/2008 22:54

I agree, formula milk is the least worst alternative to natural breastmilk. Thankfully, it is probably much better than the interesting home made milks that were used before mass production of formula.
It still does not compare in terms of health benefits with breastmilk, and these are not miniscule and debatable.
I have lots of friends who ff'd as well as friends who b'fed. I can't say I saw a noticeable difference in terms of how well rested they were. All depended upon the individual baby IMO.

JodieG1 · 28/03/2008 22:55

Blueshoes, clearly breasts are meant for other things and not breastmilk if we need to be bovine to produce milk

mrsruffallo · 28/03/2008 22:55

gracemargaret- sorry you had such a bad experience but that does not give you the right to be rude about breastfeeding mothers.
You have a very limited experience of breastfeeding and it can be a very enjoyable experience.
I am sorry that you couldn't breastfeed, don't see why that makes you glad you didn't?

Aitch · 28/03/2008 22:55

actually pruni, there have been some right nasty threads recently, i don't know why. new names out for a scrap, i think.

kiskideesameanoldmother · 28/03/2008 22:55

well said Pruni.

Original poster
gracemargaret · 28/03/2008 22:56

My anger is not at anyne who breasfeeds and enjoys it - which must be wonderful and I wish I could have as I'm sure it is a lovely experience - but yes I am angry and resentful at the pressure put on women who can't BF or who find it very difficult (my experience is having a huge no. of friends both who ff/bf and running a large mother and toddler group as a SAHM). A lot of defensive replies here which have completely misinterpreted my post. I am also not denying that there are health benefits of breast milk over formula but would say that these are often far outweighed IMO by the benefits to baby of others factors which can be affected by the choice to bf or not for SOME women (eg tiredness, guilt, discomfort etc). I am not saying all women who bf will experience these either. I'm pro choice not pro ff........but you're right I am still angry about how I was made to feel (and sorry about bovine - it was something my mother - who breastfed all her kids always says to me - not meant to cause offence!)

OP posts:
pooka · 28/03/2008 22:57

True, Pruners & MrsRuffalo.
No comment to OP.

buttercreamfrosting · 28/03/2008 22:58

I'm stepping away and taking my uncracked nipples with me

MamaMaiasaura · 28/03/2008 22:59

verytrue purple.. how exactly does that work.. milk leaking all over the place if you milk never actually came in.??? hmmm

Aitch · 28/03/2008 22:59

tbh i think bovine probably was at the root of many of the replies, it was terribly insulting.

i REALLY wish i'd met more of those types of HCPs, to be honest, so for all the people you have saying they didn't like their attitude there may be heaps of women thanking christ that their support made them stick it out. you can't know either way.

plus imo if there are people talking about difficulties with bfing who are now ffing, bfers who are doing fine and happy tend to keep their mouths shut.

mrsruffallo · 28/03/2008 22:59

I agree with Pruners- I have read many supportive threads recently, no need to get into this

morocco · 28/03/2008 23:00

can I tentatively suggest that you do not, in fact, sound happy

JodieG1 · 28/03/2008 23:00

Gracemargret - I was by far more tired when I ff than when I've bf, I've done both and wouldn't ff again as it's much more hassle.

I still feel guilt now over ff my dd, she was prem, tube fed glucose at first as she couldn't take milk. I didn't want to change her after they started her on formula and now she's 6 years old. She is doing great but I still feel bad about it so I wouldn't advise people to do the same unless they had to.

Ds2 isn't a great sleeper, never slept through yet and he's 14 months, so bf and co-sleeping is far easier for us.

MamaMaiasaura · 28/03/2008 23:02

aitch - very true.

melimum · 28/03/2008 23:06

wow isnt it amazing how this argument gets such strong opions and not much empathy!
i was very lucky to have breastfed
i loved it and had none of the problems it made evening feeds so easy just to plug him on!
my milk dried up when my ds was 8 months and i was devastated

that made me realise how lucky i had been
not my ds but me being able to give that to him

for those who find it hard painful or impossible they should not do it or be made to feel shamed

a few close friends who have had babies since me have been unable to breast feed and people just make them feel inadequate and that they are somehow doing harm

defintely a happy mum is better for any baby

kiskideesameanoldmother · 28/03/2008 23:07

I wonder if you have been honest about the difficulties you were having with bfing to the HVs, etc, gracemargaret, they wouldn't have strapped you to supplementary feeding tubes. Hiding the formula? also not a good move. Can you not see that your own actions prolonged the bad experience you were having?

Surely cracked nipples should be a sign to any hv worth their money, and IME those are rare, that bf was not going well.

Hopefully, over time, you will come to understand that guilt is a useless emotion. Guilt is the emotion a lot of women feel instead of anger, disappointment, regret, and / or sadness. Anger at the poor support you were given by people who are paid to know better, disappointment for losing out at what should have been the natural next step of motherhood. Regret that you cannot go back and remedy the experience.

Guilt is the convenient emotion that lets the mother feel responsible for her failure. It shields the HCP, whose paid to offer good support or find it for you from your righteous anger and their responsibility.

harpsichordcarrier · 28/03/2008 23:12

I am afraid you have been ill informed. the health benefit of bf (or rather the risks of ff) or neither miniscule or debatable.
there is no debate.
I think you are very angry and tbh I am not at all sure about your motivations for posting other than to vent your anger.
I am not sure this is the appropriate place, tbh.

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