I am really glad i didn't breastfeed

[gracemargaret]

I am mum to 2 ff dds (6 and 7 now) and as a new mum I actually didn't produce any breast milk at all (not very bovine). I now look back and am really resentful of how I was made to feel by nurses/health visitors etc. Firstly they let my dd go a whole 5 days without anything at all to "just give my milk a chance to come in" (it didn't despite her latching on like a dream) - After nights of her screaming hour after hour and only being able to calm her with teaspoons of boiled water I gave her some formula (which I'd had to go and buy as was completely unprepared having planned to BF) but was so ashamed (after HVs tales of mothers "giving up") I hid it when anyone came round. I even allowed myself to be rigged up to a feeding bottle with tubes that I had to stick to my boobs with surgical tape every feed (used for mums who adopt) but still nothing. At no point, despite producing no milk, crying when the HV visited and my dd not gaining weight, did anyone suggest giving her a bottle wich I now feel was a despicable way to treat a new mum and her baby. I eventually realised a few things though - Breastfeeding is ONLY best for baby IF IT IS BEST FOR MUM - Rather than my daughters having a tired mum, with cracked sore nipples, having to do all the feeds, unable to go out without leaking milk all over the place, they had a mum whose husband did half the feeds, who wasn't exhausted, and who now has two daughters who haven't been to the Drs for anything except immunisations and are working way above expected level for their ages at school. The way I look at it is that yes BF is natural but in the past women HAD to BF - we don't have to now - we are supposed to have CHOICE. By all means if it comes naturally to you and you don't get cracked nipples/mastitis/turned off by the thought of cabbage leaves in your bra then go ahead for the miniscule and debatable health benefit, however looking at the kind of things being posted in this forum I think a lot of women (and therefore babies) would be far better and happier "giving up" and hitting the bottle!!

Wow, aitch thinks I made SUCH a good point she mentions it THREE times, see?? [proud and smug]

but ellie, look closer, where do those feelings of guilt and failure actually come from? are they really external? i doubt it. when it didn't work out for me i was my own greatest critic, i specifically kept an ear out for things that would make me feel more shit and brushed off the ones that didn't.

i do fart alot atm.. that is bovine like i guess... so does baby does that mean he is a calf?

ahem, the OP did apologise for the bovine thing...

Yes Awen, your baby is a suckling calf.

Of course I can't say for sure that I would have experienced cracked nipples/leaking but had a lot of bf mum friends who did (usually at pub when we were talking about babies!). However by being forced to ff I did avoid this potentially happening - although granted had to faff about with sterilising etc. The wording of my post was meant to be illustrative and make a point about BF not always being ideal for everyone and not to offend. I now know I can not produce milk due to a hormonal imbalance - it wasn't that I didn't try hard enough despite people tring to imply this here!

moo

ta blu. I believe your friend may be a mutual friend of mine too! Actually in her home town now!

obviously venting anger is absolutely appropriate. to say, I really wanted to bf and I couldn't for these reasons and I am angry about it!
fine and dandy.
but to say I am really glad I didn't bf and then list how horrible and painful and exhausting it is to bf and how much better it is to ff and that it isn't worth it anyway because the benefits are miniscule and debatable....
well, I understand one might say those things in anger
but I don't think it is appropriate to talk about something about which you are (clearly) ignorant with such confidence and wild inaccuracy.

oh and the bovine comment is just nasty and offensive.

sorry, I can't see anywhere on this thread where anyone has intimated that you didn't try hard enough.

be so kind as to cut and paste one or two for me? serious.

Yes, aitch, she did, but the REST of what she said was RUDE.

She feels she was pressured and unsupported in her feeding choices. Fair enough. That is wrong and no woman should have to go through that.

She was rude about my feeding choices (even if you take out 'bovine'). That's not on. I have never, and would never, be rude about ffeeding. Why should she be so rude? She has made me and . I like feeding my baby. Why should she be so angry at me because she did not?

who implied that? i think one person said that lying to HCPs might have run counter to your efforts to bf, presumably at that stage you were still trying? if not, why not just tell them? i don't really understand what your point is, tbh. great that you didn't bf, good for you. so what, really?

gracemargret..whom has implied you didnt try hard enough? I think offense has been taken from the spirit of anger in you post directed at breastfeeding and that you assume to know what it is like to breastfeed when you have not actually breastfed. This should be a 'them' and 'us' debate which is what your OP is aiming at. We are all mums at the end of the day and your choice is your choice. I think choice is great as long as it is informed. Your views of breastfeeding are not accurare so therefore imo not informed.

gracemargaret - sorry you had such a shite time when initially feeding your dd's. You do sound angry and let down

IMO you haven't failed them and shouldn't feel as though you have. You have done the best that you could and thats all any of us can do.

thanks aitch. I said that about lying to the HCP's. just noticed that she hasn't given any response to that observation.

"it wasn't that I didn't try hard enough despite people tring to imply this here! "

I am sorry but that is just plain and simple delusion. no-one has said any such thing!
good grief, that is so infuriatingly illogical.

ack meant this should not be a them and us debate. Tired from all that breastfeeding see

Gracemargaret, you would - in fact do - feel upset because people have not supported you and made you feel inadequate for formula feeding. That's really wrong. It was something you couldn't help, and in your case was not really a choice you made - you are unlucky enough to have an illness which stopped you.

But it's not fair to take it further and be derogatory about breastfeeding. Really, it would be good if you could be positive about bfeeding, and acknowledge that if other people can/want to, they should be helped to do it. What if your little girls want to bfeed? What if they get nagative messages about it from you?

I don't believe that anyone has called you a failure, or suggested that you didn't try hard enough- can you not see why your manner has offended people?

Quite right Awen.
No one has suggested that you didn't try hard enough, just that your references to the downsides of breastfeeding are not informed by your having experienced them - the leaking, the inability for others to feed your baby and so on.

i actually think your comment about people on here implying you didn't try hard enough is a perfect illustration of something aitch talked about, and I quote, ''when it didn't work out for me i was my own greatest critic, i specifically kept an ear out for things that would make me feel more shit and brushed off the ones that didn't''.

I hope it wasn't my comment that you interpreted to mean you hadn't tried hard enough. I think it was clear, but in case it wasn't, I meant that it sounded like you were in fact very determined to give bf a good go, for example using supplementary feeding, when I have never actually met anyone who has used this. that sounds pretty determined to me. it must have been very upsetting to go through all those experiences

Successful breastfeeding is best for babies. If it's really not working, formula is a perfectly adequate substitute. I just didn;t have any milk despite fenugreek, fennel tea, breast pumps etc.
And I am in my 40s and alive an well despite not having been breastfed either.

I would absolutely love my girls to be able to BF (as then they would be able to choose to if they wanted to). I would not want them to carry on if they were not happy/enjoying it that's all. I maybe wrongly felt the implication that " I had not tried hard enough" when someone mentioned Breast milk taking more than 5 days to come in. I was actually strapped to the crazy machine with surgical tape for several more weeks after this (admit possible oversensitivity - works both ways). Things i have said have only been to illustrate a point/provide balance and I have several times said I am NOT anti BF and pro CHOICE.