Worried about my wife.......

[BritishBeef]

Hi there,
My son is only 2 weeks old and we are already at our limits. I guess that sounds pathetic and both my wife and I feel failures to be feeling this way so early on.

My wife had a lot of problems breastfeeding in during the first week due to our son having a very strong suction and also managing to 'click' whilst sucking which caused my wife so much pain that she cried whilst feeding. We had 3 different midwives confirm that he was latched on perfectly and couldn't work out what was going wrong. Things got better a few days ago and breastfeeding was bearable. In the last few days however, our son has been wanting feeding every 2 hours and his feeding time has lengthened to an hour or more meaning that my wife is feeding as much as she's not including 3 times during the night and again her nipples are getting painful. The rest of the time he is really grisly and won't settle meaning we are getting no rest. We tried winding etc. but no use. We take him out in the afternoon for an hour (he will usually sleep then). Yesterday he was awake for the best part of 16 hours out of 24 and most of that was grisly or crying.

Today, he's doing his feeding cues straight after an hour long feed. The feed is not constant and by the end it's as if he's just comfort sucking but like I said, as soon as he's removed from the breast he makes out that he wants feeding again. My wife changes breasts half way through but still no joy.

His weight is fine and when we discuss these sorts of things with the MW's they just say there's no problem because his weight is fine.

My real concern however is the strain on my wife. She's very tearful lately and says she can't cope anymore with the constant feeding and no rest. I'm finding it nearly as stressful and as I have suffered the last 5 years with mental illness (anxiety, stress, OCD, health anxiety) I am worried about myself too. I don't want to become depressed like I have in the past and I really don't want my wife to go down that route either.

We are considering switching to formula but that makes us feel total failures and guilty especially as the MW's have rammed it down our necks that not to breastfeed is wrong.

I really don't know what to do and would appreciate some advice.

Did you both sleep when the grandparents took your ds out for a few hours ?

Could you and your wife do shifts say 6 hours each at night or of you are working could you do all of Friday and Saturday night so that you each get some uninterrupted sleep. Don't be afraid to sleep in separate rooms with the sleeper as far away from babay as possible to maximise the chance of deep sleep.

Everything seems so much clearer and do-able afer a good sleep. Stuff housework or proper meals, get some sleep and grab a quick chhese on toast until things get better and they will get better, one day at a time.

Have to sign off now.

Just believe us, it is just a phase and it will get better.

So, is it OK to make up a feed with freshly boiled water rather than waiting for it to cool a little?

For those of you who prepared feeds in advance, did you store the bottles in the fridge with teats with caps on? or sealing caps and then added teats just before feeding?

With ds1 I made them up as soon as the water was bearable to work with if you see what I mean. with ds 2 I worried a bit more about whether the really high temperature water would damage the nutritional value of the formula milk so I waited 3o mins. Someone else can probably advise re this.

I put teats and lids on and stored the bottles in the fridge like that as did a close friend. with ds1 I used a sealing cap to shake the bottles then added teats and lids just before putting them in the fridge.

with ds2 I put the teats and lids on even before shaking and didn't bother with the sealing cap inserts at all.

What bottles do you have? Most of them seal the bottle when you put the lid over the teat anyway, so you don't need the palava of sealing caps. Easiest way to check is to put the lid in and shake it - if you get milk squirting all over the cap then you need a sealing disk .

And yes, I think you can use freshly boiled water - you just need to make sure it's not so hot that you scald yourself whilst shaking!

Have you been to the GP about your ds yet (sorry if I've missed an update) or are you just taking the advice of the HV, who sounds pretty useless tbh. I agree with the others who say it sounds much more like reflux, which is very common, than lactose intolerance, which is very rare. If I were you I'd be asking the GP for some infant gaviscon to start with and see if it helps. I have no personal experience of reflux but my bf's ds had it and she faffed about with colief, infacol, gripe water, etc before she finally saw a GP who took her seriously and she got some gaviscon which made a huge difference. There are lots more treatments for reflux that will turn your grumpy baby into a smiley chappy very quickly, you just need to be proactive in getting him properly diagnosed.

When microwaving the bottle shake well to disperse the heat you can stop half way through and shake it then carry on heating, it's best to wait 15/20 minutes after the kettle has boiled just becuse it's easier to handle the cooler water. You can make up bottles to keep at any time of the day. . I've asked this before but are you using a dummy? Don't listen to any h/v etc. who tut tut at them. My dd's reflux was so bad she was hospitalised 3 times and she got a lot of comfort and relief from it. When she was small she slept in her car seat on the bed next to me. Then at her worst she slept on her tummy on my tummy (still with me!?) and I slept sitting up surrounded by pillows!.

Just wrote a stupidly long post and computer crashed! We make up milk in advance, and keep in fridge (only way you can do it with colief, and HV said as long as fridge is cool enough - get a fridge thermometer, this is fine, the new guidelines are super vigilant as this is the only way to really cover their arses).

Colief is available on prescription (but you have to ask for it), and breaks down some lactose so makes milk more digestible. Our Dr said lactose intolerance would show other symptoms apart from 'discomfort' (far too mild a word!), he also said not reflux, so we treated it as colic, and as dd1's screaming at every feed stopped practically dead on 3 months, then I guess he was right.

We have used Avent + Dr Browns bottle's, fully made up in fridge. If you want to give Dr Brown's a go then I was about to get rid of some (some have'nt been used very much, as we bought them for dd2, but she just had a bit of wind and not colic, thank god)which you could have (they are quite expensive, and some people find they don't make much of a difference - we found they did, but if you don't want to buy a load)

Also my dh had a fantastic technique of soothing dd, he would lie her across his lap (pressure on her tummy) and rub her back very firmly, she could lie like this for ages and be content-poor dh, I just didn't quite get the firmness right! Hope things are ok.

Thanks again for the replies. In answer to some of the questions and advice:

1. Yes we are using dummies. They seem to be good for comforting DS for a very limited time. After about 2-5 minutes he will spit them out and get all grouchy again. We have to keep putting them back in and he often doesn't let us. We've tried cherry, orthodontic etc.

2. We are using Avent bottles. We tried Dr Browns but he seems to struggle with them - he loses his latch on them for some reason. I think it has to do with his immensely strong suck and the fact that the lower dome part is narrower.

3. We have tried Colief (it's not prescription, it is on the counter at Lloyd's pharmacies). We are trying him on Lactose-free SMA at the moment because as far as I know it will show the same benefits as using Colief with normal FF if lactose intolerance is the issue.

4. I have tried every position there is to try and settle him but to no avail.

hi BB, i've been following your thread and my heart goes out to you and your family.

about your little one drinking so quickly from the bottle, even with a slow flow one, the answer is that its always easier than a breast.

besides all the good advice here, i just wanted to add one more, have you tried going out more often since babies do settle easier outside? even if its just a stroll in the park?

i do hope things improve quickly for your family!

Hi jabuti. Thanks for your reply.
Yeas we usually go out at least once a day for a walk or drive incl. shops.

Hello BB,
Yours LO's behaviour sounds extremely familar to my DD2's. She too was terribly unsettled after and during feeding (screaming, thrashing about, writhing in pain etc) and we had an awful time :-( I was also "encouraged" to stop BF by my HV and GP which I now regret in hindsight.

My HV and GP were convinced it was colic and lactose intolerance and wouln't entertain the idea of reflux AT ALL. It was only after taking advice from here and trying infant gavison from the chemist that she improved and this confirmed reflux. If only we'd tried it before...

Please, if you are at your wits end, take your LO to A&E and explain all that you have tried. They should have a better idea and be able to give you a presciption for ranitidine which transformed our baby almost immediately. The effectes of gavison can wear off after a few weeks and do be careful re: amounts as it can cause constipation if too much is used. If it stops working you may need to go down the ranitidine and/or other drug route

Good luck, you're doing a great job :-)

Oh and my DD2 began screaming at the breast from birth and this continued when we switched to bottles at 6 weeks. The fact that it was silent reflux (acid travelling up and burning the throat) as she wasn't puking confused the GP who wouldn't consider reflux.

what a great advice. perhaps screaminghabdabs just solved the problem! i hope it works for you BB.

It goes from bad to worse.
Now he's constipated. He's screamed for 3 hours solid this morning and upon changing him, he had a hard poo in his nappy. He'd been farting for England for the last 24 hours - now I know why. I presume it's because we changed his formula to see if all the problems were due to lactose intolerance. We have now changed back to Aptamil mixed with Colief (which I've just read needs to be refrigerated, which I didn't - that's another £10 thrown away then).

So, I've read up on constipation now and it seems I have to try massage, bicycling legs and a warm bath. Phoned the HV and she said to try water between feeds and if that doesn't work to try 1oz prune juice mixed with 4oz water.

Whatever next!??

BB, please take your ds to the GP. It really does sound as if he's in a lot of pain (just think about how painful heartburn is and you'll know what your ds is going through), at least try him on Gaviscon and/or ranitidine so you can rule reflux out.

It doesn't sound as though lactose intolerance is the issue if he's still as bad.

BB, I'd second going to the GP. Is there a GP that specialises in child health in your practice? It makes a big difference if you can find one. HVs are a very mixed bunch, and some have a habit of sounding very confident, so you go along with what they say. Ours would have had us doing controlled crying at 6 weeks if I'd listened. At the very least your GP will give a second opinion to HV.

just saying hello and sending happy baby vibes to your little one, no advice I'm afraid..
hope you all had a bit of sleep last night.

I know you won't want to keep changing his milk, but cow and gate comfort is supposed to be gentler and a bit thicker so if he is suffering with reflux, it's less likely to come back up. You do need to use a faster teat because of it's thickness.

I decided my dd has reflux from what I'd read on the internet, and when I suggested it my HV she totally dismissed me because dd wasn't sick. Fortunately my GP was more open minded, but if we had treated it earlier, those first weeks with my precious girl would not have been tainted my the stress of it all, and I think would have imrpoved my feelings of new motherhood greatly. You sound like you are having a terrible time, and although the arrival of any new baby is testing, it perhaps shouldn't be this hard.

Please do take him to a cranial osteopath... they can do wonders for colic, reflux, fartiness, windiness, the whole lot. If you are in W London, i can recommend the person I took ds to see. During each session, she would start working with him, and suddenly it was if someone let half of the air out of him, he would suddenly flop into a blissed out state that lasted a day or so.
If you suspect he is reflux-y, see if you can tilt his cot/moses basket (a tolded towel under the head of the moses basket mattress will do it), so that any acid does not go back up his throat so easily.
Also, get him in the sling and wander around with him in that... it will keep him upright (good for reflux), and will often soothe him to sleep. Don't worry about whether its a good way for him to sleep or not, the aim is for him to sleep and give you all a bit of peace.
Last word, gaviscon can constipate babies (marzipan poo)... a bit of fresh orange juice squeezed into a bottle of (cool boiled) water often helps. And baby massage too.
Sorry, long post. But really hope he gets happier soon....

BB, Here is an article about silent reflux in babies. It has a checklist which you can use to see if the symptoms ring any bells. I know that trawling the Internet for a diagnosis/looking at lists of symptoms isn't generally a good idea, but I've read too many stories on here of people who have struggled to get their HVs to acknowledge that it might be worth investigating/treating for reflux even when vomitting is not present.

I definately found Aptamil to be the best when dd1 had colic, baby massage supposed to be good with constipation and colic, I went to a class when dd1 was about 7 weeks, I was terrified to take her out because of the screaming, but actually it did us both wonders, and the best thing was that I met other mums with babies with colicky stomach problems.

Also definately ask the doctor to prescribe the colief, otherwise you will spend a fortune.

BB - agree you should take him to the GP

Firstly regarding the reflux.

But also for the constipation. My ds had bad constipation pretty much from birth and was prescribed lactulose after I said I would not leave the surgery without something! It was a life saver, he was like a different baby afterwards. I tried all the tips (prune juice, diluted fresh orange, lots of water between feeds) but sometimes you need something extra to help.

You sound like you've really been through it

It does get better though I promise!

orangina that's really good advice about the reflux

is gripe water still avaiable at the chemist..- was the only thing that calmed my dd2

have you tried white sounds whilst he is crying- babies meant to like them, these are the sound of an untuned radio, hoover, hairdryer....

best of luck, i have followed this thread but not posted... as i can't advise about breast feeding