Worried about my wife.......

[BritishBeef]

Hi there,
My son is only 2 weeks old and we are already at our limits. I guess that sounds pathetic and both my wife and I feel failures to be feeling this way so early on.

My wife had a lot of problems breastfeeding in during the first week due to our son having a very strong suction and also managing to 'click' whilst sucking which caused my wife so much pain that she cried whilst feeding. We had 3 different midwives confirm that he was latched on perfectly and couldn't work out what was going wrong. Things got better a few days ago and breastfeeding was bearable. In the last few days however, our son has been wanting feeding every 2 hours and his feeding time has lengthened to an hour or more meaning that my wife is feeding as much as she's not including 3 times during the night and again her nipples are getting painful. The rest of the time he is really grisly and won't settle meaning we are getting no rest. We tried winding etc. but no use. We take him out in the afternoon for an hour (he will usually sleep then). Yesterday he was awake for the best part of 16 hours out of 24 and most of that was grisly or crying.

Today, he's doing his feeding cues straight after an hour long feed. The feed is not constant and by the end it's as if he's just comfort sucking but like I said, as soon as he's removed from the breast he makes out that he wants feeding again. My wife changes breasts half way through but still no joy.

His weight is fine and when we discuss these sorts of things with the MW's they just say there's no problem because his weight is fine.

My real concern however is the strain on my wife. She's very tearful lately and says she can't cope anymore with the constant feeding and no rest. I'm finding it nearly as stressful and as I have suffered the last 5 years with mental illness (anxiety, stress, OCD, health anxiety) I am worried about myself too. I don't want to become depressed like I have in the past and I really don't want my wife to go down that route either.

We are considering switching to formula but that makes us feel total failures and guilty especially as the MW's have rammed it down our necks that not to breastfeed is wrong.

I really don't know what to do and would appreciate some advice.

I can recommend the lactulose, I work with SN children a most of the heavly medicated ones use it. It's very gentle as it draws water into the bowel, so no sudden explosions, just remember to offer ds water. Whereabouts are you? Maybe someone has used a cranial oestopath near you. They can be pricey but I havve found it invaluable. My 2 dd's still go every 3 months and they're 6 and 9. Been thinking of all 3 of you and hope it starts to get better soon. I found about 2 weeks after weaning my dd was like a new baby. I ended up giving her goats milk which Boots were able to order in for me.
Sorry a bit of a ramble!

Well after changing back to Aptamil today, this afternoon, DS finally passed a huge hard poo followed by an explosion of regular poo. I gues that's his constipation sorted then!

He was awake from 5am - 2pm today! That's 9 hours straight and has only slept for about 2 hours since. Surely that's not right?! However, he wasn't as whingy today. This evening however he's back to his grisling best.

We are going to persevere with the Colief until the end of the weekend then try Gaviscon if he's still the same.

It took me a good 6 weeks or so to get comfortable with breast feeding! My painfull nipples were relived with "Lansinoh" combined with "AVENT ISIS Comfort breast shells" it would hurt most at the start of feeding, so i would count to 30 to take my mind off the pain, after that it was bareable. Also make sure I was sitting comfy myself first.

If he has emptyed both breast's and still sucking then maybe you could try offering some cool boiled water or a dummy after a feed.
Well done to your wife for breast feeding. but tell her not to beat herself up. Maybe you could try offering a formula feed at night. It will take some of the pressure off her, she can get an early night, and give you more opportunity to bond.
And most respect to you for being a sensitive, caring bloke! If only there were more like you! My DP would never take it apon himself to ask others on mumsnet, nor anyone for that matter!! well done you!! GOOD LUCK

BB - I think you've hit the nail on the head. its not "right". I can't be! I know that many babies are unsettled. But what you are experiencing sounds to me really extreme. Babies that young get tired when they have been awake for 2 hrs (i have been told) so imagine what the poor thing is like when he can't go asleep for that length of time. (Not to mention his parents)

All the suggestions here sound very sensible (cranial osteo, reflux meds, getting out, getting some family to give you a break etc. etc.)

The important thing is to have the strength to stand your ground and fight your corner with GP / other docs (as you are doing) to get help to help your DS to relieve whatever is causing his pain.

Am thinking of you guys...

That is so absolutely right Trimum2 about standing your ground with the GP.

After being fobbed off by my GP and HV from birth to 16 weeks, I eventually filmed DD2 on my camera, screaming and writhing, whilst I tried to feed her and took it to the GP and MADE her sit and watch it. Uncomfortable viewing. She then suggested that it "might" be time to refer to a consultant (this was after trying all known cures for colic, different milk, various bottles and combinations of teats, lactose free milk etc etc)

I couldn't wait any longer and took her to A&E where the triage nurse diagnosed reflux immediately. I'm stil so angry that we all went through immense pain and suffering for so long unnecessarily. Please trust your instincts - you know your baby better than anyine else and when you feel it's "not right", it probably isn't.

I agree with standing your ground. I didn't bother with GP as I knew I would be fobbed off for weeks. I went straighht to A/E after my dd had screamed non stop for a day. I knew she was in pain, and on the drive to hospital she stopped breathing as the reflux brought milk back up and her throat was so burnt it had closed over, only my spectacular emergency stop on the middle of the carriage way jolted it back down again. The Dr. admitted her as he said the screaming and wriggling were un-natural. They did a barrage of tests before diagnosing reflux. Unfortunately the paed. consultant I was asigned to keep aying it was cloic. But my first dd had that that and I knew the differnce and I'm cheeky, so he didn't get his way!

Well, we had a better night last night. We were able to settle him to sleep within an hour after feed. He was able to get back to sleep after his 5.30am feed for half an hour or so which is unheard of. He's been awake today since about 7am until now (11.45) so again not sleeping much although he seems much brighter and has smiled at us loads

He's had a few grizzles but not as many as usual. Maybe, just maybe the Colief is helping - we'll see.

Fingers crossed

thats good news! poor little thing, he sounds better

Well that tempted fate. Back to square one as of yesterday afternoon. Again, he hardly slept all day yesterday. Fed him at 10.30pm wouldn't settle at all. Was grizzly and in discomfort all the way through to his next feed at 1.30am. Took until 3.30am for him to finally go to sleep. Had next feed at 5am and settled an hour later. Same for next feed.

I shot some video last night of him unsettled and grizzly/crying. Also recorded the gulp/squeak sound he makes which seems to precede him in discomfort (reflux?).

I'll edit them and put them on YouTube with links on here so perhaps some of you could look at them and see if you recognize the symptoms.

Here are a few video clips of the problems we are experiencing:

Video 1: The 'gulp/squeak noise' - This noise seems to often precede DS being unsettled. Especially after feeding or being put down in the cot at night after he's fallen asleep. Does anyone recognise this sound?

Video 1

Video 2: Unsettled/crying - This is how DS usually is after a feed. This is often accompianied by him thrashing his head from side to side. Often the only way to stop it is to stand up and walk around with him in an upright position.

Video 2

Video 3: Waking after being put down in cot - This is how he usually is after he's just been put down in the cot after finally falling asleep in my arms after a night feed following video 2. He does this for up to 5 minutes then will wake up.

Video 3

I wanted to post this in a new thread in the Health topic but for some reason MN won't let me post any new threads at all. When I click on 'new conversation' the same page reloads with the list of threads??!!! I've tried in a number of topics but get the same problem. Is there a problem with MN at the moment? I tried logging out an back in again and even restarted the computer.

He is a gorgeous boy

Can't help with the gulping - and really sorry if this has been suggested already, but have you considered swaddling for sleep? He does look like he thrashes about a bit - do you think he could be waking himself up? ds used to do this and swaddling calmed him hugely. We used the miracle blanket as he just wormed his way out of normal blankets.

We bought a Grobag swaddle blanket and he just fights in it and doesn't settle. He seems to love to have his hands free.

I havent read every post, so dont know if this has been suggested yet...
Have you thought about using some probiotics/good bacteria? I found it fantastic for my son as he way always very windy, lots of trapped wind, and uncomfortable.
It comes in a tasteless powder, you add quarter teaspoon to his last bottle at bedtime. Solgar do a really good one called ABCdophilus. Higher Nature do a cheaper (but still good quality) one called probio-easy. You can get them online or in a good health shop (not holland and barrett as far as I know).
(I own a small health shop if you want any more info )

I also remember, after each feed, lying him on his belly, across your lap, and rubbing his back...seemed to help with trapped wind a bit.

hope thats of some help

Yes, I would swaddle too.

You have to do it so tightly that they can't move their hands at all - yes thay do like to have their hands out but once they can't mine always gave up and went off

I swaddled as tight as I could which was probably too tight and he still escapes!

The first video with the gulp reminds me of my dd's reflux. It's like they are swallowing back down the 'vomit'. But the other 2 look like wind. He looked as if he was trying to poo which dd 1 did. She never brought wind up, only down, and that just looked like her pushing to try to release wind. My dd 2 (reflux) had to be sat upright, perched on the end of my lap, after feeds for a while. For some reaon if I set her down and lifted her , pressing gentle on her left side nearly under her armpit, she would release wind. I could feel it gurgling around under her rib. My dh used to put colic dd in the sling and run up and down the stairs with her until she farted! I know we keep saying this but it will pass. One day it just seems to disappear. Honestly

hi BB, what a cute baby he is!

video 3 is definitely wind, thats what my DD does too. what stripey suggested, layiyng accross your lap, is a powerful position to wind your baby.

gulping sounds, you having to get him in a upright position... must be reflux! i read lots about it, because i thought my DD had it at first. you need medical help with that one, dont hesitate visiting your gp, i would if i were you.

my DD could only sleep in a slightly slanted position in the first weeks, otherwise she would wake up with the gulping sounds too. we slided a pillow UNDER her mattress (note: DONT use pillows with babies under 1 year).

i can sympathise from experience about reflux, when i was pregnant i had HORRIBLE reflux, and i would cry sometimes from it because i was so tired wanting to sleep and the damn reflux kept me awake, and in pain. now, i can only imagine how hard must be for a little baby to cope with all that acid burning inside of them. thats why i was very cautious with my DD in the first weeks and her gulping sounds, if she had reflux i was ready to take her to the doctor.

I've tried winding him accross my lap and every other way that's ever been recommended but rarely does it get his wind up.

i dont know if this will help, but the following helped my babies bring up wind:

1. after a feed, wait a couple of minutes (unless they are gagging) before sitting/holding them upright. it seemed to give them time for the food to go down
2. patting and them stroking their back in a downwards movement and sometimes an upwards movement.
3. Dh always held them in the 'flying' position (on yr forearm, yr palm under their tummy, and gentlely patting their back...

good luck

In addition to the regular method, presume you have done the bicycle legs and rubbing tummy

But here are a couple of additional wind strategies shown to me by BF consultant cos my DS really struggled and I could never get anything up despite AGES spent patting and rubbing.

1. Sit on knee and tilt backwards and forwards (not sure whether this is good for u guys cos sounds like on top of trapped wind has it). Then pat and rub as normal. repeat the tilt and pat etc. etc.

The best for my DS (and might work for you as its upright)

2. Hold him in front of you facing out. His back to your tummy. (like he is facing outwards in a babybjorn) one hand under his bum holding him. other hand under his chin supporting his head. Now start bending up and down like you are half squating... yes... feels like you are at the gym! But for some reason the up and down motion (while baby being upright seemed to work). Not immediate... your thighs burn.. but worth it when you hear the belch!

Finally, number people have mentioned it I know.... but just to add my voice... baby osteopaths can help windy babies (something to do with tight diaphrams). Its very gentle holding not bone crunching. Worth checking if you can find one anywhere near you. It helped my DSs. Also helps relieve any trauma from ventouse or forceps delivery if thats relevant.

I am sorry that you are having to deal with windy baby and what appears to reflux too. I hope things improve for you guys soon.

BB, if you've got time, have a read through this thread. It's about silent reflux and all the babies mentioned in it sound like your ds. Hopefully it will give you a bit of knowledge to take with you to the GP so you can get your poor baby the help he needs.

oops "it" should read "reflux" in the brackets of suggestion 1 sentence