Mumsnet has showed me the meaning of prejudice

[Hannie55]

OK, so i breastfed dd.
Intend to bottlefeed this one (due end aug).
Must be pretty neutral right?
So why is it when i read the debates on here that its clear as day to a neutral that its mums who bottle feed formula to their babies that are the ones being judged and harangued?
Yet its some of the breastfeedrs who shout loudest and demand the acknowledgement that they are in fact the opressed?
What makes it worse is its so underhand and sly, if any bottle feeders come back they are accused of being prejudiced, paranoid and of supressing guilt (wtf?!).
Mumsnet has really opened my eyes to some wierd views, none moreso than the anti-formula lobby (who of course are not anti formuls at all).

Really did not realise these people existed, thankfully they only appear in cyber-space!

imo the OP has a point

let's be honest here - from what I have read on MN on this subject over the years, the Mums who B/F do think they are superior and their babies are healthier in comparison to the non B/F Mums...and they are not.
But I agree it is a tired old debate.

Zookeeper scuttles off to (very)talented schoolchildren thread

the phrase 'exclusively breastfed/breastfeeding' is a piece of jargon with a specific meaning in infant feeding circles.

it is not something that bf women picked up to use to make themselves feel proud or smug or even more oddly to undermine women who did not do the same as them for whatever reason.

lots of things make women feel defensive about their feeding choices. even finding an attack where absolutely none is intended. that can be said for a lot of issues behind treads like this one.

i really dont want to get involved in this one...........
But Eulalia, this topic is BREAST AND BOTTLE FEEDING

One alst point from me. I have never said my children are healthier.

I exclusively breastfed them all.

DS3 was diagnsoed with insulin dependant daibetes thsi year.

What does that prove?

Bugger all - we have to look at the bigger picture. The ststa on health speak for themselves.

Definitely gone now............

If you don't read the threads, you haven't got the faintest idea wtf you're on about!

As for "let's be honest here" - it wouldn't be honest of me to agree with you, because I don't.

Many years ago I suggested the topic headings should be split. I still think they should be to stop all this nonsense.

Then if women want to ignore BF information they can.

I know its Breast and Bottle feeding, it didn't used to be and perhaps it shouldn't have been changed but that's just my opinion. However once you click on that thread you do get a whole thread list and its usually fairly obvious which the poster is talking about breast or bottle.

Anyway totally bored with this topic as nothing new is ever said.

Message withdrawn

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I don't think they should be split, Mears.

I think that would end up with "what are you doing on this thread, you're a breastfeeder!" (and probably vice versa, but actually, I don't think the latter would be as vehement as the former, truly).

And you'd get the same old myths being rolled out and there'd be less ability to challenge them.

What about women who do both? Where would you post about ebm?

Yes [trundles across page with zimmer frame]

They could choose where they wanted to go.

Seems to me that formula feeders are sick of breast feeders so this would allow those with those feeling to steer clear

I bottlefed my dd by choice. Well for choice read brainwashing, misinformation, lack of anyone to talk through my feelings about b/f with.

I was taken in hook, line and sinker by the formula companies assertion that formula is virtually as good as breastmilk. I remember on ad in a baby mag where the company were prosecuted over it.

I still feel angry about it today. Not guilty, I was let down. Mothers to be today need the proper information, not formula companies unsubstantiated twaddle.

"I'm part of the "anti-formula company and their underhand advertising and other disingenuous and cynical tricks", but not anti-formula. "

ooooooh yes you arrrrrrrrrrrrrr.............

ok so you're not but it still make mu laugh when I read that about you [gron]

I admit I was saying what I said about the op being defensive to rile them as I thought their post was too much and well, defensive.

You can search these boards and I defy anyone to find any comments I have ever made about being who formula feed being bad etc.

I agree partly with the op, and I rarely get involved in these threads but I have read numerous amounts of them.

I bottlefed my ds. After three days of trying to bf it didn't work out, despite having support in hospital, not from a bf counsellor but from a mw. My ds got the collostrum but after three days my nipples were excrutiatingly painful and when I attempted to express i got nothing. For me it was down to a choice, persiveer and have a screaming, unhappy baby who is starving but unable to feed because nipples are too sore for him to latch on and there is no milk, and i mean nothing, to express, or give him formula. For me it wasn't a choice. I did what was best for my baby at the time, and I did it without one ounce of guilt. that is... until I joined mn...

and read threads such as:

"do you feel sad when you go into a supermarket and see someone with a newborn buying formula?"

or

"formula is junk food"

or

"if you choose not to breastfeed, then you are not choosing the best for your baby".

because those are genuine threads I have seen on mumsnet, can you honestly say that if you were on the other side of those threads you wouldn't feel judged?

As an aside, my milk never came in. So I believe that even if I'd persiveered, I wouldn't have been able to bf. And at the time I ff with a clear conscience, but 5 years on, I know there would have been women who would have felt sad for me/would have judged my decision to ff. maybe subconsciously, but none the less...

I chose not to breastfeed dd. I chose not to do the best for my baby. That is fact and no amount of prettying it up makes it any less fact.

It is coming to terms with that fact and realising the reasons behind it that means you can move on and accept things and not get upset by bf/ff debates.

Just because I chose one thing does not mean I wish to inflict misinformation on a load of other women.

IoS, I'm so sorry. Not sorry for you, not sorry for your baby, just, well, sorry.

WannaBe, yes, I'd not be comfortable being on the other side of those threads. But I'm also not comfortable with some of the things said about women who breastfeed for a longer than acceptable to society period of time.

The thread about feeling sad if you see somebody with a newborn buying formula is slightly different from the other two though. Saying formula is junk doesn't help anybody. Telling a woman she's choosing not to do the best for her baby as a bald statement doesn't take into account the raft of reasons that ffeeding might be better for that woman and that baby at that time, and there will always be situations where it's best (like LGJ and her heart medication, for instance).

But feeling sad seeing somebody buying formula for a newborn - I can see how that's something to feel a fleeting sadness about - not because a baby's being given formula, but because there's a 9/10 chance that the mum giving the formula isn't happy about doing so - and anybody, however they've fed their baby, can surely empathise with a woman who's been forced into doing something she didn't want to do?

LTH 14:02:21 pretty much summed up my sentiments.

i almost exclusively fed my dd3 breastmilk for over 2 years, she had formula in hospityal via a feeding tubem, and on several occasions when my dh was in ITU.

i also breastfed and formukla fed my oldest 2.

yes, i do get a slight pang when i see people buying formula for a tiny infant, just because it brings back the memories for me of dd1 and having to give her formula as breastfeeding wasnt going to plan.

I feel that you feel that way IOS

I don't believe that it is necessary for you to feel that way

The feeding issue is an odd one definitely, very emotive I agree.
Personally, I'm very proud of myself for the choices I made for myself and my children, they are the right decisions for us at the time. When I look back I probably would've done somethings differently.
I don't really care what other women choose to do tbh, it's their business really. Normally, I'd keep away from these threads, mostly because if I were to voice my honest opinions I'd be lynched. I do view this is an area where I feel I can't post honestly, which is a bit sad.

i also dont post what i;d like to on this subject, as i know its one very sensitive issue for a lot of women.

a few people have asked why she wants to bottlefeed when she already bf 1st, obviously dont know her reasons. Im very pro bf but had I hell of time with my 1st the pain, bleeding nipples literally couldnt do anything coz of constant feeding frenzy, I hate to admit it but I hatred every minute of it and cried every feeding time, I constantly thought of giving up but then felt like I was being a selfish and bad mother and guilttripped myself. Although other stuff was going on I do feel this contributed to my postnatal depression. When I got pregant again I seriously considered not breastfeeding even though I knew the benefits I knew my health was important too as well as my bonding with the baby, I did'nt feel I bonded very well with first coz so miserable bf. I was also worried that if 2nd baby feed as much as 1st I would have now time for my little boy who was just 16 months. In the end I decided to just take a relaxed view and bf but not to feel guilty if I had 2 give up, fortunely 2nd one was a brilliant exp and i loved bf he feed 4 20mins then went for 4hrs so i had time 4 son 2 (1st feed for an hr and half then wanted feedin an hr and a hr later, he would also take about 3/4 of am hr to wind, so had little time). Just thought id give the other side, bf is brilliant best for baby but can b a bad exp and sometimes people have to choose what is best for family as a whole. Having said that if thats what u feel best dont feel guilty, dont bother if people make comments on here or anywhere, its yr chose, good luck