Breastfeeding - I don't get it

[crystalpony]

I can't get my head around the emotive issue of breastfeeding. I didn't breastfeed - quite frankly the thought of doing it repulsed me and the majority of my friends also feel and felt the same way. This doesn't reflect my opinion of others doing it - each to their own - but I just can't reconcile the desperate feeling the some MNers have about not being able to do it adequately....

I bottle fed my baby - and before there are any comparisons to me bottle feeding her by the more dramative types - ie that I might have well just have fed her cyanide or mouldy chicken nuggets etc. - and I bonded to her no probs, never felt I had missed out.

Can someone explain to me in simple terms why it's so important to them and so frustrating when it doesn't go as planned? Is there some kind of though on here that if you don't you're a bad and neglectful mother because there seems to be a general undercurrent of shame if you haven't managed to (or chose not to) breastfeed for whatever reason?

Thanks

yes but the baboon/chimp/gorilla imagery are indications of our CULTURAL conditioning

the cave dweller without an LLL meeting nearby would have had to learn lots of things by watching the animal world, including perhaps bf

I agree Caligula, it is strange that these attitudes have developed, and hopefully we can move towards changing them.

I think one of the best ways is by women who bf explaining why they did it and how wonderful it was ( with some honesty about the hard bits) such as some of the lovely posts on this thread, and the insighful support from those such as Tiktok and Mears.

I've found this doesn't always happen on MN, there are a few who are more into the 'tell them how stupid they are, that'll sort it' method of psychology, which isn't terribly effective.

WE need to inspire each other not judge each other.

Yes YR,
and cultural/social conditioning is a NATURAL aspect of humans, and apes.
The need is to change the conditioning.

i have never ever read a thread here from a bf mum saying it was plain sailing to bf - nearly everyone says how hard it was to get it going

i have a problem with the "your are too smug for your own good" sort of attitude which i agree is a real barrier to bf/ff women having an honest debate

yes, smiley, i was agreeing not disagreeing - the cultural conditioning needs to be changed - it has been done successfully in scandanavia and some developing countries where decades of reduced bf rates have been reversed by some very keen govt./health profs.

Let's hope the tide can change soon here as well then YR.

let's hope so - perhaps MN will be the key ?

I always wanted to breastfeed my dd's it was the most natural thing in teh world to do for me anyway. unfortunatly, dd1 was slow to gain, no breastfeeding support in the area, midwife next to useless etc etc, and she was on formula at 6 weeks old. dd2 was fast to gain, but absolutly exhausted me, she fed 2 hourly day and night, by 8 weeks, i had given in and she was on formula (looking back, she was just having big growth spurts).

with dd3, i knew i could bf and was determined to bf no matter what. by on her 2nd day of life her blood sugars dipped very low. I was crying at the thought of formula (dd1+2 have numerous allergies and sensitivities, so was determined to avoid it). i tried expressing, feeding every hour, but her levels would rise, so they took her scbu. i refused to let them bottle feed her, so she was tub fed formula. before each tube feed i was given her time at the breast, as it felt completely right to give her as much of the good stuff as possibl as well as the formula, to get her levels at the right point. had a few mishaps with her blood work, one test came back high for biliribiam sp??(jaudice), aqnd one test came back as her blood count was very very low. she also had to be referred for kidney and hearing tests due to a lump of her ear. it was a v v v stressful time, coupled with the fact that dh was in end stage heart failure, but yet some instinct in me, knew that bf was the right thing to do for her. even when a few months later dh was in ITU himself over lifesaving open heart surgery to fit a heart pump, i still carried on breastfeeding. tbh i dont know how i did at that point, but it has been a hell of a lot easier than each time he gets rushed in having to make up bottles and pack a bag, i could just grab the baby, nappy bag and go!

TC that is not in the least sickening
jimjams, I said it was one of the reasons not the only reason. it applies to me; it applies (ime and imo) to lots of women with whom I have come in contact while providing bf support. the fact that it doesn't strike a chord with any one person doesn't make it any less of a valid proposition. cultural conditioning applies to us all differently of course. (though I might be guilty of overanalysing because this is my job, my university course and pretty much my life ATM....)
I am not particularly surprised that the OP describes the "thought" of bf as being repulsive. but it is a bit more surprising to me that this kind of cultural conditioning isn't outweighed by the generally overwhelming instincts and urges that are experienced by women after they give birth. the reality and not the "thought".I was a bit freaked out by the idea of having a baby growing inside me, by squeezing it out of my vagina and feeding it with my breasts. but when it happened, it all seemed surprisingly normal, and what didn't seem normal I was able to put aside. to put it another way, whatever your hang ups, most parents try to put them aside for the well being of their child. which is one reason why women who experience difficulties in bf do find it so very hard (again, imo) because they instinctively want to feed their babies themselves. and feel they have let them down (and failed as a woman) if they can't.
I haven't read the whole thread btw

TeeCee - that was a lovely post ( apart from how you were treated). It really made me think of my own breastfeeding experience. I absolutely adored breast feeding, even when my nipples were sore in the first couple of weeks.

I loved looking down at my baby feeding from me. They looked so relaxed and in 'heaven'. I loved it when they were a bit older and used to stroke the top of my chest from side to side as they sucked. I loved feeling their little foot rubbing up and down my side. It was so comical when they look at tyou and smile, still holding the nipple in their mouths. The contected little noises they make when sucking.

My DH used to sit close and watch me feed. He never felt left out and thought that a baby breastfeeding was a beautiful thing to watch - amazed in the wonder of nature. I loved the total connection and am sad I can never do it again

I find it rather odd that someone can't get their head around the fact that breastfeeding is such an emotive subject to lots of women. it IS what women are supposed to do - regardless of this modern society, where there is an alternative method of feeding babies - breastfeeding is what women are made to do, like being pregnant and giving birth. Surely it's not hard to understand that's why it's such an emotive subject? And anyone who has educated themselves on the subject knows that breast milk is far superior to formula milk, which whilst it won't poison your baby, is an artificial powder made from the milk of another mammal. Yum. I expect the thought of giving birth, either naturally or by Cesaerian scared or repulsed you too, didn't it? But you still went ahead and gave it your best shot. Frankly, I don't care whether people breast or bottle feed, I've done both, but you are either incredibly dense or looking for a fight when you say that you can't get your head around why breastfeeding is such an emotive issue.

Celery, with respect, can you read and digest all my previous posts before you take the tone of the thread backwards.

What I find interesting is that all the lovely stories about breastfeeding have me sitting her with tears of envy and this is from someone who breastfed for 2 years. I really wish it had been like that for me and a bit of me feels that it is really unfair that it wasn't.

In reply to the OP, I think that this is such an emotive subject because it goes to the root of what many of use see as being a good mother is. It may not be rational but then what is when it comes to the subject of our children.

Iadore bfeeding my baby,i never managed with my other 2dds,managed to get the colostrum into them but alas it was mixed with blood from the huge blood blisters i developed both times.I also had no support from any health proffesionals so gave up.
This time i was determined,went to classes booked private mw etc and it happened.I do it because i want her to have the best start,its free and always ready for her,its our special time together.
When ff i did have feelings of guilt as felt i was not doing the job my body was made for,i wanted to nourish my child,yes ff is easier and in the first few wks of bf i almost gave up,but now its so easy and i love her little blissed out face at the end of a feed.
Mums should feed whichever way they like,no point bf if you dont like it and it makes you miserable.Its a balance between what you want and what your child needs.A tough decision .

oh dear celery - poor crystal HAS explained herself rather well further up the thread.

I also feel envious of the lovely bf experiences, but in a good way IYSWIM. Like oh that sounds wonderful.

I'm not having any more, but if I were they would really inspire me.

Ok

This post may be misunderstood. Please read it to the end.

When I was pregnant with ds1, I knew I was not going to breastfeed. I had never in my life seen anyone breastfeeding, but had made formula up for my younger sister's bottles many many times.

The concept of breastfeeding was utterly alien to me. It was something for middle class mums in their thirties, with planned babies and husbands and mortgages and a lady who 'does' and a detatched house. What the hell had it got to do with a non married, unplanned pregnancy, homeless 22 year old? Nothing. That's not, in my experience, what single young homeless pregnant women plan.

Why, I thought, would I want to squeeze bodily fluid out of a part of my body and shove it down my precious baby's throat. Breast feeding repulsed me. Breast milk repulsed me. Whenever my nipples leaked colostrum, I had to wash my breasts and change my (permenent fixture) breast pad. I was disgusted with my body for taking over my life in this way, for not doing as I wanted, for getting in my way. I wanted to take the pregnancy off and hang it over the bannister until I could have the baby. My swollen breasts were a symbol of everything I hated about my life at the time. I hated them, and I certainly didn't want the revolting things anywhere near my precious baby. So I bottle fed him, very happily.

Of course, I had PND after the borth, but in the circumstances, PND was probably just a case of when, rather than if.

Fast forward to ds2. Pregnany was traumatic, as some here may recall. Perfectly healthy pregnancy, practically insane mother.

But this time, I was a little more clued up on breast feeding. I wanted to try to do it. I had finally brought myself to a point where I wasn't frightened to try new things.

Unfortunatly, by the time Ds2 was born, I had had to start a course of antidepressants, and had been prescribed (although refused to take) tranquillisers. In the delivery room, straight after the birth, the midwife asked me how I intended to feed. "Um, breast" I tentatively sqeaked.

She asked me about my medication. Disappeared to talk to someone, came back and told me I had to stop takintg the pills, or I couldn't breastfeed. I asked her to double check, she went of and came back 10 minutes later, and said again. No.

So ds2 has also been raised on the bottle, and that one hurt. That one really hurt, because I made that decision on what was best for %me. I would have become very very ill if I came off those pills - but ds2 could have had pure, unadulterated breastmilk, which I wanted him to have. But....

Doesn't he also deserve a well mummy? Should ds1, who was never breastfed, have to suffer a miserable and withdrawn mother for the sake of ds2's breastmilk, which is an advantage ds1 never had?

I made the decision and while I what outraged at myself, I was secretly relieved, too. I had been let off the hook by my own uselessness.

smiley - before i was a mother i never felt such an overwhelming love for anything or anyone the way i do for my son

we should celebrate MOTHERHOOD

Colditz - an interesting, and honest post.

Yes YR, that's lovely, a wonderful experience we do all share.

(hasn't this turned into a lovely thread? You'd never have thought it would you crytalpony??)

Colditz have you read Tiktoks bus ticket analogy on LTT thread? It's great, and might really apply to you.

I have read it actually, but I never felt like I ended up on the wrong bus. I have always felt that if I had got it together to arrive at the bus stop prepared for the journey, I wouldn't have been on the wrong bus in the first place.

colditz - do you feel that the hospital gave you inaccurate advice ?

is that what you mean ?

No, not inaccurate advice at all.

I feel that my children may have suffered by me not being a strong enough person, not being a mature enough person.

I had a breakdown this time last year, I was 7 months pregnant. I shouldn't have had a breakdown 2 months before my second son arrived, how selfish and useless of me! Ds1 needed me then, and I wasn't there for him properly.

I was under huge pressure from within and without. I should not have allowed my life to become like this. I should not have had my children while my life was such a mess. I think they have suffered my my life not being ready for them. I was. But my life wasn't.

I feel like a bird who hasn't feathered the nest enough.

colditz - a very concerned mum like you sounds like a very good mum to me