Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

Original poster

Breastfeeding - I don't get it

294 replies

crystalpony · 08/02/2007 00:29

I can't get my head around the emotive issue of breastfeeding. I didn't breastfeed - quite frankly the thought of doing it repulsed me and the majority of my friends also feel and felt the same way. This doesn't reflect my opinion of others doing it - each to their own - but I just can't reconcile the desperate feeling the some MNers have about not being able to do it adequately....

I bottle fed my baby - and before there are any comparisons to me bottle feeding her by the more dramative types - ie that I might have well just have fed her cyanide or mouldy chicken nuggets etc. - and I bonded to her no probs, never felt I had missed out.

Can someone explain to me in simple terms why it's so important to them and so frustrating when it doesn't go as planned? Is there some kind of though on here that if you don't you're a bad and neglectful mother because there seems to be a general undercurrent of shame if you haven't managed to (or chose not to) breastfeed for whatever reason?

Thanks

OP posts:
bundle · 08/02/2007 13:16

xenia those patterns can be broken..programmes in deprived areas of se london have been v successful in improving bf rates

Caligula · 08/02/2007 13:27

Re revulsion, it is perfectly valid to ask why some people feel revulsion about babies being fed in the normal way.

A century ago, many women felt absolute revulsion at the thought of having sex with husbands that they passionately loved. Was that just an "each to her own" personal taste thing too? If so, how comes tastes have changed so significantly? How comes most women don't nowadays feel revulsion at the thought of having sex with men they may not even like very much, let alone respect and love?

Please, let's not pretend that the way society promotes negative messages about something, has nothing to do with how people internalise those messages.

Jimjams2 · 08/02/2007 13:34

The each to their own was referring to issues that people feel passionately about. I think its apparent that a lot of people on mumsnet feel passionately about breastfeeding. But not every breastfeeder does, let alone bottlefeeders. As a non passionate breastfeeder/slightly reluctant because it meant more work bottlefeeder I do look at the passion some people feel about breastfeeding and think "each to their own". I was quite happy to breastfeed -and had to work hard to establish it with ds1, but I've never felt driven or passionate about it.

I read crystalponys post as asking for someone to describe where that passion comes from- and I don't think you can. All you can do is think of something you feel passionate about to do with parenting and understand that a passionate breastfeeder feels that way for the same sort of reasons that you/one feels passionate about whatever gets you going.

belgo · 08/02/2007 13:40

crystalpony - what will you tell your dd when she asks why wasn't she breastfed?

mosschops30 · 08/02/2007 13:43

belgo, sorry but what a ridiculous statemnt. What sort of child says 'and why wasnt I breastfed, didnt you love me enough' (in the manner of why did you beat me every day as a child mum).

For some women breastfeeding is not an option and comments like that perpetuate the myth that women who dont manage it are evil and depriving their child of somthing

Jimjams2 · 08/02/2007 13:44

PMSL at a child asking why she wasn't breastfed.

belgo · 08/02/2007 13:44

mosschops - you've added on half a sentance to what I said.

mosschops30 · 08/02/2007 13:45

FWIW i think its a personal choice and for those people who can breastfeed and enjoy it then thats marvellous and it is medically proven to be best for baby.
On the other hand if you cant or chose not to then I dont think this makes things any different. Its a choice like everything in their lives such as what we feed them/allow them to drink/schools we choose

Jimjams2 · 08/02/2007 13:45

why on earth would a child ask why she wasn't breastfed???

mosschops30 · 08/02/2007 13:46

i was making the point you were i certainly never said to my mother 'why wasnt i bf' and why should I, I dont care, I'm a grown woman who makes he own choices, I dont feel hard done by which is what your post suggests

belgo · 08/02/2007 13:49

As an adult, I did ask my mother why wasn't I breastfed. She told me because she couldn't, an answer that I have never had any problem with. I just wonder how I would have reacted if I thought my mother had been repulsed by the idea of breastfeeding me.

dejags · 08/02/2007 13:51

FWIW - I did ask my mother why she didn't BF me.

She was quite honest - she said she hated the milk squirting everywhere. She supposedly produced gallons and gallons hated the fact taht she leaked.

Caligula · 08/02/2007 13:51

JJ my post wasn't addressed at you, but at those who don't find it odd that anyone should feel an emotion as strong as revulsion, for something which is so normal and natural as feeding a baby.

mosschops30 · 08/02/2007 13:52

FGS its a good job you dont have anything else to fill your time with.

Would you feel at a loss if she was repulsed by brocolli and never gave it to you.

Sorry but I just dont understand your point of view

Caligula · 08/02/2007 13:53

I asked actually, just out of interest.

And was told that she couldn't as she didn't have enough milk.

(In other words, like most women in the UK of her generation, she was sabotaged by the medical profession)

belgo · 08/02/2007 13:53

dejags - that's interesting because despite my mum never bf, she said she still leaked milk for about three years.

PeachyClair · 08/02/2007 13:56

I couldn't BF long before MN existed!

I felt a physical longing to BF my baby weeks before I delivered, I did for a few eeeks bt he ahd health problems and couldn't. I felt very let down at being unable to do what my body was designed to do (and have since BF a baby- ds3- to 15 . 16 months).

IMO feeling repulsed by BF is an abnorrmal response, and needs looking into.

3andnomore · 08/02/2007 14:00

I don't think it's an unusual question to ask...the why wasn't I breastfed one.
I have had it several times that when I fed in public and KIds would come across, thinking I was cuddling my lil one and asking me what I was doing, them being surprised when I said I was feeding the child...they then would go to their mums and ask them if they were bf'ed and if not why...lol...

Caligula · 08/02/2007 14:02

I hasten to add that I didn't ask it in a sort of accusatory manner. It just came up naturally in conversation - just like what sort of nappies she used, dummies etc.

belgo · 08/02/2007 14:04

Caligula - I didn't ask it in an accusatory manner either, just out of pure interest whan I was pregnant and contemplating bf. (I have never doubted how much my parents loved me btw).

yellowrose · 08/02/2007 14:15

caligula - you make an EXTREMELY important point re. perceptions in society and how they change, sometimes overnight !

a few centuries ago i would have been a goddess because men apparently preferred a little bit more meat on the bone than they do these days look at paintings of women a few centuries ago - they weren't painted to look like skeletons. being plump was a sign of good fertility, good health and therefore a sign of wealth !!

being overweight stopped being so attractive in the 1960's when the fashion industry decided it wasn't cool to have too much flesh, and women now had to look like stick insects to get into their posh frocks

coincidentally, women's lib and the promotion of formula in the 60's to promote women's lib. (freedom from being a slave to your baby, huh ???) have a lot to answer for in reducing bf rates - bf stopped being "cool" in this country along time ago, esp. for very young women

yellowrose · 08/02/2007 14:21

i ONLY became interested in whether my mum had bf me or not once ds was born and i started to bf - before it had never even occurred to me how i had been fed - it is a natural reaction to wish to know a lot more about your own childhood once you have your own kids

my mum bf me for about 7 months she says and she said it hadn't been that important to her - i was born in 1968 which explains a lot !!

aviatrix · 08/02/2007 14:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

ElenyaTuesday · 08/02/2007 14:31

This is my first post ever so PLEASE be nice to me!! I think it is true that more women are "repulsed" by breastfeeding than will admit to it. I'm not sure it is entirely due to sex, I think that it is because they (possibly) see something "animalistic" or "primitive" about it, i.e. you put yourself, somehow, on the same part of the evolutionary scale as monkeys or whatever. The same could be said about childbirth, of course, but there is no get-out clause with that one whereas with feeding your baby there is an alternative.
Anyway, hope there are enough speech marks and caveats in there for me not to have offended anyone!!!

belgo · 08/02/2007 14:34

Elenya - very brave of you to make your post ever on such a heated thread as this!

You make a very valid point.

Welcome to mumsnet!