Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

Original poster

Breastfeeding - I don't get it

294 replies

crystalpony · 08/02/2007 00:29

I can't get my head around the emotive issue of breastfeeding. I didn't breastfeed - quite frankly the thought of doing it repulsed me and the majority of my friends also feel and felt the same way. This doesn't reflect my opinion of others doing it - each to their own - but I just can't reconcile the desperate feeling the some MNers have about not being able to do it adequately....

I bottle fed my baby - and before there are any comparisons to me bottle feeding her by the more dramative types - ie that I might have well just have fed her cyanide or mouldy chicken nuggets etc. - and I bonded to her no probs, never felt I had missed out.

Can someone explain to me in simple terms why it's so important to them and so frustrating when it doesn't go as planned? Is there some kind of though on here that if you don't you're a bad and neglectful mother because there seems to be a general undercurrent of shame if you haven't managed to (or chose not to) breastfeed for whatever reason?

Thanks

OP posts:
Caligula · 08/02/2007 14:39

Welcome to Mumsnet ET and yes, respect at being so brave on this heated thread.

I agree actually that the revulsion is this internalisation of the message that animalistic, basic stuff is bad. In Victorian times, the revulsion about sex and orgasms was bound up with the idea that women were more spiritual and less "animal" than men, and so a woman having an orgasm or enjoying sex was considered disgusting, reducing herself to a man's animal level without the benefit of a man's superior brain .

We've transferred a lot of that fear of basic, animal instinct to breastfeeding by the looks of it. (To say nothing of other basic animal stuff that women aren't supposed to do, like express anger)

ElenyaTuesday · 08/02/2007 14:47

Thank you belgo and Caligula for the kind words.

shonaspurtle · 08/02/2007 14:48

Elenya that's an interesting point. Also, all other "bodily fluids" are generally condidered unclean, so its not impossible that some people might feel uncomfortable about breast milk.

I know quite a lot of people feel funny about tasting it. I apologised to a ridiculous degree when I got some on a friend's cushion - way more actually than I would if it had been formula or something, don't know why! I also felt a bit funny at first about expressing milk in the bath when I was engorged (ie it going into the water) like it was a bit dirty.

And I'm very pro bf and have always considered it the primary function of my boobs.

mabel1973 · 08/02/2007 14:57

I agree with aviatrix that it is a cultural thing for some people. A friend of mine couldn't physically bring herself to feed her baby, she was in tears in hospital at the mention of BF.
My mum didn't BF me or my brother and I can tell she is a little uncomfortable around me when I am feeding DS, i would prefer it not to be so awkward, but that's how she feels, as Tiktok said further down the thread, we can't help what emotional baggage we bring with us in to adulthood.

For me personally, feeding my baby and seeing him thriving is the most rewarding thing in the world, and that's what makes it so special.

finecheese · 08/02/2007 15:02

Good lordy, I never realised how much people needed to assert their views on breatfeeding! So what if the lady is repulsed at the thought of doing it and says so? As a BFer and a daughter of a BFer I would never ever judge another mum and what she decides to do. And Crystalpony, I cna totally understand that the BF brigade and their smugness must occasionally make formula feeders feel like their baddies.

Help I hope I'm not going to get attacked now as I'm too dawg tired to fight back !! Loving you all xxx

3andnomore · 08/02/2007 15:02

Definately a cutural thing....I mean, in scandinavia it's so nromal to bf, they get formula on prescription only.

finecheese · 08/02/2007 15:03

I mean "they're"

belgo · 08/02/2007 15:03

3andnomore - I wonder what will be the advised thing in 30 or so years? Advice, culture, public opinion changes all the time.

3andnomore · 08/02/2007 15:06

absolutely Belgo....!
I think part of the problem is the "choice" issue....!
I mean, I appreciate that having a choice is great and all that, BUT....

harpsichordcarrier · 08/02/2007 15:12

ElenyaTuesday I think you're right about that. I think one of the reasons that I find bf so enjoyable and carried on doing it into toddlerdom (notwithstanding the problems to begin with) and that I found labour so exciting (notwithstanding the enormos pain ) and that I am comfortable with carrying my baby around all the time and co sleeping and going with the flow and feeding on demand etc is that I feel comfortable with the fact that I am a mammal and a primate and I have produced what is basically a little chimpanzee, give or take. I think that lots of people are repelled by that notion.

Jimjams2 · 08/02/2007 15:15

nah-to much over-analysis there. I did everything on that list except fiind labour exciting (but then it kept ending up in c-secitons) but I still do not feel passionate about breatfeeding. I liked it, but more than having a baby fall asleep on me. And I'm certianly not uncomfortable with being a mammal.

welliemum · 08/02/2007 15:30

V. interesting Elenya and Harpsi. Yes. I think part of the enjoyment of breastfeeding, for me, is that it's something I have in common with many many generations of mothers before me, and with other life around me; it's what my body is designed to do. I look at ewes feeding their little lambs and think, "Hey, I can do that too!"

TeeCee · 08/02/2007 15:33

Tried to read the whole thread and just wanted to say to Mears - that was a great post.

I have a handful of girlfriends who seemed to be 'replused' byt he idea of breastfeeding their children. They wouldn't entertainthe idea at all, didn't attempt to try. One of these girls made some sort of reference to her boobs belonging to her husband which I did find sad, as in pathetic, but each to her own. I never let it worry me.

When DD1 was born she was born with Down's syndrome, something I wasn't expecting. IShe was taken off me straight away and put into Intensive care and I stayed in my room and cried myself to sleep. The next day I was woken up and taken into a side room, told to sit on the plastic coated sofa in case I was still bleeding and had the confirmation that yes my DD had Down's syndrome. She was then taken in an ambulance to The Royal Brompton where they looked at her heart. When we got back they took a few of the leads off and I got to hold her for the first time since she'd been born.
I susddenl;y thought 'oh my God, I hgaven't fed her, oh, wtf'. I turned to the nurse and said 'i don't understand, I haven't fed her yet and she's over a day old'. The nurse informed they had been giving her formula. I was devestarted. My baby, my special baby, wioth all these problems ahead, I wanted to do the best for her and I felt like that had been taken away from me by them not thinking to ask me. Maybe I should have thought of it but I wasn't thinking of anything until I knew she was going to live. I was just so upset that no-one had checked with me. I immediatley started to breastfeed her and as I fed her it was then that I feel in love with her. A magical moment that I'll never, ever forget.

So it was important to me becasue it felt the most natural thing in the world. I felt that it was something I could do for her, it bonded us and the time I spent feeding her was wonderful. I felt so at peace while I fed her. My body doing what it was inrtended for and giving her life. Sorry if that sounds sickening to anyone else but it's how i felt.

Caligula · 08/02/2007 15:40

Doesn't sound sickening at all TeeCee, it's one of the most moving things I've ever read on mumsnet.

PrettyCandles · 08/02/2007 15:43

Not sicckening at all, but painfully true. ATM my baby has rights to my body, whereas the truth is that my dh never has any rights to my body other than those that I grant him.

belgo · 08/02/2007 15:43

Tee Cee - that's beautiful.

SmileysPeople · 08/02/2007 15:44

Some of you who say this 'repulsed' issue comes from cultural conditioning (which I agree with) also say, you don't understand how she could feel like this or that this is not a natural response.

It is a natural and understandable to react to social conditioning, hence many women may feel repulsed by bf, due to the animalistic aspect and the sexualisation of breasts.

I'd agree this is undesirable, and an attitude we would want to work on chganging, but understancable on the OP's part.

She started the tread to try to understand why it was important to others, we need to undrestand why it's 'replusive' to her, and not judge on her beliefs and feelings brought about by her experiences.

Show her another way, a postive way, and her beliefs/feelings may change.

Original poster
crystalpony · 08/02/2007 15:44

That's a powerful story, teecee. Really very moving, thank you for sharing it.

OP posts:
kiskidee · 08/02/2007 15:45

just the opening poster saying that she is repulsed by the thought of breastfeeding shows how strongly she feels about the issue.

hence i can't understand why she finds it so hard to believe that anyone may feel equally strong in the opposite way from her.

fundamental really.

TeeCee · 08/02/2007 15:48

Thanks for starting it crystalpony. I enjoyed your honesty and I enjoyed thinking about why it was important to me and remembering what it was like. I hadn't thought about those early days for a while and it was nice to be back there

Original poster
crystalpony · 08/02/2007 15:49

kiskidee, I quite appreciate your direct response as it shows a strength of character that doesn't require validation gained through putting others down.

I like to think I am the same way - my original and subsequent posts should show I have never passed judgement on anyone else's choices, only my own.

OP posts:
Caligula · 08/02/2007 15:49

Yes thinking about it, it's not odd that the OP feels revulsion, sorry I didn't mean it's odd that she should feel it, what's odd is that more of us don't feel it given the negative messages we recieve about it. What I mean is that it's odd that we've developed a society which promotes that revulsion.

Original poster
crystalpony · 08/02/2007 15:51

Am glad something positive has come out of my arse-kicking then teecee!!!

Seriously, this is why I started this thread, to hear stories such as yours - really heart-warming.

OP posts:
SmileysPeople · 08/02/2007 15:51

My experience was a little similar TeeCee. In that Ds1 was taken straight to special care and I was asked (still in the theatre) do you want him to have SMA or Cowand gate? I was confused, saying, but I'm bf??

They did then not give him a bottle, but their compromise position was to feed him formula through a tube in his nose. when the tube came out I was told he couldn't leave special care until he was feeding, I tried for a couple of days but he wouldn't latch on, so I gave in and agreed to ff because I wanted my baby with me.

I never quite saw it as the 'poison' some on here do, which I'm glad about otherwise it would have been even more painful, but it was and remains a disappointment.

bundle · 08/02/2007 15:53

teecee's special moment with her dd1 is exactly how i felt with my daughters when they were born, that it was the right thing for all of us and I felt privileged to be able to do it. i had lots of bf problems (mastitis 3 times in 10 weeks with dd1, agonising cracked nipples) but this made me even more determined to do it.

Swipe left for the next trending thread