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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

Original poster

Breastfeeding - I don't get it

294 replies

crystalpony · 08/02/2007 00:29

I can't get my head around the emotive issue of breastfeeding. I didn't breastfeed - quite frankly the thought of doing it repulsed me and the majority of my friends also feel and felt the same way. This doesn't reflect my opinion of others doing it - each to their own - but I just can't reconcile the desperate feeling the some MNers have about not being able to do it adequately....

I bottle fed my baby - and before there are any comparisons to me bottle feeding her by the more dramative types - ie that I might have well just have fed her cyanide or mouldy chicken nuggets etc. - and I bonded to her no probs, never felt I had missed out.

Can someone explain to me in simple terms why it's so important to them and so frustrating when it doesn't go as planned? Is there some kind of though on here that if you don't you're a bad and neglectful mother because there seems to be a general undercurrent of shame if you haven't managed to (or chose not to) breastfeed for whatever reason?

Thanks

OP posts:
yellowrose · 08/02/2007 19:33

i don't think class is much of an issue - i think it is more to do with attitudes getting passed down generations

it is often said (in stats.) that the teenage preg. mum probably is the child of a teenage mum and possibly also the granddaughter of a teenage grandmother

i think bf gets passed down the generations in excactly the same way, what do others think about this ?

liquidclocks · 08/02/2007 19:33

hapsichordcarrier - your mum sounds fab! If only more women had been like her we'd have such a different view on BF (and I suspect, lots of other things) as a whole society.

liquidclocks · 08/02/2007 19:35

Eddas - give it a go, you never know. I could BF DS1 but loved BF DS2 and just found it sad I had to return to work so quickly. Even if you only do it for a short time there's still tremendous benefit for you and the baby.

(YR - hi! did you get your website up?)

yellowrose · 08/02/2007 19:38

and ff for a long time was only for the "educated" well-off people (who could afford to buy it) whereas bf was only for the poor "primitive" working class

i think this trend has only may be been REVERSED since 1980's in UK

liquidclocks · 08/02/2007 19:38

(sorry - couldn't BF DS1)

yellowrose · 08/02/2007 19:39

hi liquid - no have had lots things to deal with in my life recently - so my business is very much on the back burner

kama · 08/02/2007 19:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Eddas · 08/02/2007 19:41

What i'll do is take the formula, bottles etc to the hospital(can't beleive you have to take your own now!!!) and decide when it's time for the first feed. I'm the do as you feel at the time kind of person so won't commit either way! But i'm not saying definately no as the feeling of giving dd her first feed was lovely

shonaspurtle · 08/02/2007 19:44

My (working class) grandmother bf her 4 children and was of the opinion that bottles were "unhygienic" (Disclaimer: NOT the opinion of any sane person - I realise this).

Therefore my (working class) mum, despite many problems and much sabotaging behavior by 1970s health professionals, bf both me and my brother.

Therefore I always expected to bf - which I think has helped me persevere (along with excellent expert help which was essential).

This same grandmother spent Christmas threatening to stick a finger dipped in whisky in 6 week old ds's mouth to stop him crying, and frowned on us picking him up because it would give him "sore bones". Hurrah for the old ways.....

harpsichordcarrier · 08/02/2007 19:47

my mother is a bloody star frankly and I know I am very lucky to have been born into a family like mine, because I started out in motherhood with an inbuilt confidence that of course I would be able to give birth/ cope with labour/ bf / look after a baby because I had spent my childhood watching and helping other women do those things.
when I read about these compliant working class women who just do as they're told I always think blimey you should meet mey mum or better still my grandmother god rest her. the working class I know is a matriarchy and yes I agree that attitudes are passed through the generations.

liquidclocks · 08/02/2007 19:47

Maybe take a tube of Lanisoh with the bottles then ? -Good luck whatever you do, I'm sure it will be very special.

YR - sorry to hear that, hope you're ok.

yellowrose · 08/02/2007 19:47

eddas - i had the exact opposite view though - i felt that if i had formula and bottles ready "just in case" - i would just give in after a few hours/days

so i never dared buy any (although DH suggested it a few times when DS wouldn't lacth for the first few days and got barked at by a wife who was like a mad dog on speed )

of course i am not suggesting you should do the same, just saying that sometimes it works not to have the option around

yellowrose · 08/02/2007 19:48

thanks liquid - mum has been very ill and i am not in the right frame of mind to think about my future career

liquidclocks · 08/02/2007 19:49

My Grandma FF (she was and is very anaemic and was advised to by her doctor), my mum BF and was very active in the NCT, I tried with DS1 and was unsuccessful (bad advice & cr*p midwives played a substantial role) and tried with DS2 and was successful.

Cycles can be broken, fortunately

yellowrose · 08/02/2007 19:50

shona - you prove the "down the generations" theory then !

yellowrose · 08/02/2007 19:53

liquid - you are right about cycles - they need to be broken sometimes - no one in my immediate family has bf for very long and i am regarded as barking mad for bf a 2.7 yo son

Jimjams2 · 08/02/2007 19:53

But harpsi- that; my whole point- it comes down to different passions in different people. Individuals. When I read the OP I read it as her enquiring how come some people are passionate about it, when she doesn't feel that way.

The thing about asking why someone wasn't breastfed. I think asking "how did you feed me?" would be normal, but asking "why didn't you breastfeed me" as in a you let me down type way would be very odd. But probably it wasn't meant that way and I just read it that way.

All my cousins (all 22 of them- and I was the oldest) were breastfed, and I definitely grew up thinking breastfeeding was the normal thing to do, which is why I assume I just presumed I would breatfeed (especially ds3 who it didn't happen with), but I've never felt any passion about it.

NadineBaggott · 08/02/2007 19:54

jimjams2 the more I read your posts the more I think I'm falling in love with you

shonaspurtle · 08/02/2007 19:55

Yeah, my mum was way more bothered about what her mother might say than a bunch of doctors and midwives

Eddas · 08/02/2007 19:56

LC lanisoh, what's that ?

YR, probably right about the back up situation but as the hospital ask you to take it with you I can't really not have it if i'm not sure. They'll also show me how to make up a bottle and how to sterilise them, ffs as if i've never done it before!! I laughed at mw when she told me and asked if she was serious. She looked at me with a straight face and said yes they have to show everyone who's bottle feeding. How ridiculous!!!

harpsichordcarrier · 08/02/2007 20:01

ah but jimjams you misunderstand me. I wasn't talking about being passionate about it at all - why did you think I was? I was talking about being comfortable with it (or not repulsed by it, to refer to the OP). I was responding to the post by ElenyaTuesday where she said that she thought some women were repulsed by it because they saw it as animalistic and primitive, I was agreeing with her and saying yes I think some women ime do find that aspect disturbing, but if they are more comfortable with it ime that is relfected in the rest of their parenting.
absolutely nothing to do with being "passionate" about bf, just seeing it as noraml

skibump · 08/02/2007 20:22

Mears, just broken off reading the thread to say thx for that. I'd forgotten how ds used to smile/laugh while bfeeding, so he couldn't actually suck, me trying to put on serious face so he'd actually feed, and both of us ending up in fits of giggles

yellowrose · 08/02/2007 20:25

eddas - lansinoh is a godsend to sore nipples. i started to rub some in a few days before giving birth (well, it was meant to be a few weeks, but ds was in a hurry and was born 17 days early !!) and it saved me from some serioulsy sore nipples. lansinoh keeps the nipples moist for hours after application, drying out nipples make things worse.

it's around a £10 a tube in boots/mothercare/etc. and worth every penny - have also used it on ds's dry patches on legs and arms, so you get your money's worth

3andnomore · 08/02/2007 20:31

seeing that, a bit lower down we have been pondering the cultural, etc... thing....
I find this article very interesting, if rather long

yellowrose · 08/02/2007 20:31

eddas that mw. you mention: " She looked at me with a straight face and said yes they have to show everyone who's bottle feeding"

get her to help you with bf - tell her you would like proper support with bf too !!