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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

Original poster

Breastfeeding - I don't get it

294 replies

crystalpony · 08/02/2007 00:29

I can't get my head around the emotive issue of breastfeeding. I didn't breastfeed - quite frankly the thought of doing it repulsed me and the majority of my friends also feel and felt the same way. This doesn't reflect my opinion of others doing it - each to their own - but I just can't reconcile the desperate feeling the some MNers have about not being able to do it adequately....

I bottle fed my baby - and before there are any comparisons to me bottle feeding her by the more dramative types - ie that I might have well just have fed her cyanide or mouldy chicken nuggets etc. - and I bonded to her no probs, never felt I had missed out.

Can someone explain to me in simple terms why it's so important to them and so frustrating when it doesn't go as planned? Is there some kind of though on here that if you don't you're a bad and neglectful mother because there seems to be a general undercurrent of shame if you haven't managed to (or chose not to) breastfeed for whatever reason?

Thanks

OP posts:
Original poster
crystalpony · 08/02/2007 00:31

I meant 'dramatic'

OP posts:
VeniVidiVickiQV · 08/02/2007 00:31

Yikes, you are looking for trouble, arent you?

Original poster
crystalpony · 08/02/2007 00:33

No, I'm really not. Why would you say that? I didn't put it nastily or anything, it's a genuine request for an insight.

If I can't do that without looking for trouble then that says a lot doesn't it?

OP posts:
Stiller · 08/02/2007 00:36

I don't get the guilt over not breast-feeding either. I tried and I didn't succeed, so I used formula. I don't feel guilty about it all. I wouldn't feel guilty if I hadn't tried either.

VeniVidiVickiQV · 08/02/2007 00:38

Sorry, but you are an adult, you have children. Surely you can empathise with women who wanted so desperately to do something for and with their baby and couldnt manage to? It's not that difficult to work out, is it?

skerriesmum · 08/02/2007 00:38

Because breastfeeding when it goes right is one of the nicest things about having a baby. I'll never forget feeding my first child at seven months when he played with the spray of milk, giggling as he squirted himself in the face!

Original poster
crystalpony · 08/02/2007 00:40

Yes, I empathise, but empathising isn't the same as understanding...and I'm not willfully not understanding.. That's why I'm asking someone to tell me what it's about.

Everything on here doesn't have to be a scrap does it?

OP posts:
Stiller · 08/02/2007 00:41

Yep, I can understand that VVVQV. I don't understand why some mums beat themselves up so much about choosing not to breastfeed or being unsuccessful at it.

VeniVidiVickiQV · 08/02/2007 00:42

I find your comments rather dismissive of other poster's feelings too. Bearing in mind there have been quite a few threads in the last few days from MNers who have been having struggles, I find it a little insensitive, to say the least.

Still, each to their own.

Stiller · 08/02/2007 00:44

Well, I wouldn't have known about the other threads because I'm not interested in reading about breastfeeding problems.

VeniVidiVickiQV · 08/02/2007 00:44

ANd yet you are here?

Stiller · 08/02/2007 00:45

Yes, because I there's not much else to read about on here at the moment.

VeniVidiVickiQV · 08/02/2007 00:46

Perhaps your utter lack of interest in the subject is the key here then?

Stiller · 08/02/2007 00:47

Pardon?

I'm no longer interested in breast-feeding because my only child is now 5 years old. I'm no longer interested in conception or pregnancy threads either.

Original poster
crystalpony · 08/02/2007 00:48

I'm not insensitive!! I'm trying to get an insight so I can have a better understanding!! How is that insensitive? I wasn't dismissive at all and I didn't criticise anyone's choices or anything so I can't understand the defensive stance at all, very bizarre.

Sometimes you just can't win can ya?

Anybody who can tell me sensibly about it? I really am interested as it's something I can't relate to because I've never experienced it, thanks

OP posts:
VeniVidiVickiQV · 08/02/2007 00:55

This

"I didn't breastfeed - quite frankly the thought of doing it repulsed me and the majority of my friends also feel and felt the same way."

And

"and before there are any comparisons to me bottle feeding her by the more dramative types - ie that I might have well just have fed her cyanide or mouldy chicken nuggets etc."

Is why.

If you are genuinely interested, I really dont get why you put those aggressive little choice of words there. I dont think you phrased your OP particularly sensitively at all. But, thats just my opinion, its late, I'm tired, and not feeling very well. Who knows, I may look back in the morning and read it differently.

Stiller, even more puzzled as to why you are here after that post.

welliemum · 08/02/2007 00:59

Well - one answer to your question, crystalpony, is the health issue.

There is absolutely no doubt that from a health point of view, breastmilk is better than formula. I'm sure you know about all that.

Of course, health reasons aren't the only factors in deciding how to feed a baby, and that's why breastfeeding, even though healthier, might not be the best option, taking everything together.

But when you have a new baby, nothing but the best will do. And if you want to provide the best but can't, and feel you're feeding your baby something "inferior" - that is very hard.

(I breastfed, but had a very hard time with dd1, and nearly wasn't able to, and I really struggled with the above).

Stiller · 08/02/2007 00:59

I opened the thread VVVQV because the title interested me. It's obviously not a request for help and if it looked like it was I wouldn't have opened it because I wouldn't be able to help.

I'm commenting because I share the OP's confusion about why so many women feel so guilty about not breast-feeding.

I agree that the OP wasn't worded sensitively, but I don't think it was provocative. The OPer was asking a question and she has since posted to clarify her intentions.

Is that clear, or do I need to elaborate more?

Original poster
crystalpony · 08/02/2007 01:01

1/ I didn't breastfeed for the reason I stated - I didn't say anyone else breastfeeding repulsed me so stop making out it was a judgement on everyone else

and 2/ Don't deny that there are people on here, who would happily hint that I was neglecting my daughter by not bf - you know that true, as I do, which is why I pre-empted it. That's not a judgement - it's a fact.

Don't make me into a baddy for asking a reasonable question? That's what so off-putting about raising a subject - if people don't agree with your view, they put a spin on it to suit their own needs, why do they do that?

I criticised no-one
I asked for an insight

What's wrong with that?

OP posts:
Original poster
crystalpony · 08/02/2007 01:02

Thanks welliemum, for replying as you did, I appreciate that. As I say, I am only trying to gain understanding and I'm glad you took the request as it was intended and not as some veiled attack

OP posts:
Original poster
crystalpony · 08/02/2007 01:04

And thanks Stiller.

OP posts:
Stiller · 08/02/2007 01:05

There's nothing wrong with it crystalpony. This thread gives mums who have succeeding in breast-feeding an opportunity to share positive experiences. 2 posters have done that already and haven't appeared to take offence.

Original poster
crystalpony · 08/02/2007 01:09

And no offence was intended which, Stiller, you can clearly see, (thank God that you're here!!) So why is that not translating to some?!!!

OP posts:
Original poster
crystalpony · 08/02/2007 01:10

All positive stories of breastfeeding are lovely too and it gives me a better idea of why for some people, it is such a dissapointment to struggle with it.

OP posts:
WriggleJiggle · 08/02/2007 01:47

I b/f and went through many dificulties to try and do it. It was in fact one of the hardest thing about having a new born. But why? Mmmmmm.

I think I perservered mostly because I believed that it gives them the best start in life, and as a mother I would have gone through anything to do the best for dd. Even when it was really difficult there was that ver whelming desire to do the best I could have possibly done.

Also, what kept me going was the belief that it would eventually have its 'magical' moments - that drunken look of pure happiness they give you when they think you are the best thing in the whole wide world.