I don?t think there?s anything wrong with asking the question. And I also think that there are a lot more women who choose not to breastfeed for one reason or another than we would perhaps care to admit. A friend of my mum felt very much the same. She said that the thought of breastfeeding repulsed her, she couldn?t explain why but she just couldn?t face the thought of breastfeeding, to the extent that when she was in labour the mw asked her how she was going to feed and she said she was going to use bottles, and the mw grabbed her breasts and said something along the lines of ?this is what your breasts are for! You must use them!? she was absolutely distraught (this was 25 years ago btw) and actually believes that the birth was ruined for her by the fear that this mw was going to make her breastfeed when it was something she absolutely could not bear the thought of.
But I think that if something is natural to someone, then it?s hard to see how others cannot feel the same. I know for instance of people who find the thought of a baby moving inside them horrible, and yet for me it was one of the loveliest experiences, and I couldn?t wait to feel my baby moving. But obviously some just don?t feel that. They can?t explain it because it?s not natural iyswim. We can explain why we love it so much because to us it?s the most natural thing in the world, but if it doesn?t feel natural to you, then you can?t really explain why.
I was unable to breastfeed partly due to my ds not latching properly, and partly, IMO, due to the fact I didn?t have a proper milk supply. I don?t know whether this is the case, but I?m the only person I know who never leaked milk, although I know I did produce collostrum as my ds had this for the first three days. But I didn?t feel the guilt when I decided to stop. My nipples were excrutiatingly painful, and the very thought of putting ds to one of them filled me with dread as I couldn?t bear the pain any longer, I had a baby screaming because he was hungry, and even if I put him to my breast I felt he might not latch and I might spend ages trying to get him to latch, so for me the choice was, do I persiveer and have an unhappy, crying, hungry baby, or do I give him a bottle and have a full, contented baby. There was no choice for me, and I did it without an ounce of guilt because I honestly believe that I did what was best for my baby and for me. But when I made the decision I was at home, in a familiar environment where I knew that I knew best. Had I been in the hospital where the midwives were insistant that I should keep trying, I might not have been so comfortable with my decision, possibly because of the opinions of others. As matter of interest, I was the only one of 25 people on the wards with babies that had decided to breastfeed.