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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

Original poster

Breastfeeding - I don't get it

294 replies

crystalpony · 08/02/2007 00:29

I can't get my head around the emotive issue of breastfeeding. I didn't breastfeed - quite frankly the thought of doing it repulsed me and the majority of my friends also feel and felt the same way. This doesn't reflect my opinion of others doing it - each to their own - but I just can't reconcile the desperate feeling the some MNers have about not being able to do it adequately....

I bottle fed my baby - and before there are any comparisons to me bottle feeding her by the more dramative types - ie that I might have well just have fed her cyanide or mouldy chicken nuggets etc. - and I bonded to her no probs, never felt I had missed out.

Can someone explain to me in simple terms why it's so important to them and so frustrating when it doesn't go as planned? Is there some kind of though on here that if you don't you're a bad and neglectful mother because there seems to be a general undercurrent of shame if you haven't managed to (or chose not to) breastfeed for whatever reason?

Thanks

OP posts:
SmileysPeople · 08/02/2007 11:58

I think the positive bf experiences on here, will really help the OP understand the why, they are lovely.

Much more likley to sway her than the attcaks for daring to ask the question.

Caligula · 08/02/2007 11:59

I should clarify that when I use the term "shit" in point 4., that was my emotional reaction to how I felt about what I was feeding my DD in contrast to what she could have been being fed, as opposed to implying that I think anyone who feeds their child formula is feeding their child shit.

Before anyone jumps on me.

VeryVeryVivaciousQV · 08/02/2007 12:02

I dont think anyone had a problem with the question SP. At all.

You are making that up just a tiny wee bit.

NadineBaggott · 08/02/2007 12:07

Applause for mears, a well thought and reasoned post

yellowrose · 08/02/2007 12:14

i am sorry that anyone is rude enough that they would use such extreme language in describing how another human being chooses to feed her/his child

the fact is MOST people are not repulsed by ff nor do they say it - watch Cbeebies right now - an infant being bottle fed

how many women/men will call the BBC and say they feel repulsed ? zero i suspect yet there are people out in the real world who tell women to go away because they are offended by a woman bf her child in public

this is very very telling about our closed, body obssessed british society, don't you think ?

the OP is not giving the facts about perceptions of ff and bf in public in this country

3andnomore · 08/02/2007 12:15

Crystal, I think it is often women that wanted to do it, and when it doesn't work out for whatever reason then it can become a sore point...! Which is why it is such an emotive subject. If you don't succeed in something you were truely set out to go for, then I suppose all sort of negative emotions come about, like guilt, like feeling a failure, etc...!
But, if someone never flet like wanting to bf, then I suppose you don't carry that "emotional" baggage.
(praying I have not said anything to offend anyone, now, lol)

belgo · 08/02/2007 12:19

crystal pony - you say the thought of bf repulses you and your friends - but what if you have a friend who decides to breastfeed? How would you feel if she breastfed right next to you? Would she be aware of your feelings of repulsion? Would you have a friend who breastfeeds?

Original poster
crystalpony · 08/02/2007 12:24

Thanks for everyone who has posted responses. It does give me an idea at how breastfeeding and particularly a positive breastfeeding experience can be enhancing.

To answer the question put to me..the reason I found the thought of breastfeeding my daughter repulsive -

(and can I re-iterate I never, not once suggested I found anybody else breastfeeding repulsive. I know it may be an emotive word, but I think that's ok to use whatever language you like to address your own thoughts and feelings and should not be deliberately taken out of context)

  • is that I could not get my head around having my baby around that part of my body. I know it's the most natural thing in the world but to me I didn't feel that way and I suppose, if a person doesn't have that urge in their make-up then it isn't natural for them to do. That doesn't reflect at all on anyone elses choices. Indeed, your instinct is to breastfeed your baby, mine was definately not to.

This isn't because of any sexual connection to my breasts and I never did have any wish that I had breastfed. I thank tiktok for opening that up to me, but on consideration, I really don't think I have regretted it or felt envy or longing for it all.

And in response to VVVQV, I did not squeeze my daughter out of my own fanjo as you so charmingly put it my daughter was born by emergency caeserean section. C-sections appall and repulse some people as stated on this thread - that doesn't offend me at all and I hope that people will understand that I wasn't trying to start a fight at all - I believe the reasonable posters who dont' want an arguement could see that all along.

Thank you, not quite a convert yet!!, but your the time taken to share your experiences means a lot to me

OP posts:
Original poster
crystalpony · 08/02/2007 12:26

Belgo, I said the thought of ME breastfeeding repulsed me - no-one else!! (I've said it about ten times now!!)

OP posts:
yellowrose · 08/02/2007 12:27

"and because that was how I felt, I have the right to use that word about myself and tough shit if it offends"

that's ok wrinkly i wasn't offended by anything you said

i DO think the OP's question re. feelings of guilt or shame is a valid one although her choice of words is very unfortunate

Original poster
crystalpony · 08/02/2007 12:27

And yes, I have friends who breastfeed, that why said in my OP that the MAJORITY of my friends don't etc...

Why do so many of you want to stir it up???

OP posts:
pearshape · 08/02/2007 12:31

just wanted to say I also felt repulsed at the thought of breastfeeding my children (who I love more than life itself). Can't explain it, just the way I felt. It certainly didn't feel natural to me. But completely understand it is for lots of other women and that's great for them.

bundle · 08/02/2007 12:32

I find your "repulsion" re: bf very very odd crystalpony, and feel very sad that some people in our society feel this way.

i reserve the feeling of repulsion to things like seeing pools of vomit in the street or people who put cats in washing machines.

Original poster
crystalpony · 08/02/2007 12:34

Each to their own then isn't it bundle? Can't say I'm fond of vomit or machine washed cats myself but they don't really enter my daily spectrum if you see what I mean? Don't feel sad for me at all. I have a fab life.

OP posts:
belgo · 08/02/2007 12:34

if I had a friend who is repulsed by breastfeeding, I have to admit I would feel very self concious breastfeeding next to her.

LawdyMissTutter · 08/02/2007 12:35

REPUBLICAN CONVENTION MUST BAN BREASTFEEDING NOW: Over 200,000 American citizens have signed a petition urging Congress to declare breastfeeding unlawful. This primitive ritual has and continues to be a violation of babies' civil rights. It's an incestuous relationship with mothers leading to moral decay. Women enjoy an erotic experience that imposes oral gratification on innocent infants after birth. Their reprehensible behavior teaches children illicit sex, subsequently manifesting addiction to promiscuity. Repbulicans: choose a candidate who supports our cause!
Tess Hennessy, Founder-Director
Citizens Against Breat-Feeding
P.O. Box 55741
Phoenix, AZ 85078
New York Office: (212)330-7675

pmsl

Original poster
crystalpony · 08/02/2007 12:35

Mine don't at all. Because she know's it's not about her...I really can't go over this same ground again...!

OP posts:
bundle · 08/02/2007 12:35

I don't think your life can be that fab if you feel repulsed by a natural function of your body

Original poster
crystalpony · 08/02/2007 12:36

Well, you're wrong, but let's not go into that - please don't make this personal.

OP posts:
belgo · 08/02/2007 12:36

lawdymisstutter - I think that could be a new thread.

LawdyMissTutter · 08/02/2007 12:38

ah, it was actually a prank, but it fooled a lot of yanks

tiktok · 08/02/2007 12:38

Lawdy, you know that's satire and a piss-take.....I know you do.

Some people might not, so I am just making sure!!

yellowrose · 08/02/2007 12:41

crystal - thanks for being open about how you feel about bf-ing your own children.

your original post was badly phrased which is why so many posters on this thread were upset by it

the words repulse, cyanide and mouldy chicken nuggets (i realise the latter 2 are not your words but charming ones used by others !!) stand out and it is easy to misconstrue what someone is saying when they use such language

your second long post is a lot less loaded, hence easier to understand

3andnomore · 08/02/2007 12:41

LMT, thank god for that...I mean that it was a wind up...I was just gonna ask if it was for real or not, lol.

bundle · 08/02/2007 12:43

I'm not making it personal, I just wonder (and despair) at the society we live in producing people who think bf is "repulsive". I have no problem with women choosing for themselves whether to bf or use formula, it's the use of the world "repulsed" that shocks me.

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